The Anime TV Thread

Yeah, might wanna skip straight to Usagi Drop. FLCL doubles down.

This is all your fault!

FLCL - Episode 3
I think I might have a problem. This show is no good and yet I continue to look at it. I don't know what the fuck I'm working with anymore. Anyway this is the third episode. Third time's a charm and all that. God, I hope so, but somehow doubt it. LET'S ANIME IT UP DUDES!

What Happened
Girl classmate is in a car with a random lady I've never seen before. The girl's name is Nina Mori or something. Anyway they talk about some shit. Nina Mori's apparently very mature. I know this because a dozen people state this over the course of the episode. The woman is her dad's secretary or something. I guess her dad's giving this secretary the high hard one or something. Nina Mori says she's a smart secretary because she is wearing a different suit of clothes so no one is going to know she's fucking her dad or something. I guess her parents are getting divorced or something. The secretary is like, "Yo, you've got a change of clothes there too what gives?" Nina Mori's apparently in a class play at school.

Meanwhile at Takkun's house he wakes up and his room's a goddamn disaster area. He goes outside where Vespa Lady is working on her Vespa. He tells her to clean up her shit, but she's like, "Eh whatever, your dad doesn't seem to mind since he's making a huge mess by publishing a zine like he's a circa 1992 riot grrl." Takkun goes to leave, but Vespa lady grabs Takkun and does something to him off camera cooing that something is "so soft and cuddly." The 12 year old protagonist seems to be enjoying whatever she's doing. I don't even know.

Meanwhile at elementary school Nina Mori's all like, "Yo, WTF mang, you totally missed rehearsals for our play! I'm the lead role and it's very important to me that this play goes well!"

Takkun's like, "Meh, I'm just a dumb cat in this play and give zero fucks about it okay. Take a chill pill or something alright?" Nina Mori's not having that though and yells at him shrilly.

During class the teacher lady gives a lecture about cats and I wish that I'd attended elementary school in rural Japan. I never got to learn about cats in elementary school. Some boys are not into learning about cats and instead pass around a tabloid about Nina Mori's dad and his affair. I guess he's the mayor or something so him having a sex scandal I guess is kind of news worthy.

The boys talk about how the store that sold the magazine still sold Crystal Pepsi or something and make references to Van Halen before the teacher grabs it and freaks the fuck out and is like, "Yo what's this!?" and snatches the magazine and then is all like, "You shouldn't read this garbage! Did you even consider how this might make Nina Mori feel?"


This pretty much sums up what this goddamn show is...

Takkun does Wonder Years voice over stuff about how he felt sorry for Nina Mori, but not sorry enough to actually stay for play practice. He fucks off and goes down by the river to hang out with Mamimi. She's wearing cat ears and has whiskers drawn on her face for some reason and is like, "You're skipping school? You're going to turn into a delinquent like me Takkun!"

He says that ditching an extracurricular activity that he didn't want to be part of anyway doesn't really count as skipping school. She talks about how she had fond memories of being in a school play before she burned her school down and then decides to take pictures with Takkun. She pulls off his hat and now, instead of weird horns he has cat ears growing out of his skull for some reason. She takes pictures with him and that's that.

Takkun's dad is off peddling his 'zine to some convenience store when Nina Mori shows up. Takkun's dad attempt to sell her a copy of the 'zine to try and convince the store owner that it's popular.

Back at that river Mamimi talks to Takkun about having random shit come out of his head and also tells him he was brave when he went inside Conti and blew up that other robot. Takkun says he doesn't really remember what happened.

Meanwhile at Takkun's house Conti is hiding attempting to glue some red chunks back together when Vespa Lady finds him. He gets embarrassed and Vespa Lady smirks at him and tells him to bring in the laundry while she runs some errands.

Nina Mori is outside what I'm assuming to be her house, but there's a gang of reporters gathered outside. The secretary from before pops out of the sewers like a Ninja Turtle and tells Nina Mori that she's got good boots for a Nouveau Riche princess and then runs away. I don't know.

Nina Mori goes and hangs out at a train station and Takkun finds her there. He mocks her for skipping play practice too. They argue for a bit and then Takkun's like, "Hey if you want to talk about what's going on at home you can," or something schmaltzy like that, but Vespa Lady rolls up on the scene and falls off her Vespa while attempting to avoid a cat. Her scooter crushes Takkun who then flies lips first into Nina Mori. Takkun's hat falls off and Nina Mori touches his cat ears in spite Vespa Lady telling her not to. Nina Mori is stricken by some sort of stomach ailment and gets knocked out or something.

They have dinner at Takkun's house. Nina Mori's there and is all like "Why is this robot eating curry?" The Dad's like "You should sleep over here tonight for some reason." Nina Mori then gets diarrhea or something and takes a bath. We are treated to a scene where she's nude with her arms over her chest having a conversation with Takkun's dad who's outside the bathroom window because ANIME!

Later Takkun walks into his room and Nina Mori's there wearing his pajamas and glasses. Takkun's poleaxed by the fact that Nina Mori wears glasses and is all like, "YOU WEAR GLASSES!?" This leads to a big thing where they swear not to tell their classmates about any of this bullshit. She then says that she used her power as class president to rig the votes about the play so she could play the lead and he'd be the cat. "Deep" "philosophical" word chunks happen before Vespa Lady starts playing bass and the two elementary school kids realize she's been sitting on the top bunk the entire time. She strokes Takkun's cat ears and everyone gets pissed off.

The next day at school Vespa Lady and Conti the robot in a bomber jacket show up to deliver Takkun's lunch. The class is all like, "Is that a robot or something? WTF?" and then Takkun's like, "Yo I don't even need this lunch because I'm not doing this stupid play." His class is all like, "Yo mang, you totally have to. It was democracy and shit."

Nina Mori grabs Takkun's arm and is like, "You can't leave I need this play so my parents don't get divorced." Takkun's a dick and knocks Nina Mori's pimp hat off. She retaliates by knocking his Gilligan hat off revealing his cat ears to the entire class. Takkun's furious and is like, "YO! SHE TOTALLY CHEATED TO WIN THIS THEATRICAL ELECTION!"

Nina Mori gets a headache and suddenly Takkun's cat ears are on her head instead of his. A giant robot busts out of her. Vespa Lady and Conti the Robot in a Bomber Jacket try to fight the robot but the evil robot uses Nina Mori's legs to fight them off. Nina Mori gets pantsed during this battle because ANIME! The fight goes badly so Vespa Lady summons her Vespa and bass and goes up to the roof to fight the robot. The teacher gets run over by the Vespa.

Up on the roof Takkun drops his lunch of curry onto the evil robot which causes it to shit out Nina Mori and get diarrhea. Conti then swallows Takkun and turns into a cannon and blasts the fuck out of the giant robot and the school. FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Some time later the class puts on their play. Takkun does narrating and says that Nina Mori's dad The King of Town ended up not getting prosecuted for whatever crime he committed (adultery maybe?) and Nina Mori didn't have to move away. Nina Mori's wearing glasses but claims that they're fake and we're done with another goddamn episode of this fucking show.

Thoughts
This episode was honestly a little less annoying the the two that proceeded it. Mamimi is hands down the most annoying character in this entire show and she was kept to a minimum this episode. A lot of the other shit that annoyed me about this show was still present though. It was still loud and the plot was really disjointed and there was randomly a nude 12 year old girl for no goddamn reason so it's still pretty bad, but at present it is the best episode of this series.

Giant Robots: Yup.
Lesbian Subtext: Nope.
Boobs: Yup. Under folded arms and 12 years old because ANIME!
Body Horror: Yup.
Magical Teen Girls: Maybe?

So I'm back on the Robotech wagon. In episode 11 the alien giants force their Earthling prisoners to make out with each other, but before that the alien admiral and a giant robot pull pro-wrestling moves on each other.

I feel like part of the explanation for this sequence of events must be that this show was made in 1985 and then edited to hell for the American Saturday morning release, but it's still pretty crazy when you type out the plot in black and white. Also, I assume that in the end the humans will win through the power of love.

FLCL - Episode 4
Big Baby Jesus, why am I still still doing this? FLCL is a bad show for assholes who like horrible things and yet here I am like a total chump watching it. I still have no goddamn clue why anything that happens on this show happens, but I've kind of come to except this. A bunch of random shit's going to happen and then in the last three minutes a robot will come out of someone's head, get battled, get bested, and then the main character dude will do voice over "deep thoughts," about some lesson learned and indie rock will play. LET'S ANIME IT UP DUDES!

What Happened
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME BASEBALL?! Vespa Lady has fangs like a Dracula and is playing baseball on a team of gay stereotypes against the Martians, a baseball team coached by Takkun's Granddad. The Martians players complain that since Takkun's brother left for America to hump white ladies and play in the minor league their team has sucked, mostly because Takkun's a piss poor baseballer. We see Takkun get struck out a bunch of times and also get blasted in the face with a baseball. HE GOT ON BASE GUYS SO STOP COMPLAINING!

The Martians get shutout because of Vespa Lady's baseballing prowess and the Gay Stereotypes then pay Vespa Lady for her services. Meanwhile Conti's picking up baseballs and Takkun's granddad is like, "Oh shit this robot can throw a baseball pretty well and is also good in the field. We should get him on our team!"

Takkun's all like, "Fuck this shit," and heads off. Vespa Lady mocks the bandage he has around his head and the tells him that in baseball...and perhaps in life as well, "Nothing can happen until you swing the bat!"

Back at home Takkun discovers his dad giving Vespa Lady some kind of fuck massage with his face. Takkun's like, "Yo, that's fucking nasty! You're all sweaty and shit. Also why were you playing for that other team?" and Vespa Lady's like, "To earn some extra cash to help pay the electric bill. Takkun's dad then eats out Vespa Lady's pussy. Then it's time for dinner. Dad and Vespa Lady do that Lady & a Tramp spaghetti thing with a fried egg which might be the least sexy thing I've ever seen in my life.

Takkun is utterly disgusted and storms out to bash his house with a baseball bat. Some dude with severe eyebrows shows up on a Vespa and tells Takkun not to beat up his house with a baseball bat. "Use a baguette instead!" the Eyebrow guy offers before going into the bakery and being all like, "Super spicy? You didn't have this before!" Vespa Lady and Takkun's Dad are audibly fucking in the other room while this is going on.

Takkun's all like, "THOSE EYEBROWS!" about Eyebrow guy as if he recognizes him or at least his eyebrows.

Eyebrow Guy is like "She's bad news and you'll see why soon enough." I'm assuming he's talking about Vespa Lady but who the fuck knows with this fucking show. Eyebrow Guy takes his purchase and rolls out on his Vespa and Takkun comes to the conclusion that, "Adults are stupid." I, meanwhile, have come to the conclusion that this show is stupid.

Takkun goes to the river to get molested by Mamami. "You want me to leave my mark again?" she asks.

Back at Takkun's house Vespa Lady teaches Takkun how to sock a few dingers via heart arcs to heaven. There's a blinking star. It's a space ship or something. I don't know. Some blonde lady in a military outfit yells some stuff about quadrants and vectors and shit.

Eyebrow Guy is there dissecting the bread he bought from Takkun. Eyebrow Guy's eyebrows look like dried seaweed. He apparently doesn't like spicy stuff and asks the blonde lady to throw it away. The blonde lady is like, "EYEBROWS!"

Back at Takkun's house Takkun wakes up. Vespa Lady's not in the top bunk. He walks down the hall and looks in his dad's room and sees them fucking or something because his head explodes. Back on the space ship Eyebrow Guy's like, "HOT DIGGITY DAMN! THAT'S THE BEACON WE'RE LOOKING FOR!"

The next day comes and it's time for more baseball. Conti's playing on Takkun's Granddad's team now. Takkun, however, is down by the river getting molested by a high school girl. Vespa Lady shows up and is like, "Are you doing that perverted stuff again?"

Takkun's furious in only the way a 12 year old who saw his dad fucking a random lady that's not his mom can be and is like, "You're the pervert!"

Vespa Lady's all like, "The game's already started. C'mon," but Takkun's like "I DON'T DO BASEBALL!" Mamami's like, "Right, Takkun's not the type to swing a bat," but then Vespa Lady tells her that it's Conti's first game and Mamami leaps up so fast that she jumps clean out of her panties...because ANIME! and she and Vespa Lady vespa off to the baseball game. Takkun's like, "Whateves..." and heads back home.

Takkun goes back home and sees his dad sitting in the shadows. Dad's all like, "I couldn't get it up but Vespa Lady fixed me. I told her not to leave any marks because I didn't want to make you upset." Dad talks all glitchy and walks poorly and Vespa Lady's face comes out of his mouth and Takkun gets pissed off and smashes a TV with his bat. This causes his dad to somehow die. Takkun has a look like "Oh fuck I done goofed."

Meanwhile at baseball Vespa Lady's pitching a no hitter or some shit when air raid sirens start blaring and a blimp flies over head screaming that the city has to be evacuated.


Very Emergency

Meanwhile at the police station or some shit Eyebrow Guy is interrogating Takkun about murdering his dad. Takkun's like, "I just hit the TV I don't even know what happened." Eyebrow Guy's like, "Yeah right, you were jealous your dad was giving the high hard one to Vespa Lady and murdered him because you were jealous." Takkun's like "Yo, fuck that I hate Vespa Lady."

Eyebrow Guy, who I guess is a cop or something, is like, "Yo you just called her by her first name and this is Japan where that's a big deal since she's older than you and you should be using some random honorific instead." Eyebrow Guy then is like, "Nah I believe you kid, just be careful, Vespa Lady's using you."

Takkun goes back home and notices wires and shit coming out of his dad's body. He then finds his real dad stuffed in a dresser or something. It's all gross with beetles and a cat's nutsack swinging and WOLF EYES and a skeleton dad and weird shitty animation and it's horrible and I hate it so much.

Takkun revives his dad in the bath and his dad's like, "She asked to use my head and I agreed but it didn't work or something and I was dead for awhile."

Takkun then has a flashback to the previous scene of being interrogate during which the Eyebrow Guy does a plot dump and is like, "You have an N-O Channel in your head. It uses your left and right brain to make a portal that traverses time and space or something. Who the fuck knows? Anyway that's why there's robots coming out of your head, oh also that dad you thought you killed was just a robot or something...like a vending machine. Oh also there's a bomb that's about to hit the city, so can you ask Vespa Lady to hit one more homer and save the day? Also something about a space pirate...I don't know mang."

Takkun's like "GOTDAMN THAT'S A SHITFUCKING TON OF PLOT YOU JUST DUMPED ON ME IN THE FINAL HOUR!"

Back at Takkun's house in present time, Vespa Lady shows up on her Vespa, destroying walls and the dad-bot in the process. Takkun asks what the fuck is going on but she doesn't really answer, giving some bullshit answer that Takkun is like, "Yo that's dumb as shit...did you get that shit from some anime?" Takkun's then like, "A 'hometown fan' asked you to sock one last dinger," but Vespa Lady's like, "Meh. Double headers are tiring. I'm going to need to be paid handsomely."

Back in the space command center or wherever Eyebrow Guy and Blonde Lady are Eyebrow Guy plot dumps about the bomb that's randomly heading toward the city. It was some sort of contingency plan in case shit went sideways or something. He talks about how Vespa Lady planned this entire thing and was using Takkun to infiltrate, "the foreign embassy(?), the Interstellar Immigration unit(?), and Medical Mechanica(?)," and isn't afraid of sacrificing an entire city to get what she wants. I have no idea what any of this means. I don't think it even fucking matters.

TO THE FINAL BATTLE!

Vespa Lady and Takkun vespa to some final battle area. Takkun's head is blinking. Vespa Lady reaches into his head and after some more innuendo filled dialogue pulls a Flying V guitar out of his head. She gives it to Takkun as the bomb heads towards Town. The bomb turns into a baseball mitt and throws a giant baseball bomb towards Takkun.

People in the space command center have bloody noses for some reason and Vespa Lady vespas away in case Takkun decides not to swing his Flying V guitar like a bat at a giant bomb and everyone dies.

Mamami is on a radio tower or something with Conti having an orgasm because she's dumb as fuck and thinks the bomb that's coming is some other "god."

Takkun swings his guitar and hits the bomb but he's a 12 year old boy and is not proficient at baseball. The bomb starts to glow like it's going to explode but Vespa Lady shows back up and socks a dinger and sends the bomb into orbit. Over at the radio tower Mamimi's all melancholy and the infinite sadness that Takkun took a swing. Who knows what the fuck is going on there.

Takkun does voiceover shit about how his hands still sting and he wonders if Vespa Lady feels like this all the time as they ride home on her Vespa with him half asleep.

Over in space command center the blonde lady's like "The bomb's in deep space now and shouldn't be a problem." Eyebrow Guy is annoyed that Vespa Lady escaped from him because I guess he was attempting to capture her or something. One of his eyebrows falls off.

Thoughts
Yup. This was a show I watched. 23 minutes of my life. A bunch of random shit happened and none of it made a goddamn lick of sense. Even the stuff that was supposed to answer long standing questions was just fucking utter nonsense. I hate this show so much and hope that everyone involved in making it dies penniless and alone, unloved by a single soul. Two more fucking episodes and then I'm free.

Giant Robots: Yup.
Lesbian Subtext: Nope.
Boobs: Nope, but the dad basically performs cunnilingus through a pair of shorts.
Body Horror: Yup.
Magical Teen Girls: Maybe?

FLCL - Episode 5
Fuck. Two more to go. I can do it. I can do it. I CAN DO IT! WOOOOOOOO! LET'S ANIME IT UP DUDES!

What Happened
Vespa Lady and Takkun are lurking in a wheat field with uzis for some reason. She starts screaming causing them to get shot. Meanwhile back at Takkun's house Takkun and Takkun's granddad are watching a John Woo movie. I can tell it's a John Woo movie because one of the characters in the movie is like, "Why are there all these pigeons flying around?"

Takkun's dad shows up and starts talking about fucking Vespa Lady or something and Takkun gets pissed off and goes up to his room, but Vespa Lady's there in some kind of lingerie that her ass is hanging out of talking to Takkun's cat about how she doesn't have feelings for Takkun she's just concerned because he still has a portal open in his head or something and that's the only reason she's delayed finishing her mission.

Takkun's like, "Fuck! Put some goddamn clothes on!" So she dresses up like fat Vegas Elvis and has a massive pompadour hairdo. She starts yelling and guitar lessons and screaming random 90s band names and then ends with Richard Cheese for some reason (he was a dude that did ironic lounge style covers of 90s alterna-rock).

Takkun tries to ask her who she likes but she's all hanging all over him telling him how adult he was to hit a bomb with an electric guitar. Takkun grows a horn out of the back of his head in a clear metaphor for getting a boner. The horn grows so large that it causes his head to rise up off his bed and meet Vespa Lady's and it looks like they're kissing.

Takkun's dad shows up and calls his son a pervert and then challenges Takkun to a duel for Vespa Lady. Vespa Lady is pro this idea and the Takkun's dad takes off his clothes to fuck her or something and a spring loaded boxing glove shoots out of her vagina and kills him...because ANIME!


Because ANIME!!!

This brings us back to the wheat field from earlier which means the bulk of the shit I just saw was probably a flashback. Anyway Takkun's dad is dressed as a Nazi...because ANIME! and he and Conti are versing Takkun and Vespa Lady in a gun fight. It becomes apparent after awhile that these are pellet guns that they're using. It's dumb.

Meanwhile up on a bridge the blonde lady from the space command center is watching them and talking to Eyebrow Guy on the phone about what's happening. Eyebrow guy is at a hair salon or something and for some reason is animated like South Park and then animated like some other kind of anime. It's zany for zaniness' sake and annoying as fuck.

Back in the field a gun fight happens while the blonde lady watches. She has a giant gun and is going to murder someone or something. She says that she thinks Takkun and company are playing some kind of game and declares, "It looks really stupid!" I agree with her. This entire fucking show looks really stupid.

Conti's going to put Takkun on blast when Takkun gets run over by a truck. Takkun's friends from school are behind the wheel. Apparently they have a job delivering stuff (booze if the random Chinese characters on the side of the truck are to be believed). Takkun looks like a goof compared to these super mature booze delivering 12 year olds, but they think he's hella cool for socking a dinger into orbit and saving Town from getting blowed up.

Some girl riding in the back of the truck eats a Popsicle in an inappropriate fashion. She gets given a water pistol and stares through it at Mamimi up on a bridge and the blonde lady with a giant gun and stuff for some reason.

Later (I guess) Takkun and Mamimi have a conversation by the river. Takkun's all like, "I'm pretty much a grown man now doing grown man things..." and Mamimi's like it's because of Vespa Lady isn't it? You've changed because of her. What's she mean to you?"

Takkun briefly looks like Kenny from South Park and is like, "Nothing, she's just some weird chick who lives at my house that I sometimes do weird shit with...not weird shit like that, just you know, run of the mill anime weird shit. Here! Let me show you something!"

While this is happening Vespa Lady goes to the hair salon and has a fight with the Eyebrow Guy. I guess they knew one another in the past. Eyebrow Guy's like, "I'm an adult! I can hire hired guns!" and hired guns appear but Vespa Lady dispatches them with ease because her bass kills fascists or something. It's dumb and over the top.


This machine kills fascists...

Back with youngsters in love, Takkun drags Mamimi by the wrist down a street. She yells at him to stop and tells him it hurts and it's super uncomfortable. Eventually he stops and is like "TADA!" and they're standing in front of a cafe. She doesn't want to be there though and is like, "Don't you like the Vespa Lady?" and Takkun's like, "Nope. I'm totally into you girl who used to molest me several episodes ago." He then attempts to force himself on her and kiss her. She protests and the horn shoots out of the back of his head between her legs...because ANIME!


Prelude to a sex crime...

Back with Vespa Lady and Eyebrow Guy, Eyebrow guys eyebrows are gone and he's like, "Oh no! My eyebrows..." Vespa Lady then does a Sailor Moon transformation and pulls some deal out of Eyebrow Guy's forehead. She mocks him for how tiny it is and how much manlier Takkun is before heading off to do battle. As she leaves Eyebrow guy is like, "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?!"

Meanwhile on top of a giant robot Mamimi calls out Takkun's brother's name which pisses Takkun off. He yells at her and tells her not to call him Takkun anymore because apparently that's not actually his name. I don't know. Whatever.

A fight with a giant robot happens. Vespa Lady is dressed up like a Playboy Bunny for some reason. Conti the robot and Vespa Lady double team the giant hand gun robot and win. Conti pulls a Gibson SG guitar out of his face to beat the final boss. It's stupid. I'm done. This broke me. It's so loud and stupid and utterly asinine. The giant hand gun robot gets petrified next to the Giant Iron Factory and that's that.


FIGHT IT OUT!!!

In the end it's revealed that Conti the Bomber Jacket Wearing Robot kicked Takkun out halfway through the final battle. I guess Conti's a space pirate or something now. I don't even know. Vespa Lady stands on Takkun's face to stare at the space pirate robot with heart eyes and the show ends. Thank you. Fuck you. Bye.

Thoughts
I don't know. I really don't know. I have no idea. What is this? A bunch of shit happens. All of it is stupid. There are random scenes that look like South Park. There are random scenes that look like some other sort of cartoon. If I knew shit about anime I could probably tell you what those scenes looked like, but since none of them looked like Robotech I can't.

The plot bashed you over the head with a mallet and screamed, "THIS IS ABOUT GROWING UP!" Takkun started getting boners and didn't want to play guns with his dad anymore and started feeling pride in the fact that his friends looked up to him for doing something so cool as hitting a bomb into orbit with a guitar. The entire thing might have had a flashing neon sign blinking "COMING OF AGE STORY HERE!"

The next episode is the last one and then I can check out for good. This show has been fucking garbage and I am angry for spending time looking at it. If this is what anime is I'm glad I wrote it off as stupid and pointless years and years ago and never wasted more time looking at it. Fuck FLCL. Fuck whoever made this shit. Fuck anime in general. I hate you all.

Giant Robots: Yup.
Lesbian Subtext: Nope.
Boobs: Sideboob. Also panties.
Body Horror: Yup.
Magical Teen Girls: Yup, though I don't think she's a teenager.

Nudeviking hang in there, buddy. When you finish FLCL, you will have gotten through one of the most difficult what the fuck anime classics that exists. Once finished, you will forever have a litmus test for all other anime. Few shows can compare to it.

You'll be surprised at how quickly you'll be saying "I can understand the plot, the characters are decent and no one is trying to fuck a 12 year old boy. I can watch this."

And also how quickly you'll immediately drop any show that starts doing fucked up or boring or incomprehensible things.

And I say this as someone who doesn't hate FLCL.

podcastleinthesky.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/episode-9-flcl-and-tank-girl/

There you go, man. We also talk about tank girl. You're...welcome?

Movie.

Shit, forgot about this. Was gonna watch the originals (with that hole movie-episode order thing) before this came out, but I fell off.

given that I'm much more keen on newer animation styles than that of the 70s and 80s, I'm hoping this will be decent so that I can finally watch this show without thinking "CHRIST it's ugly".

On a scale of mad to mad, I look forward to to your response when I repeatedly describe the show as being "really not that weird".

FLCL - Episode 6
I feel a strange sense of peace and tranquility as I begin this final episode of FLCL. It's the feeling one gets when they resign themselves to an inevitable fate. Having spent five episodes with this show I have a pretty good idea of what awaits me with this final episode. It will undoubtedly be bigger, loud, brasher, and snottier than the five episodes that proceeded it which will send me into an even more furious rage, and I'm perfectly alright with that. LET'S ANIME IT UP DUDES!

What Happens
We begin in an elementary school classroom. Takkun or whatever the heck his name actually is looks all depressed and shit and his teacher attempts to teach her students to use chopsticks with disastrous results. Takkun's classmates Glasses Guy, Guy Whose Mouth Looks Like a Butthole, and Nina Mori have a conversation about sporks and Takkun gets up and walks out of the class. Butthole Mouth and Nina Mori wonder if he's going to get some sporks and Glasses Guy turns into Beavis and/or Butthead and is all like, "Huh huh huh 'get some.'"

As Takkun walks away from school we get some more Wonder Years voiceover shit of Takkun talking about how since the last episode the entire town has been covered with smoke from the Giant Iron Factory. He makes it seem like the smoke somehow keeps everyone trapped in Town and the Petrified Hand is like a judge delivering a verdict or something. Vespa Lady and Conti the Bomber Jacket Wearing Robot Who is Now Also a Space Pirate or Something have apparently vanished to the outside world leaving Takkun all alone.

Meanwhile at Space Command Center Eyebrow Guy is riding an exercise bike and talking about sci-fi plot shit with the Blonde Lady. He hands her his water bottle and while plot dumping is occurring the Blonde Lady takes a sip out of his water bottle and then proceeds to barf because it had been in Eyebrow Guy's mouth or something. It's bad comedy folks!

Back at the river Mamimi is looking for Takkun. I assume she means Takkun the cat, not Takkun the boy since Takkun the boy more or less attempted to do sex crime on her last episode. As she searching a dude on a motorbike drives by and splashes her since I guess it's raining. Takkun and his friends see her as they walk by on a bridge and either Glasses Guy or Butthole Mouth are like, "Hey it's Takkun's wife!" but Takkun just ignores her and walks away.

Mamimi huddles under a bridge and lights up a cigarette when suddenly a chunk of robotics emerges from the water. It looks like a crab. I assume this is a piece of chunk from the giant chunk that got blasted into the river during the last episode, but who knows. She ignores it at first but then creeps up on it and stares at it.

We cut to Takkun walking through a construction site or something drinking canned coffee because HE'S AN ADULT! Eyebrow Guy shows up and is like, "So you drink bitter drinks now because you're an adult huh? Sweet drinks are better. Our brains need glucose!"

Eyebrow Guy then drops a mess of plot dump on Takkun about how Vespa Lady is in love with the Space Pirate and that she's only using Takkun to get the Space Pirate out of the hands of the Giant Iron Factory or something. He then gives Takkun some eyebrows and that's the end of that chapter.

Back at the river, Mamimi is fucking around with her flip phone when the crab robot takes it and looks like it's going to eat it. She screams at the crab robot to stop because the phone has Takkun's brother's phone number in it, but eventually she's like, "Okay, you can eat it, but now you have to take care of me. You have to be Takkun."

Meanwhile at Takkun's house, Takkun is in his bed, halfassedly playing his guitar and wearing his new eyebrows before going downstairs. He goes into the kitchen and discovers that Vespa Lady's back. We get another loud segment that looks like a comic book of people screaming about Fooly Cooly and shit. Pixelated dicks in full effect! Fourth walls broken! Zaniness! Fuck...


Some Fourth Wall Breakin' Bullshit Right Here Yo...

When this shit's all done we cut to later that night in Takkun's room. He's awake and asks Vespa Lady if she's awake too, but she doesn't answer so he's like, "Who are you? Why did you leave?" Vespa Lady then sticks her head down and mocks him for a minute before climbing down into his bed and having a conversation with him about how he really is just a kid. This makes Takkun cry and be all like, "Why'd you leave without saying goodbye?!" and hug her. She offers to take him with her when she leaves again and he agrees.

They leave the next day I guess on her Vespa while Takkun does more voice over shit about how living in Town every day is like death and you forget that there's a world outside of Town.

Meanwhile at school Takkun's friends are talking about him having run away. Butthole Mouth calls him an idiot and Nina Mori agrees and says that he should stop lying to himself and then talks about how she was honest about how she felt and talked to her parents and cried a lot but her problems got resolved. She then does a high jump that shocks her teacher and the rest of the class.

Elsewhere Mamimi has stolen her classmates cellphones and is feeding them to the new robot Takkun who now kind of looks like a puppy. She has an evil look in her eyes as she feeds them to the robot.

Outside a convenient store Takkun and Vespa Lady are eating ramen. Vespa Lady bought a giant sized one of some off-brand ramen because it was giant and cheap while Takkun bought a name-brand one. The giant ramen apparently sucks and Vespa Lady wants to trade. Takkun's like, "You can't buy the cheap brands just because it comes with more, you have to go for the big name brands," which is a stupid way to live one's life all safe and staid. Takkun's going to grow up to be boring as fuck.

We see Mamimi pulling along her new and improved Takkun who she's been feeding motorcycles and shit to from a list she has of people who have wronged her. Glasses Guy and Butthole Mouth come out of a liquor store and see her and are like, "Hey it's Takkun's ex-wife." This causes the Robot Dog Takkun to attack them and eat their truck as Mamimi shouts, "NO! They aren't even on my revenge list!"

At some point Nina Mori is walking to school and she sees Vespa Lady and Takkun sleeping on a bench under cardboard like hobos. She doesn't say or do anything.

Meanwhile Takkun's teacher goes to Takkun's house to talk to Takkun's dad about the fact that Takkun hasn't been to school in weeks. Takkun's dad doesn't seem to be too concerned that Takkun's missing and tells some story about how when he was a kid he accidentally killed a hamster in his classroom. Shrug.

Eyebrow Guy and Blonde Lady are driving in a car and Eyebrow Guy's being a creepvert and hitting on her badly when suddenly they happen upon the new robot Takkun wrecking house on shit. It's some sort of "terminal core" that they'd discovered to be missing when they pulled a chunk of robot out of the river earlier in the episode. They try to fight it out with Terminal Core Takkun, but Conti's there in a skirt for some reason and he gets assimilated by the Core.

The Terminal Core Takkun destroys Takkun's teacher's VW Bug and then Blonde Lady unloads on it with a pistol. Eyebrow Guy pushes her out of the way before Terminal Core Takkun can crush her and proceeds to get crushed himself.

Over at the hobo bench Vespa Lady wakes up and sees mayhem and thus springs into action and all the main actors wind up on top of the Petrified Hand: Mamimi, Takkun, Vespa Lady, Eyebrow Guy, Conti/Space Pirate/Terminal Core. TIME FOR A FINAL SHOWDOWN!

The Terminal Core won't go into the hand though since it needs some component that's still in Takkun's head or something so Eyebrow Guy attempts to convince Takkun not help Vespa Lady since she's childish and only does things that benefit her. Takkun needs to think of Mamimi and all the jerks down in town and do the mature adult thing. Takkun's like, "Whateves," and walks over to Vespa Lady who brains him with her bass and launches him into the Terminal Core which then proceeds to merge with the Petrified Hand.

The Petrified Hand becomes unpetrified and Eyebrow Guy screams about how this is exactly what the Giant Iron Factory wanted. He dumps some plot about how their goal is to iron out planets across the galaxy so that everything is flat. Vespa Lady gives zero fucks though and says that the people of Earth will just have to learn to think flat. All she cares about is getting the space pirate's powers.

The hand starts descending but is stopped at the last second by Conti who is glowing with Dragon Ball Z POWER™. Takkun crawls out of Conti's face wield two guitars. He too is glowing with Dragon Ball Z POWER™. He proceeds to wreck shit on the giant hand.

Vespa Lady is pissed that Takkun got the space pirate power that she herself has wanted. They have a Dragon Ball Z POWER™ Fast Punchin' Fight that ends with Takkun stopping in front of her, releasing the Dragon Ball Z POWER™ and turning into a toddler looking motherfucker, all cherubic and shit. As the Dragon Ball Z POWER™ hovers over them in a ring he tells Vespa Lady, "I love you," and then kisses her.


HIS POWER LEVEL?! IT'S OVER 9000!!!!

THE POWER OF LOVE!® causes the space pirate to manifest in its true form: some kind of giant dinosaur bird dragon thing. The giant dinosaur bird dragon thing wreck shit on the Giant Iron Factory and the giant hand and then blasts off into space.

Afterwards Vespa Lady is floating on her Vespa and says that the space pirate got away because of Takkun, so she was going to go look for it. She offers to let him come with her, but is like, "Nah, you're still a kid." She seems to be proud of this fact and blasts off to adventure on her scooter, taking Takkun's two guitars with her. Takkun finds her bass in a pile of rubble and picks it up. As he does so Mamimi stands up out of the rubble and takes a picture of Takkun with the bass.

We then get a time jump. Takkun and his classmates are middle school students now and Takkun does Wonder Years voiceover shit about how Mamimi quit school and left town to become a photographer and he never heard from her again.

The End.

Thoughts
That sure was a show. For awhile I thought it was all going to be "THIS IS GROWING UP!" but in episode 6 they seemed to flip the script and be like, "STAY A CHILD FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN!" so I don't even know.

The overall plot of this was basically nonsense. They never explained who the Giant Iron Factory was or what they wanted to iron out Town for so I really gave zero shits about anything they were doing. I guess in the end the biggest enemy turned out to be the high school girl that molested Takkun.

That being said, I didn't really hate this episode that much and found the ending more or less satisfactory. While they didn't explain why anything that happened over the course of the show happened there was closure for pretty much everyone that was important in the show which is more than you get with some shows/movies/books/etc.

So where do we go from here? Do I carry on with this and watch more cartoons from Japan and complain about them on the internet or do I hang up my anime hat? I think I'm going to try again, because for as bad as this was at least there was a decent Japanese indie rock soundtrack so maybe if I keep watching this stuff I'll find out about other boss bands and maybe come to find love.

Giant Robots: Yup.
Lesbian Subtext: Nope.
Boobs: Nope. Pixelated dick though.
Body Horror: Nope.
Magical Teen Girls: Yup, and according to a wanted poster she's 19 years old.

Inugami-san to Nekoyama-san - Episode 2
Time for more lighthearted homosexual slice of life ridiculousness with high school girls that embody various animals or something. What zany misadventures will the girls get into this time? I don't really know. LET'S ANIME IT UP DUDES AND DUDINES!

What Happens
The episode begins with Inugami tripping over some tiny girl and being all like, "Oh who are you?" The girl replies that her name is Nezu Mikine, some part of which is probably the Japanese word for a mouse since she's small, quiet, eats cheese, and is apparently nocturnal.


CHEESE!

Inugami becomes infatuated with her and later at lunch tells Aki and Nekoyama that she made a new friend. Nekoyama gets jealous because lesbianism or something but Inugami's all like, "You have nothing to worry about! My love for you will never change!" I've decided that Nekoyama is the best lesbian of the bunch so far since she's pretty much got a lesbian mullet going on.

After lunch Nezu asks Inugami if she's in any clubs. She is not. Nezu says that there's something she wants to put Inugami in which seems like it's probably some sort of double entendre in Japanese that doesn't really work when translated into English. The thing she wants to put Inugami in is Biology Club.

After school Nezu, Inugami and Nekoyama all head to Biology Club which is called Alive or something. They talk about this and I'm guessing it's another pun or something that doesn't work so well in English. The club consists of but two people: Nezu and an older girl named Ushiwaka Yujiki. Some portion of her name is undoubtedly the Japanese word for "cow." She has giant boobs and is clumsy and slow.

She greets the newcomers and promptly trips and falls on Nezu who later introduces her to the others as her wife. Ushiwaka tells them that all they really do in Biology Club is hang out and drink tea which the other two are about. Nezu then tells Nekoyama that they should be friends since they're both small or some shit, but Nekoyama gets pissed off and is like, "I'm bigger than you!"

At some later point in time, Aki and Nekoyama go and see Inugami and Nezu. Inugami's hanging all over Nezu so Nekoyama gets pissed off again and then they talk about units. I don't know what units they're talking about but apparently it benefits Inugami in someway and she's super excited about it.

And that's it...

Thoughts
The length of this show means that it moves along at a good clip so if a joke doesn't really land they're on to the next thing before you really even have time to groan. This also leads to the show not feeling overly important. It's cute, silly fun, but doesn't really rise above "gag a day" comic strip level in terms of plot or character development.

Giant Robots: Nope.
Lesbian Subtext: This is pretty much the show's raison d'être.
Boobs: Nope.
Body Horror: Nope.
Magical Teen Girls: Nope.