Last Movie Watched Thread

Night Tide (1961)

An early American International Picture in tribute to Corman. Dennis Hopper, in his first lead role, plays a complete dullard Navy man who ignores literally everyone in Venice Beach telling him his new girlfriend is a murderous mermaid. It's a good one; solid story and direction from prolific B-movie guy Curtis Harrington that plays like a fever dream with its combination of jaunty and bell-heavy score, eerie seaside carnival setting, and loud and flickering colorization. 

A heap of films! MOVIES!!!!

Blackenstein (1973) - With Blackenstein I was hoping I’d get another Blacula: a movie that seemed like it was going to be dumb as shit but was actually kind of great but no, Blackenstein was just dumb as shit. The entire premise of this movie is just “What if no one understood DNA and that somehow caused a black Frankenstein to exist?” but then the movie doesn’t do anything with even that meager-ass premise. The guy who becomes Blackenstein is a quadriplegic Vietnam vet so I briefly thought, “Oh they’re going to social commentary about the war in Vietnam!” A guy at the V.A. hospital briefly gives him shit for buying into patriotism and ending up maimed for it but other than that brief exchange his time in Vietnam is just the contrivance they came up with for the future Blackenstein to need mad science to regrow his limbs. Once he becomes the titular Blackenstein (way to far into the movie’s modest run time) he starts killing folks but the bulk of his kills are just random people so you don’t really feel anything about them. There’s one guy, an orderly at the V.A. hospital who was a dick to Blackenstein before he became Blackenstein, that kind of had it coming but other than that it’s all randos who don’t even get names in the credits beyond “Couple in a Car” or “Woman in Dune Buggy.” Avoid unless you really like shots of low budget horror movie mad scientist equipment because this movie has a ton of those.

The Fate of Lee Khan (1973) - I’m generally not that picky when it comes to kung fu flicks. You have some folks kicking and punching for 85 or 90 minutes and that’s, more often than not, enough for me. Suffice it to say I end up watching a lot of garbage but every so often I watch a movie that’s not just good for a kung fu movie but good as “cinema” that people who are serious about film as an art form and not just freaks who think that flying guillotines are the coolest fucking things ever can appreciate. This is very much the latter. Directed by one of the best to ever do it, King Hu, The Fate of Lee Khan is a gripping tale of a rag tag group of rebels in a desolate inn trying to get stolen military plans back from a Yuan Dynasty agent (the titular Lee Khan) who will be passing through their territory. I went into this expecting a pretty straightforward kung fu movie where rebels kick punch the shit out of the evil Mongolians and while there was some of that (especially in the first half) this was very much a spy movie with some genuinely stressful scenes the likes of which I cannot recall in any other kung fu flick I’ve ever seen. The cast is excellent with Li-Li Hua really shining as the innkeeper heading up the rebel cell tasked with stopping Lee Khan. This is well worth checking out if you like tremendous hats, spy shit, Angela Mao threatening to maim people, swords hidden in stringed instruments, ladies in skirts pummeling bandits using ludicrously thick staves or rebels taking on evil empires.

Shogun Assassin (1980) - I’d never bothered watching this before because I thought it would be pointless. I’d seen the Lone Wolf and Cub movies before after all and this was just an edit of the first two movies in the series. I now wish I’d watched this earlier because while it does use footage from the first two films it crafts it into its own distinct story and frankly it kind of rules. It keeps all the neon red blood spray and ultraviolence of the source material but adds a frankly awesome synth score that makes everything seem way more intense. Also somehow Sandra Bernhard is in this doing the dub which is just insane. Would I recommend this over the first two Lone Wolf and Cub movies it’s sourced from? I’d say definitely watch them first of you’ve never seen them before but if you have don’t avoid this one because it’s “just an edit.”

Blue Beetle - Basically, sitting on the deck of a cruise ship watching a movie was a nice thing to do, and this happened to be the movie that was playing. Nothing new or interesting from a superhero point of view, as it felt like the first Tom Holland Spiderman where most of the time, a kid is talking to a suit with super abilities. But not the worst way to spend a couple of hours.

Ishtar's reputation as one of the worst movies ever isn't true at all, but the product of wild backstage gossip about the production process, which unfairly dominated reviews at the time. However, there's also been a course correction from "worst movie ever" to "pretty great, actually" - Martin freaking Scorsese apparently called it one of his personal favorites - which...is also going a little far. Truth is, although Ishtar was a fond look back at the Hope/Crosby "Road to..." travel comedies of a previous generation, it is also a foreshadowing of the dumb-funny studio comedies of the 2000s about grown-ass guys who are still childish idiots.

Now, there's a key difference I like. The studio man-child comedies lately have focused on 20-somethings who failed to grow up (give or take the odd 40-year-old virgin). Ishtar is a satire of a more Boomer vibe. It's mocking every 55-to-65-year-old dad who keeps a room full of electric guitars so he can strum along to his favorite live jam band records. It's every guy who doesn't let anybody else touch his grill because nobody else knows how to grill like he does. It's every guy who wants to restore a classic car when he retires even though his current ride is a GMC Denali. Uh...potential no offense tag.

Anyway. Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman are two middle-aged idiots who think they are brilliant songwriters. They are..not. They are also trying to get a record deal even though they claim to be songwriters-not-singers, like a more erudite version of Simon & Garfunkel. They land an agent by calling agents in the phone book. The first 22 minutes is pure showbiz/boomer satire, and it is magnificent. Vividly written, acidic bite, loads of jokes, amazing terrible songs, and probably (?) the funniest suicide attempt scene in movie history (?). The two leads are hilarious - there's also a nonsense running gag that Hoffman is a looker but Beatty can't attract a woman ever, which they only half-heartedly sell, which makes it even funnier.

Then their agent sends them to Ishtar and they accidentally get caught up in a CIA operation and a coup. To be clear, this is not the funniest 80s movie about musicians accidentally joining a political resistance movement. That would be Val Kilmer's all-time classic Top Secret! This one is somehow even more scatterbrained and daffy and ridiculous, and includes a half-hearted climax where the guys shoot at some helicopters and the helicopters just...go away. Lame! But the rest of the movie does have some good stuff: a lot of gags involving their new pet camel (my favorite line is when the camel refuses to move out of sheer laziness and Beatty says, "I kind of admire that."), the ever-schmoozy Charles Grodin, and one or two amazing comedy bits in the final concert scene (which does otherwise go on a little too long). Also, from the department of classic movie sight gags, there is a laugh in this movie just from a boob appearing.

Elaine May's directorial career is so strange, but she made at least one classic (A New Leaf - helped by the studio cutting a weird subplot), one fascinating character study (Mikey & Nicky), and this, which has some really good stuff and might, if it had been made 15 years later, be considered totally within the mainstream of weird-ass showbiz satires like American Dreamz and Tropic Thunder. It definitely came ahead of its time, and although she seems to have been wildly unprofessional and overmatched as an organizer of movie shoots and sets, she was extremely funny. I probably will never watch it again but I'm glad I saw it once.



Wow, the ending of the original movie is so, so different from the ending of the remake. The remake adds all sorts of tricksy plot twists and new characters and betrayals to be more "gritty" and real and brutal etc. etc. etc. for the modern audience. But honestly, the original still kicks butt. The Elmore Leonard short story is, like all Leonard's work, as tightly wound as a plot can get, with no wasted time and a satisfying payoff. All you gotta do is add some charismatic actors and some good camera work and boom, great 90-minute movie. Glenn Ford is smirky and slimy and almost sympathetic as the prisoner, and Van Heflin is an endearing, tired everyman as the guy who just wants to collect $200. The suspense as the clock ticks closer to 3:10 is great. Compared to the remake or most modern movies, the climax is not as wild or intense a bloodbath shootout as you might expect, but...whatever. It's probably more realistic. And it's still super exciting. A real good 'un.

Upgrade - Guy gets paralyzed, gets a chip in his neck that allows him to move again, and also be a really bad-ass fighter, but it may be a mixed blessing.

Not bad, and the twist was half what I expected and half not. Pretty well done overall. The cinematography and actor's movements did a great job of replicating the feeling of the main character being a cyborg.

Did you see that May might have a new one coming? thefilmstage.com/dakota-johnson-confirms-elaine-mays-crackpot-is-still-in-development/

They say that in a relationship, nobody is ever perfectly compatible, and you should find somebody who's 90% perfect for you, then learn to deal with the other 10%. I did that, but this is a story about the other 10%. About a year ago, my girlfriend said she was in the mood to watch a movie - something that only happens about 3 times a year, she doesn't really love the movie as an art form in general - and I said, "Hey, this says it's a comedy about some Americans going to Scotland and meeting the locals." Then she spent the whole movie saying "I thought you said this was funny" and "when do the jokes start?" and "people like this movie?" and "has anyone else even heard of this movie?"

So that didn't work. It also is not an ideal way to watch, having a running roast track, if the movie is good. So yesterday while "working from home" I watched it again. And you know what? It's pretty good! It's definitely more make-you-smile funny than make-you-laugh funny. And the clearest attempts to be funny - the motorcycle gag, the psycho therapist (two words) - are just not funny at all. They are the movie's weakest bits. The strongest feature is just the humanity and warmth. The characters are all allowed time to develop and sort of bloom by themselves, the direction is laid-back and forgiving, and of course the Scottish village is immensely appealing. The movie's women get very, very little to do, but I really enjoyed the sort of let-it-go "I guess I should enjoy this" reaction of the marine biologist when someone starts flirting with her.

It's also charming to have a mostly super laid-back cast of do-a-lot-with-a-little actors and then spike the punch with not one but two electric scene stealers: the very young Peter Capaldi as a gawky, awkward flirt who flaps his arms around while he runs, and...Burt Lancaster!! Who is rapidly shooting up my favorite actors ever list.

In sum, this is a big little movie. It's a little movie in that it had a low budget and a one-name cast (at the time), there's no action, there's no big set piece, etc. But it's a big movie in how much it surprises you with emotion and unexpected depth.

A little anecdote. Burt Lancaster apparently told Peter Capaldi, "I gotta tell you kid, you have fabulous instinct. But I can't understand a fucking word you say."

"Harper...H...A...P...P..........P...E...R."

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

Cool drum intro; what artist was it - anyone? Neat focus on Spider-Gwen for the first 10 minutes. Nice twists and turns regarding the Canon and canon events. Spider-Man 2099 awesome costume. Incredible free-for-all costume design in the outer web of the Spider-Verse. Spider-Woman/Jess Drew and her bike action was hella cool. Spider-Punk didn't hit so nice, but the animation around the character was like watching all 1977 punk albums' covers go through a food processor. Earth-42 will be fun next year.

Quiz Lady (2023)

Awkwafina and Sandra Oh apply their talents to a Dirty Sanchez production. Some laughs. Some improvisations. Good work from everyone. I mean, I enjoy Twinkies; however, a whole box isn't that good. I would not offer my opinion freely in front of Jessica Yu. She might slice me up.

That’s not Nemo, it’s Gil.

When I went to London one of the things I wanted to do was go to the Greenwich Observatory and on my way there I passed by a massive complex of Baroque buildings. They weren’t the biggest premodern buildings I’d been to in Europe but the biggest-seeming, four porous masses sitting freely in a park; it was certainly larger than anything I saw in the Netherlands. I went to one and peeked inside the (massive, seems like the wrong word) chapel and was just in awe. An older woman—conservatively dressed, I think on her way to prayer, speaking with exactly the sort of accent you’d expect from an upper-class Englishwoman, only without the condescension—told me it was built during the reign of William and Mary. I was surprised. William of Orange was involved in something this big? I couldn’t believe it—this was nothing like in the Netherlands.

Despite admitting that the visual arts aren’t really an English thing, we do get a Dutch character in Peter Greenaway’s Baroque painting-inspired The Draughtsman’s Contract (what a coincidence songstarliner!). He’s technically skilled at the intersection of science and the arts (hydraulic engineering and landscape architecture). This man—curteous, modestly dressed (that’s not a wig, he just needs a haircut)—is not our protagonist. Here I was expecting Mr. Enlightenment—Mr. Neville, the artist, is not. He’s a skilled craftsman, has a great eye, but there’s not necessarily a lot of intellect between the eye and the hand, which turns out to be why he’s dangerous. He’s also a real jerk.

He’s a jerk in a massive black wig and huge clothes. This film really hits you hard with the wigs and clothes early, too, with a few scenes of close-up conversations at an evening party in dramatic lighting, wigs for the women, towering wigs for the men, and on the Poulenc twins in makeup too (there had to be some twincest there, right?). Like the Old Naval College, I wasn’t ready for the lushness of this. Even when things are more restrained—those carefully framed, restrained, and constrained views of the house and the garden (by both Neville and Greenaway) have a lushness I didn’t quite anticipate. It’s one of the most beautiful, yet constrained, films I’ve ever seen. Wes Anderson may have a thing for symmetry, but he’s not close to this level of control.

It’s (intentionally) ironic, given the level of control here, how out-of-control things get for Mr. Neville.

I wasn’t prepared for the brutality of the ending, though. I’ve passed up a couple of opportunities to see The cook, the thief, his wife, & her lover in theaters because, well, gross. This isn’t at that level, but there’s definitely an intensity that’s jarring with the setting, both in beauty and in time (more Elizabethan than William & Mary).

Furiosa is obviously very divisive and, despite seeing a lot of anticipation for it online, based on box office returns kind of unwanted. Recovering from a wisdom tooth removal I watched it on Friday afternoon. The crowd wasn’t bad for an afternoon weekday showing, I guess (I almost never go to one) but there were a lot of empty seats, and the guy two seats away from me was on his phone for most of the time and at one point started performatively yawning. I am very positive on it, though, and the pacing, imagery, ideas, and wordbuilding are much more on my level than Fury Road—there’s value to being forced in but Furiosa’s an invitation. Furiosa’s also not a direct story but, .

It’s not a “ride” like Fury Road, though I think the action (and suspense in them) are first rate. It’s appropriate that AMC was having showings of Miyazaki’s Nausicaä and Castle in the Sky last week because the film has a fair amount in common with them—one of the showcase action scenes is based around glider action, we have a mix of apocalyptic landscape, idyllic valleys (including the use of wind power), action hero women, and appreciation for the beauty and suprahuman power of nature. There’s also a Nausicaä level of worldbuilding. It’s much less subtle than Miyazaki—George Miller goes all out with the Vulvalinas, Dementus, the Georg Grosz-inspired prime minister for Immortan Joe—but effective nonetheless. The film’s world and its themes are all there on the surface, but they seep in well.

There’s definite truth that the attitude and appearance of Alyla Brown, who plays the child Furiosa, are more in-line with Charlize Theron’s Furiosa, Anya-Taylor Joy’s depicting a period where she has no place and has to crawl through the cracks of “society” to survive, and Joy works well here physically (I would never have described her as “boyish” but she is here) and in her performance. In outline a lot of Chris Hemsworth’s Dementus is all on the surface—you can read a lot into him from first look—but Hemsworth expresses that unsubtle character with reality—again, it’s a performance that seeps in. edit: lol he’s not even in this I just have big dude face blindness

ABz B👹anaz Ah jeez I didn’t even remember Rictus from Fury Road. I still hold to what I said about Bautista’s career, though.