Crusader Kings 2 (and beyond)

I play altogether too much CK2, as well as some Stellaris. No screenshots, but I have a couple fun little stories.

Right now I'm doing a bit of achievement hunting; it's not my normal style of play, but CK2's are often so interesting. I've been playing the Byzantine Empire, converting the ruling dynasty from Orthodox to tiny Nestorian Christianity, and finally to its heresy, Messalianism, so that I could install women into the bishoprics of the Pentarchy. Got "Smash the Patriarchy" that way. Woo!

But the funnest recent achievement was one I got involuntarily. There's one for getting a character one-eyed, one-handed, one-legged. There's apparently an easy way to do this as a pagan which is a bit cheesy; I'd never gone for it. But I was playing Charlemagne for the first time recently, and that dude had just no luck. First, he got a leg chopped off in battle. OK, those are the perils of being a warlike king. It's all in the game.

Then he got sick. Real sick. But he was a brave fellow, and told his quack of a physician to try something new. Pop! Out came the eye, and Chuck wasn't even cured of his disease (pneumonia, I think; what was the doctor doing near the eyes, anyway???). By this time, Chuckles was getting a bit desperate. He'd conquered his brother, Karolman's realm, but the muslims were causing trouble, and there was internal strife a-plenty. His heir was a doofus, and Charles just needed more time.

That's when the "Immortality" chain struck. I'd played it a few times previously, but never managed to get all the way through. My councilors wouldn't find anything, the holy woman they found didn't like me; etc. This time, everything worked out right. My Marshal rounded up a West African shaman. She thought I had what it took to live forever! Sweet! I just needed to sacrifice something. I'd NEVER gotten this far. I had a choice. I didn't have a lot of money, and the most expensive option, for a gazelle, would put me in deep debt. But that's what Jews are for in this game! So I ordered the exotic beast, signed my name on the contract drawn up by the Hebrew locals, and waited.

Finally, African Bambi was brought before me. I lighted the candles, drew the runes, prepared the sacrifice and the knife and... The gazelle, an herbivore I'll remind you, struggled up and ATE MY HAND! I couldn't believe I came this close to finally succeeding at that chain, and a dumb animal did me in! Argh!

Then the achievement unlocked: "Scarrrred for Life." And I thought "well, good consolation prize." And when I teach the Middle Ages to my high schoolers this year, they're gonna get a whole different story about Charles the Great.