Nudeviking vs. Queen

I confess to some small disappointment that this is not a series of 'mash-ups' in which Nudeador discusses his sexual romps with samples from the forthright vocal stylings of Mr. Bulsara.

I, too, endorse this effort, and offer my at least partial support for your dislike, because Queen and glam rock as a whole are not at all my thing. I do like "Fat-Bottomed Girls," however.

For me Queen is basically just stuff that pops up in soundtracks/commercials that I never had any interest in delving into so I’m also looking forward to this.

Queen (1973)


As famed nun, Sister Maria, once said, "Let's start at the very beginning...a very good place to start. When you read you begin with ABC. When you Queen you begin with Queen...the album from 1973." I'm working with some sort of remastered copy from the early 90s so there are a couple of random bonus tracks.  For the duration of this project when bonus tracks occur I will listen to them and comment on them but unless they are particularly good they won't effect my overall opinion of the album as a whole. In other words they will be treated in the same fashion as bonus questions on a middle school math quiz.

Pre-existing Prejudices
Believe it or not, none. I don't think I've ever heard this album at all. The song title "Keep Yourself Alive," looks familiar but in my brain archives I have apparently mistakenly filed Red Hot Chili Peppers' hit song, "Knock Me Down," under Queen "Keep Yourself Alive," since when I try to recall what "Keep Yourself Alive," sounds like all I can think of is "Knock Me Down."  


That being said, the fact that I can go into this album with no baggage at all is pretty nice.

Songs

"Keep Yourself Alive"
The guitar riff kind of reminds me of "Barracuda" by Heart which is a very good thing to remind me of. Heart's a damn fine band. There's a drum solo. Do bands do drum solos anymore? I mean beside Dream Theater or other bands of that sort that no one really cares about? All in all this was a pretty decent way to kick off an album. It's presently my favorite Queen song.

"Doing All Right"
I got worried this was going to be a lame piano ballad when the song began but it quickly busted out Doobie Brothers style vocal harmonies and Latin style guitar stylings before proceeding to rock the fuck out. I really like the distortion that's being used on the guitar in this song.

"Great Rat King"
"Now hear this!" I feel like this is the first jam on this album where Freddie Mercury's vocals were important. On the first two songs the singing's fine, but it's just kind of there playing second fiddle to the guitar. The guitarwork here's no slouch either. The solo's pretty fantastic.

"My Fairy Queen"
First falsetto. This is what I pictured every Queen song to sound like before beginning this project: random piano and guitar noodling with falsetto bellowing. It's also about wizard shit I think. The song doesn't really have a proper ending either. It just kind of stops like everyone involved got bored with it.

"Liar"
Heavy 70s cockrock riffage. There's more random Afro-Cuban drum interludes. The lyrics are surprisingly Christian in nature.  It's not a bad song but it doesn't really do anything for me.

"The Night Comes Down"
I liked the intro to this one a lot, but once the song began in earnest it was kind of "Meh."

"Modern Times Rock 'n' Roll"
Are there any good songs with "Rock 'n' Roll," in the title?  If there are I haven't encountered them.  Mercifully this one's pretty short.

"Son and Daughter"
Blooze rock.  I kind of like the riff and the guitar heroics that are starting up as the song fades out.  More Christian imagery in the lyrics about someone (Jesus?) being a "fisher of men."

"Jesus"
This song is pretty much just like "Jesus was born and three wise men were there and then lepers happened and the He died for your sins...*guitar solo*"  Not the sort of thing I expected from noted gay bisexual coke fiend, Freddie Mercury.

"Seven Seas of Rhye"
A minute long instrumental outro.  Nothing really to say about it.

"Mad the Swine"
I kind of like this one.  The chorus is decent and there are furious bongos.  Who doesn't like furious bongos?  More Jesus shit in the lyrics ("Hold out your hands and praise the Lord." "I get down on my knees and praise the Lord!")

"Keep Yourself Alive (Long Lost Re-take)"
The intro's maybe five seconds longer and the solos might be a little different, but other than that I can't tell the two versions apart.  I liked the non-long lost version so this previously long lost version is not bad either, but not really a necessary thing unless you're some sort of Queen completist.

"Liar" (1991 Bonus remix by John Luongo and Gary Hellman)
The drums are more processed.  It's a hella late 80s/early 90s remix so the drums are all phasered out and shit.  That seems to be the only real change in this remix.  There are no random samples or sick bass drops or anything of that sort.  It's the original version with more dated sounding drums.

Final Thoughts
I am presently of the mind that Queen were secretly a Christian heavy metal band.  Half the songs on this album were vaguely (or overtly) about Jesus.  This album was a lot more 70s cockrock than I was expecting, and honestly if this had been the only Queen I'd ever heard I'd probably have thought they were an okay 70s hard rock band.  Not as good as Zepplin or Aerosmith, but still something that I wouldn't mind hearing if it popped up on the classic rock station as I tooled about town in my Iroc or did some sort of construction based labor.  "Keep Yourself Alive" is the stand out track on this album for me and the one song I'll keep from this particular album if I end up deleting all the other Queen off my computer at the end of this grand experiment.

Noted bi coke fiend, thank you very much.

Queen II (1974)

With one album under my belt I'm already feeling much better about Queen than I had prior to beginning this grand experiment.  Presently I believe that my biggest gripe with Queen comes from overexposure to the hits, much in the same way that I no longer wish to hear "Smells Like Teen Spirit," the bulk of the Queen songs that are played on the radio have long since worn out their welcome.  Queen (the album, not the band) was more or less completely unknown to me and therefore was somewhat more palatable than an album containing all their biggest hits would have been.  This time around the track list is more or less equally unknown to me, so will the trend continue?  Will I enjoy Queen songs so long as they have been ignored by classic rock radio stations?  Let's find out!

Pre-Existing Prejudices
Ogre Battle...the video game series.  I love these games and in a post internet world had heard that the series name as well as the subtitles of individual installments were titles of Queen songs.  This album contains two songs that the video game series borrowed from.  It's not really a prejudice, but I hope "Ogre Battle" and "The March of the Black Queen" are good songs, because I really like that game and don't want to associate it with subpar 70s hard rock if this album turns out to be shit.


Other than that I now apparently have knowledge of the song "Seven Seas of Rhye."  Part of me hopes it is more or less the same outro that appeared on Queen (the album).  That same part of me wants "Seven Seas of Rhye" to continue to appear on Queen albums from here on out, but I doubt that second part will happen.

Songs
A quick note first.  I am, once again, using some sort of 1990s remastered/rerelease version of this album that came complete with bonus tracks.  If you're playing along at home and I start talking about some random bullshit song you don't have, that's probably why.  Now let's begin for real.

"Procession"
"Procession" is more or less useless intro thing that segues directly into the next track. If it had been included in the next track as a single song it would have been fine, as its own song, I think it’s stupid.  This isn't just me bagging on Queen either.  I generally hate instrumental intro/outro tracks on albums and hate them even more when the album's only like 10 songs long.  If your album has like 15 tracks, having one of them as a one minute intro is okay, but a 10 song album with an intro?  Lame.

"Father to Son”"
This song has some fucking awesome heavy metal riffage and wailing "meedly meedly" guitar solos and then there’s this mellow piano part that cools it down a little bit towards the end before the song ramps back up for the outro. It ends with a crossfade, bringing us to the next track…

"White Queen (As It Began)"
I thought this was going to be some sort of bullshit crap ballad, but nope, Queen had other plans in store that involved fucking awesome riffage and kick ass vocal bellowing.

"Some Day One Day"
This song was simultaneously too busy and kind of boring. There was way too much guitar shit going on but the song never really went anywhere.

"The Loser in the End"
This one kind of reminded me of Mountain, "Mississippi Queen," but not quite as rockin’. It’s a fine song for the middle of an album, but if I had to guess it was never a single or a thing Queen frequently played in concert.

"Ogre Battle"
So I have a new favorite Queen song. Sorry "Keep Yourself Alive," you had a good run, but fucking "Ogre Battle," is basically a perfect song. The riff is awesome and the lyrics are about ogres fighting instead of some bullshit like love or a father’s poor relationship with his son or some other crap like that. The falsetto is pretty much perfectly deployed and the goddamn song ends with a gong.

"The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke"
"Nevermore"
These are apparently two different songs. Queen’s really got this creating one single piece of music thing locked down tight.  "The Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke," is the better of the two since "Nevermore," is basically a one minute interlude deal.

"The March of the Black Queen"
I thought the beginning chunk of this song was kind of boring, but once the tempo picks up and they start bellowing about being "the lord of all darkness," and "the Queen of the night," it gets pretty awesome. I’m kind of a sucker for bands where two singers trade singing duties back and forth in a single song like they do in the ending segment of this one. This song kind of felt like a "Bohemian Rhapsody" trial run. Maybe it was the shift in time signature…

"Funny How Love Is"
This song is completely forgettable. I cannot remember a single thing about it.  I tried.  Really I did.  This song has the highest play count of all the songs off this album (save for "Ogre Battle") but I cannot remember anything about it.

"Seven Seas of Rhye"
"Seven Seas of Rhye," is back in complete song form! When this was a one minute outro I thought it was kind of lame. Apparently all it need were vocals about battling titans and shit like that, because this version’s pretty decent.

"See What a Fool I’ve Been"
Bloooooooze! It’s got a similar feel to the bloooooze rock of Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s not really a terrible song, but it doesn’t fit with any of the other songs on the album so it’s understandable why it would have been left off originally.

"Ogre Battle (1991 Remix)"
Remixing in 1991 apparently means adding wah pedal guitars, stupid sounding drums, and whip cracking sound effects. This remix does not improve on the original.

"Seven Seas of Rhye (1991 Remix)"
I was wrong about a 1991 remix merely needing wah peadal guitars and whip cracks. This remix is so late 80s early 90s Eurodisco. I half expect Ya Kid K to begin shouting for someone to “pump up the jam.” It’s a terrible version of the song, but nearly to the point of being "so bad, it’s good."  I mean I am listening Haddaway “What Is Love” now because of it, and now you are too...


Final Thoughts
Queen II improved on Queen in pretty much all aspects.  The songs were more memorable.  The riffs more rockin'.  The copious references to Jesus were replaced with wizards and ogres and shit which is always good.  Were I to delete the bulk of the illegally downloaded Queen from my computer, I would probably keep this album in its entirety...except maybe for the stupid bonus tracks.  God were those awful.

Nudeviking - I am looking forward to you reaching Night At The Opera so much... yes it has That Song, but the rest is a very different mix of stuff, and has two of my absolute non-single faves.

Sheer Heart Attack (1974)

We're up to album number three and for the first time it contains songs that I know I've heard before.  Will my opinions of these songs remain the same?  Will they change for the better?  For the worse?  Let's find out!

Preexisting Prejudices
Hey, songs I know...kind of.  "Stone Cold Crazy," I actually do know and it was one of like three Queen songs I didn't hate at the start of this project.  "Killer Queen," I'm also certain that I've heard before, but I couldn't hum the melody or anything like that, so I'm going to say I will probably have an "Oh, this song!" moment when the song begins.

Songs
"Brighton Rock"
For the most part I felt like this was a decent enough album opener. The riff's pretty good and it has a pretty good vocal hook. That being said I think the song's about two minutes too long. I would have vastly preferred some sort of radio edit that excised the bulk of the guitar noodling from the middle section.

"Killer Queen"
Oh, this song. I do know this. This is pretty much what I think of when I think of a nonspecific Queen song. It's not really terrible. The guitar tone in the solo is outstanding and I like some of the vocal effects during the chorus. It's a pretty well done pop song that doesn't really wear out its welcome.

"Tenement Funster"
I hate this. Stupid lyrics about faster cars and the power of rock. I hate songs about rocking out and songs about cars. Like a lot of the songs I disliked off the first two albums this one was written by the drummer. He doesn't seem to be a very good song writer, or at least not good at writing songs I want to hear. If I were to say one good thing about this one, it's got a decent guitar solo.

"Flick of the Wrist"
Each time I listened to this album I never realized this was a new song until about halfway through it. The minor chords and vaguely middle eastern scales going on in the verses bring to mind all the random grunge bands I listened to in middle school. It's a good enough song, but would probably be a better song if it was completely isolated from the dumpster fire that is "Tenement Funster."

"Lily of the Valley"
Time to slow it down with a mellow piano jam. This feels like it probably closed the A-Side of the album when it was a vinyl record and not a bunch of mp3s. Inoffensive but not really memorable.

"Now I'm Here"
Generic, nondescript 70s hard rock. So many bands did this nonsense better. Heck, Queen did this nonsense better on their first album.

"In The Lap of the Gods"
This song made me uncomfortable like watching creepy YouTube videos. The processing on the vocals was royally fucked up and the music made me nervous. I'm pretty sure some sort of creepy shit is going to happen to me because of listening to this. If I get murdered by some kind of ghost I'm blaming Queen.

"Stone Cold Crazy"
This was precisely how I remembered it. I want to bar fight some dudes or drive too fast in a car. Even with my increased Queen literacy I still think this is one of the best Queen songs.

"Dear Friends"
So boring! This is such a bad choice to follow up something as rocking as "Stone Cold Crazy." It sounds like some kind of church song. At least it's short.

"Misfire"
Meh. Such nondescript guitar rock.  At least it's short.

"Bring Back That Leroy Brown"
Fuck this song so much.

"She Makes Me (Stormtrooper in Stilettos)"
I dig this song. It's kind of shoegazey and feels distinct from a lot of the generic hard rock that made up this album.

"In The Lap of the Gods...Revisited"
It's back in non-creepy form! This time with 724% more "Woah Woah La La La." It's still a pretty mediocre song but not as bad as the creepy version from a few tracks back.

Final Thoughts
I did not like this album as much as Queen I and Queen II. The songs all kind of blurred together save for "Stone Cold Crazy" and "Killer Queen, and "Bring Back Leroy Brown" or whatever that song was called. That one sounded different, but it what it sounded like was bad.  This album wasn't really bad per say (save for "Bring Back Leroy Brown") it was just not really that memorable. I suppose the best thing I can say about this as an album is "That certainly was a collection of rock songs."

Always have time for Brighton Rock. Live versions are worth the time to seek out: Brian plays the fuck out of it.

It really does feel like a song that would be better live, particularly the middle section.  I'm thinking about doing some sort of live Queen once I've finished all the studio albums, provided I haven't gone insane by that point.  YouTube has a few Queen concerts up in their entirety which is probably the best I'm going to be able to do.

I haven't encountered "Sheer Heart Attack" the song yet since it's on another album apparently, but "Stone Cold Crazy," is definitely thrash before thrash was a thing, which I suppose is why Metallica covered it later.

A Night at the Opera (1975)

I've been dreading this album since I started this.  Time for some real talk: "Bohemian Rhapsody," is one of my least favorite songs ever and that song is probably like 50% of the reason why I hated Queen before I began this project (the bulk of the remaining 50% was because of "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," but these numbers need to be recalculated to account for all the Roger Taylor songs I've learned of).  It's going to be hard, but I'm going to go into this album pretending I never heard that song...that I have no knowledge of Wayne's World...that the phrase "I see a silhouette of a man," doesn't bring to mind Dana Carvey's dumb face.  So let's begin with Queen A Night at the Opera!

Preexisting Prejudices
As mentioned above I hate "Bohemian Rhapsody."  I didn't like it the first time I heard it and it's one of the most overplayed "classic rock" songs ever.  None of the subsequent 293,931,123,284.6 times I have heard it since that initial time endeared it to me any further.  Maybe listen #293,931,123,285.6 will do the trick though.  Other than that I might be familiar with "God Save the Queen," though not the Queen version.

Songs
"Death on Two Legs..."
The beginning of this was actually pretty cool. It kind of had a Sonic Youth vibe to it, and then bam...basic Queen song. It's not really a bad song, but in my opinion it never really lived up to the awesomeness of the intro.

"Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon"
Goofy old timey ditty that's too short to really be offensive.

"I'm In Love With My Car"
Why did they keep letting the stupid drummer write songs?  I mean he's not such a good a drummer that they needed to let him write a song per album to appease him so he wouldn't leave the band.  They could have gotten any joker with a drum kit to do what he did.  This song is garbage and a half though it does contain the most homoerotic lyric thus far with the line, "With my hands on your grease gun, oh it's like a disease son."

"You're My Best Friend"
Oh this song isn't called, "Ooh You Make Me Live." I know this song but all these years thought it was a Partridge Family song or some other pop group of their ilk. I guess it's an inoffensive enough pop song, but not really anything I feel like I need in my record collection since I can't dance, drive, fight, or fuck to it.

"'39"
Melancholy cowboy hoedown music. No. Sorry Queen, you're British. You're not allowed to do melancholy cowboy hoedown music. It's cultural appropriation at best and problematic at worst. It's like an American playing cricket or being James Bond or something.

"Sweet Lady"
Forgettable cock rock save for one ridiculous lyric: "You call me sweet like I'm some sort of cheese."

"Seaside Rendezvous"
Fuck! Another goofy old timey ditty. Maybe it's just me but isn't it excessive to have two goofy old timey ditties on a single album that isn't entirely composed of goofy old timey ditties?

"The Prophet's Song"
Finally! Queen goes back to rocking hard and singing about Jesus and/or wizard shit and the results are amazing. The chorus of Freddie Mercurys is used way better than the similar choir that appears on "Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Love of My Life"
I feel like I've heard this song a bajillion times before and yet have absolutely no memory of it. Nothing in this song rises above the level of nondescript piano ballad. I'm sure I will hear this song a bajillion more times before I die and will still have with no memory of it.

"Good Company"
This sounds like a shitty post-Beatles Paul McCartney song. Garbage.

"Bohemian Rhapsody"
This is it: the song I was most dreading when I started this project. Having now listened to A Night At The Opera I understand why this was the single. That's not to say I think it's a good song. I don't. It's just that it's miles better than nearly everything else on this dumpster fire of an album.  Some of the random song chunks aren't bad.  The "Mama...I just killed a man," part is okay and I would have rather that segment have been worked out into an actual independent song without the bullshit that follows.

"God Save The Queen"
A part of me hoped that this was the thing where you find out that some song by a band you like was actually written by some other band. This was not the case and this was a noodly version of the song we in America know better as "My Country 'Tis of Thee," rather than the Sex Pistol song. Pointless and a terrible way to close the album, since for as much as I dislike "Bohemian Rhapsody," it works well as an album closer.

Final Thoughts
I'm broken. Going into this I thought I would have lasted a bit longer, but A Night At The Opera broke me.  Oddly enough it wasn't even "Bohemian Rhapsody," that did it.  It was Brian May and his goddamn guitar and Roger Taylor and his horrible songs about his stupid desire to fuck a car.  Brian May's guitar sound was pretty cool back on Queen I, but it hasn't changed at all since then and every non-piano based song is starting to sound more or less the same. More and more the albums are full of half formed songs bits that go nowhere and bullshit...and the songs by the drummer. God, the drummer songs! Can we please stop with that nonsense? I think I might need a brief sabbatical before continuing with this fool's errand.

Now it makes sense that Muse was included in the soundtrack for Southland Tales.

'You're My Best Friend' takes me straight back to dark mornings of breakfast before school as a kid - the warm glow of nostalgia, in this case, being an outright lie, as dark mornings of breakfast before school as a kid were fucking horrible. Still think it's a good song, though.