ganews vs. Metallica

Load (1996)



Pre-existing Prejudices
Jesus, this album is 79 minutes long. I only recognize three track titles and they're just OK, and this album came 5 years after its predecessor, so that doesn't really bode well. On the other hand, this is the album for which they cut their hair, oh my god. And that could not possibly mean less to me, so I sort of want this famously reviled album to actually be really good just to show how stupid music fans can be.

Songs
"Ain't My Bitch" - This title isn't a great start if we're to avoid Some Kind of Munster's charge of "butt-rock". You know, I've actually heard this song before after all. It sounds extremely generic. Is this the guitar solo? Is Kirk Hammett playing this? If we're going to draw a line to Nickelback, this is where to start. Ha-ha! This is the least like Metallica they have ever sounded. I think somehow it's the vocal of "what's wrong?" that really gets me. It sounds like Garth Brooks, or something.

"2 X 4" - I like this bluesy rhythm, and I like the swishy backing vocal. It doesn't have to be as heavy as "Murder Train A-Comin'". Heh-heh! There are snatches of guitar that sound like the Black Album, so despite being extremely distinctive this still sounds recognizably like Metallica. You know what this is a progenitor of? "Voodoo" by Godsmack.

"The House Jack Built" - Hetfield sings a bit in places. It's a chug, not a chugga. There are some experimental sounds going on here with the guitar, and an out-of-nowhere talkbox. That is the last thing I expected. This should have been the opener track, not just because of the repetition of "let the show begin", but because it would have most clearly announced that things were about to get crazy. The fade out-sounds made for a live performance.

"Until It Sleeps" - Here's a 90s radio staple, alright. The western strum flourish is a nice effect and a nice contrast with the harder (no longer "heavier") chorus. Hetfield's singing is suited to his abilities here. The whole band gets featured pretty well, with toms from Lars, a melodic solo for Hammett, and support from Newsted.

"King Nothing" - Oh hey, I remember this one too. Cool sound, but I find myself running out of ways to uniquely describe the smoother, poppier. This has a more distinctive solo at least. I suppose I could be keeping a running tally of Hetfield yelling "yeah!" but I don't feel like it. The child's rhyme is not as effective here as in "Sandman". The outro vocals sound like Hetfield is admonishing us for buying salsa made in New York City.

"Hero of the Day" - I like the background "they try and break me". This is a well-done, well-constructed song. The sudden breakdowns to something closer metal from the early melody is awesome, brief though it is. The multi-tracked vocals/echos accompanying it are cool., and we have more examples of actual singing in Hetfield's range.

"Bleeding Me" - I'm going to have to start commenting on Hetfield singing and leave it to the tally at the bottom, because he's actually doing pretty well for himself. Who could have predicted a "whoa, whoa" performance like this from him ten years past? (Of course no Metallica fan then wanted to, but I'm talking about ability.) Hammett makes the guitar pout. This song is definitely too long.

"Cure" - This modulated, spoken-word intro is another stark difference from what's come before. The bass is high, but I wish that it (and the rest of the instrumentation) were more interesting. It's another track dominated by vocal innovation (for them).

"Poor Twisted Me" - I'm getting a feeling that this track at the 45-minute mark should be the final, but we have a long way to go. I can't say exactly what it is. There's a lot here I can't quite put my finger on. The singing-into-megaphone vocals recalls Stone Temple Pilots, and t just crystallized for me how much STP's first two albums bridged the gap from 1991 to 1996 Metallica albums.

"Wasting My Hate" - This is yet another totally new vocal sound in the intro. Hey! Ha-ha! (Thank goodness for that laugh, the tallies were becoming unbalanced.) Nothing remarkable otherwise.

"Mama Said" - Count off and solo acoustic intro, soft singing: even I'm prepared to hate this one. But whaaaaat, when the band kicks in it has a country twang. The vocals are so dominant, it's easy to overlook the instrumental experimentation. They even have orchestral strings in the back for the second time in their career.

"Thorn Within" - Sounds more like the Black Album with the heavy toms. Hetfield really holds a note on the outtro. I make this as another progenitor track, this time for Stone Sour (the early oughts soft side of SlipKnot).

"Ronnie" - Interesting echo on the kick bass to start. The experimentation just keeps coming: there's the Vibraslap that was about to be a major component of Cake, for crying out loud. I'm not impressed with the mid-song spoken verse. It's a bit mish-mash.

"The Outlaw Torn" - I guess Newsted always reserves the last track for getting the most prominent feature of his bass. Jesus, this song is nine minutes long, it's way too slow for that. It also appears we've now completely broken with thrash, as it doesn't even get a closing-track shout out.

Summary: With continued vocal innovation for Metallica and the most singing yet, this is James Hetfield: The Album 2. This album is a helluva lot of experimentation, more than anything previous in their career. it doesn't always work ("Ronnie", "Ain't My Bitch"), but it does produce a few great songs. I expect all of this will be forgotten, as it was apparently hated by fans and followed up by a rapid string of albums. Too bad, because while the Black Album might have been the precursor to Hard Rock this solidified it. Sadly, I won't be running out to buy this one either, as I spent many hears on an isolated radio station listening to Hard Rock and its derivatives.

By the third track it's easy to see why the old guard of Metallica fans completely gave up, but I'm here to review the album on its merits. I think I may in fact be the perfect man for this job, having graduated high school/been in college at the height of aggressive, bro-y, butt-rock. I am now convinced that Metallica is the ultimate example of a band that grew artistically and was hated by the fans for it. Just as I do not blame Rage Against the Machine for Limp Bizkit; Nirvana for Puddle of Mudd; or Pearl Jam for Creed; I do not blame Metallica for creating Hard Rock that was imitated by Nickelback and many others. It will be interesting to see how this band goes on to create something called "Death Magnetic".

Favorite overall song: "Hero of the Day" wins by mixing melody and hard rock breakdowns
Favorite new-to-me song: "2 x 4", for the crazy
Running tally of Hetfield laughs: 7
Running tally of Hetfield sings: 9

You know what's better than Sabbath's "N.I.B."? The Primus cover featuring Ozzy.

Reload (1997)



Pre-existing Prejudices

Hoo boy, this is going to be another way-too-long album. It's got some good songs I know and a whole lotta other stuff. Coming just one year after Load (and based on what I remember of the tracks I recognize) I expect this is going to attempt to return to something closer to thrash. "Hero of the Day" has been stuck in my head all damn week, and I predict "The Memory Remains" is about to take its place.

Songs
"Fuel" - GimmeFYOOgimmeFIREgimmedahwahjahdahZAH, OOOO. Now that that's out of the way, this is a pretty good poke at metal. It's really stripped compared to everything we've heard from the previous two albums. Late in the song the tempo picks up nicely. I hear echoes of "Master of Puppets". A lot of Hetfield's pronunciations are pretty funny. Bonus comment from a YouTube: "Gimme Fuel Gimme Fire Gimme Double Charizard".

"The Memory Remains" - Hetfield's voice pitch is really high in a way we haven't heard since the 80s. It is even more apparent in comparison to my memory of the live performance on S&M. I'm sure I didn't know the "da da da da" was Marianne Faithfull when I first heard this; I'm pretty sure I thought it was Lars. I love the way her voice breaks a little bit. I like the stank Hetfield puts on his pronunciation of "remayuuuns". The fade-out is cool. (The crown performing the "da da da da" live is powerful on S&M.)

"Devil's Dance" - Heavy on the bass stomp, but it's the guitar churn that makes it. This song is also quite the throwback, but it makes use of multi-tracked vocals for the first time so far this album. The pause to say "let's day-unce" is rather corny. Ha-ha! Hetfield equals out the laugh/sing tallies. The solo is a stringy, creepy thing.

"The Unforgiven II" - Oh man, this is a really bad idea. I didn't hate the original, but I certainly don't need to hear the bar band cover sequel. I have to chalk another to "Hetfield sings". This is track 4, not even filler. I hope this is the least essential song on the album, or this will be a bad time. This is long too, the first time a Metallica track has not only made me bored but angry. The cymbal roll at the end is an extra finger in the eye.

"Better Than You" - This is another very strange intro and another time Metallica sounds like early 90s Stone Temple Pilots. Hetfield has grown his growl back. The backing vocal washes were another inspiration for Godsmack. This apparently won the 99 Grammy for Best Metal Performance, but I think it kinda sucks. I know Metallica doesn't do speed anymore, but speed sure makes the time go faster. This outtro takes forever. Heh-ha! (Bet you thought I would miss that quiet laugh, James.)

"Slither" - OK, so we got here less-hard "Enter Sandman" instrumentation. It is embarrassing just how much this is self-plagiarism. Maybe if they had spent more than a year on this they wouldn't have 1/3 of their lead tracks sound just like other songs. This vocal effect is pure Godsmack. It has a good solo, but so did "Better Than You".

"Carpe Diem Baby" - Do we make the "hang loose" sign while we sing this song? Or is this a play on U2's Achtung Baby? Did Hetfield just tell me to suck it? (Yes, he did. I checked on Genius. No one has bothered to annotate these lyrics.) Why is there a cough at the end of this?

"Bad Seed" - Metallica continues poking fun at themselves by saying just "bad" in the intro. Again we have STP distant-megaphone vocal effect. Lars uses a little double-kick. Hetfield throws in a stutter-line. This isn't great but hasn't made me hate it yet, meaning it is currently front-runner for "favorite new-to-me song". Again with the coughing? I can hear Elaine Bennis, "he's a fine seed!"

"Where the Wild Things Are" - We're hardly going wild yet, and when he gets to the title line it's clear we're getting quite a disparity. The vocal performance almost sounds like someone else. More STP distant-megaphone in the under-vocal. "So wake up sleepy one" indeed.

"Prince Charming" - We're putting on a little speed, though this spoken-word verse really sucks energy back out. Ha-ha! That's too bad, because this has the makings of a good song. The first solo stretches on but isn't very interesting. The shift to stomp is the first time we've had a change-up in I-don't-know-when. Hey-hey, it's not quite a laugh! This song has OK ingredients, especially the second solo, but this track is adding up to the most squandered potential on the album.

"Low Man's Lyric" - Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words. This is not a bad little piece. What is this, an electrified harmonica? (Wikipedia says it is a hurdy-gurdy, which is awesome.) Wait a minute, I've heard this song before somehow, I recognize the cadence of the line "seek reality". This song is another inspiration for Stone Sour. You know some drunken Metallica fan dragged to karaoke has performed this. The mid-song changes are nice. Late in the song the strings are clear. I'm sorry I realized I've heard this, because now it can't make "favorite new-to-me song".

"Attitude" - Here's some nostalgic chug, generic but inoffensive. So, above par for this album. It's got those high 80s-callback vocals again like "Fuel" and "Memory".

"Fixxxer" - Can you believe this is still going? The guitar squeal sounds like a certain bit in Queen's "Princes of the Universe", I swear. We get the once-an-album quiet for a few seconds to focus on Newsted's bass. The song isn't totally without tricks, showing another weird vocal effect. And of course, it stretches as far as possible. I long for the days of being bored by solos and changes instead of being bored by extra bars.

Summary: James Hetfield seems to have finished doing more innovative vocals, relying on previous ricks and throwing it some weird pronunciations, but what of Metallica is left? This generally sounds like tracks Stone Temple Pilots would have rejected (and I am a major STP apologist). This album has some good points, but the filler is weak. I'm afraid I must put it at the bottom for the offense of "The Unforgiven II" and "Slither".

Favorite overall song: "The Memory Remains" narrowly beats out the dark horse "Low Man's Lyric". "Fuel" could have beaten them both if it were a little harder and faster.
Favorite new-to-me song: "Bad Seed", basically by default. The best of a bad and/or unimaginative lot.
Running tally of Hetfield laughs: 11
Running tally of Hetfield sings: 10

Garage Inc. (1998)



Pre-existing Prejudices

If there is any album likely to make me regret this project, this is it. I considered doing an exhaustive Springsteen review and balked at his super-long albums. As a record of covers, this isn't even part of the real Metallica discography, but with a couple a radio hits I feel obliged to include it. While I would like for this two be two hours of James Hetfield's ridiculous whispering like on "Damage Inc", I'm settling in for covers of songs I know and don't know. As this is another record released just one year after the previous and includes old out-of-print material, I guess this was another gasp at wooing old fans. The band looks pretty dumb in the cover art, but I understand why Newsted looks so angry.

Songs
DISK 1
"Free Speech for the Dumb" - This has a screechy chug, meanwhile Lars might be playing a different song. I like the title though. I would seek out the original if I wasn't about to spend 2 hours doing something else.

"It's Electric" - Hetfield gets a singing tally mark for holding those notes. So this is Diamondhead, thrash without so much speed. I am unimpressed by the rock n' roll lyrics. The solo and accompanying breakdown are sweet though, and the back half of the song is pretty good.

"Sabbra Cadabra" - Sabbath! This is pretty awesome. I wish I was hearing Ozzy's high voice singing. Silly love lyrics don't sound right from Hetfield, who should never say the phrase "she make me feel happy". Here's another one to look up later. This mid-song change rocks. Ha-ha! Another change, back to the first part. Nice. The band is really inhabiting someone else here.

"Turn the Page" - Now let's bring the room down with Bob Seger's wanking-est song, about how hard it is to be a successful rock star. An appropriate choice for Metallica at this point. This is the first song I know, both the original and the cover. It is extremely straightforward, yet has very much a Metallica sound. "All the same old cliches / Is that a woman or a man?" So that's why the guys cut their hair: homophobia. That checks with the anecdote from Sebastian Bach.

"Die, Die My Darling" - This is cool Danzig, though it is also straightforward. Man, why did they have to put that Seger turd between this and Sabbath?

"Loverman" - Shit, a Nick Cave song? I don't already know this one but my respect just went up. Also cowbell. This kicks ass. Are all the covers going to just be very straightforward but with Hetfield throwing in his vocal affectations, "yay-uh", "oooo!", "baybeh", "ha-ha!", etc.? Because this can't possibly be due to Metallica's creative interpretations. Still cool though. This track is teaching me that I could be spending all this time listening to Nick Cave; maybe I'll put that on the list.

"Mercyful Fate" - Ooh, this thrash intro is sweet. Man, remember when Metallica was like this? They should play like this again! The song drops to more of a chug with guitar squeal during the verse, but it's still pretty cool. Then it kicks up again and I think I need to explore some more from Lars' countrymen Mercyful Fate. This song is from '82/83, and its changes and structure are a helluva lot better than what Metallica was up to at the time - perhaps because I am hearing the performance of a more mature band? Oh, I see this is actually a medley of songs, which explains why it goes on way too long. Maybe instead of exploring another band I should explore a genre next, like moimoi and Scotland...

"Astronomy" - I'm familiar with BOC. This can't help but feel like a letdown after getting your face melted. It's OK. Hetfield's bellows of "hey!" sound like he is vomiting. I bet Newsted really enjoys playing other people's songs; he's used to it, but these feature him more prominently. The end is really cool, I wonder how much is in the original.

"Whiskey in the Jar" - This the other radio hit sort of sums it all up: a harder edge on a familiar sound. Very straightforward. Thin Lizzy is great. Shah-rang-ah ma doodah da-dah, hyah hyah. Metallica could just quit and become a cover band.

"Tuesday's Gone" - One of my least favorite Skynyrd songs. It is a song for sad drunks at the end of the party, a genre Metallica has had real success with. This is a live radio performance from '97. The plunky intro sounds like shit. Hey, they got a harmonica, that's nice. The rest of the sound is straight on. "Inessential" isn't a strong enough word for this. We have gone from bar cover band to stupid karaoke with this supergroup jerk-off with all these other names in the studio. It's a shame, because a kinda hard rock, mid-tempo cover in the vein of 90s Metallica could have been cool. I think I heard a muted laugh, plus there was a weird yip earlier, so I'm tallying a laugh. Jesus Fucking Christ, I thought this harmonica sounded like John Popper and I was right. He really was everywhere in the 90s. I like you John, but no. This is even worse than "The Unforgiven II". My god, let it end. They're transitioning into a "Free Bird" lyric, but they won't even do the blowout solo. The song finally limps to the grave among applause.

"The More I See" - This is a boring chug, but there is nothing they could do to win me back anyway. Ha! It has a bonus track, per the law that all 90s artists must have a bonus track. Even thought the disk was an hour long already, and we're only halfway. I need a break.

Disk 1 Summary: This has been a pretty inessential album of straightforward performances I suspect, though I definitely enjoyed much of it. Listen to it once, seek out the originals: cover album. Metallica just having fun, paying a little tribute, maybe trying to throw some exposure. I intend to eliminate it from the final album preference ranking.

Favorite overall song from Disk 1: "Loverman"
Favorite new-to-me song: "Loverman" beats "Mercyful Fate" by virtue of my preference for Nick Cave, but also a medley would be cheating.

DISK 2 - A collection of old covers and stuff, thrown together. At least Disk 1 was constructed like an album.

"Helpless" - It's fast, but there's not much of interest in the first half. I feel kind of numb. There's a little bass break which is nice. This is actual thrash with an audible Newsted on bass, which has never happened before. It is from 1987, after all. Nice to hear some double-kicks, but they are stupidly intrusive on the solo.

"The Small Hours" - I'm not a fan of the warped clangs of the guitar in the intro. The actual song is a real chug. Listen to that bass, tho, damn, what coulda been. Ah-ha! It charges in a little speed later and gets really cool.

"The Wait" - This is really good. The washed-out effect on the vocal is OK. Maybe I need to check out the Killing Joke. Hetfield gets another sing tally for holding the note over rapid kicks, chronologically his first in terms of recording date! The kicks are often so fast they are barely distinguishable.

"Crash Course in Brain Surgery" - This is beyond chug. It's more of a "thunk". It rips a super-speed solo that was surely tacked on to the original? And another bass solo. Man, Jason Newsted must have thought he'd died and gone to heaven in 1986.

"Last Caress/Green Hell" - Oh Danzig, you charmer. The contrast of darkness and sunny chords is great. Then it thrashes a bit for fun in part two of the mashup. I should listen to some Misfits.

"Am I Evil?" - Now we are cast back to 1984 and Burton territory. This is some old military snare and guitar, like other tracks of the era. Then a hammer solo. Then a song. Then some thrash. Pretty cool to hear the speed and Hetfield before he sounded like a parody of 1991-Hetfield, even if there's nothing intrinsically fascinating.

"Blitzkrieg" - Yep, 1984 Metallica still. Ha-ha! This solo is also fast but rather uninspired. It's nice to hear metal that could soundtrack an RPG again. The belch wasn't cute.

"Breadfan" - And Newsted era again, but prior to the Black album. But I don't hear the bass this time. Wait, what the hell...it went from 1988 to 1991 with a snap...and then back. Crazy.

"The Prince" - Whoa, fast and noodley. I heard bass for a second! But I can't really pick it out when not isolated. I guess they couldn't put this on Justice because even that much bass would be too much. This is a pretty good song, though.

"Stone Cold Crazy" - Holy shit, somebody call Nudeviking, he needs to hear this. Hetfield does OK in spots, but the title words really need the high chorus. The guitar pauses for drum solo - it's Justice-era all right. This might be the best cover here in the sense that it really takes a distinctive song and filters it though the sound of the covering band, at least as far as I can tell from the songs where I know the original well. This certainly isn't better than Queen, but it's a good performance.

"So What" - Tsk, language! Kind of ironic considering Hetfield's reputed homophobia. This is a cool a little song. It's actually funny to hear these lyrics through a burly Hetfield growl. Ah-ha-ha-ha! I can hear a bass this time.

"Killing Time" - More late 80s fun in the sound. Interesting how wordy it is compared to Metallica songs. The cadence (not the speed) kind of remind me of early hip-hop.

"Overkill" - From here on out it's 90s-cover Motorhead time. Hetfield thinks back to Kill Em' All and does his best Lemmy impression again. But what's the point of doing a straight vocal impression in addition to a straight cover? We could go listen to the original at any time, you know. The song itself is good. We get some bass again.

"Damage Case" - see above
"Stone Dead Forever" - see above
"Too Late Too Late" - see above. Yes I did listen to these to check whether Hetfield would laugh for my tally, but I guess he was too respectful.

Disk 2 Summary: The 1987 EP that is the first five tracks is a real revelation. Thrash bass with Jason Newsted! He sounds great, no wonder everyone was angry at how the band treated him. Why did they do Justice that way after that cool EP? The rest is a'ight. Disk 2 is also not going to be part of the final album ranking, but it turns out to be at least half important.

Favorite overall song from Disk 2: "The Wait"
Favorite new-to-me song: "The Wait", but if I were 12 it might be "So What"
Running tally of Hetfield laughs: 19
Running tally of Hetfield sings: 12

(Springsteen's albums aren't super-long.)

INTERMISSION



In 1999 Metallica released S&M, a live album recorded with the San Francisco Symphony that essentially functioned as a "greatest hits" before they actually released a Greatest Hits. 1999 currently stands as the halfway point between their debut album and the present; it was the last album with Jason Newsted on bass; it was the last time Metallica was on the radio (I assume, but I stopped listening to the radio over the following decade); it was before the Napster revolt; it contained songs from the last time I wanted to listen to Metallica; and it is the most recent Metallica album I have heard material from. So now is as good time a time as any to pause and reflect. This was also the year that I turned 16 and started driving, when I would have gone from hearing a little Metallica in spots to hearing a lot of Metallica in radio singles and "Mandatory" play-blocks. So although I'm not reviewing S&M as an album (though it would be fun to compare album and live tracks like Il sole sotto la terra), I thought it would be appropriate to stop and review the two previously-unreleased tracks that appeared in this concert, especially since one of them was a huge radio hit.

"No Leaf Clover" - I liked this a lot at the time, and it was fun to sing in the car. The title must have taken me a while to figure out, as it is basically an unrelated pun. Listening here, I really love the woodwind in the opening before we really get going with guitars. I like the sort of boxy vocal effect in the chorus also. The late cello rumble is great. It's all very well-integrated. The lyrics weren't deep or anything, but whatever. Your life is just a murdertrain a'comin'.

"- Human" - Oh yeah, I kinda remember this now. There's a ha-ha, but sorry no tally. This song is much less well-integrated with the orchestra, they seem barely related in places. And then it just ends. I'm getting that Godsmack vibe again.

The Wikipedia article for "No Leaf Clover" says it was preceded on the Billboard charts by Creed's "Higher" and succeeded by AC/DC's "Stiff Upper Lip". So there. I go forward into the unknown beginning with another timeskip to an album that alienated fans.

St. Anger (2003)



Pre-existing Prejudices
I have no expectations. I guess it might be a continuation of the 90s. What will the band sound like now that their imitators and derivatives have gotten big? This record is supposed to be really bad, but I don't know why. I know this was the subject of the documentary that is the namesake of our own Some Kind of Munster, so there was probably a lot of band turmoil. Newsted is gone and apparently the producer played bass here, but I'm used to little in that department now (I still can't get over Newsted on that EP that came before Justice.) This also came after the Napster blow-up when Metallica called everyone dicks for downloading/stealing music and everyone got mad because they were right but were rich so that makes it OK. Get with the gig economy, Metallica! At least the album cover is good. Side note: this marks 20 years since the Metallica debut.

Songs
"Frantic" - That's a lot of snare. Is this a lost track off Justice? Interesting to hear Hetfield with the deeper growl of age but no double-tracking. "My lifestyle determines my deathstyle" is the most Dethklok lyric yet. Hetfield sings a few bars in the refrain. The tic-tic-tic reminds me of Karen O on Yeah Yeah Yeah's contemporary track "Tick", like a lot, especially as the vocal gets more strained. They put on a bit of speed at the end, haven't had that in a while. Yet the track sounds unfinished.

"St. Anger" - Still plenty o' snare, then a little speed back and forth with Stone Sour mode. This one mixes it up a bit, but this should be all speed or all slow. What is with the bell-sounding toms on this and "Frantic"? I think I just remembered why people don't like this album: no guitar solos. "Madly in anger with you" is another Nathan Explosion lyric. This song is going on too long, then Hetfield lets out a real nu-metal scream, then it just ends.

"Some Kind of Monster" - Is the monster tape hiss on the guitar intro? This drops the extra snare for extra bell-toms. Hetfield continues to reject double-tracking in favor of ragged vocals. The guitar keeps chugging, Lars provides the speed bursts. The "yeahs" sound like Godsmack, which has been on the radio for years at this point. This track also does not know where to go. The growled lyrics late in the song have a bit of Bon Scott in them. What is with that ending?

"Dirty Window" - The bell-toms are even more ding-a-ling. Lars might have a triangle in his kit. Remember the dinner-clang in the instrumental theme to King of the Hill? The guitar is hardly there. Hetfield sings a bit during the rhythm-stick solos. AH HA HA HIIII, it's Hetfield's biggest laugh ever.

"Invisible Kid" - The snare-dongs strike every beat. I keep going back and forth between snare and tom, they both ring so much. This sounds like I have really bad headphones. This is some of Hetfield's most sustained singing, definitely outside ballads. There's a whole different wailing in part two, and this song is also damn long.

"My World" - This would be OK if Lars would lay off the bells. "It's my world, ya caaaaaan't have it" sounds like "Magic Bus" by the Who. This is oddly profane. Metallica actually doesn't cuss a whole lot in their original songs. I like the vicious whisper answered with a yell. This song really fits in well with the nu-metal of 1993. I rate it "OK".

"Shoot Me Again" - I'm surprised how we're upping the sing tally. This spoken-word vocals sound like a domestic disturbance. Like the previous track, it makes good use of vocal juxtaposition. Once again the guitar chugs while the drums do the work.

"Sweet Amber" - I guess this is as close as we'll get to a guitar solo in this intro. Once again it's only the drums that bring the speed, but even that doesn't last. There's more touches of Justice in places. This song just can't...quite...end...

"The Unnamed Feeling" - This has a low farty rumble. It also has caustic whisper-screams and a pure aughts beat. This is Metallica's nu-metal album, if that wasn't clear by now, except this time they sound two years late instead of three years early like on Load/Reload. Hetfield still finds time to sing a few bars.

"Purify" - DING. DONG. The witch is dead. This also has good mixed vocals, with sustained notes and ragged edges. This would also be OK for the time without the bells. Mu ha ha ha! More double-kicks.

"All Within My Hands" - Lars should start an island steel drum side project. One more singing interlude. If I had an early-aughts rock radio playlist in my hands I'm sure I could make more comparisons. More double kick rumble. Finally it's over...just kidding! kill kill kill...wait for it...not yet...just a few more seconds...thud.

Summary: Much-delayed from Justice, it's Lars Ulrich: The Album 2. He really missed playing double-kicks, I guess. This was pretty bad, guys. Remember that band Apocalyptica that started off covering Metallica songs on cello? This is 50% Lars playing Metallica with a choir of dinner-bells. It's not just that there are no solos, but the guitar is just quiet all over. Most of the tracks sound unfinished and just end after going on too long. There are a few nu-metal tracks that are alright otherwise. You know who I liked on the radio in 2003-2004? Taproot.

Favorite overall song: "Frantic", because of the other things it sounds like, and because I hadn't gotten as tired of the elements yet.
Favorite new-to-me song: "Frantic". They're all new to me from here out.
Running tally of Hetfield laughs: 21
Running tally of Hetfield sings: 18

ganews You should really watch Some Kind of Monster it's probably better than album or at least funnier. Lars' dad is a Lord of the Rings wizard.

1. You're one of the good ones, ganews.
2. Goddamn that attitude hasn't aged well. Kinda sucks when everyone is being told to put up with that shit! (this comment is brought to you by the Writers' Guild of America)

On to bassist #4 (not counting the producer) with another Return to Thrash™ album. That last one didn’t work out so well. It came out during the period starting around 2004 where some of the old guard bands (from giants like Anthrax, Kreator and Sodom to second- and third-tier bands like Exodus, Testament, Overkill, Death Angel, Forbidden and Heathen) who had been lost in the wilderness put out well-received “thrash comeback” albums, perhaps spurred by the young bands of the retro-thrash movement. Like those albums, Death Magnetic was received pretty well, and I remember comparisons to …And Justice for All. I’m actually kinda looking forward to listening to this. *Glances at tracklist* Oh, shit. IT’S AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES AGAIN. *looks longingly at all 27:09 of Chemical Exposure by Sadus* Oh, well. As long as it’s not an hour and fifteen minutes of Lars farting into a microphone, it’ll be better than St. Anger.


What I was listening to at the time, instead of Metallica


Sometime in 2005, I ran across my non-Bolt Thrower death metal tapes, and threw them on the stereo for a lark. Before I knew exactly what happened, it was nothing but CHRISTRAPING BLACK METAL. Marduk, Mayhem, Enthroned, Immortal, Watain, Anaal Nathrakh, Emperor, Taake, Mgla, Gorgoroth, Enslaved, and also Bolt Thrower.


Pre-existing Prejudices


I know this got shit on a bunch for being completely brickwalled, but I don’t know if that’s going to negatively impact a YouTube stream. I once caught the tail end of “All Nightmare Long” on the radio, and I remember thinking, “Hey, this sounds like Metallica.”, so that’s probably a good sign. In looking at the tracklist, I also see “Unforgiven III”, which is a bad sign. I also see that there are only two tracks that come in under 6:30, which is also a bad sign.


The Songs


“That Was Just Your Life” – Whoa, this intro does sound like Metallica (with a little Anthrax mixed in). The snare still sounds kinda messed up, like Lars didn’t want to admit St. Anger was a mistake, but he dialed it back a little anyway. This is not especially heavy, but at least it’s pretty fast. A SOLO! HALLELUJAH! And it’s pretty good, too. ANOTHER SOLO! Whoa, it’s an embarrassment of riches! Plus I think we’ve already had as many riffs as all of St. Anger. This is pretty good, but seven minutes is a bit much.


“The End of the Line” – The bass is actually kind of audible, which is a nice change, but it just follows the rhythm guitar. Trujillo has a style that’s ever so slightly bouncy. Not as pronounced as Frank Bello, but it’s there. They lift a little bit from “Master of Puppets” here and there. I kind of hate the solo, and the grandspa’s guitars and speak-singing towards the end. There’s some fat here that could use trimming.


“Broken, Beat and Scarred” – There is some nice riffing here, a decent solo, and it’s reasonably fast, but I’m just not feeling this one. The lyrics are pretty dumb, it’s overlong and it lacks cohesiveness.


“The Day That Never Comes” – Oh, no, a ballad. Grandspa’s guitar everywhere. Hetfield sings. Ever notice how Metallica’s thrash ballads are basically “Free Bird”? Gentle intro, slow verse, slightly rocking chorus, maybe throw in a slow solo, back to slow verse, to slightly rocking chorus, modestly rocking bridge, to full-on rocking and a bunch of soloing. I’d put this one somewhere in the middle of Metallica’s stack of ballads- below “One”, “Sanitarium” and “Fade to Black”, but above the rest.


“All Nightmare Long” – This intro reminds me a little of Primus, but a lot less slappy. Oh, yes, thrash riffing! I hate everything about the verses, and the chorus. Solo’s pretty good though. This really gets a hell of a lot better in the parts where Hetfield shuts up.


“Cyanide” – Weird wah-wah riff to start it off, and then BASS!? Parts of this remind me of “Seek and Destroy” and what might have happened if a slowed-down “Ace of Spades” had its way with RATM. Maybe because it’s like fragments of seven songs all crammed together? This is an unfocused mess, but Kirk’s solo sounds like it could have been on …And Justice For All.


“The Unforgiven III” – Piano? Noooooooooooooooooo. Strings? Noooooooooooooooo. Horns? Nooooooooooooooo. Oh, man. This is horrible. Even a decent solo can’t redeem this garbage.


“The Judas Kiss” – This doesn’t start out so well, but improves at about 0:45. Then Hetfield starts in, unfortunately. There's some nice riffage here, but he’s singing all over it. The soloing starts out pretty lame, but winds up being pretty kickass. At 8 minutes, there’s a lot of lard here.


“Suicide & Redemption” – Whoa, bass again. Oh, it’s an instrumental. Cool. No Hetfield bellowing all over the place like a wounded buffalo. Hmmm, this is just a bunch of unrelated riffs. Very much on the “To Live is to Die” end of the Metallica instrumental spectrum.


“My Apocalypse” – OK, so this is weird. The intro reminds me of The Cars for some reason. Can’t quite put my finger on which song, but it’s probably on the first record. Hey, Hetfield sounds kinda like Tom Araya. That’s always a good thing. I guess this is the closing thrasher, and it does actually have some thrash riffs. It’s not a surprise, but the shortest song is also the most focused and concise, and one of the best.


Final Thoughts


I guess this is the sequel to …And Justice For All we were expecting back when we got the black album instead. Even the album structure is pretty much the same. It’s got the same flaws, but magnified, plus Hetfield's vocals just grate. The production sucks, but in a different way. My ears were like actually physically tired from listening to it, and I didn’t even have it turned up very loud. The songs could use some trimming. Or a lot of trimming. I really think Cliff served as the band’s internal editor in a way that no one has been able to do since he died. I can’t really envision seeking out anything here other than “That Was Just Your Life” or “My Apocalypse”, but I wouldn’t switch to another station if I heard “All Nightmare Long” on the radio again. Most of the rest is unfocused filler, or just sucks (*ahem, “Unforgiven III”*). Still, this is leagues better than the previous four albums.

What I was listening to at the time, instead of Metallica


Aggressively-weird black metal (Oranssi Pazuzu), just plain aggressive black metal (Tsjuder), and Bolt Thrower.


Pre-Existing Prejudices


This one came completely out of left field. Metallica and Lou Reed? Not two artists I ever envisioned collaborating, but okay. All I know about this album is that it’s really, really, really long, and everything I read about it when it came out was overwhelmingly negative.


The Songs


“Brandenburg Gate” – Grandspa’s guitars, some spoken word, then oh boy. Hetfield starts some off-key bellowing, which matches perfectly with Reed’s off-key bellowing. Meanwhile, the band plays the same riff forever.


“The View” – This riff that they play forever and ever is pretty good. Kinda Sabbathy. Hetfield bellows on-key this time, more or less. “I am the table.” Ooooooooooookay. Hey, a solo. And it’s a really weird one. Almost Slayeresque.


“Pumping Blood” – Huh, strings. That’s pretty interesting. The riff here is just the breakdown section of some nu-metal song looped forever. The dissonant guitar drone in the background is pretty cool. The grandspa’s guitars and strings in the middle that fade into a decent riff sounds like the intro to a better song. The back half of this song would actually be pretty good without Reed and his rambling.


“Mistress Dread” – Organ, and then a nice, thrashy riff. Which goes on forever. This is the rake gag of songs. There’s a few seconds from the end of “Gung Ho” by Anthrax stuck in, and then back to The Riff again.


“Iced Honey” – This is actually kinda like an actual song. Hetfield’s on-key again, but Reed’s not. The music sounds like it belongs in a Poison song about dry-humping a teenager in the backseat of a Chevy Vega.


“Cheat on Me” – This weird synth-y intro is cool as hell. This time the music sounds like it coulda been a long instrumental outro on an early Cars album. Is there a version of this album where somebody removed Reed’s vocals? That would be neat. The riff at the end is really pretty good.


“Frustration” – Horror movie discordant noises get crushed by another massive Sabbathy riff. And then it all falls apart for a bit before coming back together again, and falling apart, and coming together…


“Little Dog” – Another weird dissonant intro gives way to grandspa’s guitars that sound like cast-off noodling from the jam session that led to “Enter Sandman”, plus some more of that discordant guitar droning. This never gets off the ground. It’s like the freak-out section of a 27-minute live version of “Dazed and Confused” minus the awesome Zep riffs on either side of it.


“Dragon” – HELL YEAH BACKWARDS GUITAR! Oh, but it’s all backwards guitar. Whew, some actual riffs. But they sound like “The Thing That Should Not Be”, which was one of my least favorite songs on Master of Puppets. This is another song that would be better without Reed.


“Junior Dad” – Drone intro, which becomes something that sounds like The Cure. There’s a big section that could easily be from any number of atmospheric Cascadian black metal songs, which segues back into The Cure, and then back to pseudo-Agalloch for the long fade-out. I actually like this. A lot.


Final Thoughts


Following the Nabin MYOF format ganews used, I’d call this a Secret Fiascocess. I don’t think I’d listen to the whole thing again, but I’m glad I listened to it once (and I will most likely listen to “Junior Dad” again, like maybe even today). It’s a mess, but what a fascinating mess. Waiting for the next curveball kept me interested, even when something was annoying me (usually Reed and his logorrhea).  The real downside is that I think Metallica might have wasted a few good riffs here, which is too bad.  Anyway, at least it wasn't the Metallica Machine Music I was led to believe it was.

2015-2016 saw new releases from each of the Big 4, and with the exception of Slayer, the albums were all pretty well-received, and hailed as a return to form for the bands. It was a pretty good year for the old guard of thrash in general, with solid albums from the likes of Sodom, Death Angel, Testament, Exumer, Artillery and Flotsam and Jetsam. It’s a pretty good time to be a thrasher.


What I’m listening to, instead of Metallica


Other thrash bands. Heavy on the 80s stuff at the more extreme end of the spectrum, like Dark Angel, Sadus, Morbid Saint, Kreator, Possessed and Merciless, but also coming back around to a lot of the Bay Area stuff like Death Angel, Forbidden and Heathen that I didn’t pay much attention to in my headlong rush into death metal. A smattering of retro-thrash, like the beer, pizza ‘n zombies Wehmacht-tinged Municipal Waste and Gama Bomb, the goofy metal meta-commentary of Lich King, Toxic Holocaust’s blackened thrash and the blackened sci-fi prog thrash of Vektor. The tape deck in my truck has had the same cassette I made in 1990 in it for a least a year, which has Sepultura’s Beneath the Remains on one side and on the other, Realm of Chaos by Bolt Thrower.


Pre-Existing Prejudices


I heard both “Hardwired” and “Moth Into Flame” before the album came out, and was kinda meh on both. Kirk lost his iPhone, which had something like 250 riffs on it, so he got shut out of the writing process altogether. This is the Lars and James Show all the way, which is a shame since Kirk’s a pretty decent riff writer. James is no slouch in the riff department though, so I’m cautiously optimistic.


The Songs


“Hardwired” – Well this must be the opening thrasher. I’m not sure how I feel about the staccato delivery of the verses, but it’s at least interesting. There’s got to be more swearing in this song than in the rest of the Metallica discography combined (covers like “So What” excluded, natch). The solo came and went without making much of an impression. This is remarkably short for late-period Metallica. It’s also remarkably good for late-period Metallica.


“Atlas, Rise” – The intro riff sounds like it could have come from …And Justice For All. The verse riff is pretty uninspired, though. The riffing in the middle section with Kirk’s mega wah-wah solo also sounds like it could have been on …And Justice For All. I sorta wish Hetfield would shut up more. He’s the least interesting thing about this album so far. This is good, but maybe a little long.


“Now That We’re Dead” – A little taste of “Seek and Destroy” with some “Enter Sandman” sprinkled on top, which segues into an absolutely featherweight riff, and then back to “Seek and Destroy”. I can hear bass! Overall, this is pretty damned boring and repetitive. The solo reminds me of “Harvester of Sorrow”, which isn’t a bad thing at all.


“Moth Into Flame” – There’s some nice riffing in the verses, but the chorus is just terrible. Hetfield isn’t quite as annoying on this song. He’s pretty tolerable even. The solo, on the other hand, is a bunch of wheedly-wah nonsense. This is too long by half.


“Dream No More” – Starts out with a pretty cool doomy riff. The vocal harmonies are WEIRD. Who is that with James? Rob? Or is it just double-tracked James? Anyway, sounds a little like in Alice in Chains. This is some sort of groove-metal hybrid that could have fit in between the black album and Load. Oh, it’s about Chthulhu. No wonder that riff just then reminded me of “The Thing That Should Not Be”. Hetfield sounds pretty good in those parts.


“Halo On Fire” – The intro reminds me a little of 80s Testament. It’s an unusual guitar tone for Metallica. Oh, boy, now we get grandspa’s guitars and Hetfield crooning. This is a bit slow for my taste. A little solo, another verse and then the pace picks up somewhat. This album really drives home the failures of St. Anger. The bridges and solos are routinely the most interesting parts of the songs. This one is of a piece with songs like “…And Justice For All”, since it’s pretty apparent that it’s a couple of song ideas jammed into one.


“Confusion” – For a second, I thought this was another cover of “Am I Evil?”. Once they’re done with that, there’s a pretty cool riff that’s a little reminiscent of “Eye of the Beholder”. I like that they finally realized they have a bass player. The solo is OK. I really wish Hetfield would shut up. The best parts of every song are the parts where he’s not singing. That can’t be a coincidence. The second solo is better than the first one, and sounds like it could have been on the black album.


“ManUNkind” – Dumb title. The intro could have been from the middle of a circa-1968 live version of “Dark Star”. Then it gets all groove-metally. The solo is really odd, like Kirk and Kerry King were some sort of Jekyll and Hyde creature fighting over a guitar. I know Metallica released videos for every song simultaneously, but this is the first one I watched, because I was trying to figure out why the Metallica logo on the stream I was listening to looked so much like Mayhem’s. Turns out the video is some sort of weird black metal thing, complete with a vocalist who looks like Dead. Not sure what they were going for there, but it did make me want to listen to Deathcrush.


“Here Comes Revenge” – The first riff sounds like something from …And Justice For All, but with good production, and then it turns into “Enter Sandman”. The riff in the verses are pretty good. There’s a little bit of DNA from “Orion” here and there too. The solo is another slightly atypical outing from Kirk. This drags on a bit. Or maybe a lot.


“Am I Savage?” – They already ripped off music from “Am I Evil?” on this album, so why not rip off the title too? The intro sounds like Skynyrd, and then we get Load-era stomp. The lyrics are in the vein of “Of Wolf and Man”, which was a very dumb song. Kirk gives us a pretty kickass solo, which is the best thing going on here by a long shot.


“Murder One” – The grandspa’s guitars sound like something from …And Justice for All, then we get some pretty decent riffage. Ah, the lyrics tell me this is a tribute to Lemmy. In that case, it’s a little way too slow. This should be “Whiplash” levels of fast. Kirk does some weird Kerry King stuff again.


“Spit Out the Bone” – Oh, yes, sweet speed. The closing thrasher. A BASS SOLO. Haven’t had one of those since Master of Puppets! This sags a bit in places, but they manage to pick it back up. Decent solo, and damn, that’s a ton of double bass there, Lars. How many takes to get it right? The nu-metal-style breakdown is not cool, but then we get another pretty kickass solo. A little trimming here and there, and this would easily be the best thing they’ve done since …And Justice For All.


Final Thoughts


This was pretty good. At least as good as Death Magnetic, and it’s clear that they made this with one eye on the past and one on the present. If I listened exclusively to Metallica, this would have been the shit, but even among just the Big 4 releases of the last year or so, it’s middle of the pack. There is still way too much bloat, which seems to be an intractable problem for Metallica. It’s a shame that Kirk wasn’t a bigger part of it, but I know he’s got riffs ready for the next album. Despite its flaws, this album shows that Metallica still has something to offer 30+ years after Kill ‘Em All, and for the first time in more than 25 years, I’m looking forward to what they put out in the future.

I like to think that by "lost" he meant "It fell in the toilet because I was playing Candy Crush while I took a dump."