Absolute Beginners: 20+ 80s films starring musicians

I've seen Valley Girl and it has a classic soundtrack, but my rules are that there must be at least two musicians in non-cameo roles, not playing themselves or other musicians. Streets of Fire only made the cut because Lee Ving has a significant part and there were enough music industry folks involved behind the scenes to make me bend my rules...I had to see the hammer fight.  

Now as a palette cleanser, something also produced by John Peters and featuring Lee Ving

Clue (1985)

Synopsis: Clue is an American ensemble mystery comedy film based on the board game of the same name. In 1954, six strangers are invited to a dinner party at Hill House, a secluded mansion in New England. They are met by the butler, Wadsworth, who gives each of them a pseudonym, with none of them knowing or being addressed by their real names. During dinner, a seventh guest, Mr. Boddy, arrives. Wadsworth reveals the real reason they are there: Mr. Boddy has been blackmailing the other guests for some time. The group is here to confront him and turn him over to the police. Hijinks ensue as the bodies pile up. In keeping with the nature of the board game, the film has three different endings, which were shown in different theaters during its release. 

How this film entered my consciousness: We had HBO when I was a kid and I used to watch this all the time. Now I have it on DVD and watch it all the time. I can lip-synch large sections of this film.

Film Highlights

1. TIM MOTHERFUCKING CURRY as Wadsworth. From the first frame to the last, he is a delight to watch. The rhythm of his speech is mesmerizing and his physicality is legendary. 



2. Madeline Kahn as Mrs. White. The strange little noises she makes. The detached, deadpan delivery of absurdities. The flames...on the side of her face...breathing breathle-heaving breaths...



3. The rest of the cast - everybody does something memorable with their role - even the bit players like Bill Henderson. But Michael McKean, Christopher Lloyd, Leslie Ann Warren, Martin Mull and Eileen Brennan all bring it. 



4. The screenplay with all three endings - Pretty much every line of this movie is quotable and the mystery itself is a clever adaptation of the game.



5. The production design - The early 50s Cold War/McCarthy-era setting is perfect for an American comedic take on Agatha Christie's Mousetrap. 



Film Lowlights:

1. Some politically incorrect and dated humor, like the gay jokes about Mr. Green. 

Soundtrack Highlights:

1. The creepy score and incidental music. I particularly like the use of theremin and shrieking strings when they are searching the house. It's also impressive how precisely Tim Curry's manic explanation is coordinated with the score. 

2. "Sh-boom" by The Crew Cuts

3. "Shake Rattle and Roll" by Bill Haley & the Comets

Soundtrack Lowlights:

1. I would say "For She's a Jolly Good Fellow", but then Madeline Kahn's vamping saves it. 

2. It's unfortunate that Jane Wiedlin doesn't get to finish her song. 

How much coke were these people on? Less than if Carrie Fisher had been cast as Ms. Scarlet (unfortunately she had to drop out to enter rehab). 

Is it worth your time? I can say it has been worth the hundreds of hours I have spent watching it. 

"They call him Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash-beagle!
And when he jumps, he fliiiiiiiies like an eaglllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle!"

That was from memory. I didn't watch the linked clip and haven't seen it probably since it was on TV in 198whatever. It just stuck with me that long.

Dune (1984)

Synopsis: This science fiction epic was written and directed by David Lynch and based on the 1965 Frank Herbert novel of the same name. Set in the distant future, the film chronicles the conflict between rival noble families as they battle for control of the extremely harsh desert planet Arrakis, also known as "Dune". The planet is the only source of the drug melange—also called "the spice"—which allows prescience and is vital to space travel, making it the most essential and valuable commodity in the universe.

How this film entered my consciousness: I'm not sure where/when I first heard of Dune. Maybe when I got really into film and became aware of David Lynch's oeuvre? Not being a particular fan of sci-fi, I never had any desire to watch this. 

Film highlights:

1. Patrick Stewart being all Patrick Stewart up in this bitch! 

2. space puppers!



3. The "sleeper has awakened" sequence is one of the better visuals in the movie. Also the sandworms. 

Film lowlights:

1. Although I understand a lot of dialogue is taken from the book and it's pretty quotable, there's also...a lot. A lot of voiceover, internal monologue, spoken exposition. It's a very talky and portentous movie. 

2. Baron Harkkonen is more grotesque than he needs to be

3. The lack of action. There's, like, one good fight in this movie: a knife fight at the end. 

Soundtrack highlights:

1. The main theme is pretty epic.

2. That sweet guitar lick when they tame the sandworm. 

3. Brian Eno's "Prophecy Theme"

Soundtrack lowlights:

The end credit music is very...Toto. 

How much coke were these people on?  I'm willing to bet most of the actors were snorting something, especially with so much talk of 'the spice'. 

Is it worth your time? Maybe the books are worth getting into, but this movie is a dud. 

I've always thought of Desperately Seeking Susan as one of those things - like Free to be You and Me, or Flashdance, or Wayne's World, that's so of its time that it kind of encapsulates the era to such a degree that ity loses about 90% of its meaning when removed from it. I remember it being just huge, at least among a certain subset, and it seemed kind of like it was Madonna is Cool: The Movie. Or at least that's the impression I had of it when I originally saw it, when I was about 10 or so, probably when it first hit HBO.

Howard the Duck (1986)

Synopsis: Sigh.An alien anthropomorphic duck is zapped to modern Cleveland, where he finds love ( ) and tries to find a way home.  

How this film entered my consciousness: I'm pretty sure I saw this on cable or rented from Blockbuster, but I only dimly remember it (I was very small at the time). My brother refused to re-watch this with me because it's such a turd. 

Film highlights:

1. The costume design is pretty fun.




2. Tim Robbins' gonzo performance? He's clearly in a different movie than the rest of the cast. He's the only one who seems to understand how crazy the premise is. 

Film lowlights:

1. Jeffrey Jones 

2. Aggressive duck sexuality. There is duck nudity in the opening credits and Howard is downright lecherous. 

3. What do the screenwriters have against Cleveland and its inhabitants? Everyone in the first act is a flamboyantly dressed miscreant.  Also there are vintage cars leftover from filming American Graffiti. 

4. The screenplay is godawful - it's no wonder the screenwriter had to direct this himself (which was a bad idea).

5. Endless boring chase sequences

Soundtrack highlights:

1. Cherry Bomb's first song has some good harmonizing. Leah Thompson's voice isn't bad.

2. Howard's little keyboard riff that later becomes the theme song.

3. John Barry slumming is still John Barry, but seriously, what a waste of a John Barry score.  They must not have told him what the movie was when they gave him prompts for a love theme, heroic theme, etc. 

Soundtrack lowlights:

1. The song that scores Beverly (a lady) and Howard (a duck-like alien creature)' s meet cute is 80s ultra-cheese. 

2. Why didn't Thomas Dolby score the whole thing? The theme song he wrote with George Clinton is pretty fun. 

How much coke were these people on? Cocaine is the only way to justify the existence of this movie and the involvement of otherwise talented people in it. 

Is it worth your time? No. Fuck no. This was self-inflicted torture. 

I remember a scene from Howard the Duck—I think him tumbling through space—being used in Muppet Babies, and it made enough of an impression that I asked my parents where they got that footage from. They said Howard the Duck and that I can’t see it. Still haven’t; thank you good parenting.

Shanghai Surpise (1986)

Synopsis: Glendon Wasey is a sleazy, down-on-his-luck con man struggling to sell glow-in-the-dark neckties in Shanghai. When he encounters the lovely Gloria Tatlock, a missionary nurse who wants to obtain a supply of opium to ease the suffering of her patients, he decides to help her get hold of a stolen supply of the valuable drug. The only problem is that a lot of other people want to secure the stolen opium as well—gangsters, smugglers, thugs and a host of upstanding air force recruits.

How this film entered my consciousness: I have no direct recollection of this film - all I know is it was a vehicle for newly-wed Madonna and Sean Penn that perhaps sought to cash in on the adventure-romance-comedy genre spawned by Indiana Jones into Romancing the Stone, The Golden Child, etc.  

Film highlights:

1. The character actors are straight out of Casablanca: Paul Freeman (aka Beloq) as Walter Faraday, Philip Sayer as Kronk, Clyde Kusatsu as Joe Go, Kay Long Tim as the villain Mei Gong...

2. The cinematography and production design are also top-notch.

Film lowlights:

1. From the first line, Madonna's acting is terrible. She is utterly miscast and lacking in charm. 

2. Is Sean Penn some sort of gremlin? Everything about him is unappealing in this role. 



3. Nobody in this film knows how to run. The rickshaw chase is ridiculous - just get out and run, you idiots!

Soundtrack highlights:

1. "Breath Away from Heaven" is a solid ballad

2. "Someplace Else" sounds like Tame Impala

3. The incidental music and score are both quite good.

Soundtrack lowlights:

1. OK, the theme song has absolutely cringe-worthly lyrics, but otherwise, I kind of like its 80s-Fleetwood Mac vibe.

How much coke were these people on? If cocaine makes assholes even bigger assholes, then that might explain Sean Penn in 1986. 

Is it worth your time? The short behind the scenes feature is worth it for the gossip and Clyde Kusatsu's George Harrison impression.

Disorderlies (1987)

Synopsis: Winslow Lowry, the no-good, indebted nephew of elderly, infirm billionaire Albert Dennison seeks to speed his uncle's demise by hiring three of the most inept orderlies he can possibly find. The trio, Markie, Buffy and Kool, only mean well, however, and their good-natured antics actually help re-energize the ailing Albert. They find out about Winslow's scheme and try to stop it.

How this film entered my consciousness: As an early viewer of Yo! MTV Raps, I was familiar with the Fat Boys oeuvre, but I wasn't a particular fan. Heavy D was more my jam.

Film highlights:

1. Again, so many great character actors, including Jo-Marie Payton (Harriet Winslow!) as Kool's mother. Ralph Bellamy carries this one on his back. 



2. Much like Desperately Seeking Susan or Beverly Hills Cop, the wardrobe and cinematography are pretty great. So much color and detail.



3. The screenplay actually isn't bad - it has all the elements of a fun action comedy...

Film lowlights:

1. To say that the characterizations are one-dimensional would be an understatement. The Fat Boys don't have much personality aside from being big fat party animals.

2. The Fat Boys can't act or handle dialogue. Much of the physical comedy doesn't even land because it's acted so poorly.

3. Racial profiling!

Soundtrack highlights:

1. The incidental score is by the Art of Noise's Anne Dudley, an accomplished composer in her own right, and includes at least one gem in "Roller One" during the big rollerskating sequence.

2. "Fat Off My Back" by the legendary Gwen Guthrie

3. One of my all-time favorite songs of the 80s



Soundtrack lowlights:

1. The Boys' hip hop cover of "Baby You're a Rich Man" is pretty anticlimactic. What a waste of licensing. They should have showcased their superior single "Wipeout". 

2. "Big Money" is a blatant and cheesy Cameo ripoff. This exemplifies the shamelessness of this whole endeavor. 

3. I'm not sure if the fart noises on the soundtrack are really a lowlight, since they add a certain whimsy to the proceedings, but they are not for everyone.

How much coke were these people on? Much of this film takes place in Miami, so my guess is a whole lot.

Is it worth your time? Do you watch the 3 Stooges on public access to kill time in the afternoon? Maybe then? 

I had forgotten all about this film, and it's outside of my 80s cutoff for the thread, but now I really want to see it anyway. I will track it down and report back :-)

Cocaine, probably, but also remember that 3 of the 4 Talking Heads met in art school.

Under the Cherry Moon (1986)

Synopsis: Gigolo Christopher Tracy (Prince) along with his cousin, Tricky (Jerome Benton), swindles wealthy French women. The situation gets complicated when Christopher falls in love with heiress Mary Sharon (Kristin Scott Thomas) after he finds out that she receives a $50 million trust fund on her 21st birthday. Mary's father Isaac disapproves of the romance and provides an excellent adversary for Christopher.

How this film entered my consciousness: I distinctly remember Parade-era Prince as utterly iconic. I couldn't see this movie though, because it was rated R and I was in kindergarten. 



Film Highlights:

1. Like with Purple Rain, some of the comedy...kind of works? Like when Prince calls Kristin Scott Thomas a "cabbage head" or the totally-ridiculous-but-must-have-happened-to-prince bats in the cafe. Jerome plays a likable sidekick and he even gets to hook up with their cute, surly landlady. The scene where Prince tries to sneak into her window suggests light romantic comedy, which made me wonder how great this film would have been if they just remade/updated one of Maurice Chevalier's Lubitsch-directed vehicles like The Merry Widow or Smiling Lieutenant. 

2. The cinematography and costume design are stunning. I sense that Prince wanted the timeless quality of Down By Law, for instance, and he almost gets it at the Fellini-esque party in the beginning -  or later scenes that even remind me of Alphaville. Kristin Scott Thomas is stunning in Chanel and Prince's eyeliner is ON POINT.

 

3. Speaking of guyliner, the ambiguous sexuality of the two 'gigolos' along Prince's self-objectification as director was refreshing. In every frame of this movie, Prince looks hot in his own unique way. 

Film Lowlights:

1. Ugh, the make-out scenes in this are cringe-worthy. Some of the fakest face-sucking I've ever endured. And the central romance is just boring - aside from one performance scene (see below), they never seem to be having any fun together. 

2. Let's just say that the screenplay is fucking terrible and even good actors like KST clearly struggled with it. Not surprised that Terrance Stamp quit, though he would have been fantastic as the dad. 

3. The tone is all over the place - sometimes frothy and comedic, sometimes overwrought drama. They really should have stuck with comedy.

Soundtrack Highlights:

1. The opening piano theme "Venus De Milo" is lovely - better than the actual theme song, "Under the Cherry Moon"

2. The only part of this movie that's actually worth seeing is the performance of "Girls & Boys" which is, painfully, 45 MINUTES in. I feel like somebody - possibly Prince - cut all the music out of the first half of the movie just to reward the audience for staying up to this. 



3. Kristin Scott listening to "I Wonder You" on her clear radio is a mood.

4. "Mountains" over the end credits was a nice touch, but would have been even nicer if it was in color as it is here.



5. Another favorite from Parade: "Life Can Be So Nice"

Soundtrack Lowlights: Did I mention Prince doesn't perform until almost an hour into the film? Up to that, there isn't even incidental music to keep up momentum. I strongly suspect that some performances were cut, such as "Do U Lie?" which otherwise sticks out like a sore thumb on the soundtrack. All the songs are crammed into the back half of the movie (again, did people walk out in test screenings?) which, as the film gets more dramatic, doesn't help the tone problems either. 

How much coke were these people on? They filmed this in Antibe, Nice, and MIAMI. Everyone but the Purple One must have been off their heads. 

Is it worth your time? Sadly, no. Just listen to Parade and then listen to Around the World in a Day.