Star Trek: TNG - An In-Depth Analysis of Who Boned the Most

I vaguely remember reading someplace that the reason they had a battle bridge episode in the first season was because if they didn't write it in early, Paramount would never construct the set. I think it was in the TNG Enterprise Manual or something.

Yep. I know that definitely applied to Main Engineering as well. I loved that set.

I still like the original TOS bridge the most, but TNG engineering is up there. At the very bottom of the list: Abrams Trek Engineering.

Ugh there was a lot of stupid in that movie. 

I liked the casting in the movie. I liked the character interaction. The actual plot was the dumbest thing Star Trek had done since "Threshold," and until Into Darkness. 

Good point. I'll give you that. The casting was top shelf and there was a lot of solid character interaction. Just a damn shame it couldn't have been put to better use. 

This episode also had a Star Trek II reunion, with Merritt Butrick (David Marcus; that's him in the header pic) and Judson Scott (Joachim, who had an agent so bad he didn't get screen credit in TWOK). Butrick died a year or so after the episode aired.

I think so. His agent was doing something to try and get him higher billing and ended up getting him completely unbilled, somehow. I think the agent thought threatening to withhold a credit would scare the producers and they got tired of his bullshit.

Dude didn't need help to look convincingly ill for the part, did he?

I was so mad about the stuff I ranted about that I didn't even think about how little Yar's 80s "Just say no" speech had to do with the situation presented in the episode. The Ornarans weren't even aware that what they were using was a drug. They weren't trying to escape pain or the hardships of their daily life they were using something they thought was treating a chronic illness unaware that they no longer had said illness...and now I'm angry again. I'm of the mind that if they'd just gone down the Big Pharma/Metaphor for the Current Opioid Crisis route (and cut Yar's nonsensical speech) it would have been a slightly less awful episode, but I don't think either of those issues were in the public conscious in 1988.

So, as "Symbiosis" was made after "Skin of Evil", despite being broadcast before it, Denise Crosby decided to do a little something in the background onscreen to mark the filming of her final episode:

Star Trek: The Next Generation - S01E23 - Skin of Evil

I'm honestly kind of amazed that this episode is as late in the season as it actually is. Probably due to the fact that I couldn't remember half of the shitty season one episodes that existed, I assumed that this episode was way earlier in the season rather than 3 or 4 episodes before the season finale. Today we're talking about the episode titled, Skin of Evil.

Preexisting Prejudices
Spoiler Alert for a Thirty Year Old TV Show: This is the episode where Tasha Yar dies. This is legit one of the few season one episodes I remember well. I don't think it's a good episode or anything, but it's certainly a lot more memorable than "Wesley Crusher Takes an Entrance Exam" or "Picard is a Dick to People Who Got Tricked into Becoming Drug Addicts." Besides Yar dying there's also the first really great evil alien of The Next Generation in the form of whatever that orang minyak looking motherfucker is called. All the other foes have either been annoying (Q), problematic (the Ferengi, whatever the What if Tribal Africans Were Also Samurais aliens were called), Smoking Hot Circa 1988 Californians With a Dark Secret (Angel Oners, The Aliens From Fuck Planet VII), or Crystalline Entities. The alien here is weird as fuck, menacing, and straight up evil and sometimes that's more than enough.

Plot Synopsis
The Enterprise is cruising through the Zed Lapis system en route to rendezvous with a shuttle that's carrying Troi back from a conference. Engineering is simultaneously doing routine maintenance on the ship's dilithium crystals so the Enterprise is just cruising at impulse power, taking it's sweet time.

On the bridge, Worf informs the crew that there are no vessels within three light years of their location. He then makes small talk about the upcoming space karate tournament asking Yar if she's ready. She tells him that she needs to practice a couple of moves and asks Worf if he can help her out in the holodeck later since if she can get the holds applied on Worf she'll be able to get them on anyone.

Worf asks her who she's facing in the first round and after she tells him opines that she will easily best that fool. Yar tells him that she's worried about some kickboxer but Worf tells her not to worry and informs her that she's favored to win in the office pool. She asks if Worf bet on her and he sheepishly confesses that he did and then moves away after Yar smiles at him like a dope.

I have two HUGE problems with this exchange. First off isn't the economy of Star Trek a post-scarcity economy? What are the people in the office pool betting with? I'm sure nerds somewhere on the internet with less fuck-centric outlooks on the Star Trek universe have probably spilled a lot of ink on how it's not a "true" post-scarcity-economy or something...things way outside of the auspices of this particular study, though it irks me somewhat. What irks me ALL THE WAY is the fact that we were robbed of a space karate tournament!

I have two great loves in my life: horny people on space ships and movies about karate tournaments. The fact that had things in this episode turned out differently I could have finally been able to see the amalgamation of my two great loves I never thought possible.

Geordi tells Picard that the Enterprise will meet up with Troi's shuttle in a bit over an hour. Picard opines that it will be good to have Troi back on the ship and Commander Riker wholeheartedly agrees. My mang is horny as fuck.

Suddenly, Worf gets a distress call from the shuttle. Picard orders it put up on the big TV phone, but it's audio only. The pilot informs Picard that the shuttle's computer is fucked and the engines have gone offline. The pilot can't even tell where they are. Geordi gets a lock on them and asks the pilot to confirm. The pilot is like, "Um...I just said I have no fucking clue where we are."

Picard calls down to engineering and asks Chief Engineer Lieutenant Commander Leland T. Lynch how long will take to restore the warp drive. Not for nothing but Leland T. Lynch is such a serial killer name. Anyway Lynch tells him that it'll take at least 20 minutes. Picard tells him there's an emergency and they need the warp drive faster than that.

Lynch pulls a Bill O'Reilly on Inside Edition and screams, "FUCK IT! WE'LL DO IT LIVE BY HAND! WE'LL DO IT LIVE BY HAND!"

Back on the bridge, Geordi tells the shuttle pilot that he's getting dangerously close to a planet. The pilot is like, "Oh fuck I am!" Data informs the crew that the shuttle is nearing Vagra II, an uninhabited planet.

Picard calls back down to engineering and Lynch tells him that he'll have it ready in about three minutes but doesn't guarantee it's going to work. And as the cold open comes to a close, the shuttle pilot phones in and reports that the shuttle has been caught in Varga II's gravitational pull and is out of control.

After that good, good opening theme song we check in in Engineering where Lynch and Company are working to realign the dilithium crystals in the warp core. They get them back in the core and the computer begins a system check but Lynch tells the computer to ignore it. The computer advises him that it's not recommended but Lynch carries on anyway.

The ships warp drive comes back online and Lynch calls Picard to tell him that they now have minimum warp drive capabilities. Geordi plots a course for Vagra II and Picard orders warp eight which promps Lynch to call back. He tells Picard that he recommended minimum warp drive, but Picard tells him that he heard him the first time and doesn't give a shit so "MAKE IT SO!" Lynch makes it so and somehow none of this stuff becomes an issue at any point in the episode as Chekov's Hastily Reassembled Warp Drive functions perfectly fine.

A short while later, the Enterprise arrives at Vagra II. They are no longer receiving the emergency signal from the downed shuttle and a scan of the planet turns up no vegetation or signs of life. Riker asks about the atmosphere and Data explains that there is a minimum amount for their needs.

As the ship enters a standard orbit Worf locates the shuttle but it appears to be buried beneath some rubble and so he cannot determine if there are any survivors. Picard asks if they could beam the crew up. Data explains that the Enterprise's scanners can't penetrate whatever the debris is so beaming them up is impossible. Picard tells Riker to assemble his away team. Riker picks Data and Yar and Picard then phones Dr. Beverly Crusher and tells her to join the away team when they beam down to the planet.

Down on the planet we see a wrecked shuttlecraft on a barren planet under a pink sky. The away team arrives and set to work looking for survivors. Dr. Beverly Crusher says that the signs of life are weak and she heads toward the shuttle but a pool of black, oily liquid blocks her path. The team decides to go around the pool, but it suddenly moves to again prevent them from reaching the shuttle. They try going the opposite direction but are again stymied by the pool.

Riker informs the Enterprise of the problem and then has Data scan the pool. Data tells Riker that he cannot tell him what the pool is but can tell him what it isn't. Data tells him that he has, "no evidence of neural or circulatory systems. No internal organs. Cellular structure unknown." He adds that whatever it is does not contain any known proteins either.

Riker wants to know how it's moving, but again Data is uncertain since the pool has no skeletal structure or musculature. It also does not give off any indication of intelligence and yet is very clearly following the away team as they move. From the Enterprise, Picard asks Data if it is a life form. Data says the information is insufficient but when pressed to theorize he states that, "It is possible."

The pool then bubbles and mockingly tells Data, "Very good Tin Man..." because even weird unknown alien life forms are familiar with 20th Century American Pop Culture in The Next Generation...

Picard asks Riker what he's seeing...OH FUCK AN ORANG MINYAK JUST POPPED OUT OF THE POOL! Our man Riker replies, "Trouble," as we head to commercial break.

Back from break Riker and Picard chat about how the creature's proximity to the crashed shuttle cannot be coincidental. Riker then attempts to communicate with the creature, introducing himself. The creature does the same. I guess its name is Armus. Armus wants to know why they are on the planet. Riker explains that they are there to rescue friends who crashed and mean it no harm. He asks to pass but Armus tells him that he has not yet given him a good enough reason.

Riker tells Armus that preserving all life is important to them and that they believe everything in the universe has a right to exist. Armus tells him that he does not share that point of view and tells the away team that they may leave if they wish.

Yar gets up in arms and tells Armus that they aren't leaving without their crewmates. Armus warns her but Yar's all like, "ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!" and heads towards the shuttle at which point Armus hits her with a beam of beam that sends Yar flying across the sound stage. Data and Riker quickly point Armus on blast but their lasers have no effect on it.

Picard demands to know what is going on so Riker tells him that Yar is down and the creature seems to feed off their laser blasts. Eventually Armus slides back into the pool. Picard yells for a report on Yar's condition and Dr. Beverly Crusher grimly reports, "She's dead."

Picard orders the teleportation chamber to beam the away team back to the ship posthaste. A moment later in the teleportation chamber Dr. Beverly Crusher says that she needs to get Yar to sickbay immediately if there's to be any chance of saving her. Back on the bridge Picard tells Worf to go to yellow alert and then hauls ass to sickbay as well.

Down in sickbay Dr. Beverly Crusher and her team of medical professionals work to revive Yar. One of them is the old lady medic that I've seen pop up in the background of various episodes from across this season. I kind of like that there's some minor consistency with the extras they're using as crew members since it makes it feel like an actual workplace, but I digress...we've got a dying Yar to deal with.

Picard shows up and asks Dr. Beverly Crusher for a status report. She informs him that she's still dead. Picard asks her if they can bring Yar back from the dead and Dr. Beverly Crusher replies that they'll see. She and her crew do some medical shit on Yar that appears to work based on the random beeping that's happening.

Riker's all like, "You did it!" but Dr. Beverly Crusher informs him that she has Yar on full support and that, "there is no independent brain function." Things quickly go downhill as Yar's synaptic network begins to break down. Dr. Beverly Crusher and her crew do that electricity thing that shows about doctors do all the time, but it doesn't seem to be having any effect. Yar's legit dead.

Dr. Beverly Crusher says, "That thing just sucked the life right out of her. There's nothing I can do."

Back down on Vagra II, Armus moves over by the shuttle. Inside we see the pilot is knocked the fuck out. Troi is there too and appears to be uninjured. She tries to use to cellphone badge to call the ship but it doesn't work.

Armus mocks her, telling her that her friends have deserted her and aren't coming back. It then adds that he killed one of them but Troi tells it knew. Armus asks her how she could have known that and Troi says that she felt Yar die. Armus tells Troi that he killed Yar because he wanted to and that it amused him.

Troi tells Armus that it's full of shit and that it thought killing Yar would amuse it but it didn't. "You felt no satisfaction," she tells Armus. Troi tells Armus that it wanted Yar to suffer and that he has a "great need." Armus takes great offense to this and tells her that it needs nothing.

Troi calls Armus a liar and asks to be let go, but Armus tells her no. She tells Armus that her friends will not give them what it wants. Armus asks her what she thinks it wants and she replies, "to break their spirit." Armus says that that is precisely what it will do if it amuses him, but Troi says it isn't possible.

Back in the conference room of the Enterprise, everyone is going buckwild and yelling about if Yar did anything to provoke Armus. Eventually Picard taps the table and tells them that even though Yar's death is painful for them they need to put it to the side until the crisis on Vagra II is resolved. He makes Worf the acting chief of security and Worf accepts.

Picard asks the away team about the condition of the shuttle crew. Dr. Beverly Crusher tells him that there were signs of life but they were faint and moreover the readings could have been incorrect on account of the weirdness on the planet.

Riker asks to go back to the planet. Geordi offers to join the away team saying that his V.I.S.O.R. might be able to detect something about Armus that his crewmates may not have noticed. Picard thinks that this is a good idea. Riker than invites Worf to join them for some good-ass revenge, but Worf is like, "Nah man, I think it's better if I stay here."

Back on the planet, the away team sees Armus lounging on the wrecked shuttle. Armus admits to Troi in the shuttle that it lied to her and admits that her friends had returned. Troi wants to talk to them but Armus tells her no. Armus tells her that they are worried about her and Troi says that she knows. Armus seems confused about why Troi's friends would return for her which leads to Troi sussing out that Armus had been abandoned on Vagra II. She tells Armus that it cannot hide its feelings of emptiness from her. Armus has had enough of her chat and returns to its liquid state.

Back on the Enterprise Worf and escaped convict Wesley Crusher are looking at scanners. They notice that Armus' power level decreased when it was lounging on the shuttle. Picard tells them to monitor it and see if there's some sort of pattern.

Down on the planet, Armus returns to its humanoid form and talks to Riker, telling him that Troi told it that they would return. Riker talks to Armus about what it wants while Geordi scans it with V.I.S.O.R.

Dr. Beverly Crusher tells Armus that she is a doctor and needs to treat her friends. Armus tells her to to say please which she does. Armus agrees to allow her to see Troi and then immediately is like "PSYCH! You can talk to her from here." Dr. Beverly Crusher is confused at first but then attempts to call Troi with her cellphone badge. Troi answers and says that she's okay and knows about the difficulty the away team has encountered.

Armus gets pissed off when the away team keep going on about needing to help their friends and call them ungrateful. It then uses its powers to hurl Data's laser gun and Geordi's V.I.S.O.R. to the ground. Geordi begins groping around for his V.I.S.O.R. Armus tells the crew not to help him, but Data verbally directs Geordi toward his V.I.S.O.R. so Armus uses his powers to move it.

Armus then asks Data if he's going to help him again. Data says that he's not going to because Armus will just move it again and Data wants no part of helping Armus hurt his friends. Armus is like, "You guys suck I'm going to find something else to amuse me," and rolls back over to the shuttle as Data helps Geordi get his V.I.S.O.R.

Armus lounges on the shuttle and tells Troi that she was right and that the Enterprise crew wouldn't amuse it. Troi tells Armus that it sounds "so alone." Armus admits that she is right and Troi asks about the people who abandoned Armus on Varga II.

Armus explains that some dazzling beautiful creatures devised a means of bringing to the surface every dark evil thing that resided within them like a "dank and vile" second skin and that skin was Armus. They shed this skin and abandoned it on Varga II. Troi tells Armus that it has her pity which pisses off Armus.

Armus becomes enrage and after shaking the shuttle charges at the away team. Riker suddenly falls to the ground and is pulled toward the pool of oil. He screams for help, but Armus tells the crew that if they help him he will die, and so he gets sucked into the pool and disappears.

Data informs Picard that Riker had been enveloped by Armus. Picard tells the away team that he's beaming them up now, but Armus tells them that if any of them leave now, Riker and the crash survivors will all die. As we go to commercial break we see Riker's now oily covered face surface in the pool as the away team look on in horror.

After a break to pay the pills we return to find Picard preparing to beam down onto the planet due to the grave danger posed to his crew. Worf tells Picard that they've charted the fluctuations in Armus' power levels and that it seems to be at its weakest when it's lounging on the shuttle. Picard figures that it must have something to do with Troi and then gives Worf control of the ship as he teleports down to the planet.

Back on the planet, Troi can feel Riker's pain and pleads with Armus to let him go. Armus asks if it should let Riker go but Troi knows that Armus' questions are just to taunt her. Troi asks Armus to let her friends go and tells it that she would readily give her own life for Riker or any of the other crew members, but Armus is like, "Yeah maybe, but someone else has arrived. Smell ya later!"

Armus approaches the away team who now also include Picard. Armus asks him if he is the one in charge, but Picard ignores it and asks Data if Riker is still alive. Data theorizes that killing Riker would not alleviate Armus' boredom and is therefore probably still alive.

Picard then tells him that he wants to see the crew members on the shuttle leading Armus to tell Picard to entertain it. Picard shakes his head no, so Armus says that it will do it itself and then takes control of Data forcing him to point his laser gun first at Dr. Beverly Crusher and then Picard.

Armus asks how it feels knowing that he'll be responsible for the death of one of his comrades. Data tells him that since Armus is in complete control of what he does it would be Armus killing his comrade, not him. Armus then tells Dr. Beverly Crusher to choose who lives and dies so she chooses herself but Armus is like, "No someone else!" but then just has Data toss his laser gun. Data tells Armus that it has no redeeming qualities and is capable of great cruelty and sadism and should be destroyed.

Picard tells Armus that they are done dealing with it. Armus tries to get Picard to order his people to entertain it. Picard tells him not unless they let him see his people. Eventually Armus brings an oily Riker out of the sludge.

He's apparently still alive. Picard tells Armus that he wants to see the other crew members on the shuttle but Armus tells him no. Picard tells him that he will not allow his crew to entertain it unless he can see his crew on the shuttle. Armus tells Picard that they are incapable of entertaining it.

Picard then tells Armus that this is between him and it and has Worf beam the rest of the away team up. Armus is like, "They can leave," and they are beamed back to the ship. Picard then asks Armus what it wants and Armus tells him that it wants to leave Vagra II. Picard tells it that it has the means to help it but must see his people first. Armus agrees and teleports him onto the shuttle.

On the shuttle Picard checks on Troi and also the pilot, discovering that he's in bad shape but still alive. Troi asks him if they were able to save Yar. Picard tells her that they were not. Picard tells Troi about a plan to beam off the planet and asks her about Armus. She tells him that Armus was abandoned on the planet.

Back on the bridge Worf randomly declares what Armus' power level will need to drop to before they can beam everyone back onto the Enterprise.

Down on the planet, Armus teleports Picard off the shuttle and tells him that it wants to be taken of the planet so it can go find the beings that left it there to get some revenge. Picard sympathizes with Armus about how shitty it must have been to be alone on a planet for so long, but this pisses Armus off and causes it to mock Picard (and humans) for being weak.

Picard tells it that their "spirit is indomitable," and then states, "A great poet once said, 'all spirits are enslaved that serve things evil.'" Armus however declares, "I DO NOT SERVE THINGS EVIL! I AM EVIL!!!" Picard tells it that it isn't. It's only a "skin of evil." EPISODE TITLE ALL UP IN THIS MUG!!!

Back on the Enterprise Worf and Wesley Crusher set the teleporter to automatically teleport everyone up when Armus' power level drops below the threshold.

Meanwhile on the planet, Picard tells Armus that true evil would have been giving in to Armus' demands. Armus tells Picard that it will kill everyone on the planet but Picard tells it, "But you will still be here. In this place! Forever! Alone! Immortal!" Armus screams in rage and this apparently causes its power level to drop below the threshold and Picard, Troi and the shuttle pilot are beamed off the planet once again leaving Armus alone on the planet.

We then get a brief entry into the Captain's Log where Picard explains that the crashed shuttle got nuked from space so the Orang Minyak couldn't possibly leave the planet and that Vagra II has been declared off limits so no one else will accidentally end up there fucked over by an oily maniac. Picard then says that he now has to perform, "one of the saddest duties [he's] ever had to perform."

On the holodeck, the bridge crew gather on a grassy knoll to memorialize their departed friend, Yar. They play a hologram of Yar that declares that if they were watching this she was dead and probably died doing what she loved: shooting lasers at a weird hostile alien. The Yar hologram then tells them that she loved her life and calls the bridge crew her family before spitting some trite bullshit about the stuff each of them taught her when she was not a corpse. It kind of sucks and that's it for the funeral of Tasha Yar.

Everyone leaves save for Data and Picard. Data tells him that he doesn't understand the purpose of the service. Data tells him that his thoughts are not for Yar, but for himself. "I keep thinking how empty it will feel without her presence. Did I miss the point?"

Picard tells him, "No you didn't, Data. You got it," to close out yet another shitty season one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

How Rikered Was Riker?
He spent the better part of the episode covered in oil and thus did not have much to do this go round.

Final Thoughts
This episode is a bit different than I recalled it since for all these years I was conflating Yar's death with Riker getting covered in oil. I did not recall her being so summarily dispatched or murdered by being Force hurled across a sound stage. In my mind she got covered with goop and that was what killed her, but alas I was wrong and the reality was even more more disappointing than the somewhat disappointing version I had in my mind.

Since there was once again no humping to speak of, let's talk about whether or not Yar was the right person to kill off based solely on the episodes that preceded this one. Apparently this episode came about because Denise Crosby asked to be written out of the show due to disappointment over how little her character had been developed over the season, but I don't know if I actually agree with that since at this point she was one of the few characters that actually we knew anything about (lived on Rape Gang: The Planet, might have been a drug addict at one point, fucked a robot, knew karate) which is way more than we knew about Troi or Geordi or Worf or Dr. Beverly Crusher or even our main man, Riker.

By this point in the show's history the only characters I'd say were outright off-limits to kill due to character development and overall importance were Picard, Data, and though it pains me to say so, Wesley Crusher. So for the sake of argument let's say that Denise Crosby was perfectly happy and the writers just really felt it important to kill someone off in this episode. Was Yar the right person for them to kill?

For this hypothetical question we are going to ignore everything that came after this episode in terms of acting prowess and character development and look only at the 22 episodes that preceded this one. With those stipulations in place, if it were 1988 and I was writing for Star Trek: The Next Generation and was forced to kill a character off I'd honestly pick Geordi. Don't get me wrong, I love Lavar Burton and the fact that he was on this show is undeniably one of the main reasons I started watching TNG as a small child, but honestly Geordi was probably the least developed character at this point as he was just "guy with V.I.S.O.R." at this point.

Unfortunately for Yar, "guy with V.I.S.O.R.," "Klingon Warrior," "Telepath," and "Doctor of Medicine," are all infinitely more useful characters from a storytelling standpoint than "white lady who knew karate." The only other character lacking any sort of meta-important character trait is Riker (unless you want to count his ability to fuck any and all alien lifeforms as a crucial storytelling tool). So should Riker have been killed off instead of Yar? Ignoring everything that comes after this episode I don't think it would have been any more or less of a loss to the show. Unfortunately we live in the future and know that Riker would become the BEST character of all in subsequent seasons in a way that I really can't see happening with Yar had she been the one to survive the oily maniac.

So yes, Yar was probably the right person to kill off if someone really needed to die in this episode, but that is neither here nor there since once again this was a completely chaste episode and this is not exploration into the decisions made by the cast and crew of Star Trek: The Next Generation. This is the Star Trek Fuck Report and once again I do not have much to report.

Fuck Count
Zero fucking. One orang minyak. One dead space lesbian. Bad episode everyone's fault.

Total Fucks for Episode: 0
Total Fucks for Season: 6
Total Fucks for Series: 6