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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jan 10, 2023 8:34:13 GMT -5
Eating carrots, radishes, and onions really gets me back to my roots.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber 
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Jan 23, 2023 15:25:40 GMT -5
If you ever find yourself locked out of your house, sit down and have a talk with your door, because communication is key.
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GumTurkeyles
AV Clubber
$10 down, $10 a month, don't you be a turkey
Posts: 3,065 
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Post by GumTurkeyles on Jan 27, 2023 17:02:27 GMT -5
My wife is mad at me. She asked me if I'd be sad if she died, and I said no.
I'm not a mourning person.
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Post by Ben Grimm on Feb 10, 2023 21:20:10 GMT -5
Did you know it’s impossible to eat baklava underground?
Because then it’s bakmagma.
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LazBro
Prolific Poster 
Posts: 10,281
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Post by LazBro on Feb 13, 2023 8:27:15 GMT -5
Did you know it’s impossible to eat baklava underground? Because then it’s bakmagma. Ha! I saw this one in a Valentine's themed joke book my daughter got from her grandparents just this weekend. |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Feb 24, 2023 6:59:16 GMT -5
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Post by 🔪 silly buns on Mar 1, 2023 9:44:08 GMT -5
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Post by Ben Grimm on Mar 1, 2023 9:56:06 GMT -5
Me: "Honey, what's today's date?"
Wife: "March 1st."
Me, marching around the room: "Okay, what's today's date?"
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Post by pantsgoblin on Mar 1, 2023 10:00:59 GMT -5
Me: "Honey, what's today's date?" Wife: "March 1st." Me, marching around the room: "Okay, what's today's date?" At least you get to be upright when your wife tells you that. |
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Post by Ben Grimm on Mar 5, 2023 10:43:42 GMT -5
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Mar 9, 2023 21:28:10 GMT -5
Did you hear about the new wax museum in Arizona?
...and, it's gone
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Post by Ben Grimm on Mar 13, 2023 12:38:33 GMT -5
Not all construction work is equally interesting. For example, drilling a large hole is boring, while fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.
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Post by Lurky McLurk on Mar 20, 2023 7:21:35 GMT -5
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah 
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Mar 29, 2023 3:55:45 GMT -5
A few years ago, my penis was in the Guiness Book of Records. But then I got thrown out of the library.
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Post by Ben Grimm on Mar 31, 2023 17:50:51 GMT -5
My doctor told me that I had a healthy prostate.
I was deeply touched.
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Post by Ben Grimm on Apr 1, 2023 18:11:09 GMT -5
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Post by Floyd Dinnertime Barber on Apr 4, 2023 15:24:48 GMT -5
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues, the disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and desperate survivors are forced to live in.....
a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland
(shamelessly stolen from reddit, originally posted by madazzahatter)
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Post by Celebith on Apr 5, 2023 12:17:59 GMT -5
Mary decides to become a nun, but the whole novitiate process is incredibly stressful. By the end of the first week, she's going crazy, so she slips out of bed to sneak a cigarette in the courtyard. The Mother Superior confronts her just as she's about to light up, saying 'Mary! you know you can't smoke here!'
'I'm sorry,' she replies, 'but i just took up the habit.'
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,638
Member is Online
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Post by Dellarigg on Apr 7, 2023 10:31:23 GMT -5
I met a bloke in the pub last night who claimed he was a famous pop star in the 80s. I said I didn't believe him, but he was adamant.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Apr 12, 2023 8:03:48 GMT -5
Before it got all carved up, the beauty of Mt. Rushmore was unpresidented.
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,638
Member is Online
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Post by Dellarigg on Apr 29, 2023 3:41:53 GMT -5
Got some sad news today. After seven years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of training and money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.
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Post by songstarliner on Apr 29, 2023 6:56:23 GMT -5
Got some sad news today. After seven years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of training and money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet. Terrible. For shame. |
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Post by Ben Grimm on May 9, 2023 16:57:59 GMT -5
Geography teacher asked if I could name a country with no R in it.
I said, "No way."
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Post by 🔪 silly buns on May 23, 2023 14:44:54 GMT -5
Got some sad news today. After seven years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of training and money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.  |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on May 24, 2023 6:43:26 GMT -5
At first, I was unsure how this mind-controlled air freshener works, but it makes scents when you think about it.
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,638
Member is Online
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Post by Dellarigg on May 24, 2023 8:29:22 GMT -5
I have a phobia about sausages. My therapist says I shouldn't worry about it, but I fear the wurst.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on May 27, 2023 19:16:47 GMT -5
A Möbius strip sat at the end of the bar looking dejected. The bartender went over and asked what's wrong? The Möbius strip burst into tears. "Where do I even begin?"
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jun 7, 2023 20:14:19 GMT -5
Whoever first used butter on sunburn deserves a pat on the back.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jun 8, 2023 5:59:39 GMT -5
What do we want?
Race car noises!
When do we want it?
Neeeoww!
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jun 8, 2023 15:48:30 GMT -5
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it's the most violent book he ever read.
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