Post by Return of the Thin Olive Duke on Mar 23, 2016 1:52:04 GMT -5
Georgia Rule
Dir. Garry Marshall
Premiered May 11, 2007
To quote the great Brad Jones, what the fuck, Hollywood!?
Here’s how Georgia Rule begins. Mother Lily (Felicity Huffman) and daughter Rachel (Lindsay Lohan) are in the midst of a heated argument. Rachel decides to stay on the road and Lily drives on. When Rachel decides to take a nap on the side of the road, a random guy (Garrett Hedlund) stops his truck, fearing that she’s dead. While feeling for a heartbeat, Rachel wakes up, thinks she’s being felt up, and screams. Suddenly, the two politely introduce themselves, then continue their misunderstanding.
After about ten seconds of this, Dermot Mulroney pulls over for no reason, Rachel jumps in, spouts what screenwriter Mark Andrus thinks is a manic pixie aphorism, hitches a ride, and after trying and failing to get him to ogle her, concludes that he’s gay.
Meanwhile in town, Lily arrives at the home of her family values-obsessed mother Georgia (Jane Fonda) to tell her that Rachel will eventually show up, leaves...and then Rachel shows up, rendering every scene until now completely pointless. That’s just the first thirteen minutes, but the entire movie is like this.
This is the plot: Lily and Rachel live in San Francisco, and you know how they are. Trying to save her hellion daughter from a life of abandon before college, Lily has brought Rachel to spend the summer in small-town Idaho under the strict supervision of big momma Georgia, who sets Rachel up with a job as receptionist for Simon Ward (Mulroney), a veteranarian who secretly also treats people. Mulroney’s cryptic introduction in the second scene of the movie has zero bearing on the plot, nor does that of Hedlund, who seems to be the only age-appropriate man in town (Rachel later seduces him, though she knows he’s engaged).
When Rachel finds out Dr. Ward isn’t gay, but a widower, she tries to cheer him out of his depression by telling her that her stepfather molested her.
You read that right.
The revelation leads Lily back home and off the wagon, but leads her to mend fences with her mother, daughter, and Dr. Ward.
After another hour, it just kinda ends. After waffling back and forth, Lily realizes once and for all that Rachel wasn't lying about being molested. None of the character arcs are resolved; the film, seemingly as an afterthought, decides at the very end that the main conflict should be over the veracity of Rachel's claims, as if it were a court case and not a movie.
This movie fascinates me. There is no part of the script or direction that isn’t wrong. Every line is a mixture of forced exposition and gibberish spoken in the cadence of folksy wisdom. Georgia tells her granddaughter to go fuck herself, but goes nuts whenever Rachel takes the Lord’s name in vain. Harlan (Hedlund) is a practicing Mormon who seems surprised that not everyone saves themselves for marriage. Literally everyone in town immediately stops what they’re doing to take notice of Rachel, automatically conclude that she’s from out of town (California, even; how unwholesome!), and take a dislike to her.
And during all of this, I have no idea what the movie wants me to think or feel, because every scene is played like a Pepperidge Farm commercial, with no regard to what is actually going on. Not only was this seemingly written by pod people, the movie comes off like Garry Marshall doesn’t speak English and has no idea what the actors are saying. By discovering a new definition of tone-deafness, Georgia Rule is definitely in the running for worst movie of 2007 so far.
Sign this was made in 2007
The trademark velour sweatsuit returns, this time on Felicity Huffman!
Additional Notes
Also in Theaters
28 Weeks Later, Delta Farce, and The Ex. One I forgot about, one I wish I could forget existed, and one I’ve never heard of before today.
Next Time: 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
Dir. Garry Marshall
Premiered May 11, 2007
To quote the great Brad Jones, what the fuck, Hollywood!?
Here’s how Georgia Rule begins. Mother Lily (Felicity Huffman) and daughter Rachel (Lindsay Lohan) are in the midst of a heated argument. Rachel decides to stay on the road and Lily drives on. When Rachel decides to take a nap on the side of the road, a random guy (Garrett Hedlund) stops his truck, fearing that she’s dead. While feeling for a heartbeat, Rachel wakes up, thinks she’s being felt up, and screams. Suddenly, the two politely introduce themselves, then continue their misunderstanding.
After about ten seconds of this, Dermot Mulroney pulls over for no reason, Rachel jumps in, spouts what screenwriter Mark Andrus thinks is a manic pixie aphorism, hitches a ride, and after trying and failing to get him to ogle her, concludes that he’s gay.
Meanwhile in town, Lily arrives at the home of her family values-obsessed mother Georgia (Jane Fonda) to tell her that Rachel will eventually show up, leaves...and then Rachel shows up, rendering every scene until now completely pointless. That’s just the first thirteen minutes, but the entire movie is like this.
This is the plot: Lily and Rachel live in San Francisco, and you know how they are. Trying to save her hellion daughter from a life of abandon before college, Lily has brought Rachel to spend the summer in small-town Idaho under the strict supervision of big momma Georgia, who sets Rachel up with a job as receptionist for Simon Ward (Mulroney), a veteranarian who secretly also treats people. Mulroney’s cryptic introduction in the second scene of the movie has zero bearing on the plot, nor does that of Hedlund, who seems to be the only age-appropriate man in town (Rachel later seduces him, though she knows he’s engaged).
When Rachel finds out Dr. Ward isn’t gay, but a widower, she tries to cheer him out of his depression by telling her that her stepfather molested her.
You read that right.
The revelation leads Lily back home and off the wagon, but leads her to mend fences with her mother, daughter, and Dr. Ward.
After another hour, it just kinda ends. After waffling back and forth, Lily realizes once and for all that Rachel wasn't lying about being molested. None of the character arcs are resolved; the film, seemingly as an afterthought, decides at the very end that the main conflict should be over the veracity of Rachel's claims, as if it were a court case and not a movie.
This movie fascinates me. There is no part of the script or direction that isn’t wrong. Every line is a mixture of forced exposition and gibberish spoken in the cadence of folksy wisdom. Georgia tells her granddaughter to go fuck herself, but goes nuts whenever Rachel takes the Lord’s name in vain. Harlan (Hedlund) is a practicing Mormon who seems surprised that not everyone saves themselves for marriage. Literally everyone in town immediately stops what they’re doing to take notice of Rachel, automatically conclude that she’s from out of town (California, even; how unwholesome!), and take a dislike to her.
And during all of this, I have no idea what the movie wants me to think or feel, because every scene is played like a Pepperidge Farm commercial, with no regard to what is actually going on. Not only was this seemingly written by pod people, the movie comes off like Garry Marshall doesn’t speak English and has no idea what the actors are saying. By discovering a new definition of tone-deafness, Georgia Rule is definitely in the running for worst movie of 2007 so far.
Sign this was made in 2007
The trademark velour sweatsuit returns, this time on Felicity Huffman!
Additional Notes
- There’s a clique of mean girls who constantly stalk and harass Rachel for being a fornicator. I know 2007 was the age of abstinence, but I went to an all-boys school, were regular high-schoolers really into that shit?
- The film was clearly shot in Southern California, but Idaho mountains were (just as clearly) inserted into the background using CGI.
- Hedlund and Mulroney amazingly have their dignity intact. Hedlund actually tries here, while Mulroney clearly knows how stupid the script is. Coincidentally, they play the only remotely likable characters in the movie.
- This movie was shot in cinemascope. This movie.
Also in Theaters
28 Weeks Later, Delta Farce, and The Ex. One I forgot about, one I wish I could forget existed, and one I’ve never heard of before today.
Next Time: 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
