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Post by idiotking on Aug 20, 2017 14:02:13 GMT -5
So, I need work advice, but I'm not yet back into the ol' TMI board, so this is the only place I can put it!
Anyhow, here's the work situation and some questions I have about how to address it... Would love any and all advice!
So, uh, friendos - I have a helluva conundrum to deal with here. I NEED HIVEMIND HELP!
I know my boss monitors my computer usage, but apparently he also spends a chunk of time just... Tracking my screen. Including what I'm writing!
Well, apparently back in MARCH, he saw me write a post calling the company a "joke of a firm" among other, you know, normal "bitching about your job on a really shit day" stuff. However, he's never worked FOR someone else, so all he sees is the personal offense, not the "normal anonymous venting".
He actually says he saw it on Facebook... But I know damn well I don't post anything like THAT publicly, or even share with friends for any more than an hour or two, to get it off my chest. Why would I do that? Because, um, by March, this whole "my parents are dying and getting evicted and are out of money and I can't help and I don't even have time to start looking for a new job after my one-year anniversary because goddammit every waking hour is either work or eldercare" was in full swing.
I mean, I have two other coworkers who have said the exact same thing -- out over drinks, when they were frustrated about something. But I have been lucky if I get to go out and see a friend ONCE a month these past six months. These interwebs are literally my only social outlet or comfort.
So I need some Hive-Mind advice as to.... Well, how to work this over with a boss who thinks I'm a "bad person" publicly slandering the company.
-Do I compare this venting to, say, when he blows up about a customer doing something stupid or frustrating, even though he still likes them overall and wants to keep them?
-Do I explain that this is normal stuff when you spend 40+ hours a week at something, and everyone has days, and even weeks, when you're just banging your head into a wall?
-Do I mention that two of my coworkers have said the same stuff at various times when they were frustrated?
-Since I honestly don't remember if maybe I accidentally posted it to fb "friends" for a few hours before pulling it back to private, how should I make clear I'm not out there slandering the company?
-Should I point out that if I really thought that, why on earth would I be pulling on contacts and family friends to land a client we're working on?
-Should I go into any of the stuff that has, and does, drive me nuts working there? I mean the main thing for me is how I've been jerked around on commissions.
-Should I point out that if I'm going to be fired soon, there's no incentive for me to close more business, since I won't see a payoff from it? (I'm gonna go ahead and say no)
-Should I suggest an exit strategy? i.e. a clear metric to meet or not to determine my continued tenure?
-Should I point out (since they've been very understanding and supportive of me caring for my parents) that I don't really have the time to look for another job while they're sucking up so much of my time and energy? (also gonna say probably no on this).
-And do i do this by email today to show how I've been thinking about it over the weekend (and also seriously, not saying anything is stressing me tf out), or do I wait till tomorrow?
Any thoughts/suggestions welcome!
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Post by Not a real doctor on Aug 20, 2017 16:23:04 GMT -5
Some combination of things 5 and 6 seems to have the greatest chance of success/smoothing things over/ maybe slightly fixing things. I'm probably a terrible person to be giving corporate career advice, though...
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Post by MyNameIsNoneOfYourGoddamnBusin on Aug 20, 2017 17:24:10 GMT -5
I'm assuming the company has a policy against badmouthing it on the Internet in any capacity (I know the one I'm with does and I think it's actually a pretty reasonable request considering at-will employment and all). Do you have an easy out: ie no one can connect you to the job and know specifically what company was being complained of? That would make it slightly easier, but on the whole the best option is realistically just to admit you fucked up under the duress of frustration and then apologize and say that seeing the consequences has intensified your resolve not to slip up again. Just come clean and be honest, but be sure to correct any misconceptions they have that make it seem like a worse offense than it is. Although it may officially by the book be inexcusable, if you just approach it rationally and non-belligerently you'll probably be okay (again, though, without knowing exactly what you posted, I can't make that an official guarantee).
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Aug 20, 2017 17:36:03 GMT -5
I'm assuming the company has a policy against badmouthing it on the Internet in any capacity (I know the one I'm with does and I think it's actually a pretty reasonable request considering at-will employment and all). Do you have an easy out: ie no one can connect you to the job and know specifically what company was being complained of? That would make it slightly easier, but on the whole the best option is realistically just to admit you fucked up under the duress of frustration and then apologize and say that seeing the consequences has intensified your resolve not to slip up again. Just come clean and be honest, but be sure to correct any misconceptions they have that make it seem like a worse offense than it is. Although it may officially by the book be inexcusable, if you just approach it rationally and non-belligerently you'll probably be okay (again, though, without knowing exactly what you posted, I can't make that an official guarantee). I agree. I think you have to put aside whatever you feel about how they're treating you or how they might treat you and just say what you need to to keep the job until you're ready to leave. That's basically: "I apologize for sharing any sentiment that might suggest I don't support the company. I will do my best to correct any perception that I don't support the company, including continuing to do a good job for you. I really do appreciate how the company has supported me with my personal obligations and struggles." |
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Post by Floyd D Barber on Aug 20, 2017 18:19:41 GMT -5
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Any advice I give is coming from someone who has been self employed for 30 years now, is old, grouchy, having a bad week, and finds fewer fucks to give as time goes by. On the plus side, I do work with several different companies with several different management styles, and I have had employees. I'll try to be helpful. Anything I suggest presumes that at some level the boss is more interested in maximizing future profits than soothing his wounded ego. If he isn't. I don't know what would help.
One thing that has helped me is to always present any situation as "This is a problem that you and I are working together to solve" rather than "You and I have a problem" Try to phrase things that way.-Do I compare this venting to, say, when he blows up about a customer doing something stupid or frustrating, even though he still likes them overall and wants to keep them? I'd say no. Don't bring any of his behavior (good or bad) into it. Managers tend to be insecure, and some get defensive at even the vaguest hint of criticism, and sometimes take things the wrong way.
-Do I explain that this is normal stuff when you spend 40+ hours a week at something, and everyone has days, and even weeks, when you're just banging your head into a wall? I'd say explain that you don't really thing the place is terrible, you were just frustrated with specific whatever, because you want to do the best possible job, and these circumstances were hindering that. If you can show how specific changes might make things flow smoother, present them as suggestions (respectfully). Remember, though, he probably already know that it sucks, and maybe it seems like your suggestion would help, but they tried it 3 years ago and it cost them half a million dollars or something, and he's pissed because nobody has come up with something that really works. Ask questions, respectfully. You never know what's really going on.
-Do I mention that two of my coworkers have said the same stuff at various times when they were frustrated? No. Unless he's a total idiot, he already knows everybody is frustrated. Also, don't bring others into it, unless there is some very specific reason to do so.
-Since I honestly don't remember if maybe I accidentally posted it to fb "friends" for a few hours before pulling it back to private, how should I make clear I'm not out there slandering the company? Yes. Be honest. If you may have talked in the wrong place, admit it and swear to never do it again, then don't ever do it again. He's probably worried about people outside the company seeing it and thinking the company is shitty, and his bosses seeing it. It happened, he knows it happened, own up to it as an honest slip-up and not a pattern of behavior.-Should I point out that if I really thought that, why on earth would I be pulling on contacts and family friends to land a client we're working on? Point out all the work you do, and especially anything you do that is going above and beyond. Let him connect the dots.-Should I go into any of the stuff that has, and does, drive me nuts working there? I mean the main thing for me is how I've been jerked around on commissions. If he asks, be honest, but very tactful about it. I don't think I would bring it up at this time.
-Should I point out that if I'm going to be fired soon, there's no incentive for me to close more business, since I won't see a payoff from it? (I'm gonna go ahead and say no) No. Don't bring up any mention about any possibility of you being fired. Don't give any indication that you might even think this is a firing offense. Act like you know that is a minor misunderstanding. Maybe he'll pick up on that. If he isn't a sadist, he doesn't want to talk about, much less actually fire people.-Should I suggest an exit strategy? i.e. a clear metric to meet or not to determine my continued tenure? Absolutely not. Your unstated but obvious position is that you are a valuable member of the team, who may have inadvertently committed a minor infraction, and if he thinks anything different, make him say it.-Should I point out (since they've been very understanding and supportive of me caring for my parents) that I don't really have the time to look for another job while they're sucking up so much of my time and energy? (also gonna say probably no on this). No, not his problem. Don't let him think you want to make it his problem. If anything, let him know how much you appreciate the consideration they have shown you-And do i do this by email today to show how I've been thinking about it over the weekend (and also seriously, not saying anything is stressing me tf out), or do I wait till tomorrow? I'd say, If at all possible, talk to him face to face, in private. It sucks, and it's scary as hell, but it's your best chance to make a good impression.
Remember, this is a minor misunderstanding that you and he are going to work together to sort out. If you can go in there without a confrontational mindset, your chances of an outcome you will like go up considerably.Any thoughts/suggestions welcome! Again, I don't know the exact situation, or your boss. Most likely, he wants less stress and for things to just flow smoothly. Take all this under consideration, with a grain of salt. YMMV. Best of luck. |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Aug 20, 2017 20:03:32 GMT -5
-Do I explain that this is normal stuff when you spend 40+ hours a week at something, and everyone has days, and even weeks, when you're just banging your head into a wall? This is the one I would go with. We all have bad days/weeks. Apologize and indicate you will find less public ways to vent your frustrations in the future when this sort of thing happens again, even if you know that you were not really venting in public before. Also, if you need to do this in the future, use your phone to post so that it isn't being monitored. |
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Post by louiebb on Aug 21, 2017 21:30:14 GMT -5
Yeah, I'd stay away from any of the problems that you have with the work environment there, as well as pointing out that your co-workers do the same thing. Both of those things are essentially trying to justify your actions, and most likely your boss will have not much patience for it.
The above advice is good: Admit your error, say it was done under stress but that it was still a thoughtless thing to do and that you understand the importance of what's being asked of you. You will be much more careful about guarding your tongue (and typing fingers) in the future.
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Post by idiotking on Aug 21, 2017 22:26:16 GMT -5
Well, that's basically what I did -- apologizing, and making clear both any public visibility, and him seeing/hearing that impulsive, hurtful venting, were purely accidental and deeply regretted.
I also contextualized -- but not in an excuse-y way, but first in the form of "I'm glad you understand" (see, already im taking his side) "that even in the best of circumstances, frustrations and bad days can make us say things we regret"... And then reminding that of all the agony i've been through over the past six months, that happened in the depths of some of the worst, when I was literally nearly having my parents die in my arms, and it was all I could do to even bring myself into the office and sit upright.
Anyhow, it went okay -- he even apologized for some of the things he said when he chewed me out.
I'm still on a "last chance" probation -- gotta close two new clients in a month -- but that's where I've perpetually been and I'm not scared by it.
Now, as for everything ELSE in my life...
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Post by Mars Defense Perimeter on Aug 22, 2017 18:51:20 GMT -5
Do the opposite of what I would do: get really pissed off, write a seven page memo about the injustices of the workplace that compares my situation to the English Civil War, and quit on principle while the company goes on unaffected and I'm unemployed and penniless.
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Post by Bastard Son of Dean Friedman on Aug 24, 2017 10:32:18 GMT -5
Well that wasn't where I was going to go with my advice, but I'm glad that it worked out. Brushing up your resume and looking for work might not be a bad idea, though. Not necessarily as a must-do kind of plan, but exit strategies are always good in this sort of situation.
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