Post by Yuri Petrovitch on Dec 18, 2013 12:07:53 GMT -5
This week: Scandal talks far too much about getting peed on by dogs
SYNOPSIS
Our story begins with a shipment of counterfeit furs being busted by the feds, who mention the information given to them by a Mr. Chapman is "good." Chapman then contacts the man behind the illegal fur shipment, Masters, who glowers a bit in the company of Glenda, his rather fetching (in a late night early 90's party line kinda way) assistant. Chapman mentions that his wife has given him tickets to the ballet tonight and he never misses. Masters thunders that he wants Chapman dead and with all that established, we roll credits.
Cut to Scandal having a bad day. The water cuts out and he has to wash his head in his toilet, going on and on about how it's going to be one of those days, and how he knows this because it's close to his birthday. Meanwhile, the early 90's equivalent of the music that used to play whenever Rockford was down on his heels warbles over the soundtrack. Danielle shows up for some schadenfreude and to get us on to the next scene--Scandal (resplendent in the most ridiculous-looking tuxedo waistcoat ever) and Danielle are going to the ballet because her friend Mr. Chapman, gave her the tickets (this rather important plot point is never followed up on, surprisingly) and Scandal runs through all the usual cliches of "average joe at the ballet" while low-grade stock footage of a ballet before Scandal finally gives up and leaves, only to be abducted by Master's thugs, who have mistaken him for Chapman. Masters wants Chapman's tapes of his conversations, Scandal doesn't know what he's talking about, and so Scandal gets worked over a few times in this episode as people insist he's Chapman, he says he isn't, lather, rise, repeat.
It eventually comes to pass that Chapman doesn't exist at all--that a federal agent named Hughes cooked up the whole thing to cover the mole he had in Masters' organization (Glenda) to trace a plutonium shipment Masters was going to make to a Colonel from a nonexistent but real-sounding country. Three guys show up for the plutonium because Cobra is nothing if not a budget conscious show. For some reason Masters flips out and takes Glenda hostage because we're five minutes to the end and we need a proper action sequence to button things up. One spin-kick later and justice has been served, Scandal's watching ballet on the TV with Glenda and Dani and we are led to believe he has a three-way on his mind, which would be kind of icky had Scandal not sent most of the episode weaving metaphors about dogs hiking their legs on him and creeping everyone out enough already.
ANALYSIS
So, as these things go, Michael Dudikoff makes a poor Rockford. Also, this episode doesn't make a lot of sense, even by the rather ropey standards of Cobra episodes. Unless you accept the notion that Hughes is like, Grand Admiral Thrawn or whatever, there's not really anything involved in this whole mess that requires such a baroque plot to justify surveillance on Masters, partly because I'm sure this is standard operating procedure for government agents, and partly because Masters is perhaps the least successful smuggler in the history of TV smugglers. Never mind that Davis' ballet tickets get picked up by Danielle which supposedly cocks up Hughes' plans because Masters stops providing information. So why have ballet tickets there in the first place?!
My head, she hurts.
Also, the stuff with Scandal at the ballet is just dreadful, and it will make you feel as though you've seen this episode already even if you're watching for the first time, because you probably have.
However, for all that this episode has those things going against it, I still find it enjoyable, partly because it's kinda meta, in a way--like Cobra is making episodes about how confusing most Cobra episodes are when you peek behind the obvious.
DAD WISDOM/THE QUOTABLE COBRA
"I'm your shadow, Masters--even in the dark."
"No matter what you do or say, you end up feeling like a fire hydrant in a world full of well-quenched Labradors."
"I've met Larry and Curly--you must be Moe."
"Scandal, are you all right?"
"Just peachy."
"Good, now I can kill you."
"As if 'Scandal' was your real name!"
"If theres one thing I hate more than getting out of the shower to a wet towel, it's getting suckered. With a wet towel, the only thing that makes you feel better is getting a dry one. When you're suckered, the only thing that makes you feel better is getting even."
"Just when I thought my string of bad days were over with, I found myself being a fire hydrant again. Only time time it wasn't a Labrador I had to worry about--it was two pit bulls, and unfortunately, hiking their legs wasn't what they had in mind."
IN 3 WEEKS
Taking the next two Wednesdays off. Join us in 2014 when we deal with a rich girl being ransomed in a plot that rapidly spins out of control (in short, it's a typical Cobra episode) It's "Hostage Hearts," in twenty-one.
