Since this was my dumbass selection, I figure I'll actually do the work and listen to and review all 69 songs. I have them on my phone to listen to during commutes, and some I just skip automatically, but some might deserve another listen. I've pulled a few out at open mic nights, and I'll star those because why not.
Some of the songs really suck, though. Most of disk 2 is completely skippable, except then they go and throw something brilliant like
Papa Was A Rodeo in there and make a really good case for ripping only certain songs from the CDs and ignoring the rest.
As mentioned upthread, I did read the
33 1/3 on it, written by one of the additional vocalists on the album, and while a lot of it was super pretentious, I remember some cool things from it and will add those as I go along.
1.
"Absolutely Cuckoo"
I don't know if it's the best starter, but I do like this song. The spinning and rising/falling of the melody works well with the theme.
2.
"I Don't Believe in the Sun"
I think this was the first song I heard off of this album. Merritt's voice works well here. I'm sure many of us have felt the world collapsing upon us and how can the sun never shine on me? The self-aware "astronomy will have to be revised" is a nice little punchline.
3.
"All My Little Words"*
First guest vocalist. One of the sections in the 33 1/3 was a glossary of the coined words and unfamiliar terms, and "unboyfriendable" was on the list. It sticks out to me that the album has men singing about attraction to women, men and women singing about attraction to men, men and women singing about attraction to unspecifically gendered people, but no women singing about attraction to women. Merritt is a man attracted to men; was lesbianism completely out of his wheelhouse? (Wait, turns out there were two, my bad.)
4.
"A Chicken with Its Head Cut Off"
Meh. Kinda cute, kinda dumb. Maybe better with a different vocalist, but the super deep bass singing "whoa, nellie" is an experience you wouldn't get anywhere else.
5.
"Reno Dakota"
Second guest vocalist and first woman. I really like the rhythm in this one. The "it's making me blue / Pantone 292" is kind of twee. (
Pantone 292 is sometimes the shade called "
Columbia Blue" (sometimes that's a redder color, 290), and the hex code for it starts with 69, so possible amusing coincidence.)
Reno Dakota wrote a song back to Merritt after hearing this piece, matching the meter entirely, basically saying "sorry, I'm only into men of color, so I'm not dating you; thanks tho". It's published in the
33 1/3 if you want to read it.
6.
"I Don't Want to Get Over You"
Also kinda meh. At least there's a full band this time, and I do like the bit about wearing all black and smoking clove cigarettes. I was an emo kid, shut up.
7.
"Come Back from San Francisco"
This one is pretty. I like the flamenco-like roll of the guitar as it moves into doubling the melody. It gets longing across well. Some of the lyrics are kinda dopey, but I let it slide because I like the song overall.
8.
"The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side"
I guess this was set in the past because when the sun is out, you can't get fuckin' ANYWHERE on the Lower East Side in a car. The name rhymes are twee and annoying, but I guess at least the singer is earnest. 33 1/3 points out that the very long "riiiiide" at the end was not digitally altered in any way, and the singer would actually hold the note even longer in live performances to prove it.
9.
"Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits"
Let's not. Apparently Merritt wanted to sell 69 t-shirts, one for each song, and the concept of the shirt for this one came before the concept of making the song work.
10.
"The Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be"
A song/poem about an abusive relationship. Merritt's voice works well for it.
11.
"I Think I Need a New Heart"
I guess the new heart is because the one the singer currently has can't handle commitment?
12.
"The Book of Love"*
This is a beautiful song, the standout on the album. Merritt's bass vocals and a guitar playing a repetitive four chords. Nearly everyone who covers this song tarts it up and embellishes it and it doesn't need any of that. It's like when someone covers
Cinnamon Girl and plays a wild meedly meedly meedly solo in place of Young's perfect one-note one.
13.
"Fido, Your Leash Is Too Long"
I admit it, I'm secretly 12 and love the cursing that isn't really hidden at all, like in
Miss Susie Had A Steamboat. The 'foxhound' one was a serious stretch though.
14.
"How Fucking Romantic"
Again I say unto thee: meh. No instrumentation, just offbeat snaps. The subject of the song doesn't pay attention to the singer.
15.
"The One You Really Love"
The Beatles did it better with
Baby's In Black and that song sucked too.
16.
"Punk Love"
Please no.
17.
"Parades Go By"
I usually skip this one, but it's not terrible. The singer is dead and the world goes on. Maybe the singer is the one really loved by the subject of
The One You Really Love.
18.
"Boa Constrictor"
At least it's short and the guitar is nice.
19.
"A Pretty Girl Is Like..."
We start getting problematic here. Merritt has defended his love of minstrel shows, which are generally blackface performances, and they're kinda super racist, and the very white Merritt doesn't (didn't?) see a problem with that. The liking a pretty girl to a violent crime and possibly excusing rape is not a good look either. The only thing that I can recommend about this song is the cool ukulele riff at the beginning.
20.
"My Sentimental Melody"
It's not short and the accordion is really fucking annoying. The off-beat backing singers worked in
Come Back From San Francisco and do not work here.
21.
"Nothing Matters When We're Dancing"
The off-beat backing singers work here though. Another cool ukulele riff in a much less problematic song. As others have pointed out, 'Lansing/dancing' was a pretty inspired rhyme.
22.
"Sweet-Lovin' Man"
This is one of the better tracks, both musically and lyrically. It's kind of orange in my synesthesia. The organ works as a lead instrument, but I'm kind of a sucker for the electric organ.
23.
"The Things We Did and Didn't Do"
The only thing I like about this song's instrumentation is the bass synth. The rest of it is annoying. Nothing much to say about the lyrics. And thus we end disc 1.
*****
24.
"Roses"
Maybe he was going for a barbershop quartet effect and missed?
25.
"Love Is Like Jazz"
This song is like crap. It's like a bad parody of beatnik bebop.
26.
"When My Boy Walks Down the Street"
OK, a good one, and again one of my favorites. His boy is a lovely creature, so lovely it's distracting even, so here's a song about him, isn't he just the best?
27.
"Time Enough for Rocking When We're Old"
There are a number of songs about a love of dancing on this album. We will grow old together, but tonight let's just go dancing. Dancing may even be more fun than sex and/or drugs.
28.
"Very Funny"
At least the singer's voice is nice. It ends with practically an Ogden Nash poem.
29.
"Grand Canyon"
The weird bagpipe-like keyboard is annoying, but it's otherwise like an old country song before they became all about beer and pants. I like the "you used to love me that way, so you know how to love me that way" line.
30.
"No One Will Ever Love You"
An intentional Fleetwood Mac vibe. It's pretty. I don't really understand what he's getting at with the lyrics.
31.
"If You Don't Cry"
Oh wait, this one actually has a woman singing about a woman. I skip it because the music sucks. "An hour goes by; she doesn't" is a good line at least.
32.
"You're My Only Home"
The lyrics are sad and about unrequited love. The music sucks and doesn't match.
33.
"(Crazy for You But) Not That Crazy"
I like this one, and the singer did a lot of crazy things, but what did the subject want?
34.
"My Only Friend"
A song for Billie Holiday. Listening to sad songs and letting the pain spill out is a common way to grieve. Why is the piano mixed so loudly?
35.
"Promises of Eternity"
I always skip this one immediately because Merritt's WHOAAA voice annoys me. Listening to it, yeah, it still fucking sucks and goes on way too long.
36.
"World Love"
It's dopey, but I like it. It's pulling in musical styles from all over the world but it still works.
37.
"Washington, D.C."
Supposedly some DC sports team used the cheerleader part in their games and Merritt was not pleased. Other than that, it's about how DC has all this great stuff, whatever, you know what's great? My baby lives there.
38.
"Long-Forgotten Fairytale"
I guess the singer is in love with someone who isn't fully sane and keeps going back to them, and for some reason the music is from the 80s and mixed too high again. Sucks. Moving on.
39.
"Kiss Me Like You Mean It"
The intention of this song was seeing Jesus as a BDSM top/Dom. I like it in general, even though the gospel-music elements make me a little twitchy.
40.
"Papa Was a Rodeo"
One of the best songs on the album. A story of a traveling carnie who, despite the constant loneliness of travel, still finds love in some dive bar and they travel the world together. It's not worth slagging through the rest of disc 2 for, but it's worth skipping to.
41.
"Epitaph for My Heart"
...and we're back to the lows. The intro is kind of cute, reading the warning on something electrical as the epitaph for his heart. Otherwise meh.
42.
"Asleep and Dreaming"
I don't have much to say about this one. Daniel Handler manages to return the accordion to its roots of being a really annoying instrument that's painful to listen to. Why does Merritt like the off-beat echoes so much?
43.
"The Sun Goes Down and the World Goes Dancing"
Merritt likes dancing. His falsetto doesn't work. Next song.
44.
"The Way You Say Good-Night"
Why are the cellos playing the Jaws theme? It's hard to listen to.
45.
"Abigail, Belle of Kilronan"
I usually listen to music in my car or at my computer through its speakers. The quick panning from left to right in the headphones I'm listening through is giving me a headache. Fuck this.
46.
"I Shatter"
I don't know why I like this song when I've called out earlier songs with similar effects. The obvious electronic deepening of Merritt's already deep voice just hits me the right way, I guess. And now we end disc 2.
*****
47.
"Underwear"*
What is better than a pretty girl or boy in their underwear? Death is only death, but love is love.
48.
"It's a Crime"
It sucks. Not sure why it has a reggae beat.
49.
"Busby Berkeley Dreams"
The singer still clings to fantasies of the partner who wants to leave him. It's pretty but I don't like it. Moving on.
50.
"I'm Sorry I Love You"*
The super reverbed banjo probably annoys people but somehow I like it. The singer really makes it work, with the constant rising melody of the chorus.
51.
"Acoustic Guitar"
My girl used to love when I played the guitar; now, guitar, it's your job to bring her back.
52.
"The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure"
de Saussure was a structural linguist, and the word 'love' is impossible to completely capture, certainly not in those four little letters. The singer shoots de Saussure because the writers for Motown could encapsulate love in three minutes.
53.
"Love in the Shadows"
Merritt: "My college sociology professor read aloud to the class a Miss Lonely Hearts letter from a little girl with no nose. In this song she’s grown up." Well, good for her, the song sucks.
54.
"Bitter Tears"
I like the lyrics of this one except for the suicide bit. The singer makes it work too. There is nothing more interesting than crying constantly.
55.
"Wi' Nae Wee Bairn Ye'll Me Beget"
It's like one of those fairy stories where the antagonists turn into things to outdo the other, but it's about a boy who wants to sleep with a girl who doesn't want to sleep with him. Cute concept. Annoying song.
56.
"Yeah! Oh, Yeah!"
There's probably something wrong with me that I like this song. I like the drone and the "yeah! oh yeah!". I have a hard time believing that it's Merritt doing the "yeah" part. Don't murder your spouse please.
57.
"Experimental Music Love"
Thsosucksngis sothisnsuckgs suthiscsongks
58.
"Meaningless"
The relationship was meaningless. The song is repetitive.
59.
"Love Is Like a Bottle of Gin"*
This one is pretty good. I like how it all works out and the comparisons and the twist ending.
60.
"Queen of the Savages"
Another problematic ukulele song. I enjoy it and that probably makes me a bad person but the myth of the savages, man, let it go.
61.
"Blue You"
A song about the blues that isn't in the blues format but is instead just terrible.
62.
"I Can't Touch You Anymore"
Meh. We're almost at the end. Why did I agree to this.
63.
"Two Kinds of People"
The two kinds of people are the singer and his love. The meter is played with in interesting ways.
64.
"How to Say Goodbye"
The subject's love has left. The song itself is pretty tolerable.
65.
"The Night You Can't Remember"
I like this one, about an Army officer and a Rockette who get super drunk and get married in Paris and the officer can't remember anything.
66.
"For We Are the King of the Boudoir"
The Sun King or some other French royalty talking about their prowesslessnesslessness in bed. It's a conceit like
Wi' Nae Wee Bairn but much less annoying.
67.
"Strange Eyes"
What the fuck is even this music. It's like some sort of news alert from the fart channel.
68.
"Xylophone Track"
An actual blues-structured song, but one that was obviously written to fit one particular word.
69.
"Zebra"
And we end the album with the conceit of "hey, let's end this with also a word from the end of the alphabet, and can we also get Handler in here to fuck it up harder with his accordion, kthx?"
Well. That was a lot. Of the 69 songs, somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 are worth listening to and the rest are either pretentious artsy crap or just crap. I'm not sad I chose this album, but maybe I regret a little agreeing to listen to the whole thing and writing it up. It was a slog, but I did it for you.
