Hatesong: Wonderful Christmas Time
Dec 1, 2014 12:08:45 GMT -5
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Post by pairesta on Dec 1, 2014 12:08:45 GMT -5
In HateSong, we ask our favorite musicians, writers, comedians, actors, and so forth to expound on the one song they hate most in the world.
The Hater: Pairesta has somehow managed to amass over fifteen thousand comments on the AVClub, mostly consisting of patronizing cooking advice, sharing his inappropriate crushes, and mentioning whenever possible that he went to high school with Tig Notaro.
He recently moved back to his hometown of Houston, another tedious detail he shares at every opportunity. We weren’t really asking for reader Hatsongs, but he called the office late on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we were a little drunk, and looking for a way to kill time until 5.
The Hated: Paul McCartney, “Wonderful Christmas Time”.
The AVClub: Why is this the song you picked?
Pairesta: Because it sucks.
The AVClub: Okay. Looks like we’re all done here then?
Pairesta: Wait don’t go! It’s just . . . let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way. It’s Paul McCartney. A fucking Beatle, for god’s sakes. The level of talent that man has, for absolutely none of it to make into the final song itself, that’s some amazing, what, anti-talent?
The AVClub: Yeah.
Pairesta: It sounds like he got a Casio keyboard for Christmas 1978, unwrapped it, plugged it in, picked the first effect setting he could, and belted out this little ditty. Then someone happened to record and release it. Then it sat dormant until the early Aughts, and then it inexplicably blew up and became this Christmas staple.
The AVClub: Mmm-hmm.
Pairesta: I mean, I remember times a few years back when I’d be out Christmas shopping, they’d play this song on the radio, I’d park and go into the store, and then it would queue up on their Christmas mix too. It was inescapable for a bit there.
And I don’t know why. I know McCartney has his cheesing around side, look at the video. But this isn’t even that. It’s atonal. Tinny. Cheap sounding. Two lines and then the chorus, repeated forever.
The AVClub: Mmm-hmm.
Pairesta: Maybe it’s just unfair expectations or what, but you’re better than this, Paul McCartney. It sounds so blatantly tossed off and indifferent. He sounds like he’s just making up the words as he goes, thinking of everything Christmas-related in a stream of consciousness way, and then that chorus. I honestly think the song itself is somehow longer than it took to write and record.
The AVClub: Yeah.
Pairesta: Then there’s that part at 1:07 where it’s just him going up and down the keys with the echo effect set to 11. That’s it. What the fuck is that?
The AVClub: [Distant keyboard clacking and mouse clicking]
Pairesta: And again, I’m fine with novelty songs and just being cheesy. I went to high school with Tig Notaro, so I know what’s up. And good lord, it’s not like there’s not plenty of other bad Christmas songs to choose from. But this, the sheer level of non-talent coming from such a talented person, it’s so simplistic and dull, and its inexplicable popularity, all adds up to something that bothers me like none other. It’s not just the worst Christmas song, it’s one of the worst songs ever, full stop. It almost single-handedly undoes his entire legacy as a Beatle.
The AVClub: Yeah, the waitress should have taken it back.
Pairesta: But, at least it seems to have peaked in popularity and it’s nowhere near as ubiquitous as it once was. It’s like everyone woke up from a nightmare and realized it sucks finally. I think even McCartney has walked back on the song recently, hasn’t he?
The AVClub: Should I wet or dry brine my turkey?
Pairesta: Well it’s the day before Thanksgiving. You really should have started last night. Given that, though, you can wet brine and it will still have a positive effect. On a side note, I don’t really know how dry brining a bird that size will work, plus isn’t the skin waterproof?
Hello?
The AVClub: [Door closes and locks off in the distance]
The Hater: Pairesta has somehow managed to amass over fifteen thousand comments on the AVClub, mostly consisting of patronizing cooking advice, sharing his inappropriate crushes, and mentioning whenever possible that he went to high school with Tig Notaro.
He recently moved back to his hometown of Houston, another tedious detail he shares at every opportunity. We weren’t really asking for reader Hatsongs, but he called the office late on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we were a little drunk, and looking for a way to kill time until 5.
The Hated: Paul McCartney, “Wonderful Christmas Time”.
The AVClub: Why is this the song you picked?
Pairesta: Because it sucks.
The AVClub: Okay. Looks like we’re all done here then?
Pairesta: Wait don’t go! It’s just . . . let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way. It’s Paul McCartney. A fucking Beatle, for god’s sakes. The level of talent that man has, for absolutely none of it to make into the final song itself, that’s some amazing, what, anti-talent?
The AVClub: Yeah.
Pairesta: It sounds like he got a Casio keyboard for Christmas 1978, unwrapped it, plugged it in, picked the first effect setting he could, and belted out this little ditty. Then someone happened to record and release it. Then it sat dormant until the early Aughts, and then it inexplicably blew up and became this Christmas staple.
The AVClub: Mmm-hmm.
Pairesta: I mean, I remember times a few years back when I’d be out Christmas shopping, they’d play this song on the radio, I’d park and go into the store, and then it would queue up on their Christmas mix too. It was inescapable for a bit there.
And I don’t know why. I know McCartney has his cheesing around side, look at the video. But this isn’t even that. It’s atonal. Tinny. Cheap sounding. Two lines and then the chorus, repeated forever.
The AVClub: Mmm-hmm.
Pairesta: Maybe it’s just unfair expectations or what, but you’re better than this, Paul McCartney. It sounds so blatantly tossed off and indifferent. He sounds like he’s just making up the words as he goes, thinking of everything Christmas-related in a stream of consciousness way, and then that chorus. I honestly think the song itself is somehow longer than it took to write and record.
The AVClub: Yeah.
Pairesta: Then there’s that part at 1:07 where it’s just him going up and down the keys with the echo effect set to 11. That’s it. What the fuck is that?
The AVClub: [Distant keyboard clacking and mouse clicking]
Pairesta: And again, I’m fine with novelty songs and just being cheesy. I went to high school with Tig Notaro, so I know what’s up. And good lord, it’s not like there’s not plenty of other bad Christmas songs to choose from. But this, the sheer level of non-talent coming from such a talented person, it’s so simplistic and dull, and its inexplicable popularity, all adds up to something that bothers me like none other. It’s not just the worst Christmas song, it’s one of the worst songs ever, full stop. It almost single-handedly undoes his entire legacy as a Beatle.
The AVClub: Yeah, the waitress should have taken it back.
Pairesta: But, at least it seems to have peaked in popularity and it’s nowhere near as ubiquitous as it once was. It’s like everyone woke up from a nightmare and realized it sucks finally. I think even McCartney has walked back on the song recently, hasn’t he?
The AVClub: Should I wet or dry brine my turkey?
Pairesta: Well it’s the day before Thanksgiving. You really should have started last night. Given that, though, you can wet brine and it will still have a positive effect. On a side note, I don’t really know how dry brining a bird that size will work, plus isn’t the skin waterproof?
Hello?
The AVClub: [Door closes and locks off in the distance]
