|
|
Post by [Citrus] on Aug 7, 2015 21:25:12 GMT -5
I just can't stop myself from watching this show, even if it's arguably past its sell-by date and I'm pretty sure nobody else cares. Apparently this season Tim Gunn gets angry because everyone sucks! He says fuck!
After we establish that this season will feature stuff happening - like Tim saying fuck, way to blow your fuck load season preview - we join the action in New York, which has too close shots of hi-vis vests for some reason. We also start to meet our designers, like Edmond Newton, who has a hat, and Swapnil Shinde, who believes Project Runway is sneaking up behind him, ready to pounce. Ashley Neil Tipton is "fun, funky and fat" (her words) and her hair is purple. She makes clothes for big girls, which means that when we inevitably get a real woman challenge at least one person won't have a meltdown at the prospect. Amanda Perna fills the "blandly attractive blonde girl" role. She auditioned before and wasn't a blonde girl, so let that be a lesson to you, I guess. Merline Labissiere is Haitian and has a hat. Duncan Chambers Watson has three names and is from New Zealand, he has a fun beard and a more fun accent.
We arrive at Madison Square Garden, which has been attacked by a blur filter in photoshop.
But we're not through the laundry list of designers. Such as Lindsey Creel, who is either charming or intimidating apparently, but mostly seems to have drawn the bitch card. "I don't work well with others," she says. "Please keep me around for team challenge drama," she implies. Hanmiao Yang lives nearby, so maybe she just walked to the show and was cast because she looked fun. Blake Patterson is not interesting enough to get a bio in the first minutes apparently. He is confused by sports. Oh, fashion designers!
The designers meet on a basketball court which is also a rave somehow. Perhaps they will divide into teams of shirts vs. blouses.
Kelly Dempsy is not confused by sports, she wants to play Heidi in one on one hoops, which yeah I'd watch over actual Project Runway. Candice Cuoco believes heaven looks like a basketball court lit by disco balls, which says something about her but I'm not entirely sure what.
Merline seems very excitable, I have a feeling she's going to stick around just so we get reaction shots.
The challenge works thusly: There's a pile of fabric spread around Madison Square Garden, designers must run to grab it. They are given three minutes to "metaphorically shop" and can grab four textiles. Tim says "thoughtfully," take a shot. Heidi says "Show us who you are as a designer" take another shot.
Laurie Underwood likes color. I don't even think we're half way through this pile of designers and we've already got kind of sick of introducing them. "I dunno, let's put the line about responding to color in there. Fuck it, nobody knows who these losers are anyway." Jake Wall barely being on screen long enough to read his graphic tee over tie combo confirms this. Kelly reminds us that she used to play sports. I will now dub her Sporty Designer. Sports for shorts.
David Giampiccolo has a weird accent, a leather jacket and a haircut that says "country singer that's not too country because we want to get a crossover market." I'm saying he reminds me of Keith Urban, except instead of being Australian he's from somewhere weirder. Like an off brand Keith Urban for tourists on a cruise trip.
Amanda jokingly threatens the camera operator.
Joseph Charles Poli has three names, and confirms that it's real. Not fake. There are cameras there and everything. Not like that time he had to do Project Runway in his basement for an ersatz Heidi made from a Barbie doll and a satsuma with Michael Kors written on it.
Sporty shares her backstory, turning crappy thrift store clothes into stuff that was cool. Swapnil's backstory seems to be mostly about a desire to show more boob than Indian society will allow.
David, Merline and Swapnil all forgot to bring sewing kits. Well, Merline didn't forget so much as she tried to save luggage weight. Swapnil was mostly confused by the instructions, assuming that everyone would have to bring nothing - which is actually kind of fair though nobody else made that mistake.
Hanmiao gets the "these are kind of racist, her accent isn't all that thick" subtitles, because she's made in China. She calls herself a pistachio because she's a "happy nut" and I like her already.
Sporty and Merline are turning into an odd couple, I want to see them go on a road trip together. Merline otherwise drives everyone insane, she says shit gets real. She is a lady Martin Lawrence. If there is a car chase and someone getting shot in the butt in this season we know who is to blame.
Candice has children, sparking the first tears as she talks about loving them. Take a shot.
Ashley cries about bullying, she cries about being nervous. Two shots.
There's someone named Gabrielle, she's wearing a sweater. I don't think she's been on screen until now. Who is the mysterious Gabrielle? Why does she love sweaters so much? So many unanswered questions!
Edmond gets the ominous music critique, because his dress looks kind of garbage, but he's so enthusiastic about being there before. One gets the impression that he's getting an edit, and will either be gone or triumphant, but probably gone. He managed to make lime green "dreary".
Merline cuts muslims.
Sporty's earrings are as big as her head.
Tim basically gives everyone shit, and says they all suck. To be fair they kinda do. He says they all have coal up their ass, which is a metaphor more tortured than someone who literally has a lump of coal up their ass.
Should we take a shot every time Gabrielle is on screen? It's so rare!
"They call him Tim Gunn, because he's Tim Gunn" - Merline explains how names work.
Blake is irritating. He's getting the "guy who thinks his shit don't stink" edit, to be fair, but to be more fair, he's giving them a lot of material for that.
Hey it's Laurie! She's on this show too! Slightly more on this show than Gabrielle.
The new hair people are something called "Sally" which I've never heard of, but then again I don't actually pay much attention to hair. Still, whither L'Oreal Paris? Are they not worth it?
Gabrielle is back! She is not wearing a sweater! She owns at least two sets of clothes!
Lindsay isn't very good at this whole bitch card thing, her impressions of the other designers' looks are largely complimentary and she seems gracious. I mean the closest she gets to mean is calling Blake's look a kite, but she's also not wrong about that.
Zac Posen is sort of gay Justin Trudeau. I hope he compares a dress to Stephen Harper's economic policy.
Blake: It looks like a kite, Lindsay was right.
Amanda: Skirt is kind of neat, looks like it's being attacked by the top.
Laurie: Crazy short, this is a woman out to get laid and not afraid who knows it.
Hanmiao: Looks sort of like something you'd wear to a cult meeting.
Swapnil: The woven top in that fabric looks like something from 1994. Swapnil does, however, have amazing eyes.
Duncan: It's quite pretty, the pink and the draping go well together. Not really exciting, but pretty enough.
Edmond: Boring black dress with a butt cape.
Marina: Looks like something you wear to protect yourself from harmful radiation. Except sleeveless. Maybe she's getting arm X-rays.
Lindsay: The fabric looks like something for a daycare provider, but it's also probably too revealing for a daycare provider. Daycare mom goes out on the town?
David: She had to run from her home with only some sheet sets from 1994.
Joseph: Fun mom going to a distant cousin's wedding.
Sporty: Asylum Pictures makes its own Fury Road knockoff.
Jake: Light fixture at a forgotten Holiday Inn.
Gabrielle Arruda: SHE HAS A LAST NAME! OH MAN WHAT OTHER MYSTERIES ARE CONTAINED WITHIN GABRIELLE? Her dress looks like I made it, while drunk.
Candice: The stripes give it a lot of interest, the unconventional seaming is unique and draws the eye to the right places. I want to rip the peplum off, but I hate peplums.
Ashley: You can kind of tell she designs for big girls because she does something that a ton of big girls do: She emphasizes the bottom with a big, floor length skirt in order to balance out the proportions. Which is fine, but if you're not a big girl a giant skirt like that can kind of swallow you up, as it does here. I like the top with the odd hole-filled fabric, but the overall look is really bottom heavy on a girl who doesn't have the proportions for it, but would probably look excellent on Ashley herself.
"This was a great first runway show!" Heidi lies, and we are off to the races.
Edmond has spent a decade auditioning for Project Runway. Everyone is nice to him, only Zac seems to notice that it's boring. Guest model hates contrasting linings, which is a weird thing to hate. Note: I love contrasting linings. Marina gets compliments for her look, which I don't really understand, but it seems she's in because it's different. Ashley gets complimented because she makes something with texture, which I get.
Blake is in the bottom with his kite-y chaos. It is compared to clowns. Hanmiao's look confuses everyone, the words picnic, monk and maternity come up, the world's weirdest porno. Duncan is in the bottom, inexplicably, most of the complaints going to him being a bit severe and overly modest. Maybe I just think Duncan is cute.
Ashley is the winner, she has a voice that is almost the exact same as a friend of mine, and it's freaking me out. She cries, drink. Duncan is out, but he's so cute! He has a fun accent! His look wasn't that bad!
|
|
|
|
Post by [Citrus] on Aug 15, 2015 14:47:28 GMT -5
Nobody cares, still doing this anyway.
As has become tradition, the opening minutes have everyone reflecting on the previous evening. In the ladies' room, everyone is happy and cheery because Ashley won. In the men's room, Blake is thinking maybe some humility would be fun, which I would agree with, and his "it was so amazing!" joke on being in the bottom last week actually redeemed him a bit to me. He's still in constant danger of being annoying, but maybe he's the kind of guy who's fun in person but really obnoxious if edited for television.
GABRIELLE HAS A LINE! AND GLASSES!
Everyone gets to go to the Hallmark store to set up this challenge. Swapnil is far more excited about being in a Hallmark store than is natural, going so far as to call a place where you buy greeting cards for elderly aunts you can't bother to call a "wonderland." It's actually not a bad challenge though, making dresses out of greeting cards. It's also a good idea because you don't have any fabric, so you can't have terrible garbage bag dresses, always a risk with these challenges.
Edmond, who started the season as the fun and enthusiastic superfan who finally got his chance, is also the first "this is a competition!" guy, which dampens the mood considering everyone is sharing and liking each other. Then again, he is the guy who grew up on reality TV, he has studied the genre, though, not so much that he isn't confused by how the confessionals work.
Sports decides to do fringe, which is smart, because fringe won a season recently.
Blake and Swapnil have an argument, which starts when Swapnil has difficulty hearing and Blake is trying and failing to be cute, saying "sorry I don't speak Indian." It's a dumb thing to say, and tips Blake over to the obnoxious side again, but he's clearly thinking that it's something cute to say. Everything he says is clearly thinking it would be cute. Swapnil, justifiably, thinks what the fuck, but moves on and ignores Blake, taking the high road.
Blake "doesn't want to be on the bottom ever again." Oh I doubt that very much. SEE HOW IT FEELS BLAKE?
Edmond goes bridal. Jake is going roofing. Candice is going shiny.
David's design is constipated. Amanda has no idea what she's doing. Shit just got real, which I think is the second time this has happened.
After a bad critique David gets both a phone call home AND a sad back story. This is the point where you know he's not going to be there much longer. Each element on their own is fine, it could go either way, but if he's sticking around longer than this episode they'd keep the sad back story until a later challenge, you have to spread out the tears. Also there are tears, drink.
Amanda criticizes all the glitter on Blake while wearing a shirt that says Glitter is Always an Option, taking home the irony award for this episode. It's also nice to see that the snarky editor is still there, it's not up there to their Season 8 highs but still nice to see.
Ashley cried off screen. Isn't this against the rules?
Everybody burns themselves on the glue gun, in a fun montage of pain.
Everyone tells David that his awful jacket that misses the point of the challenge looks good. I think everyone just really hates David. Or perhaps they just see him as a sacrifice, like when penguins throw a weaker penguin in the water to see if seals are lurking about. Amanda, on the other hand, makes something too tacky for Blake.
Gabrielle makes Ashley think of vaginas, which is fair enough, though it sort of looks like Tianjin in Pink to me (too soon?). Merline makes something Amanda describes as a "manatee penis" which is a very specific reference and I don't know if I want to research if manatees are quite so girthy and boxy. I feel sorry for Mrs. Manatee if she has to deal with sharp edges.
David's look creates a montage of pained faces, as everyone wants to be polite to a man they know they'll never see again. The model looks saddest of all. "I could have been in Marie Claire" her face says. "But I was stuck with this idiot."
Gabrielle has a tiny crisis! I wonder if she'll get a confessional for the first time ever? No. No she will not.
Ashley Tisdale is still alive! I was just wondering if she was still alive a few months ago, and it turns out she is.
Swapnil - The top is a monochromatic mix of pattern to counter the skirt, which is just covered in bright flowers. It's a tricky look, there's a hell of a lot going on and a ton of pattern everywhere, do it wrong and it's going to look tacky as hell. That it doesn't is a testament to Swapnil's skill. Also super difficult to film with all the stripes.
Ashley - If you have immunity going avant garde is a way to go, so sure, unwearable poncho, why not. She looks sort of like those hint block things in Zelda.
Joseph - Looks like a giant novelty pen holder.
David - An ugly painting smock with "Hot Damn" written on it. It also misses the point of the challenge, but the fact that it looks like something you wouldn't dare wear out of the house is more (hot) damning.
Jake - Short and shiny, you can see Heidi's eyes light up as it walks by. and actually even if it's still a little black dress that he accomplished it with greeting cards says something good here.
Candice - If you want to cosplay as a robot prostitute from Futurama, Candice is your girl.
Hanmiao - Like some sort of '60s idea of the future, I could see a villain in a Gamera movie wearing this.
Gabrielle - Let's combine my impressions and Ashley's: Vaginas in Tianjin. (Still too soon?) It does look cool, it also looks like there was a chemical explosion in her crotch.
Laurie - It looks really weird, I can sort of see where she was going but she either didn't have the time or the skill to pull it off, so it's crooked and uncomfortable.
Blake - Not enough card. It sort of works as a glitter princess thing but too much of that is muslin, not enough is actual greeting card.
Lindsey - Business woman from the '90s or maybe an ambassador in Star Trek: TNG. I think it's the color, this sort of severe beige.
Sports - An extra in an Elvis movie about Hawaii.
Amanda - Skirt both looks like way too much and like it's not finished at the same time. Top actually isn't that bad, she does interesting things with the back, it just needs a skirt that isn't a mess.
Merline - The dangly bits don't really work and the top is a bit more complex than her materials could handle. Back is something new, but it's something new because it doesn't really flatter.
Edmond - He made a dramatic wedding dress out of paper, which emphasizes that it's made out of paper without looking cheap. It's a pretty amazing piece of work.
Ashley got called out for making something terrible, but immunity so she's not going home. Also she probably wouldn't go home anyway, because have you SEEN David's? It's really bad!
Four in the top, two in the bottom. Blake is in the top because apparently the judges didn't notice that it's mostly muslin coated in glitter. It looks like fabric, Nina says, because it is fabric. Sports in the top, mostly because she knows how to do texture, so well done her. Edmond is in the top because of course he is, he embraced the challenge fully and had great attention to detail. Swapnil is up there because of attention to detail and the fact that not everyone could pull that look off.
Amanda is in the bottom, because of her bottom, which is a shitty bottom. Guest judge is confused! Drink. She's mostly in the bottom to generate some tension because David is going home. He didn't use the cards, and as a result he's going home. Confusingly enough, people praise the look, which looks dumpy as hell. It's fuck ugly. David cries, drink. Amanda cries too, drink.
Sports has a fanny pack. She uses it to carry tea. Let's carry on.
The loser is David, because of course it is. We knew this from the outset. Edmond is the winner, because he's the exact opposite of David. The man who engaged with the challenge the least lost, the man who did so the most won. That seems right to me.
|
|
|
|
Post by [Citrus] on Aug 24, 2015 19:34:59 GMT -5
Project Runway usually opens with sober self reflection, but this time it opens with MASSIVE YACHTS! So weâre on a cruise, which has a fun bartender and children playing in a spray pool and a large number of designers talking about how going on a cruise with this sponsor would be super awesome. We also get a team challenge inspired by places where the cruise goes. They need a look that can go from being off a boat to being on a boat, the two different places where people live their lives.
Swapnil has a great line about the button bag ruining peopleâs careers.
Amanda gets paired with the contestant screen time forgot. Amanda says that the pairing is either going to be great or a total disaster, Gabrielle says nothing, because sheâs not allowed on screen on her own. Their look is inspired by the South of France.
Ashley and Candice get to work together, so theyâre the team with the most fun hair. They pick Venice.
Lindsay and Jake are paired together, going with Hong Kong. Jake has apparently been to Hong Kong, so thatâs good.
Laurie and Swapnil get paired together, and all I can think of is Swapnilâs leather jacket being far, far too warm for standing on this boat. They go with India, which gets a reaction of âwhat, really?â from Tim, because the guy from India doing India doesnât seem like heâs going outside his comfort zone.
Sporty gets paired with Blake. They take the Greek Isles. Part of me hopes for her to kick Blake at some point in this challenge. I bet sheâs got a fierce kick.
Edmond and Hanmiao are a team, they get the Caribbean in a cut so fast I had to rewind just to see where the hell they picked.
Finally, Joseph, the big olâ bear, gets paired with Merline, the annoying hat lady, which is being set up as the drama team because Merline is annoying and Joseph is annoyed by her. They get St. Petersberg.
Everyone gets a suitcase full of fabric, because Mood apparently doesnât want this show to appear until some of the chaff is separated out, and Merline gets musical shoulders for some reason. Then everyone gets a lovely meal and probably doesnât get dysentery.
Team dynamics start to get established early on. Team Fun Hair immediately bonds over making some sort of ugly fireworks fabric into a jacket. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PROJECT RUNWAY HISTORY Gabrielle gets a confessional, where she says that her team can panic. They are now Team Panic, even though they have yet to panic. Lindsay and Jake get into a fight over kimonos, because Hong Kong doesnât have kimonos and Lindsay just seems to want to have something vaguely Asian, which she defends by saying itâs just a type of jacket. They will now be Team Maybe Racism.
Joseph reacts to Merline being annoying by being annoying himself, so annoying we get a hilarious look of disgust from Candice as she decides to stop caring about these two. They are now Team Annoying. Sports is proud of Blake for hoarding all the white stretch cotton, stopping all the other designers from using it. âBlakeâs like, fuck youâ she says. They are now Team Fuck You.
I am beginning to worry about Gabrielle because sheâs getting screen time. She implies that patriotism is not chic and modern.
Jake keeps calling Lindsay darling and also dismisses her (kinda bad) ideas. Is this also Team Maybe Sexism?
Edmond struggles to get Hanmiao on board with things, the extremely earnest and friendly man is desperate to get something, anything out of her. She decides that she wants to do her structure thing and hopefully ignore the tall man with the big beard and assortment of stylish hats standing next to her. Team Communication is their moniker.
Team Fun Hair, on the other hand, are getting along so well Candice shows Ashley where her vagina is. Now theyâre Team Fun Vagina.
Joseph is running the show at Team Annoying, and Merline seems weirdly cool with just being a quiet worker bee, even though she thinks he has a grandma aesthetic and heâs being a bit of a penis to her.
Tim tells Team Communication to do what Edmond said in the first place, which makes Hanmiao look like she wants to stab.
Lindsay, a woman with a glasses chain, says nobody wants to look like an old woman.
Jake, a man who was just dismissing Lindsay, complains that Lindsay is too dismissive to him, so he decides to just have a tantrum and not do anything. Their team name is officially Team Maybe Theyâre Just Assholes.
I thought that Laurie was doing well but she gets a crying phone call to an adorable daughter. So maybe sheâs not doing so great?
Team Panic isnât panicking, but Gabrielle is on screen, so maybe they should be? They havenât allowed that before. Team Communication is panicking, because god knows what theyâve made. Edmond just goes fuck it and makes his own swimsuit, pretty much a âlook, we have to have her wear something.â moment. Which leads to Hanmiao hiding in the bathroom to sew the model into her swimsuit. Itâs the most bizarre moment in a team challenge Iâve ever seen, team members sneaking around trying to prevent the other team memberâs pieces from getting on the model.
Laurie cries because Tracee Ellis Ross is there, her favorite person in the whole world. Itâs a rare moment of genuine emotion in a show that normally just goes âwhatever this famous person is within driving distance of our studio.â
Is it just me or is the hair and makeup this season kinda shitty? And where is Handlebar Mustache Guy?
Team Fun Vagina: Their determination to use every fabric makes it kind of look like a clown show, and the weird firework print doesnât help matters. It might have been okay with different colors, but wow that collision of prints.
Team Didnât Get a Name: Give it to the guy from India, they made something that looks like it belongs there without being remotely stereotypical. Iâm not sure about the fabric for the high waisted pants, and it looks better with the wrap on, but it does make sense.
Team Assholes: I donât get the weird vest, which looks like Maude had to make her clothes out of the decorations of a bad Chinese restaurant. The dress itself just looks odd to me, but I mostly canât get past that vest. Not making sense, Jake lamenting the failure of their teamwork, when that was entirely his fault.
Team Annoying: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! Itâs Politicianâs Wife Woman!
Thrill as she goes to fundraisers and smiles awkwardly! Cringe as she stands in the background and nods while he makes a joke at her expense as part of a speech! Celebrate as she shakes the hands with a slightly gross senator because this is apparently her life now!
Team Communication: An artistic interpretation of two people who hate each other wanting to get a challenge over with so they can never talk to each other again.
Team Panic: I donât get the top that sort of wanders off into a side cape thing, it kind of looks schizophrenic. I like the pants though.
Team Fuck You: It does look like a woman who will fuck you up if you steal her place by the pool.
On the top is Fun Vagina, Assholes and Didnât Get a Name. Bottom is Annoying, Panic and Communication.
Fun Vagina does get points for mixing prints and going bold, which is admittedly what I didnât like at all, even getting praise for the firework print that I hated, though at least Zac Posen admits that itâs a weird â70s print (and also everyone kind of admits they gave them the print to throw that team off.) They also made pants, somewhere Team Panic is whispering âbut we made pants.â No Team Name gets praised for doing exactly what they set out to do, though they get dinged for having a weird crotch on the pants. But Laurieâs hero likes the weird crotch so sheâs the happiest person in the world. Team Asshole has Lindsay taking all the credit, and then Jake calling her awful because she dismissed him, and he is fragile like a faberge egg. Everyone kind of doesnât know what to make of Jakeâs âLETâS GET FUCKINâ AWKWARD!â moment, before saying it looks nice. Guest judge does get confused though, so drink.
Communication makes everyone ask why. Itâs a good question. Team Annoying makes something elderly, and Joseph spends most of his time trying to call Merline awful. Panic gets the âtoo many ideas!â critique, which is kind of the âWeâre probably not going to send you home, thereâs worse shit hereâ critique. Thereâs a bottom three, basically, and this was the other one in that trio. Zac pulls up the shirt to make it look like heâs doing a boob exam though.
Candice and Ashley win! Going by this season, prepare for them to make some garbage next week. I still hate that print though. Hanmiao is out, which she probably deserved, but she learned a lesson about communication. Namely, you need to do that when you work with other people.
âWe will certainly notice you are gone,â says Tim. âUnlike that girl we never give any screentime. Wait, sheâs still here?â
|
|
|
|
Post by đ huss đ on Aug 27, 2015 14:20:27 GMT -5
Project Runway usually opens with sober self reflection, but this time it opens with MASSIVE YACHTS! |
|
|
|
Post by [Citrus] on Aug 28, 2015 16:33:11 GMT -5
Heidiâs challenge introduction has something to do with horizons and views, which gets an amazing blank stare from Laurie and not much else. It is rare that we get contestants openly going âwhat the fuck was that, actually?â when you get one of Heidiâs weird nonsensical teasers, but this time we do, with both Laurie and Gabrielle getting to say how that was sure a pile of nonsense.
âNone of us are safe, at any given point,â says Gabrielle, except of course for Candice and Ashley, who are safe at this point, given that they both have immunity. But three people forgot their sewing kits so the rules of the game arenât really clear apparently.
They show up at a dock, which Edmond points out might lead to boats. You were on a boat yesterday Edmond! Keep track!
This is the Mary Kay challenge, and leads to the assumption that Amanda was cast because sheâs the only person who can get excited about Mary Kay enough for a confessional. She grew up around Mary Kay! She remembers the pink Cadillacs!
Tim gushes about a dismal city skyline on a dreary, foggy day, and introduces the challenge, which has something to do with buildings and trenchcoats and a man in a hat. Inspired by New York and makeup are like the bottle episodes of Project Runway, they exist to fill a gap when nobody has a better idea. It bodes not well that itâs this early in the season. The winner also gets to see their dress in a Mary Kay ad in Marie Claire, and Blakeâs attempt to imagine how it would feel to see his dress in this context has all the excitement of a van full of children going to the dentist.
Amanda focuses on making something simple, in an attempt to satisfy the judges by doing something less garbage than usual. Or at least with fewer ideas than usual. Swapnil decides to get inspired by Breakfast at Tiffanyâs, which heâs pretty sure was set in New York. His confusion over this is a weirdly charming moment actually, and heâs becoming one of my favorites, also one of my favorites because heâs actually pretty decent. Gabrielle is designing something she describes as a tent coat, which just sounds awful.
In the middle of all this, an old man decides to go fishing. It distracts Blake, who does not appreciate the manâs master baiting.
Mood finally shows up! Swapnil nearly breaks into song. Swatch is so excited he licks his foot.
âIt is not attractive to pretend to be dumb,â and in one line, Candice puts a massive hole in Blakeâs carefully constructed âadorable moronâ persona. This was in the middle of an interlude where he was confused by how clocks work.
Amanda has no idea what sheâs going to do, so she decides to ask everyone else what she should do, and then she swears a lot, then she cries. Then she decides to criticize Candice for having confidence in her work.
Gabrielle needs Tim now, itâs throwing off her schedule, also she was in the bottom so sheâs kind of second guessing every instinct she has. Swapnil contemplates using weird shiny leather. Blake gets some ominous music because heâs got a plan he canât explain. Jake tries to make a basketball jersey dress which sounds really dumb but maybe heâll either pull it off or have a temper tantrum so Lindsay has to do it.
During the model fitting Swapnil tries to figure out just how much crack is too much crack.
Being the Mary Kay challenge we get a far-too-long sequence of makeup education. This is boring, but I mention it because blurrrgh.
Blake makes a series of strange noises, like a spooked bird. He then cuts himself and bleeds on everything.
Blake: Itâs pulling weird, but whatever they had no time. It still looks strange, like the model is some sort of levee holding back the rest of the dress. Or possibly like sheâs got a sack on her back with which she can carry many potatoes.
Sports: The quasi-transparent shirt is actually pretty interesting, though it does come close to being a bit literal with the skyline inspiration.
Joseph: Well at least itâs not for a politicianâs wife. It is an example of why I hate peplums.
Lindsey: The oversize jacket seems very much âsitting at the lake drinking teaâ while the dress is a pile of nothing rendered in old lady fabric.
Ashley: Girl likes her big skirts, the fabric is a bit â90s wallpaper.
Laurie: The poofy top takes up all the attention, but itâs not rendered in interesting fabrics that make it seem a bit less expected. Not sure the skirt fits belongs here, the fabric is a bit fussy for the bold shapes of the top.
Jake: âThis is a look for a very specific person.â That person, a woman in the music video for a famous basketball playerâs attempt at establishing a rap career. And much like most albums by basketball players, itâs astonishingly bad.
Amanda: It makes the model look pregnant. Not that thereâs anything wrong with being pregnant, it just really billows and emphasizes the area of a womanâs body where babies tend to show up.
Swapnil: I donât really get it, the whole strips of ruffles puts me in mind of lighting fixtures most of the time.
Merline: Itâs a bunch of interesting shapes colliding together on the jacket, but it kind of works out to something surprisingly normal. I think I understand what sheâs trying to do, avant garde for normal people, and Iâm pretty sure she succeeds.
Gabrielle: It looks like a half finished version of an idea that wasnât really any good in the first place.
Candice: Really like the jacket, donât get why the model immediately took it off. Taking it off does make her look âharder,â the dress is mostly interested in looking tough. The jacket provides a necessary contrast to that.
Edmond: Itâs sort of â80s in the big collar and power shoulders, but it also has weird lines. Itâs like what an executive would wear in â80s scifi.
Blake is in the top somehow? I donât get it. Even he doesnât think heâs in the top. Bizarrely, Zac praises Blake for trying to hide his blood with a big necklace, and the closeup looks like itâs not even finished. What the fuck? Swapnil is in the top, for making an effective party girl dress. Candice is in the top for having a look where you can instantly tell who did it, negating the point of an anonymous runway. Candice decides to bring up how much she loves her daughter, I donât get why.
Lindsay is in the bottom, getting faint praise for making a lot of stuff, but criticized for the fucked up proportions she did. Gabrielle is in the bottom for making a disaster. I appreciated the close up on the hem, which looks like it was made by a drunk person. Itâs amazing how awful the dress is, actually, like it looks worse than something I would have made. Amanda is in the bottom again, the judges tell her to fail on her own terms, rather than make a terrible boring pregnancy dress.
The guest judge is very nice, even praising the shit.
Speaking of Blake, he wins, even as the judges admit itâs badly made. Speaking of badly made, Gabrielle goes home, which is fair enough. At least she got screen time in one episode.
Candice is great, she has a look on her face like she canât quite process what just happened when Blake wins. Candice and Swapnil are the two I want to see make it all the way.
Next week: Everyone shoots each other. Itâs about time.
|
|
|
|
Post by [Citrus] on Sept 5, 2015 17:56:56 GMT -5
We open with salt in the wound, as we are reminded that Blake won and got a bunch of money besides. On the other end of the spectrum, weâre reminded that Amanda is on the bottom all the time, which gets so much focus that it feels like a storyline is coming on. Also setting up a storyline is Ashley, who speaks of her confidence after a couple wins, because that is a setup for her losing confidence.
Itâs also a prelude to getting shot, because we have paintball guns and Tim Gunn wearing a tie with coveralls.Itâs also a team challenge, and team selection becomes our first order of the day. Blake is first to pick, because he won, and Candice is second, due to random chance. She also accidentally puts a hole in Ashleyâs shaky confidence by picking Amanda, who sucks, because she sucks and maybe could have the minor thrill of not being picked last like she probably otherwise would have been. The end result is boys and Merline vs. girls. Itâs also the cause of an angry Ashley, which is a storyline I guess.
Then a bunch of less than physical specimens - and Sports - get to shoot paintballs at each other. Ashley, being angry and actually knowing how a paintball gun works, proceeds to shoot all the boys but Blake, who hides behind something as part of his insufferable adorable princess act.
Hate the Blake.
The challenge works like this: Their coveralls are the looks, their fabric is supplemental, theyâve got six looks in the lot, mini collection and teamwork and drama.
The boys team has a lot of fun and agreement, and the girls team has a pissy Ashley and dramatic music, I wonder if this is foreshadowing? Yes, it is. To be fair, Ashley is probably the only one on her team who has an idea of what planning is, while everyone else on her team is going âWhoa, letâs just throw paint on things, hooray!â So they just have a pile of paint thrown on things.
The boys team, meanwhile, actually know what theyâre doing, in the sense that they have a plan. So they get the happy music like the one you want.
After a terrible critique, the girls at least get on the same page. That page is the âWell weâre bonedâ page. Thereâs an amusing montage of frustrated faces.
Boys and Merline, meanwhile, are doing almost comically well, itâs like up with people (who were recently shot with paintballs).
Brief interlude at nail painting.
Amanda, well aware that sheâs making garbage, decides to try to save herself by the power of pointless drama. Thus, she finds someone who is cutting something, asks for their scissors, and has a tantrum because she canât use those scissors. Kudos for knowing that giving editors material is a way to stay in the game, but maybe try being less shit at dresses instead.
Blake grew up on a farm, which is one of those things I can believe because Iâve seen similar things happen, but it also seems completely wrong. Like the time I found one of my gay friends was the son of a cowboy and his mechanic wife and thought âHow did you two create that guy? I do not understand.â
Laurie decides to subtly start shit, by telling Ashley everyoneâs conspiring against her.
Heidi decides to subtly start shit, by pointing out how weird the team selection process was.
Kelly Osborne is a guest judge, and I normally donât care that much but her hair colour matches Ashleyâs.
Blake: Itâs a simple look, but the splatter and ombre combo kind of demands a simple look so it works.
Joseph: Housewife in a car ad doing some gardening.
Swapnil: The way the bottom is handled makes it look a bit like sheâs trying to steal a lot of potatoes, the top plays with the fabric in an interesting way.
Jake: It kind of recalls the coverall inspiration without being a coverall, and it does flow pretty nicely.
Merline: Itâs odd, because itâs split between a flowing, loose garment and something thatâs straightforward, simple and fitted, and it looks kind of schizophrenic as a result. And yet, I knew exactly who did it the moment it turned the corner. I mean, I also knew exactly who did Josephâs, because it was dowdy, but in this case I recognized the designer because sheâs screwing around with structure, which is different.
Edmond: Clever use of the coveralls on top, the volume on the bottom is kind of a lighter variation of what Swapnil did. He made the look that kind of tied the group together as well, the boy has watched this show before.
Ashley: Itâs very precise, which is a good thing. The fabric is letting it down, the color scheme looks like the backdrop of a glamor shot for a â90s soap opera cast.
Laurie: Very short, the top is kind of odd in that I donât know what sheâs trying to do with it.
Lindsay: The jacket looks like something the Golden Girls would wear to do gardening. The top underneath is what you would make if you had never seen the human body before but had an alien on the phone tell you what needs to be covered.
Candice: Interesting skirt, the top is baffling in that itâs not clear what sheâs trying to accomplish with all the folds.
Sports: She says sheâs not happy with anything, it sort of looks like the dress an unhappy person would make. Thereâs a kind of âWell fuck it this is what weâve gotâ vibe.
Amanda: A tent made out of 1992.
Boys and Merline in the top, girls in the bottom. The boys made something fun, the judges say! But they kind of rush through because thereâs a trainwreck around the corner. The girls confuse a guest judge, so at least we get a drink. Laurie decides to take the start shit tack with the critiques, as though to say âIâll give you some material guys! Keep me here!â Itâs basically amatuer hour, they say, which is accurate enough. First few say Ashley should go home, which is baffling, because Amanda is RIGHT THERE, and her look is CRAP! Ashley and Laurie at least know what garbage looks like.
Blake is the worldâs most unlikely voice of reason, pointing out that theyâre acting like high school students. When a man whose main concern is life is being cute calls you out on being immature high school students, itâs time to reflect on how your life has gone wrong.
Edmond wins, given that he kind of tied the group together look-wise thatâs fair. Amanda is out, which is also good, because that tent was awful.
|
|
|
|
Post by [Citrus] on Sept 11, 2015 17:21:06 GMT -5
The game opens in the girls room, where everyone kind of wants to pretend that the previous challenge didnât happen, and does so with really flat readings of platitudes - Sportsâ completely blank âtoday is a new dayâ is the creepiest thing that has ever happened on this series, and this is a series that had Vincent on it in Season 3.
Then, after a bit of suspiciously drawn out aerial photography we get a bunch of underwear, and Edmond kind of not wanting to admit that heâs super straight in the most awkward way possible. âHeheh, itâs going to be uh interestingâ he stumbles, while awkwardly trying to hide an erection.
Heidi needs to pimp some underwear, and as a result everyone has to design some underwear for her. In the post Lifetime era, Heidi challenges tend to be among the best, just because she actively fucks with the designers. Sheâs good TV, and if sheâs good TV while selling her clothes, so be it.
Candice, meanwhile, reveals she loves lingerie, almost as much as much as she loves leather, as she decides to be the sexy lady on the show.
Everyone gets âup close and personalâ with Heidiâs collection, which I mention entirely because she missed the opportunity to bring up her brand name, given that itâs her Intimates. âGet intimate with my Intimates,â is what she should say.
Jake tells everyone a little bit more than they needed to know about his love of ladiesâ underwear. Blake, meanwhile, doesnât wear underwear, which causes Tim to react as if Blake just slapped his dick right across his face.
Sports is going for sexy boobs, as you do. Edmond goes for a color combination that looks sort of like a jacket my mom had in 1992. Swapnil goes for bondage straps and Madonna references, which luckily do NOT remind me of my mom in any way.
The entire thing does have a âteehehe! Sex!â undertone that is hilarious mostly because theyâre all grownups acting like teenagers who just saw a boob for the first time. Blake, meanwhile is confused by the concept of vaginas, leading to a very weird scene where he and Jake - who, letâs be honest, isnât exactly an expert in the field of womenâs genitalia clearly - have a debate about what vaginas are.
Lindsey injures herself by sticking her scissors through her hand, leading to both a tetanus shot and the first appearance of Ian, the incredibly sexy paramedic.
Heidi comes to the workroom, immediately insulting everyoneâs ability to make bras, insulting everyone Edmond has ever had sex with, says Candice will whip everyone. The reaction shots are a bit much, because Heidi doesnât need the punctuation, but actually the show is kind of weirdly edited this week, lots of blank space.
Jake doesnât know the difference between a 16 year oldâs bra and a 36 year oldâs bra. One leads you to jail, Jake.
Heidi explains boobs to gay men.
Thereâs a twist, everyone gets to have a slumber party and also make a coverup. Itâs not an interesting twist.
Itâs actually not a very interesting episode at all. In spite of wacky Heidi, thereâs little of note here. Does anyone really care about Blake being apparently unable to lift an air mattress? Swapnil is charming at least. Swapnil for the win!
The guest judge is from some kind of new Amityville movie. Why does that exist? Yet sheâs actually REALLY GOOD, she could teach a class on how to make underwear, she hits on exactly how structure failures happen and why they donât work.
Swapnil: Itâs not really realistic - complex straps everywhere suggests it needs detailed instructions to take on or off, a billowing coverup that only really works if youâve got a wind machine in your bedroom - but it does get your attention at least.
Ashley: Her coverup is pointless, but I think weâll be saying that a lot. She does seem to have difficulty scaling her design sense down - this bra would look good on Ashley herself, but there are many design elements here and they all kind of fight with each other when not given space to breathe.
Jake: Itâs alright, I donât know if polka dots are sexy - I mean, my first thought was Minnie Mouse - but the strap design adds a bit of interest.
Edmond: A bit of pink fabric means your eyes go DIRECTLY to the vagina.
Lindsey: Itâs fine.
Candice: Yellow fabric is weird, probably would have been sexier in all black. The garter belt thing is an interesting idea, maybe a bit of a cliche, but hell cliches in underwear exist for a reason.
Joseph: Itâs not as old as some other Joseph looks, but it is elephant grey and the fit on the bottom ainât great.
Merline: Iâm not sure it would work if the model had decent size boobs, it seems barely able to keep it all in as is. Interesting use of structure, but the structure also doesnât seem to be designed around what it actually needs to support.
Blake: Speaking of poor structure, whatever this thing is doing to these boobs it is not, in any way, complementary to them.
Laurie: Odd shape on the bra, it seems bigger and heavier than it needs to be. Odd shape on the panties, which are really tall for reasons I canât figure out. And they donât go together.
Sports: Itâs interesting, the colors work together even though they definitely shouldnât.
In the top is Swapnil, but seemingly barely, which is fair enough, it was as much a great idea as it was kind of not really executed as well as it could have been. Merline is there for unusual shapes, though Heidi hits on the fact that large breasts couldnât work with this look. Ashley is on the top for making something everyone likes, and making it well.
In the bottom is Laurie, for going dated. Jake, for being boring. Blake, for being confused by how womenâs bodies work.
Merline wins, though I thought Ashley would take it. Maybe the version produced for sale will be better engineered. Blake is out, which considering how garbage his look was, yeah that makes sense.
|
|
|
|
Post by [Citrus] on Sept 18, 2015 17:31:39 GMT -5
âHeâll go far, but just not here.â
With that, Candice kind of makes sense of the doldrums seasons of Project Runway. Itâs really not a measure of anything, itâs not going to be a huge career boost or a big handicap. Itâs just a thing everyone did this one time, and itâs all a silly lark that they can look back on fondly. One day the designers will all meet for drinks in a not quite interesting loft and go âremember that annoying kid who didnât understand breasts? Whatever happened to him?â The answer will be âhe probably went far,â a statement vague enough to either mean success, or a good vacation at some point in his life.
Then she says a bunch of stuff about it being a competition and whatever donât care.
âI cannot remember the last time I saw a boomboxâ says Joseph, but there was a boombox at the beginning of the challenge, so the answer is âa day ago at the most.â He then says it was the last time he saw Madonna in concert, which given stereotypes remains a time within the last year.
This challenge is a dumpster dive, which warrants fun â80s graphics. All sorts of old technology - including a prominently displayed iMac which is giving me PTSD flashbacks to an old work computer - is going to be turned into clothes, which is a fun challenge. We get VHS tapes and a rolodex and a pile of cables, all shown with weird dated text graphics that indicate some editor lovingly unearthed his copy of Video Toaster.
Swapnil tells Joseph he needs to make something âfucking sexyâ which is accurate, having fun with Josephâs (well deserved) reputation for going grandma, and just makes me like Swapnil the best even more. We have a montage of mumsy.
Jakeâs dog dies. Tim and Jake cry about dogs. Jake leaves the competition.
During the critiques we learn what a paillette is with a ding. Sports did not get to see the word, but she does make a pie joke. I want pie.
Tim compares Merlineâs look with striking black shoulders to Big Bird, Sesame Street must have gotten dark since I was 5.
Swapnil appears to be getting a storyline, itâs scary. Because heâs the best. This better be a Swapnil wins storyline. The interesting thing is he starts going on about how heâs coasting through the competition but heâs also pretty consistently in the top, so I want to see what he looks like full strength. Then again he is making a boob fence so maybe it wonât be that.
Lindsey complains about her look being too shiny while standing beside Sports, who is making a dress out of shiny metal.
Joseph has vagina wire.
Sports almost shows some boob, but adds in a strap and now there is not so much boob.
Sports tells everyone about her childhood cat Cufflink, who was once covered in glitter. Yay cat!
Swapnil: It sucks when your favorites make something bad, but Swapnil made some sort of boob fence out of wire that turns into a wire tornado and itâs a mess.
Edmond: Keyboard keys and mousepads make for a pretty interesting use of texture, as well as a contrast between matte and glossy texture. Fringe on the shoulder is a bit rodeo.
Lindsey: Itâs honestly not as bad as she thinks it is, but itâs also mostly a white dress with Mac keys all over the place. Very safe, bland.
Candice: Contrast color on the boobs gives her boob eyes. It doesnât look like she can walk.
Laurie: Very floppy.
Sports: It canât actually move - and it wouldnât be able to, itâs made entirely out of aluminum - but unless sheâs supposed to move it actually looks surprisingly soft for a look made entirely out of aluminum.
Merline: Does not look like goth Big Bird, but it does have an odd texture to it, as though it was completed with markers by children, even though she used wires.
Joseph: Itâs not sexy, I donât think Joseph has a concept of how to make something sexy. Itâs sort of a nonentity.
Ashley: Very dramatic shapes, very fun colors from the Polaroid film she used. Itâs sort of more art piece than something you could wear - thereâs some exaggeration in the proportions - but itâs a fun look.
Top sees Edmond, because it has interesting details, and Nina likes fringe. Paula Patton would wear this, and actress guest judges saying they would wear things is a drink. Ashley is up there for making something fun. Sports is up there for making a dress out of aluminum tubes that looks like something else.
Joseph is in the bottom because his look is boring. Swapnil is down for basically doing everything on the top and neglecting the bottom. Lindsay is also in the bottom for being boring. Zac says Lindsay needs some âSwapnil juiceâ which everyone realizes is a gross thing to say. Zac then gets huffy that Swapnil is clearly not pushing himself, even though Swapnil has been at or near the top in all but two episodes. DONâT BE HYPOCRITICAL ABOUT MY BOY SWAPNIL, LITTLE BITCH.
Sports scores! Which is well deserved - it pretty much had to be her or Ashley. Joseph is out because heâs boring and he made people say matronly a lot.
|
|
|
|
Post by đ huss đ on Sept 23, 2015 8:04:04 GMT -5
The game opens in the girls room, where everyone kind of wants to pretend that the previous challenge didnât happen, and does so with really flat readings of platitudes - Sportsâ completely blank âtoday is a new dayâ is the creepiest thing that has ever happened on this series, and this is a series that had Vincent on it in Season 3. Then, after a bit of suspiciously drawn out aerial photography we get a bunch of underwear, and Edmond kind of not wanting to admit that heâs super straight in the most awkward way possible. âHeheh, itâs going to be uh interestingâ he stumbles, while awkwardly trying to hide an erection. Heidi needs to pimp some underwear, and as a result everyone has to design some underwear for her. In the post Lifetime era, Heidi challenges tend to be among the best, just because she actively fucks with the designers. Sheâs good TV, and if sheâs good TV while selling her clothes, so be it. I've tried Heidi's collection. I considered buying a bra because it was on clearance, but I decided I liked myself too much to buy something that heinously ugly. In general her stuff did not fit my shape. |
|
![[Citrus] Avatar](http://storage.proboards.com/5459120/avatar/fI7z3q6ybFW0H50AaJX3.jpg)
