Hatesong: Love You Like a Love Song by Selena Gomez
Nov 22, 2015 0:29:26 GMT -5
LazBro, Jean-Luc Lemur, and 4 more like this
Post by moimoi on Nov 22, 2015 0:29:26 GMT -5
Earlier today in the car, I caught a bit of a new song by Selena Gomez, and once again I found myself musing on just how bland and pointless her pop career has been to date. I mean, she's cute as a button and I definitely sympathize with her in her battle against lupus, but for her own good, I wish she would accept defeat, Mandy Moore-style, and bow out gracefully from the already crowded and irritating pop landscape.
Not only has she (or more accurately, her team) failed to create any distinctive or interesting identity as a performer, but her musical output is shockingly nondescript for someone who is practically a household name in the States (thanks to Beiber). According to Wikipedia, she's put out five singles as a solo artist - all of which I have heard and all of which suck pretty hard. Her first single "Come & Get It" samples Indian music, which [UGH] gave her license to try out the whole 'exotic' belly dancer / bollywood persona. I can just picture her in press junkets talking about how the song has 'like an eastern, Zen kind of vibe' which matches her because she's 'really spiritual'. The next single "Slow Down" doesn't sound like a serious dance track so much as one of those ersatz songs written for commercials or TV when they don't want to pay for the rights to an actual song. On more than one occasion, I have confused it for an ad, since it sounds like the generic trance they'd play behind a spot for a nightclub in Elgin or Orland Park (Chicagoans will get the reference). Last year, it looks like she tried to put out a ballad with more 'substance' (around the time she broke up with Beebs, I'm guessing?) and it was a snooze. Now she's got two songs on Top 40 radio: the somnambulantly unsexy paean to the male gaze "Good for You" and the whiny, trying-too-hard-to-be-edgy "Same Old Love".
But what really inspires my hatred is a song that I didn't even realize Selena Gomez sang it until I looked it up for this post--so generic and indistinguishable is her music. "Love You Like a Love Song" is not just bad, it's 'meta' about how bad it is. The chorus to this fucking horrible song is:
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat
The first verse starts, "It's been said and done, Every beautiful thought's been already sung, And I guess right now here's another one". IS THAT NOT THE DEFINITION OF POINTLESSNESS?!
On top of that, the music is basically a rip-off of "Poker Face", which must have come out around the same time. It appears this was released by Selena Gomez & the Scene, which is some sort of band she also has? But from what I see on Wikipedia, they just make the same derivative pop garbage. Perhaps the source of my exposure to this shit song is telling. Usually, I hear Selena Gomez singles when I let my tuner linger too long after Disclosure on one of Chicago's top 40 stations. I hear "Love You Like a Love Song" when I let my tuner linger too long after some guilty pleasure like Duncan Sheik on "The Mix". The Mix is the kind of depressing MOR station that has a morning show (with Eric & Kathy! Doesn't that sound like a blast?) and plays stuff like Savage Garden and Donna Lewis (who should have been a Hatesong on AVC, but was instead the subject of this rather lame and implausible attempt to redefine 'cool').
It's like off-brand Selena Gomez, which is already among the most insipid music on U.S. radio. She's our answer to Jessie J, but worse (I kind of like Jessie J because she's an underdog and she's clearly trying). Or, Rita Ora. She's an American Rita fucking Ora. Lovely person, I'm sure, but utterly inessential to music.
This song tells you it has no reason to exist, and it does so in the most grating manner imaginable. Therefore, I condemn it to the flames of Hell for eternity. Can I get an amen?
Not only has she (or more accurately, her team) failed to create any distinctive or interesting identity as a performer, but her musical output is shockingly nondescript for someone who is practically a household name in the States (thanks to Beiber). According to Wikipedia, she's put out five singles as a solo artist - all of which I have heard and all of which suck pretty hard. Her first single "Come & Get It" samples Indian music, which [UGH] gave her license to try out the whole 'exotic' belly dancer / bollywood persona. I can just picture her in press junkets talking about how the song has 'like an eastern, Zen kind of vibe' which matches her because she's 'really spiritual'. The next single "Slow Down" doesn't sound like a serious dance track so much as one of those ersatz songs written for commercials or TV when they don't want to pay for the rights to an actual song. On more than one occasion, I have confused it for an ad, since it sounds like the generic trance they'd play behind a spot for a nightclub in Elgin or Orland Park (Chicagoans will get the reference). Last year, it looks like she tried to put out a ballad with more 'substance' (around the time she broke up with Beebs, I'm guessing?) and it was a snooze. Now she's got two songs on Top 40 radio: the somnambulantly unsexy paean to the male gaze "Good for You" and the whiny, trying-too-hard-to-be-edgy "Same Old Love".
But what really inspires my hatred is a song that I didn't even realize Selena Gomez sang it until I looked it up for this post--so generic and indistinguishable is her music. "Love You Like a Love Song" is not just bad, it's 'meta' about how bad it is. The chorus to this fucking horrible song is:
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat
The first verse starts, "It's been said and done, Every beautiful thought's been already sung, And I guess right now here's another one". IS THAT NOT THE DEFINITION OF POINTLESSNESS?!
On top of that, the music is basically a rip-off of "Poker Face", which must have come out around the same time. It appears this was released by Selena Gomez & the Scene, which is some sort of band she also has? But from what I see on Wikipedia, they just make the same derivative pop garbage. Perhaps the source of my exposure to this shit song is telling. Usually, I hear Selena Gomez singles when I let my tuner linger too long after Disclosure on one of Chicago's top 40 stations. I hear "Love You Like a Love Song" when I let my tuner linger too long after some guilty pleasure like Duncan Sheik on "The Mix". The Mix is the kind of depressing MOR station that has a morning show (with Eric & Kathy! Doesn't that sound like a blast?) and plays stuff like Savage Garden and Donna Lewis (who should have been a Hatesong on AVC, but was instead the subject of this rather lame and implausible attempt to redefine 'cool').
It's like off-brand Selena Gomez, which is already among the most insipid music on U.S. radio. She's our answer to Jessie J, but worse (I kind of like Jessie J because she's an underdog and she's clearly trying). Or, Rita Ora. She's an American Rita fucking Ora. Lovely person, I'm sure, but utterly inessential to music.
This song tells you it has no reason to exist, and it does so in the most grating manner imaginable. Therefore, I condemn it to the flames of Hell for eternity. Can I get an amen?
