Hatesong: Band Aid - "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

Fictional Interviewer: So why pick "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

MP: I work in retail, and they've been playing a lot of Christmas songs lately. It's been educational. Did you know Nickelback had a Christmas song? I wish I didn't. But then I heard this song on the loudspeaker, and was just horrified.

FI: Horrified?

MP: Yeah, well, it's not really a joyous seasonal kind of song. My mom, who hates Christmas songs generally, has always particularly disliked the continued playing of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," which is a very sad song, not just because of its connection with the generally tragic Judy Garland, but because it's a well-wish to our troops as they were getting blown up in the Ardennes.

"Do They Know It's Christmas" compounds that kind of unfortunate implications. It's a not only depressing, but mean-spirited, very sincerely mean-spirited. Why would you want your customers to listen to that?

FI: In fairness, it was a charity single, so it did some good.

MP: It's terrible at being a charity single. I studied propaganda theory in film school, and the biggest mistake that you can make in propaganda is preaching, because it'll immediately turn people against you and basically only exists to make the propagandist feel good. And of course most propaganda preaches, and accordingly fails. You know what's worse than preaching? Insulting the audience. When they say "well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you," they're saying "fuck you for not suffering, even though you presumably bought this single." Does that put you in a charitable mood? It's the kind of weak, petulant attitude you normally expect from a Pure Flix movie or a middle schooler ranting on Tumblr, except it's about a real tragedy.

And that's another thing: it's a charity single for a crisis that has long passed. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" may have been born out of WWII, but it still works in a broader context. Meanwhile, "Do They Know It's Christmas" is way too specific, they sing "It won't be snowing in Africa." If we're going to keep playing this song during Christmas, why not also play "Over There" or "Ballad of the Green Berets" or something?

They're wrong, by the way; it snows in the Atlas Mountains, South Africa, and the mountains of Ethiopia and the Virungas. And of course much of Africa is Christian, including Ethiopia, which was where the famine was that provoked the single. So with that, and really hammering in the pathos of those poor Africans in "Africa" incapable of happiness on any level, they're also demonstrating their ignorance. They might as well be singing Mitchell and Webb's Gilbert and Sullivan parody "Bongo Bongo Land."

FI: And yet it was a huge hit.

MP: Well, people knew it was for a good cause. It's the continued popularity that befuddles me. Why would anyone want to listen to this if they didn't feel obliged to? And I've yet to meet anyone who actually likes it. It exists because it exists. There was once a time in the music industry when you could force this shit on people, and the fact that we still have to put up with that is, I guess, a holdover from that era.

FI: Any final thoughts?

MP: No.