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Post by Hawkguy on Jan 23, 2017 11:22:27 GMT -5
Start speculating, y'all!
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Post by Superb Owl 🦉 on Jan 23, 2017 11:23:53 GMT -5
I voted other. I would bet large sums of imaginary money that the sub-title is intentionally misleading.
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Post by chalkdevil 😈 on Jan 23, 2017 11:43:04 GMT -5
I voted Rey. I think it will start as Luke, then pass to Rey.
Prediction: During a light saber duel with Kylo Ren, Luke will just give up and evaporate midway through the fight. This will upset Rey, since Luke was her teacher/father figure. It's like a poem. It rhymes with both episode 4 and 7. That's extra rhyming!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2017 11:51:46 GMT -5
I agree that it'll be Luke, then Rey, or some variation thereof.
I really like the title though. Unless they pull a "The Last Exorcism" and just make "last" mean "previous".
"Star Wars Episode IX: The Last Jedi Two"
"Star Wars Episode X: I Know Which Jedi You Killed Last Summer"
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Post by Hawkguy on Jan 23, 2017 11:55:55 GMT -5
I'm thinkin Luke cause for whatever reason my mind has locked on the idea that maybe Luke has given up on the idea of designating force users since splitting the light and the dark seems to keep leading to war.
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Post by Return of the Thin Olive Duke on Jan 23, 2017 12:19:47 GMT -5
I voted other. I would bet large sums of imaginary money that the sub-title is intentionally misleading. Mohicans, etc. |
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Post by Ben Grimm on Jan 23, 2017 12:32:50 GMT -5
It can be two things.
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Post by chalkdevil 😈 on Jan 23, 2017 13:38:03 GMT -5
Okay, I've got it. The "Last Jedi" is actually alcoholic Tom Cruise who will suddenly appear to save the Jedi way of life. You can tell he's an alcoholic because he has a beard. Additionally, the beard indicates he has Jedi potential because human Jedi masters have beards because in the late 70s Alec Guinness had a beard so that arbitrary facial hair choice has profound effects on the entire Star Wars cannon. Furthermore, the beard motif is proof that Mace Windu is a secret Sith lord since clean shaven is a Sith signifier in Star Wars cannon. So, in episode 8, Supreme Leader Snoke will be revealed to be a returned Mace Windu, who, having survived his battle with Palpatine badly injured, turned to the dark side for revenge, started plotting to seize control of the Empire from the Emperor. His plans fall apart when the Empire falls leaving a power vacuum. Seizing the opportunity, he starts the First Order using Empire resources (stormtroopers, ships, etc). Also, the dark side made him British. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Tom Cruise is Jack Novahopper, disgraced Rebellion captain, who stumbles upon Luke and Rey, while Luke is training Rey in Jedi stuff, let's say on planet Jagobah, which is exactly like Dagobah in climate and topography, but with some crumbling Jedi ruins to imply a planet with a rich Jedi history without having to actually take up screen time explaining it. Maybe the planet has less fog so you can get some nicely backlit sunsets. So anyway, Cruise lives there now on a houseboat in the swamp when, blitzed out on Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, he passes out at one of the Jedi ruins. Luke and Rey find him and nurse him back to health with a lovely montage where he lays in bed and watches them training out the window. Rey puts a damp wash cloth on his head. After an unspecified amount of time signified with a slow screen wipe, he is better and convinces Luke to train him in Jedi shit. Luke's all, "No way, you're old." and Tom's all, "Give me a lightsaber and attack me. I've already learned so much just by watching you train whilst in withdrawal." So, Luke gives hime Rey's lightsaber and attacks him. Cruise does awesome and totally defends himself until Luke eventually gets the better of him. Luke: You show potential. I will train you. Your midichlorian count must be through the roof. Cruise: Midichlorians are just a lie the Sith psychologists told you to keep you in check. But I have thetan count of over 8 billion. That's a lot. To give you context for this random number, normal people have like 50 thetans. Also, during our training it will be important for me to fall in love with your most beautiful village girl. Luke: Well, we really just have Rey. She's pretty hot, but she's gotta be 30 years younger than you. Cruise: That's perfect. Luke nods knowingly. Training montage. So, third act stuff. Shirtless Cruise wakes up from a vision of Kylo Ren and Snokes killing people on planet Psychlo. He tells Rey who is curled up under his arm, they decide to sneak away leaving Luke (he will die in episode 9). They go to Psychlo where a bunch of giants with dreadlocks are working with Kylo Ren, who went into hiding there after Starkiller base was destroyed. Anyway they are working on some sort of super weapon involving bombs and a volcano. Anyway, fighting starts, the Resistance shows up to give those actors something to do and get C3PO and R2D2 cameos. Maybe Rey calls them on the way from the Millennium Falcon. So, laser shooting, Cruise is taking on hundreds of Psychlos singlehanded, Rey confronts Kylo. Slow motion action. Shakey cam lightsabers so we can avoid real action choreography, and Kylo stabs Rey and she's all like "Cousin, why?" and he's all, "Shhh, we didn't reveal that yet." Cruise sees this across the battlefield, screams no, force pushes the rest of the Psychlos away where none of them will get up to become relevant to the rest of the fight. Cruise slow motion runs to Kylo. Lightsaber fight. Cruise chops Kylo's limbs off Black Knight style. Then leaves him there alive because he is a benevolent Jedi master now but it allows time for Snoke to drag him to an escape shuttle. During this Chewbacca is setting off the volcano bombs and then he escapes with Cruise on the Millennium Falcon with the droids. They stare out the window as Psychlo explodes. Close up on Cruise, "Now I am truly the last Jedi." Credits.  *Thanks, internet. You came through within hours. |
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Post by Ron Howard Voice on Jan 23, 2017 15:27:33 GMT -5
Other: "Jedi" is plural
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Post by Superb Owl 🦉 on Jan 23, 2017 15:29:35 GMT -5
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Post by MarkInTexas on Jan 23, 2017 15:33:58 GMT -5
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Post by Superb Owl 🦉 on Jan 23, 2017 15:40:40 GMT -5
And if you want to sink even further into word trickery theories, what if it's not last as in "the final jedi", but last as in "the previous jedi"
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2017 15:49:22 GMT -5
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Post by Ron Howard Voice on Jan 23, 2017 16:17:37 GMT -5
My theory is that the "last" refers to a shoemaker's model for repairing a shoe or boot and that Luke has spent the last couple decades working as a humble cobbler. The movie ends with him agreeing to come out of retirement to star in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie. |
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Post by rimjobflashmob on Jan 23, 2017 16:24:18 GMT -5
My theory is that the "last" refers to a shoemaker's model for repairing a shoe or boot and that Luke has spent the last couple decades working as a humble cobbler. so The Cobbler is actually a Star Wars movie? It all makes sense now |
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Post by Lone Locust of the Apocalypse on Jan 23, 2017 16:52:47 GMT -5
Considering that he was the last Jedi knight in TFA, I'm saying Luke. Rey will become a Jedi by the end of it though.
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Post by Return of the Thin Olive Duke on Jan 23, 2017 18:21:09 GMT -5
Additionally, the beard indicates he has Jedi potential because human Jedi masters have beards because in the late 70s Alec Guinness had a beard so that arbitrary facial hair choice has profound effects on the entire Star Wars cannon. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2017 19:54:40 GMT -5
KYLO REN
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Post by Roy Batty's Pet Dove on Jan 23, 2017 20:27:48 GMT -5
I voted for BB-8.
But, my prediction is that by last Jedi it's referring to the least desirable Jedi, as in "He/she is the last Jedi I'd want to have on hand when I needed to overthrow some sort of evil organization hell-bent on reviving an authoritarian galactic empire."
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Post by Ben Grimm on Jan 23, 2017 21:01:26 GMT -5
One possibility - it could be Snoke, if we get his origin in this. He may be the last surviving member of the actual Jedi order.
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Post by Roy Batty's Pet Dove on Jan 23, 2017 22:31:31 GMT -5
One possibility - it could be Snoke, if we get his origin in this. He may be the last surviving member of the actual Jedi order. Or, maybe, back in Jedi Order times there was some sort of Jedi Supermarathon where the Jedi have a race where they have to run like 1,000 miles or something, and Snoke, in a dastardly move, shoved one of his competitors (the only opponent with a chance of beating everyone's favorite Space Voldemort) off of a cliff or something and then a rockslide covered up said competitor, and so this Jedi who was in this race has been lying under that rockslide for like, fuckin' centuries, and everyone assumed she was dead, but...the twist is, she lived, and was just in a coma for hundreds of years, so then while Luke and Rey are having their weird staring contest or whatever she suddenly comes out of her coma, and she's like "Aw, fuck, I've gotta finish this goddamn race!", and so she finished the last 50 miles or whatever of the race, and then she gets to the finish line on Blorglova 9 or whatever the fuck planet where this Jedi Supermarathon is held, and she's like "Alright, done, I'm sure that being shoved off of a cliff by Snoke and then subsequently being engulfed in a rockslide probably slowed me down, but I was making real good time before that, I wonder if I still managed to beat my personal record", and so she's all like "You, random citizen of Blorglova 9, how many hours has it been since the Jedi Supermarathon started?", and the denizen of this planet is all like "Hours?!? Lady, it's been centuries since they ran the Jedi Supermarathon on Blorglova 9. They stopped running it after that one time that Snoke murdered some Jedi in order to win," and the Jedi's like "Oh god fucking dammit, that was me, so you mean to tell me I've been in a coma for like dozens of generations?" and the Blorglova 9ian is like "Oh shit, that was you? Well, I guess that makes you the last Jedi in the Jedi Supermarathon, you know, because you came in last place?" and she's all like "No, yeah, you really didn't need to elaborate on why I'm the last Jedi, it was crystal clear from context, anyway, what the shit's going on in the galaxy these days?" and the Blorglova 9ian is like "Well, I'm not really sure, sometimes it feels like Blorglova 9 is so out in the sticks that it's as if our whole chunk of the galaxy were a puzzle piece that nobody could navigate through even if they had a map of all the surrounding parts of the galaxy. But anyway, from what I can tell, there was some sort of bullshit Empire thing ruling the galaxy, and some dude who helped destory the Empire showed up here a few years ago and was like 'Hey, I'm a Jedi, and I'm going to the one of the other planets in your star system, the one with all the ruins and shit, but don't tell anybody the way that I just told you without any provocation and for no good reason', and then, just the other day, this woman comes by with a weird soccer ball robot and she's like 'Hey, that planet over there with all the ruins and shit, is there a Jedi there?' and I was like 'Yep!' and she was like 'Oh neat, thanks, guy!' and then she and her soccer ball robot took off for that planet. But I'm sure that couldn't have been anything important. Not in the same solar system as Blorglova 9", and so the last Jedi heads towards the planet with all the ruins and shit where Luke and Rey are still just fucking staring at each other and she's like "Hey, I'm also a Jedi. I'm the last Jedi." and Luke's like "Nah, I'm pretty sure that's me, since my nephew's like some sort Sith or whatever, and this woman who's staring at me hasn't been trained to be a Jedi yet and all the other ones were murdered by my dad or died of natural causes and shit", and she's like "No, I'm totes still alive and I'm not you and I'm a Jedi, but I meant 'last Jedi' as in I came in last place in the last Jedi Supermarathon on Blorglova 9; I would've been the first Jedi, but Snoke tried to murder the shit out of me by shoving me off a mountain", and Luke's like "Oh, that's pretty cool I guess, anyway, Snoke's still around and he's basically the guy who's going to be the Emperor if the new Whatever the Empire is Called beats the New Whatever the Rebellion is Called, so want to help me train this person [pointing towards Rey] how to be a Jedi?" and the last Jedi is like "Yeah, sure, why not, I fuckin' hate Snoke and it's not like I have anything better to do, we're in Blorglova 9's star system for fuck's sake." And that's what the 'last Jedi' refers to. And I don't mean to boast, but I think my idea is slightly more plausible than your idea about Snoke being the last Jedi. |
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Post by Desert Dweller on Jan 24, 2017 0:30:00 GMT -5
I voted for Luke, but the "Other -Jedi (Plural)" idea sounds pretty good.
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Post by Murray the Demonic Skull on Jan 24, 2017 9:19:16 GMT -5
1 Jedo, 2 Jedi
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Post by rimjobflashmob on Jan 24, 2017 11:32:35 GMT -5
Somebody on another forum pointed this out, thought it was a neat idea.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2017 11:57:12 GMT -5
Somebody on another forum pointed this out, thought it was a neat idea. so the force awoke rey just for the first order to eventually win? If this is a sentence then that means rey is the last jedi ever and the whole universe is fucked. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2017 11:59:40 GMT -5
"THE FORCE AWAKENS" "THE LAST JEDI" "JUST IN TIME FOR BREAKFAST"
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Post by Ron Howard Voice on Jan 24, 2017 12:48:57 GMT -5
"THE FORCE AWAKENS" "THE LAST JEDI" "JUST IN TIME FOR BREAKFAST" As great as this is, imagine if it was Dinner and Episode IX was a Mary Kate & Ashley crossover. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2017 4:20:11 GMT -5
Settled once and for all
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 12:27:01 GMT -5
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Post by Logoboros on Feb 17, 2017 12:40:48 GMT -5
You gotta know that's the kind of thing that would piss off a J.J. Abrams type big time. "Oh! What a delightful puzzle I've created! Wait, what, it only works because of the vagaries of English and I'm writing now for a global audience? Confound it! Foiled again!" |
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