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Post by Pastafarian on Apr 7, 2019 19:33:21 GMT -5
On Game of Thrones from Twitter April 7, 2019
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Post by Prole Hole on Apr 16, 2019 4:03:45 GMT -5
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Post by Mrs David Tennant on Apr 18, 2019 15:41:22 GMT -5
Oh an egg cooker: I feel like every review should've opened with "THIS THING SCREECHES". Would've been good to know. I thought "the timer will sound" meant a pleasant little ding or chime or I would've even been okay with a short elephant trumpet, but instead this tiny but mighty cooker will put out a continuous, shrill, miniature SIREN. What is it Lassie!?!? Is it the world's smallest hurricane flood warning? Are the tornadoes coming!? Is there a fire!?? No it's your eggs, they're cooked, because some designing genius thought, you know what folks want to hear as they rouse gently from slumber and prepare their breakfast in the lazy morning? A shrill-af non-stop siren that'll raise your cortisol and maybe gnaw a bit into your mental health. If growing up you ever dashed to open the Microwave before it hit 0, just to spare yourself and your roommates the alarm from that loud microwave beep, boy is this the adult version for you. I'm honestly surprised not more people have remarked on this. Everyone is like oh good eggs! Perfect poach! Mm eggs! Gee yea the eggs taste good when going down with my heart medication bc that bugger shriek still makes my breath catch. I live in dread of it now. But I also want eggs. And I guess this does make eggs. It's $20. It's a fun size that fits well on the counter. The poached eggs not gonna lie come out a bit ...ugly looking, but I just want eggs. Softboiled delivers as promised. The lines seem pretty accurate, I've found when I go above or under them, the cook does vary appropriately (under/over). So I'll keep it for now until I'm rich enough to afford a better one and also therapy for the siren that haunts my dreams. I just read this review like 2 days ago! And it deterred me from buying the egg cooker. |
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Post by MrsLangdonAlger on Apr 18, 2019 17:06:57 GMT -5
Oh an egg cooker: I feel like every review should've opened with "THIS THING SCREECHES". Would've been good to know. I thought "the timer will sound" meant a pleasant little ding or chime or I would've even been okay with a short elephant trumpet, but instead this tiny but mighty cooker will put out a continuous, shrill, miniature SIREN. What is it Lassie!?!? Is it the world's smallest hurricane flood warning? Are the tornadoes coming!? Is there a fire!?? No it's your eggs, they're cooked, because some designing genius thought, you know what folks want to hear as they rouse gently from slumber and prepare their breakfast in the lazy morning? A shrill-af non-stop siren that'll raise your cortisol and maybe gnaw a bit into your mental health. If growing up you ever dashed to open the Microwave before it hit 0, just to spare yourself and your roommates the alarm from that loud microwave beep, boy is this the adult version for you. I'm honestly surprised not more people have remarked on this. Everyone is like oh good eggs! Perfect poach! Mm eggs! Gee yea the eggs taste good when going down with my heart medication bc that bugger shriek still makes my breath catch. I live in dread of it now. But I also want eggs. And I guess this does make eggs. It's $20. It's a fun size that fits well on the counter. The poached eggs not gonna lie come out a bit ...ugly looking, but I just want eggs. Softboiled delivers as promised. The lines seem pretty accurate, I've found when I go above or under them, the cook does vary appropriately (under/over). So I'll keep it for now until I'm rich enough to afford a better one and also therapy for the siren that haunts my dreams. I just read this review like 2 days ago! And it deterred me from buying the egg cooker. A good call! It sucks for everything but hard boiled eggs and it's not like those are hard to do in the first place. |
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Post by Powerthirteen on Apr 20, 2019 22:42:53 GMT -5
"I paid 21 dollars for steak frites that was really just a small steak and fries."
I deeply want to know what this guy thought steak frites was.
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Ben Grimm
TI Forumite
Posts: 7,541 
Member is Online
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Post by Ben Grimm on Apr 21, 2019 11:13:20 GMT -5
"I paid 21 dollars for steak frites that was really just a small steak and fries." I deeply want to know what this guy thought steak frites was. A large steak and frites? |
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Post by Prole Hole on Apr 22, 2019 4:30:37 GMT -5
"I paid 21 dollars for steak frites that was really just a small steak and fries." I deeply want to know what this guy thought steak frites was. A large steak and frites? Fries made out of steak! |
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Apr 22, 2019 10:22:56 GMT -5
A large steak and frites? Fries made out of steak!  They can make 'em out of chicken, why's can't they make 'em out of steak? |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2019 11:42:32 GMT -5
"I paid 21 dollars for steak frites that was really just a small steak and fries." I deeply want to know what this guy thought steak frites was. my mind immediately went to fritters; ' A fritter is a fried food usually consisting of a portion of batter or breading which has been filled with bits of meat, seafood, fruit, vegetables or other ingredients. Fritters are prepared in both sweet and savory varieties.' |
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Post by Mrs David Tennant on May 6, 2019 19:47:24 GMT -5
Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer
5.0 out of 5 stars
Be careful of wrong-way bananas!!
June 1, 2018
Package Quantity: 1Size: 11.25"Verified Purchase
We were so excited to get our Hutzler 571...until we realized that our bananas curved the wrong way. Gonna have to go to the store for new bananas...🍌🍌🍌
review imagereview image
317 people found this helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars
Perfect, If You Want To Get Fired
November 5, 2017
Package Quantity: 1Size: 11.25"Verified Purchase
I was sitting on the couch and my doorbell rang. I leapt off the sofa and ran to the door screaming, “My banana slicer!” I opened the package and immediately snatched a banana to slice. Without instructions included I did not realize I had to peel the banana first. It was a gooey mess and I had to grab another. This time I peeled it, but my banana was too small. It didn’t fill the whole slicer.
I went to Walmart Customer Service, “Do you have any giant bananas?” I questioned. The attendant turned away. I think he was laughing. He called for another attendant, they went to the back, and brought out the biggest bananas I’ve ever seen.
I went home with the bananas. I peeled the bananas and used the banana slicer. It was so satisfying to cut the bananas. I did it all day and forgot to go to work.
I got a call from my boss. “You’re fired!” he screamed into the phone.
I cried. I am no longer Jake from State Farm. I am now just Jake.
461 people found this helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
The greatest invention of all time
February 22, 2018
Package Quantity: 1Size: 11.25"Verified Purchase
Couldn’t live without this I don’t eat bananas but now I can slice them.
97 people found this helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!
March 3, 2011
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.
Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.
58,643 people found this helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars3 bananas at most! No way to slice 571 bananas at one time...
May 9, 2017
Package Quantity: 1Size: 11.25"Verified Purchase
My expectations may have been a little high, but I have not been able to successfully slice more than 3 bananas at one time. Not sure how Hutzler can claim to slice 571 bananas with this model. A video demonstrating the proper technique would help. For that reason I'd rate this item only 3 out of 571 stars, but Amazon's rating system does not seem to be compatible with this product so I dropped an additional star.
163 people found this helpful
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Post by Mrs David Tennant on May 6, 2019 19:52:22 GMT -5
Still the banana slicer:
Can this be used on cucumbers?
Answer: Um, no. This one is yellow. Bananas are YELLOW. Cucumbers are GREEN. You would need to purchase a green one for cucumbers.
By Lori on January 25, 2013
Battery Life: 5 stars
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Post by Roy Batty's Pet Dove on Aug 10, 2019 17:36:16 GMT -5
Remember that shitty band The Royal Guardsmen who released a bunch of songs about Snoopy fighting the Red Baron back in the '60s (I think I've most often been exposed to the Christmas one)? Well, in 2006, they released another song, called " Snoopy vs. Osama", about Snoopy killing Osama bin Laden, and I decided to read some of the comments to the Youtube video, and holy shit, y'all: Mary Moore 3 years ago Mary Moore 11/18/2015 LOVE it! We need someone like Snoopy to take down ISIS. Timothy Thomas 4 years ago Hooray for America's Heroe: Snoopy! Seth Carlow 3 years ago USA USA USA USA. i love this song. Awesome. Austin Booth 5 years ago This song gave me a ton of hope before we got Osama Bin Laden Joan Morris 3 years ago this is a cute one. Snoopy versus Osama bin Laden Alfred F. Jones 4 years ago We need to bring back John Wayne so he can team up with Snoopy to take down ISIS! Thoralmir 8 years ago What a wonderful song! Charlie Brown gets injured by a roadside bomb (not surprisingly), and Snoopy commits cold-blooded murder! Granted, its the murder of an evil terrorist who certainly deserves it, but this is a beloved children's cartoon character we're talking about here! Calvinski 1 year ago Snoopy should be sent into battle against Isis and North Korea, when this Beagle picks up a rifle the streets will run red with the blood of the damned! |
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Post by William T. Goat, Esq. on Aug 13, 2019 19:56:41 GMT -5
IMDB review for animated religious movie Joshua and the Promised Land (2003)
"My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through.' I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because this movie gave me cancer anyway."
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Post by Pastafarian on Oct 28, 2019 11:02:00 GMT -5
On Vegan "Queso" recipe in NY Times Cooking Section
Jason K1 month ago
I substituted real cheese and it turned out great
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Post by Roy Batty's Pet Dove on Nov 1, 2019 10:38:06 GMT -5
Five star Amazon review for a stuffed animal spider
"A good friend
My child doesn't have friends so i bought him this spider. He really likes it! It's large and fuzzy, just as advertised. He uses it to scare his mother by hiding it in her bed or sneaking up behind her and brushing her with its fuzzy legs. The only drawback is the construction is not super robust, so if it breaks then my child will be friendless again."
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Post by Pastafarian on Jan 12, 2020 10:53:15 GMT -5
On Weighted Blanket by Weighted Idea for Adults, Amazon review February 7, 2019
1.0 out of 5 stars I miss my wife
Reviewed in the United States
Verified Purchase
I never considered the ramifications of this. Sure the wife loves it but if you buy it you’ll never be able to get close to your wife again. It creates a freaking wall of China in bed. It’s like she’s wearing a freaking suit of armor to bed every night. I hate this thing.
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Post by Pastafarian on Jan 20, 2020 9:32:06 GMT -5
On Bourbon Pecan Pie recipe in the NY TImes Cooking Section
Chicago style2 years ago
This is the best recipe, I only needed to tweak it a little bit to feel like an independent thinker and not some switch pulling zombie. I cut the sugar by .38% and omitted the pecans altogether. Sliced up kielbasa and some kale helped make this a family tradition. Save the corn syrup for garnish.
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Ben Grimm
TI Forumite
Posts: 7,541
Member is Online
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Post by Ben Grimm on Jan 20, 2020 17:24:49 GMT -5
On Bourbon Pecan Pie recipe in the NY TImes Cooking Section Chicago style2 years ago This is the best recipe, I only needed to tweak it a little bit to feel like an independent thinker and not some switch pulling zombie. I cut the sugar by .38% and omitted the pecans altogether. Sliced up kielbasa and some kale helped make this a family tradition. Save the corn syrup for garnish. Did a serial killer write that? |
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Post by Pastafarian on Jan 20, 2020 19:16:25 GMT -5
On Bourbon Pecan Pie recipe in the NY TImes Cooking Section Chicago style2 years ago This is the best recipe, I only needed to tweak it a little bit to feel like an independent thinker and not some switch pulling zombie. I cut the sugar by .38% and omitted the pecans altogether. Sliced up kielbasa and some kale helped make this a family tradition. Save the corn syrup for garnish. Did a serial killer write that? Possibly, although I think he was going for funny as there were several dozen people talking about variations they did with the recipe (25% less sugar, more bourbon, mix of brown and white sugar, all brown, half the sugar, walnuts instead of pecans, etc etc) |
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Post by Pastafarian on Jan 23, 2020 19:10:13 GMT -5
On Scallion Pancakes with Black Vinegar Dipping Sauce, Bon Appetit Review Jan 1, 2020
3 Stars (out of a possible 5)
How can you call these pancakes!? Firstly these are obviously a flatbread, specifically called ‘parathas’ very popular on the Asian subcontinent but also now popular in some parts of South East Asia, referred to as ‘rotis’ there. But to call these pancakes is wrong! Aren't pancakes made from a batter and not a dough?!
-TIGGSBELLS
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Post by Prole Hole on Jan 24, 2020 7:07:56 GMT -5
On BIC For Her Medium Ballpoint Pen (Amazon)
5 Stars
This product cured my girly dyslexia. Before I bought this product I couldn't write but now I'm an engineer. Mind you, I only design pink, flowery bridges, motorways and sewers. Blue ones would be wrong wouldn't they.
287 People Found This Helpful
One Comment:
Loved this review - I felt exactly the same way when I saw this stupid product in the shops - "for her"!!!!! Now I know what Germaine Greer was fighting for all these years!! Unfortunately, on seeing it I felt compelled to burn my bra and I set off the sprinkler system in 'Wilkinsons'. Oh well, we can't be beautiful and delicate ALL the time, can we?
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Post by Pastafarian on Feb 13, 2020 10:51:53 GMT -5
On "2001: A Space Odyssey" Amazon Review January 10, 2020
Mary Ellen Rose
1.0 out of 5 stars So boring
"Maybe a 16 year old male who had never had sex and was mildly drunk or stoned would genuinely like this movie. Every one else is just pretending. Oh, and Greg Gutfield might like it."
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monodrone
Prolific Poster 
Come To Brazil
Posts: 2,565
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Post by monodrone on Sept 4, 2020 9:04:08 GMT -5
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Post by Pastafarian on Sept 11, 2020 16:12:29 GMT -5
On "Parasite" Amazon review February 26, 2020
Chase Clay
1.0 out of 5 stars This should not have won any awards
It starts out as an interesting film about struggling to find work, then it turned into a really sick gore fest... really cheap class warfare themes (I was rooting for the honest hardworking rich family), and really disturbing images of psychotic breakdown and terrorism. We turned the movie off so didn't finish it. The fact that this movie was promoted so much tells me its a Deep State cabal industry plant, with the purpose to create trauma-based mind control and more division. Garbage movie, best to avoid. Sad, because I really love a lot of the Korean actors. I recommend watching Sun-kyun Lee in the Korean drama Pasta instead.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Sept 12, 2020 6:00:07 GMT -5
I recommend watching Sun-kyun Lee in the Korean drama Pasta instead. +1 for username/post synergy. |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Nov 15, 2020 12:22:25 GMT -5
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Post by Pastafarian on Nov 19, 2020 18:38:23 GMT -5
On the book "The Old Man and The Sea" Amazon Review
Aaron
1.0 out of 5 stars
Something is backwards here
I got a different book. Cover said old man and the sea, the inside said old man of the sea and was not even remotely close to resembling the book I paid for.
and
Linda Ellsworth
1.0 out of 5 stars
Terribly disappointed
This book was recommended by a speaker from the TV program "The View". I thought it would be good but found it terribly boring. I did not finish it.
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Rainbow Rosa
TI Forumite
not gay, just colorful
Posts: 3,604 
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Post by Rainbow Rosa on Jan 5, 2021 0:44:16 GMT -5
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