Simpsnos Review Thread

Couldn't you argue that every canonical scene in The Simpnsons hints at the existence of several off-screen characters, one or more of whom are filming the private lives of the Simpnsons family, and that the footage we the audience are watching is evidence of their presence? In which case, why does this secret sixth Simpnsons have to be a member of the Simpnsons family?

Simpsnos Season 0, Episodes 1-48 - "All the Simpsnos shorts from the Tracy Ullman Show"

Everyone's aware of The Simpsnos and how there's been a half-hour animated situational comedy program on the television channel Fox since 1989. So when I decided to start this project of reviewing all The Simpsnos, I thought, "Oh good, I'll start with the first episode of The Simpsnos, which is the first episode of Season 1". But Matthew Groening fucking lied when he called "Simpsnos Roasting Over an Open Fire" the first episode of the show. Because it turns out that Matthew Groening made 48 poorly animated short cartoons about the Simpsnos for the famous sketch comedy program The Tracy Ullman Show, and he did this before "Simpsnos Over an Open Fire" came out. So, in the interest of reviewing all of the The Simpsnos, and discovering all I can about the secret sixth Simpsno, in this post I will review all 48 of the poorly animated Simpsnos shorts from the famous sketch comedy program The Tracy Ullman Show.

Additionally, I forgot to mention in my last review perhaps the most famous elements of The Simpsnos, which are the two gimmicks that Matthew Groening added to the theme song since he apparently thought that it was what people were tuning in to see rather than the actual show. One is the Chalkboard Gimmick, where at the start of each episode, the Bart is being punished for some crime by being forced to write that he will no longer commit said crime on a classroom chalkboard over and over until the schoolbell rings to signal the end of the day's classes. The other gimmick is the Couch Gimmick, wherein the Simpsnos (sans the secret sixth Simpsno, of course) all sit down on the living room couch to watch some television and some fucking antics ensue. From now on, in my recaps, I will always make sure to recap what the Chalkboard Gimmick and Couch Gimmick was for the episode in question.


Season 0, Episode 1: "Good Night"

The Bart asks Homer a serious question about what the mind is, but he just responds with some fucking drivel. Meanwhile Marge tells Lisa to not let the bedbugs bite, which leaves Lisa understandably concerned. Next, Marge sings the popular folk horror song "Rock-a-Bye Baby" to the infant Maggie, before heading to the master bedroom, where Homer remarks that the two of them may be the best parents in the world. This statement is ironically undercut by the Bart, Lisa, and Maggie all appearing in the bedroom doorway at once, freaking the fuck out about what Homer and Marge said to them before bidding them good night, and they crawl into bed with their parents before the bedroom light turns off and the episode ends. C

This was alright, I suppose. There clearly wasn't the same kind of budget behind this as even some of the less-well-animated episodes of Season 1, to the degree that it alone could probably turn some people off from wanting to watch. I thought imagining "Rock-a-Bye Baby" as actually being scary was kind of funny, though.

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 2: "Watching TV"

The Bart and Lisa are watching TV. When the show goes to commercial, they fight until the commercial break is finished. Later, they're fighting again, and when Maggie shows up and changes the channel they stop to scream at her to change it back. Then, later still, they're watching TV, Lisa is demanding that the Bart change the channel, and the Bart is refusing; when Maggie changes the channel, they scream at her to change it back. Then, there's one final scene where Homer waxes rhapsodic about how they're spending time together as a family as they are seating in front of the TV; he's interrupted by the Bart telling him that he can stop now because the commercial's over. 

This one wasn't very good. The short basically makes the same tired "Lol, these people are addicted to watching TV," joke over and over again to the point that it's tedious to watch even at under a minute and a half in length.
D+

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 3: "Jumping the Bart"

Homer demands that his son the Bart jump off of a table and into his arms, and he repeatedly fails to actually catch him due to a combination of the Bart's lack of athleticism, and Homer's easily being distracted. Homer displays a callous disregard for the fact that his son is surely suffering multiple TBIs all within the space of a few minutes, but the exercise all comes to an end when "the boxing gloves" "finally" arrive.

This was again the same joke over and over, and the premise feels really contrived, although Homer checking the dictionary, only to learn that "leaped" and "leapt" are both accepted past tense forms of the verb "to leap" was mildly amusing, I guess. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 4: "Babysitting Maggie"

The Bart and Lisa are supposed to be babysitting Maggie, but they're watching TV while their infant sister is out of their sight instead. Lisa is concerned about hearing loud noises as Maggie falls down the stairs and then later falls off the roof after chasing a butterfly through the Simpsnos completely paneless window on the second floor of the house, but the Bart demands that she aid and abet his crime of child endangerment by continuing to watch TV instead of checking on the baby. Then Marge shows up, asking where Maggie is, and Maggie suddenly shows up holding that danged butterfly from earlier. She lets go of the butterfly, and starts crying.

This episode was pretty dull all around. Not much to say about it. C-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 5: "The Pacifier"

Lisa and the Bart are making fun of their infant sister Maggie for having a pacifier. When the Bart steals Maggie's pacifier, she grabs another one from her room. Later, the Bart steals the second pacifier, and Maggie, who apparently already has a full set of teeth somehow, bites Bart in the leg. Later the Bart puts hot sauce on Maggie's pacifier before returning it to her, and Maggie unrealistically makes a sound like a train whistle and actually turns out to like dipping her pacifier in hot sauce. Later, when the Bart and Lisa insist that they don't need pacifiers, Maggie gives one to each of them, and it turns out they enjoy sucking on pacifiers as well.

This episode also wasn't that funny, although it had a couple of moderately clever (if fairly hackneyed) visual gags. C-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 6: "Burping Contest"

The Bart and Lisa are having a burping contest. Marge keeps telling them to knock it the fuck off. At the end of the episode she's telling them to knock it the fuck off once again, when Homer shows up drinking a beer and burping, causing Marge, the other parent in the Simpsnos household, to lose any parental authority on the matter.

This episode sucks. Burping is not a particularly amusing source of humor, and once again, this episode is an example of the same kind of joke over and over and over. D

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 7: "Dinner Time"

Marge tries, in vain to get the rest of the family to show up to the dinner table to eat the meal she's made, to get someone to say grace before eating, and to get them to stop slurping their soup. Eventually she remarks that dinner time should be a time of communication; Homer says this is a good idea, and tells the Bart to bring the TV into the dining room so they can watch it, thus delivering the punchline to the episode's lone joke after a full minute of set-up.

This episode is almost painfully unfunny. Apart from the punchline of "Lol, these people are addicted to television," which is the thrust of like half the jokes in these shorts so far, the rest of the supposed humor comes from a pretty misogynistic portrayal of Marge as an annoying nag. The animation, while still not very good, is at least getting a bit more creative in the small details. D-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 8: "Making Faces"

Lisa and the Bart are having a contest to see who can make the most ridiculous face. Marge keeps showing up and telling them their faces will get stuck that way if they don't cut it out. Later she claims their faces are frozen in ridiculous positions, and the Simpsnos kids run over to the mirror and freak out over how their faces look.

This one is basically a retread of "Burping Contest", but it's significantly better in that it at least leaves room for some halfway creative animation. The final joke, implying that the Simpsnos' faces aren't just how people's faces look in this fictional world, but are in fact a result of their faces actually freezing in place after making a silly face, is an alright premise for a joke, but doesn't really land. C+

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 9: "The Funeral"

Marge and Homer tell the kids that their elderly uncle Hubert has passed away. Lisa asks what "passed away" means, and the Bart provides some irreverant synonyms for "die" to explain it to her. At the wake, the Bart is excited to see a dead body, but then passes out when she sees his uncle's corpse. Later on, the Bart is tired at how long it's taking the pallbearers to get Hubert's coffin to the grave so he runs ahead and starts giving them some encouragement. On the drive home, Homer and Marge are furious at how the kids behaved (even though it was only the Bart who did anything objectionable), and they protest when Homer tells them that this is the last funeral they'll ever be taken to.

This episode is a step up from most of the other episodes so far. The animation looks more like it would once the show became an actual sitcom, and most notably, the Bart here feels a lot closer to the character that he'd become. Interestingly, Lisa isn't as well-thought-out a character yet, and lacks the precociousness that she'll later possess, as she doesn't even know what "passed away" means, a thing that I'm pretty sure the vast majority of seven year olds already know. B-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 10: "Maggie's Brain"

The Bart and Lisa are talking about Maggie as they stand over their baby sister in her crib. Maggie kicks the Bart in the face as he's reciting the inane poem "This Little Piggy" to her. Lisa wonders how she and the Bart look to Maggie, and we learn that Maggie sees her older siblings as creepy monsters. We also learn that Maggie's hopes and dreams for the future involve becoming a giant who tickles her siblings feet as if they are babies unable to do anything to stop her.

This episode was fairly unfunny and formulaic, but at least more visually creative than some of the earlier episodes. It's also, I think, the first instance of Lisa and/or the Bart chanting "One of us, one of us," so there's that. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 11: "Football"

Homer keeps throwing deep American football passes to his son the Bart, telling him he'll take him and his sisters out for milkshakes if he can catch a pass. Bart twice fails to catch the ball while either running headlong into various objects or falling off a cliff. But then he trips and catches the ball in his mouth. Homer takes the kids out for milkshakes, and asks the Bart why he's not eating his, which is odd because the American football is very clearly still stuck in the Bart's mouth.

This episode was repetitive and uninspired. It's also unrealistic how far Homer was able to throw the football. The ball remains airborne for very long stretches of time, longer than I think is actually possible. In the popular film Napoleon Dynamite, there's a character named Uncle Rico, who claims (falsely, it's implied) that back in the year 1982 C.E. when he was a high school American football quarterback, he used to be able to throw an American football a quarter of a mile. In this Simpsnos sketch, I think Homer must have come pretty close to achieving this feat. C-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 12: "House of Cards"

The Bart tries to construct a house of cards, but Maggie and Lisa show up and Lisa yells at her brother so loudly that the cards collapse. Then, as the Bart tries to construct another house of cards, Lisa instructs him not to be nervous, which only causes the Bart to be more nervous and cause the house of cards to collapse. The Bart attempts to build a third house of cards, but falls off a precariously stacked set of objects as he puts the last card in place, and is knocked unconscious when he lands on the ground. Lisa wakes him up just as this last house of cards also collapses, and the episode ends.

Meh. Nothing particularly funny here. Another repetitive episode, with jokes that were kind of predictable. Also, the Bart calls constructing a house of cards "the most difficult of all human endeavors", which I think is a lie. I can think of lots of things that are more difficult. Three examples would be going to the moon, killing a grizzly bear unarmed, and bringing an end to the capitalist mode of production. Four Pinnochios. C-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 13: "The Bart and Homer's Dinner"

Homer tells the Bart that Marge took Maggie and Lisa to the ballet, so he'll be combining two frozen TV dinners of fish nuggets and "porkaroni" into one disgusting meal of fishporknuggetsaroni. The Bart is not enthusiastic about this meal, but Homer is insistent that he eat several massive portions.

This episode isn't very good. While Homer and the Bart are closer here to the sorts of characters they'd later become, and that's good because they're better thought out here than in some of the earlier shorts, there wasn't anything I really laughed at. It was just gross-out humor accompanied by a healthy dose of "look at how stupid people are for eating TV dinners". C-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 14: "Space Patrol"

The Bart, Lisa and Maggie decide to play a game called "Space Patrol". Donning saucepans for helmets, Lisa and Maggie play the roles of old-timey space opera heroes. The Bart puts a vase over his head but it gets stuck, and he starts freaking out. Lisa declares the Bart an evil Martian robot named "Bartron" and she and Maggie proceed to torment their older brother until Lisa finally smashes the vase with a mallet and then hides behind the couch while a dazed and presumably concussed the Bart staggers around the living room.

This episode isn't especially creative, but I have to give it some credit for making Lisa into more than "irritating stupid kid". In this episode she starts to exhibit something of the verbal precociousness that her character would come to be associated with, and it makes the episode a bit better than it otherwise would have been. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 15: "The Bart's Haircut"

The Bart walks into the Simpsnos family living room wearing a sombrero that he claims is a "fashion statement" but which turns out to be hiding "Beatnik"-length hair. Homer demands that his son go get a haircut. The Bart tells the dumbass barber not to make it too short, but he basically cuts off all his hair. The Bart tries and fails to glue hair to his head, and returns to the living room wearing a bag over his head. He says he'll take it off if the family doesn't laugh at him, but the rest of the Simpsnos break their promise to him and laugh anyway.

Like the last episode, there's not much to the premise of this episode that's very interesting, but the characters at least have some defining characteristics that makes this more interesting than some of the earlier shorts. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 16: "World War III"

Homer wakes up the family, telling them that WWIII has started and they need to head to their fallout shelter to take cover from the bombs. When they arrive in the fallout shelter that apparently exists in their house, Homer looks at a stopwatch, and is disappointed to learn that it took them a full 18 seconds to arrive in the shelter. Homer subsequently does two more drills, which pisses off Marge and the kids so much that they get the Bart to wake up Homer claiming that WWIII has started, and when he runs into the fallout shelter they lock him in.

As with most of these episodes, this one was pretty formulaic, but at least making fun of Homer for buying in to nuclear war panic is a bit more novel than a TV show making fun of people for watching TV, and the repetitive nature of the sketch is actually warranted by the premise. C+

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 17: "The Perfect Crime"

Marge makes some chocolate chip cookies, and tells the Bart and Maggie not to eat them. Referring to disobeying his mother's instructions as "the perfect crime", the Bart tries to steal a cookie fresh from the oven, but burns his hand. Later he tries to steal a cookie just as Marge walks back into the kitchen, which causes him to toss the cookie up into the air in surprise. Maggie catches the cookie in her mouth and eats it, and Marge praises her youngest daughter for preventing the Bart from making a mess. Later the Bart starts eating cookies and telling Maggie he'll blame it on her, but when Marge walks back into the kitchen, the Bart's mouth is full of cookies, so his lie is incredibly obvious. Later Homer and Marge confront an empty tray where the cookies were earlier, and Maggie leads them to the Bart's room, where he is miserable after having eaten too many cookies.

This episode isn't a particularly funny or clever premise. The only thing of interest I'd note here is that the Simpsnos all pretty much look the way they'd look once the show became a half hour sitcom by this point. The Bart is wearing his orange shirt, and Homer is wearing his white collared shirt, Marge is wearing a green dress and necklace, etc. Homer even gives a gasp in this episode that's pretty similar to the high-pitched shriek that he'd become well-known for. But the episode itself was pretty dull. C-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 18: "Scary Stories"

The Bart keeps turning out the lights and telling Maggie and Lisa scary stories, but subsequently keeps scaring himself, until someone turns the lights back on. After his first attempt, he can't find the light switch. After his second attempt to tell a story, this one about a strangler, Maggie grabs hold of him around the neck. After his third story, about a vampire, the sound of Maggie sucking on her pacifier sounds to the Bart and Lisa like a vampire sucking the blood of his victims. And after his last story, about disembodied footsteps approaching three children huddled together in the dark, all three Simpsnos children freak out over Homer and Marge walking into the room.

Not much to say about this one. It was repetitive and kind of predictable. Meh. C-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 19: "Grampa and the Kids"

Homer makes the kids spend time with Grampa Simpsno. He tells a bunch of inane disconnected anecdotes about how things were back in his day, which the Bart quickly grows tired of. Then, while telling the kids a story about a "happy little elf", the Bart complains that something bad should happen during the story, and eventually, when the Bart accidentally breaks a window with the ball that he's bouncing, Grampa Simpsno says it turns out the elf was clumsy. Later, the Bart demands that Grampa Simpsno tell a scary story, but immediately after starting to tell the story, Grampa Simpsno pretends to die, which horrifies the Bart. Grampa Simpsno starts laughing and says that he was just kidding; Lisa and Maggie rejoice while the Bart stands there dazed.

This episode was alright. The second part of the short, about the "happy little elf", was pretty dull, but there were actually some pretty funny jokes, like Grampa Simpsno telling a meandering story about how things were when he was a kid. Grampa Simpsno immediately upon being introduced is quite similar to the character he'd be on the half-hour sitcom version of the show, what with his nonsensical stories of how things were back in his day. B-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 20: "Gone Fishin' (Sort of)

Homer and the Bart go fishing. Homer gets angry at the Bart when he accidentally sets himself adrift upon getting into the boat and Homer has to swim after him. Later the Bart makes Homer a worm sandwich when Homer demands the Bart give him a balongna sandwich despite the fact that they didn't pack any balogna. Homer and the Bart later encounter some treacherous rapids, and row their boat down a waterfall.

This was another alright episode. Although there's clearly some budgetary limitations on these shorts, the animation here is a bit more ambitious than in most previous episodes. Also, the father-son dynamic between Homer and the Bart is becoming better defined, and closer to what it would later become. B-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 21: "Skateboarding"

When Lisa asks if she and Maggie can skateboard with the Bart, their brother tells her that this is men's work. However, Lisa and Maggie manage to sneak along. Later, as the Bart is doing some daredevil skateboarding, Lisa shows up skateboarding while doing a handstand, a cooler trick than just standing on a skateboard that's going downhill very fast. Then, when the Bart and Lisa are going to have a skateboard race, the Bart attempts to distract Lisa in order to cheat. Lisa can't quite catch up with her brother, but it turns out Maggie also had a skateboard, and she is faster than either of her siblings.

This episode felt very much like an old-timey Loony Toons cartoon in the sense that the Bart was constantly being upstaged by his sisters. But it was also kind of predictable and boring. Of note though, I think this short may feature the first time that the Bart utters the phrase "Cowabunga!" so that's a noteworthy first. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 22: "Pagans"

Homer is driving the family to church, and angrily demands that the kids behave this week. The Bart and Lisa declare themselves pagans who shouldn't have to go to church. When the car ends up getting a flat tire and it starts raining heavily as Homer attempts to change the tire, Bart and Lisa thank pagan nature for saving them. Later, when the kids have dressed themselves in leaves, Homer starts chasing them, right into the church building, which the Bart and Lisa decide will be their sanctuary until the service lets out.

This episode was pretty alright. I like Simpsnos episodes where the kids are a pain about going to church, and this short is the first example of that. The tone of the shorts is also becoming more and more like that of the actual half-hour sitcom as well, what with the Bart referring to Homer by his first name and the like. B-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 23: "Closeted"

The Bart is watching TV when he hears Homer calling for him. Thinking that he's being asked to do chores, the Bart hides in the closet, but accidentally locks himself in. He manages to get Maggie's attention, but when telling her to do what he'd do if their roles were reversed, she just goes downstairs to watch TV. The Bart eventually breaks out of the closet, declaring that he doesn't care about avoiding chores anymore, only to discover a note from Homer that says the family is going out for frosty chocolate milkshakes but they couldn't find him. A dejected the Bart walks back into the closet.

Not a whole lot going on in this short. The animation is definitely getting a bit better, but the episode isn't that funny. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 24: "The Aquarium"

Homer is taking the kids to the aquarium. He's showing the kids a hideous sea bass that ironically looks a lot like Homer, when Lisa spots the Bart swimming in the tank. He rides around on a shark for a bit, then shows up in the shark's mouth, which causes Homer to freak out. Heading to the surface of the tank, Homer spots the Bart's lucky red swim trunks, and believes his son is dead, until the Bart shows up, takes the trunks back, and jumps into the water. As an irate Homer demands that the Bart come back, the Bart claims that he's safer in the aquarium tank, despite the shark that is circling him.

Another fairly mediocre episode. Homer's hair looks basically the way it would by the time the show became a half-hour sitcom, though. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 25: "Family Portrait"

Homer wants to take a family portrait. He sets the automatic timer on their camera, but he fails to join the shot in time. He tries to take another picture, but it comes out looking like shit. He tries to take another shot, but the Bart won't behave, and in the final photo, he's strangling his son.

This short is also pretty unfunny, although it has the first instance of the famous running "joke" of Homer doing child abuse to his son by strangling him. C-

This short also proves that at the end of the the the half-hour sitcom pilot, they couldn't possibly have been using a camera with an automatic timer, because they seem incapable as a family of taking a normal photograph by that means. Also, this camera is using black and white film, but the camera in the pilot was taking photos in color so they must have acquired a different camera in between then and the sitcom pilot. This backs up my assertion that there is a secret sixth member of the Simpsnos.

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 26: "The Bart's Hiccups"

The Bart has the hiccups, so Lisa and Maggie try to come up with a cure. First they mix up a disgusting mix of foods in the blender and force him to drink it. This doesn't work. Neither does spinning their brother around in a chair. Finally they try a combination of the first two methods and show the Bart a picture of their father to scare him. This also fails.

Eh, this one was kind of boring. But again, the characters are looking more and more like they eventually would once it became a half-hour sitcom. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 27: "The Money Jar"

Lisa asks Marge if she and her siblings can have an advance on their allowances. Marge says no and makes them promise not to steal money from the money jar. Lisa and Maggie each go to the money jar, and consider stealing the money, but an old-timey apparition of a good and evil angel on each shoulder appears to each of them, and in the end, each sister leaves the money jar alone upon being spotted by another sibling. Then the Bart approaches the money jar, and both his good and evil angels tell him to steal the danged money, but he's disappointed to learn that there's only one American dollar inside the jar, so he leaves it.

This episode was alright. I'm mildly amused that both the Bart's good and evil angels tell him to steal (iirc, this bit was more or less recycled in an episode in an early season of the half-hour sitcom), even if it was predictable. But at one point the eyes of all three Simpsnos kids turn into dollar signs, and that's extremely unrealistic, so it loses esteem with me for that. C+

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 28: "The Art Museum"

Marge takes the family out to the art museum. The Bart is extremely bored until he sees a portrait of a nude woman and completely loses his shit. Homer covers the Bart's eyes, but he also starts ogling the painting, so Marge covers his eyes. Later Lisa almost knocks a priceless vase to the ground, but Maggie catches it just in time. On the way home, Homer is enraged and says that this is the last time he'll take them to the art museum. When Marge says the kids are too young to appreciate art, the Bart says he does appreciate art and shows them a painting of a nude woman that he has stolen from the art museum, which causes Homer to absolutely freak out.

This episode wasn't that good, but it does represent a noteworthy evolution of the Simpsnos character the Bart Simpsno. I think this is the first episode where he says "Don't have a cow, man," and it might also be the first time he says "Ay caramba!" But one important thing is that throughout this zeroth season of The Simpsnos, he has really cemented himself as Homer and Marge's crime son. When the series began, he was just an innocent child, asking philosophical questions about the nature of human consciousness. But slowly but surely he has become the devoted servant of Crime.  And his crimes have truly escalated, from neglecting his mother's instructions to watch his infant sister, to directly disobeying her command not to have a burping contest, to disrespecting the dead at a funeral, to blasphemy when he becomes a pagan, to nearly committing the jailable offense of theft in the previous episode, to this very short, where he finally commits the crime of theft by stealing art from an art museum, which is probably a felony. He has truly become his gimmick of Crime Son. C

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 29: "Zoo Story"

This one is a parable of class solidarity. Homer takes the family to view the stupid antics of a family of monkeys at the zoo. The monkeys look unrealistically like the Simpsnos, each with their own doppelganger. While Homer laughs at the monkeys and teases them by pulling peanuts just out of their grasps, the Bart tells his doppelganger he knows how he feels, which probably isn't true since he doesn't live in a cage at a zoo, but it's a nice sentiment from the Simpsnos' Crime Son. Eventually the monkeys throw their own shit in Homer's face, but the Bart, who was not attacked, celebrates the monkeys' revenge.

Again, this is an episode whose premise isn't exactly inspired, but it's mildly amusing. C+

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 30: "Shut Up, Simpsnos"

Grampa Simpsno, Homer, the Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are all gathered together in the living room. When the Bart says it's "a nightmarish concept" to think that three
generations of the family are all in the room together, Homer yells at his son, and Grandfather Simpsno yells at Homer to stop yelling at the Bart. What follows is a series of remonstrations too tedious to recount here, with Homer yelling at his kids, the kids yelling at each other, and Grampa Simpsno yelling at Homer, until they all hug and agree to forgive each other. Except for the Bart who commits the crime of joining in an act of reconciliation under false pretenses, when he refuses to forgive Homer on account of his bad breath, which leads to Homer committing the real crime of strangling his son, which causes Grampa Simpsno to start strangling Homer, which causes Homer to start strangling Grampa Simpsno, and the episode ends.

This episode was barely a minute long, and yet it felt interminable. Dull, and unfunny. The whole running joke wherein Homer strangles his son is one of those things that's so cartoonish, and, as with many elements of this show, so ingrained in our pop culture, that it's hard for me to really get too bothered about it in the way that one would normally be at a joke that is just a joke about child abuse per se, but it's still a joke about child abuse per se, and as such, I've never liked the joke. So that, in combination with the rest of the episode honestly just being tedious, made me actively dislike this short. D

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 31: "Shell Game"

Marge and Homer get mad at the Bart when he tries to commit the crime of stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. The Bart then proceeds to steal a bunch of cookies from said jar, but then hurriedly puts them all back when Lisa tells on him. Realizing that he's left one cookie on the counter, the Bart covers it with a bowl. Marge tells the Bart to lift up the bowl, so he pulls out two more bowls, and does shell game hijinks until Marge and Homer decide he must be innocent. Then Maggie does some shell game hijinks, and it turns out the cookie isn't in any of the bowls because Maggie ate the cookie.

Eh, apart from being an opportunity to demonstrate the continued improvement of the animation in these shorts, there's not much interesting about this episode. C-

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 32: "The the Bart Simpsno Show"

The kids are watching Itchy and Scratchy on their television. Homer tells them to stop watching violent television, so the Bart commits the crime of disassembling the TV and turning it into a sort of puppet theater where he can create his own comedy talk show called "The the Bart Simpsno Show". Homer gets mad that the kids are watching violent television again, but Lisa makes the good point that "it's stupid but it's not violent. Homer then loses his shit when he realizes that the Bart destroyed the TV, and he and the Bart end up strangling each other from the inside of the television set as Lisa and Maggie watch and applaud.

I've already mentioned that I'm not a huge fan of the "Homer strangling his son" running gag, but apart from that, this was one of the better episodes thus far. It even has the first appearance of Itchy and Scratchy, which, in it's over the top depiction of the violence of old-timey cartoons, I've always found funny. B

Chalkboard Gimmick: None
Couch Gimmick: None

Season 0, Episode 33: "Punching Bag"

The Bart is punching a punching bag. Lisa then demonstrates how to motivate oneself to punch harder by drawing Homer's face on the bag. In the living room, Homer is trying to sleep on the couch, but can't fall asleep because of the noise of the punching bag. Marge says she likes the sound, but leaves when Homer yells at her to tell the kids to knock it off. A few seconds later, Homer hears the sound of the punching bag being hit even more rapidly than before, loses his shit, and walks into the other room to discover Marge hitting the punching bag. Everyone apologizes to Homer, and Homer appears about to unleash his wrath on the punching bag as soon as Lisa will let go of it. However, when Lisa does let go of the punching bag, it springs forward and hits Homer in the head, presumably knocking him out.

This premise doesn't prove to be a particularly rich source of humor. It's kind of boring. C-

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Season 0, Episode 34: "Simpsnos Christmas"

There's a famous poem called "The Night Before Christmas" and the premise of this short is the Bart adapting said poem to the story of him sneaking downstairs to look at his presents, discovering that his sisters had beaten him there, being discovered by Homer, going back to bed under threat of death, opening presents the next morning, and then watching TV with the family.

Eh, this was passable, I guess. It kind of reminds me of the better "Treehouse of Horror" sketch from a couple of seasons into the show wherein the Simpsnos reenact "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe. C+

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Season 0, Episode 35: "The Krusty the Clown Show"

The Bart, Lisa and Maggie are all going to a taping of The Krusty the Clown Show. Upon seeing the set, the Bart comes to the conclusion that these cannot be the conditions under which the real Krusty works. During the taping of the show, Krusty asks the Bart his name, to which the Bart responds, for the first time in the history of Simpsnos, "I'm the Bart Simpsno, who the hell are you?" The Bart remains adamant that this Krusty is an imposter, and tells the TV audience this, ripping off Krusty's clown nose, before Krusty loses his shit and attacks the Bart.

This episode was OK. It contains the first actual appearance of Krusty, and the Bart's antic were fairly amusing, but there would be far funnier episodes centered around Krusty, and the Simpsno children's obsession with his show, in the future. B-

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Season 0, Episode 36: "The Bart the Hero"

When the Bart visits a candy store, he inadvertently prevents a fellow criminal from making away with a large sack of money with a dollar sign on it that he's stolen from the store. Later, he's interviewed on TV by a local news anchor. When asked what he will do with his $10,000 reward, the Bart replies that he's asked for his reward to be paid in candy bars. Homer and Lisa are watching this interview on TV, and upon hearing that his son has just turned down a large reward, Homer completely loses his shit.

This episode kind of sucked. It wasn't that funny. It basically was a long build-up to one joke, and the animation was a step down from some of the shorts that preceded it. C-

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Season 0, Episode 37: "The Bart's Little Fantasy"

Homer and Marge force their children to clean up their toys, which are scattered all over the floor of their playroom. Instead of helping his sisters clean, the Bart decides to tell a story. The story is an inane one wherein he imagines that the roles of parents and children are reversed, and Homer and Marge were forced to clean the room with no means of appealing the dictates of their children. Homer and Marge overhear their son, interrupt his story, and force him to go mow the lawn. Lisa remarks that the story ends with everyone living happily ever after as the sisters watch their brother mow the lawn.

Eh. Another kind of dull episode. There's a couple of mildly clever ideas, but they're executed in an uninteresting fashion. C

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Season 0, Episode 38: "Scary Movie"

The Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are headed to the movie theater. Lisa wants to see a film called Return of the Happy Little Elves, but the Bart gets them tickets to a sci-fi horror film called Revenge of the Space Mutants instead. The Bart arrogantly assumes that his sisters may be scared, and tells them it's OK if they are, but when the film starts, it is the Bart who is scared, as he screams in horror at a space mutant who bears a striking resemblance to himself.

This episode wasn't great, but it wasn't the worst either. When Lisa asked the Bart which of the Happy Little Elves he was, his response prompted Lisa to say "He's Gloomy, the self-hating elf," which caused me to laugh harder than the vast majority of the jokes in these shorts, so there's that. B-

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Season 0, Episode 39: "Home Hypnotism"

Homer has bought a book on hypnotism, and he convinces Marge that it would be a good idea to hypnotize their children to get them to behave. However when they do manage to hypnotize their kids, they start acting "like zombies", such that when their behavior is once again normal (and out of control), Homer and Marge are glad of it.

Not a great episode overall, another premise that they don't do much with, but at one point Homer says that the kids "are so rambunctious, they're bouncing off the walls", and when it turned out that the Bart and Lisa were literally bouncing off the walls, I thought that was kind of funny. C+

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Season 0, Episode 40: "Shoplifting"

When the Bart decides to commit the crime of stealing some candy bars, he is caught by the cops. He tries to eat the evidence, but this causes his face and hands to get covered in chocolate. While Homer drives the family home, Marge lectures her crime son about how crime only hurts the criminal. The Bart points out that this isn't true because he got a free ride home. Homer stops the car and the Bart is kicked out, and made to walk the rest of the way.

I didn't find this episode to be particularly good. It hinged on just a couple of jokes that weren't especially funny, imo. C-

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Season 0, Episode 41: "Echo Canyon"

The Simpsnos are on vacation. Upon reaching a scenic viewpoint called "Echo Canyon" Homer orders everyone out of the car. Lisa and the Bart are unimpressed, as evidenced by Lisa screaming the word "Boring!" into the canyon. After the Bart nearly knocks a giant boulder into the family car, Homer chases his son and yells that he's going to kill him. This threat, and the Bart's response to not have a cow, echo, which Marge remarks upon.

This was a really dull episode. None of the jokes were funny, and it felt like it went on forever, even though it was only a little over a minute long. D

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Season 0, Episode 42: "Bathtime"

Homer forces the Bart to take a bath. The water is cold, so the Bart turns on the hot water tap. Then he starts playing around with some bath toys, and ends up screaming for help as he pretends to be attacked by an octopus. Hearing his son's cries, Homer opens the door, and is knocked over by a wave of water carrying the Bart. Homer then chases the Bart down the hallway.

Another mediocre episode. Nothing particularly funny about this episode, and it was extremely unrealistic how much water poured out of the bathroom when Homer opened the door. I doubt the Simpsnos bathroom is watertight when the door is closed, and the Bart didn't leave the faucet on for nearly long enough for there to be that much water. C-

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Season 0, Episode 43: "The Bart's Nightmare"

Marge notices that there's just one cookie left in the cookie jar, and Homer demands to know who ate the rest of them. Meanwhile, the Bart is in his room having a weird fever dream after eating too many cookies. This mainly consists of his family members telling him not to eat so many cookies. Then he wakes up, and his parents and sisters reassure him he just had a nightmare, but he freaks out when Homer offers him a cookie.

This episode was pretty meh, but the animation was kind of neat, so that puts it above some of the other dull episodes. C

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Season 0, Episode 44: "The Bart of the Jungle"

After the kids run through the living room screaming several times, Homer loses his shit and tells them to go outside if they're going to act "like savages". The Bart, Lisa, and Maggie then raid Homer's closet for his ties, and head outside and start doing a racist impression of people who live in a jungle whilst wearing Homer's ties. When Homer discovers this, he chases his children, but they evade him by swinging from ties that they've strung from trees as if they were vines. Eventually Homer steps into a rope trap made of yet more ties and the kids leave him dangling upside down, and they head inside to watch TV.

This episode was not very funny, and also pretty racist. I'd say that this is the kind of thing that probably wouldn't appear on an episode of the show today, but then again the showrunners and Hank Azaria absolutely lost their shit a couple of years ago when a standup comedian filmed a documentary politely pointing out that the character Apu is a racist caricature, so who knows.  Also, how many danged ties does Homer own?  D-

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Season 0, Episode 45: "Family Therapy"

The Simpsnos visit a family therapsist. At first, Homer, the Bart, and Lisa are all yelling over each other complaining about one another as Marge just sits there and knits. Then the Bart starts shoveling mints into his mouth, and he and Lisa start agreeing with their dad that they never laugh anymore until Homer tells them to shut up. The therapist suggests that the Bart has had enough mints, but when the Bart doesn't stop eating them, Homer tells him to put the mints back. This leads to the Bart committing the crime of spitting out a disgusting glob of half-dissolved mints. The therapist is repulsed by this behavior, but his anger at the Bart is met with hostility from Lisa and Homer, who stick up for their crime relative. After the Bart shoots the therapist with a suction cup dart gun and Lisa cuts his tie in half, the therapist orders the Simpsnos out. After leaving the therapist's office, the entire family breaks into uncontrollable laughter.

This is another premise that not a whole lot interesting is done with. It's not absolutely terrible, but it's not that funny either. I was also never a big fan of the early attempts on The Simpsnos to portray the main characters as nothing but a hopelessly dysfunctional family who are an absolute nightmare to be around, because it's less interesting than what the show would become once it found its voice. C

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Season 0, Episode 46: "Maggie In Peril (Chapter One)"

Out in the Simpsnos' front yard, the Bart and Lisa are reading comic books as Maggie bounces a ball in her playpen. Homer yells to the older kids to keep an eye on their baby sister. When Maggie accidentally bounces her ball out of her playpen and onto the Bart's head, the Bart kicks the ball out of the yard in annoyance, and Maggie leaves her playpen, taking off after the ball on her skateboard. She follows her ball down the street, through a drainage pipe, and into a river, before grabbing onto a branch at the top of a waterfall. She manages to catch her ball as it's about to go over the waterfall, but then the branch she's holding onto suddenly snaps and she starts plummeting through the air. The episode ends on this cliffhanger.

This episode wasn't great, but it was visually fairly creative. I've seen later episodes of The Simpsnos though, so this cliffhanger wasn't very suspenseful; I already knew Maggie was going to survive. C+

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Season 0, Episode 47: "Maggie In Peril (The Thrilling Conclusion)"

While falling off the waterfall, Maggie manages to skateboard off of a rock like it's a ramp, and she lands in a carnival, where she grabs onto some balloons and starts floating home. Then she skateboards off the roof, grabs onto a tree branch and drops back into her pen just as Homer and Marge return home.

I don't have anything to add about this episode, as it was merely a continuation of the last one. C+

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Sesason 0, Episode 48: "TV Simpsnos"

The Bart and Lisa are watching the "educational" television program Itchy and Scratchy when Homer shows up, and changes the channel to a bowling tournament that he wants to watch. When his children complain he tells them to go fly a kite, which is what they do. However, when the Bart accidentally flies the kite into the TV antenna, the signal goes out, and Homer has to climb on the roof to fix it. When Homer finally manages to get the antenna working again he falls off the roof, but the Bart and Lisa are too busy watching Itchy and Scratchy again to notice.

Not a great episode overall, but I did enjoy getting to see the over-the-top Itchy and Scratchy again, so that was kind of cool B-

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So yeah, my overall impressions regarding these shorts are that they weren't really all that great.  They're not especially well-animated in the early episodes, and they're rarely especially funny.  But, given that these characters were still just being developed, and they were just a series of cartoon shorts that appeared as a small part of a sketch comedy program, it's hard to be too critical of them.  And this gave Groening a couple of years to develop these characters, such that it never took the half-hour sitcom that long to find its feet.  Still, it was quite a slot getting through all 48 of these shorts.

Lastly, you may be thinking "Well, it looks like you didn't find any evidence of the secret sixth Simpsno, so much for that idea, you dumb piece of shit!"  But if you were thinking that, you were dead fucking wrong, my friend.  Recall Season 0, Episode 1.  At the end of "Good Night" when all of the Simpsnos children join their parents in bed, the light is on, and then suddenly, it's off.  But if there's no secret sixth Simpsno, then who turned off the goddamned lights?  The only possible answer is this clandestine sixth member of the family.  And just like that, another piece of evidence proving with absolute certainty that my theory is correct.

Looks like my claims have been vindicated and my many doubters have been proven wrong, and there has been a secret sixth Smpson the whole time.