A MarkInTexas Made-For-TV Christmas 2019

What your review makes me think of:

Kenny & Dolly: A Christmas to Remember (1984)

If it feels like Dolly Parton is everywhere right now, well, between her Netflix series, her Christmas TV movie, her bio-podcast, her tribute concert, her hour-long interview with Robin Roberts, and the numerous talk show appearances to promote all of the above, she pretty much is. Kenny Rogers, however, is nowhere right now, because he retired two years ago. Still, even though both performers have had a stunning amount of success as solo artists, the two will always be, to some extent, joined at the hip because of the popularity of their collaborations.

Their first duet was 1983's insanely catchy "Islands in the Stream", written by the Bee Gees, which became a monster hit, going to #1 not only on the country chart, but on the pop chart as well. They apparently enjoyed the experience so much they promptly reunited to produce an entire album full of Christmas duets. That album, Once Upon a Christmas, came out in late October 1984, followed by the promotional special Kenny & Dolly: A Christmas To Remember.

The special does something rather unique in terms of variety music specials. Most of the ones I've seen either put the performer on stage in front of an audience as they and their special guests perform various numbers, and/or the special has an overriding narrative connecting the numbers, which may or may not be performed in front of audiences. Christmas to Remember, however, is presented as a series of musical vignettes, with each new number having little to no connection to what came before or after. The special is essentially a series of music videos, which, being from 1984, is not a surprising way to format the show. Indeed, I'm surprised more specials didn't adopt this idea. That said, while this is fondly remembered, I don't think the format did itself any favors.

Some of the numbers are presented straightforwardly. Rogers sings "The Christmas Song" to his then two-year-old son while walking on his ranch. Parton sings "White Christmas", complete with the rarely heard intro verse, while walking around a decidedly not-snowy estate in Southern California. However, more numbers than not are simply head-scratching. Why exactly was "A Christmas to Remember", for example, staged in what was supposed to be a party in a ski lodge (as referenced in the lyrics), except the other "guests" are all mannequins?

The numbers seemingly get more elaborate as the special moves on, though arguably the centerpiece sequence, "Christmas Without You" comes about halfway though. We know this one is important because there's both a comic introduction (in which Rogers is waiting on Parton to finish getting ready) and a short explanation of what inspired Parton to write the song. There's also a sketch before the song begins, establishing Parton as an American USO singer stranded in England in the early days of World War II and Rogers as an American who joined the Canadian Air Force. It's a perfectly pleasant sketch befitting a perfectly pleasant song.

That's followed by "I Believe in Santa Claus", sung at a children's hospital, with Rogers and Parton dressed as the Clauses, surrounded by the patients. I have to admit, I couldn't help but feel that segment was rather exploitative of the sick kids, but they weren't the first and won't be the last to bring camera crews along when they visit.

The songs turn overtly religious toward the end, with three numbers set at a church (one that seems to have a white congregation and a choir mostly made up of minorities), including "Silent Night" and the album's title track "Once Upon a Christmas", which is a retelling of the Nativity story. Rather bizarrely, the song is accompanied by a dance number through the aisles of the sanctuary, with white-clad dancers (including a couple representing Mary and Joseph) twirl and whirl their way to the front, while thrusting what I assume is the Baby Jesus into the air. Even weirder is the closing number, "The Greatest Gift of All", which takes a straightforward concept--Parton and Rogers walking through the various darkened sets where the special was filmed, and adds weird furry squeaky-voiced characters in the background scurrying around, with no explanation.

The special is considered a classic, but I'm not sure I agree with that assessment. It's definitely watchable and entertaining, but of the new numbers, only "Christmas to Remember" is really noteworthy. The others all sort of sound alike to me.

Parton and Rogers would reunite on several more occasions to record more music together, but none of their subsequent output had the impact of "Islands in the Stream". As for this collaboration, Kenny & Dolly: A Christmas to Remember defiantly has its moments, but isn't quite the sum of its parts.

Next time: A very meta special, where the star is the villain.

Charles Dickens' The Christmas Carol (1949)

As I've stated before when reviewing very old specials, most of our early television legacy is lost forever. Live shows weren't recorded, and shows that were recorded to begin with were usually recorded on bulky, expensive tapes. Better, the thinking went, was to reuse those tapes, since new tapes were expensive, storing them was expensive, and there was no reason to think anyone would ever want to see that game show/soap opera/sporting event/talk show again.

Amazingly enough, a small handful of very early TV has survived. In previous years, I've looked at the original production of Amahl and the Night Visitors, from 1951, and for a week of Easter specials a few years ago, I looked at Bob Hope's very first TV special from 1950. Today, we're going back one more year, into the 1940s. Given that TV had been broadcasting off and on since the 1930s, its highly unlikely this is the first Christmas special ever, and it may not even be the first televised adaption of A Christmas Carol. But Charles Dickens' The Christmas Carol (complete with incorrect possessive and wrong article) might very well be the oldest surviving Christmas special.

Despite being a low-budget TV offering, it still was able to get a solid name in Vincent Price. Price wasn't yet the king of horror movies that he would become during the 1950s. At this point in his career, he was still mostly doing supporting roles in the movies and starring in radio shows and the occasional Broadway play. Still, he was a well-known performer, and the fact he became even better known in the coming years probably helped save this from the fate of so many other early TV shows.

I wish I could say this was a high-quality production, but as the messed-up article suggests, there wasn't that much care taken with Dickens's masterpiece. That starts with the casting. Price was not hired to play Scrooge, which would have been inspired casting. To be fair, he was only in his late 30s at the time, so was probably too young for the role. Instead, he acted as the story's narrator. Scrooge was played by Taylor Holmes, a longtime character actor probably best known for his final role, King Stefan in Disney's Sleeping Beauty, which came out a few months after his death. He doesn't really do anything different or unique with his Scrooge, other than give him a cold early on. But apparently this bit wore out its welcome quickly, as it is largely abandoned by the visit from Marley.

That this was a low-budget, low-technology version of A Christmas Carol isn't that big of a deal, even if there is exactly one special effect in the entire show (Marley walking though a closed door, most likely thanks to a Pepper's ghost illusion). The major problem is that it only runs 25 minutes, including credits and Price's opening narration. As I pointed out a few years ago when I reviewed the 1971 animated version, a half hour is simply not enough time to do the story justice. And like that version, this one gallops through the story. The Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge exactly one scene from his childhood, and that's it. The Ghost of Christmas Present shows Scrooge the Cratchets, and that's it. At least The Ghost of Christmas Future has time to show both the Cratchets after Tiny Tim's death and the businessmen talking about Scrooge's upcoming funeral.

There are many, many, many, many, many other versions of this story out there. To be honest, the only reason to watch Charles Dickens' The Christmas Carol is if you're a hardcore fan of Price or are interested in what TV was like in the very early days. I'm glad it exists, but if it had been lost to the ages, it wouldn't have been a great disaster.

Next time: Scrooge comes from a land down under.

A Christmas Carol (1969)

In the six years I've been reviewing Christmas specials, I think I've only reviewed two specials that did not originate in the United States: The Bestest Present, a Canadian special based on the Canadian comic strip For Better or For Worse, which I reviewed back in 2014, the first year of this column, and Robbie the Reindeer in Hooves of Fire, a British special that I reviewed last year. Now joining that group is a special from Australia. But for those of you who were hoping for A Very Outback Christmas, you're probably going to be disappointed, since this is yet another adaption of A Christmas Carol.

For those who were holding out hope that this Christmas Carol would have some kangaroos and koalas and bootings and historically accurate convicts, you'll be dismayed to learn that this version, like most straight adaptions of the story, takes place in Victorian England. It does, however, have an actual Australian, Ron Haddrick, voice Scrooge, and his accent is unmistakably from Down Under. That's about it for anything distinctly Australian about this show, though.

As I said, this is a pretty basic straight-ahead telling of the tale, but this hour-long take does have a few interesting quirks. For starters, this Scrooge is a snuff user, which is a reminder that tobacco use was considerably less vilified 50 years ago. He also has a habit of rubbing what he says is the first coin he ever earned, which is used by the Ghost of Christmas Present as a sign of his greed. The special starts 7 years before the main action, on the day of Marley's funeral, when Scrooge rips off the undertaker. There's also an aside in a nearby store of people making fun of him, which at least works as foreshadowing for the sequence of thieves selling his possessions after his death. The oddest thing is the one and only appearance of his nephew, Fred. This sequence, set in Scrooge's office on Christmas Eve, is straight from the book, and in the novel sets up both the eventual visit to his house both with the Ghost of Christmas Present and on his own toward the very end of the book, as well as foreshadowing the reason Scrooge avoids Fred, that he reminds Scrooge of Fred's late mother, Scrooge's beloved older sister. But, as I said, this is Fred's only appearance, as those sequences are cut. What the special does have time for is a duet between Scrooge and Fred where they outline their philosophies on Christmas, which is all the odder because that is literally the only song in the special.

Being a TV special from 1969, the animation is really quite crude, with the character designs mostly being rudimentary. One striking exception is the design of Jacob Marley, who in most adaptions is basically a ghostly human, with his chains and lockboxes. In this one, he is considerably more horrifying, even more so than Yet to Come, with a skull for a face and white flames shooting out of the top of his head. The animation is still fairly crude, but this image, far more than any other image in this special, is remarkably potent. I wish a better animator had used that design, perhaps Oscar-winning animator Richard Williams, who would make his own, visually striking version of the tale just two years later.

Other than Marley and the oddities, this is a relatively straightforward adaption of A Christmas Carol. The poor quality animation also makes it one of the lesser Christmas Carols out there. Perhaps if you're Australian, it might be worthwhile, but there are better versions of this ridiculously frequently adapted story out there.

Next time: Christmas ghosts can visit others beside Victorian businessmen.

Unlikely, since it appears that the dime debuted in 1953. 

A Flintstone Christmas (1977)/A Flintstone Family Christmas (1993)

Nearly every long-running TV franchise eventually has a Christmas episode. It works out both because of the typical yearly schedule of network shows, which usually wrap up the first half of their season in early-to-mid December, and because Christmas is such a dominant part of the culture. Even shows that almost never aired new episodes in December, like The Sopranos and Mad Men, produced Christmas episodes (which aired in April and August, respectively).

So its no surprise that The Flintstones, the animated sitcom about a family of cavemen living in a city full of other cavemen, enjoying all the comforts of the modern 60s lifestyle, except with everything either made out of rock or done by talking animals, would also produce a Christmas episode, despite the fact that the show took place thousands, if not millions, of years before the birth of Christ. Of course, it also takes place in a a world where people have pet dinosaurs, so historical accuracy isn't really on the table here. The one Christmas episode of the original run aired on Christmas night, 1964, during the show's fifth season.

After the show's cancellation in 1966, the show would become even more popular in syndicated reruns, leading to a number of Saturday morning revivals throughout the 70s and into the 80s. Some of them aged the two toddlers from the original series, the Flintstone's daughter Pebbles and the Rubble's son Bamm Bamm, into high schoolers, while others kept them as young kids. In the meantime, animated Christmas specials were becoming more lucrative, so it was only a matter of time before The Flintstones got their very own.

1977's A Flintstone Christmas kept the kids as kids, though slightly aged up from toddlers to kindergarten aged. The premise had Fred reluctant to play Santa at Wilma and Betty's charity's party for underprivileged kids, until his boss Mr. Slate personally asks him to do so. Naturally, he does a 180 attitude change and is now enthusiastic about being Santa. But those plans get waylayed when the real Santa falls off Fred's roof and sprains his ankle, leaving Fred and Barney to take up the mantle.

Yep, it's another "Substitute Santa" special, one that manages to anticipate the plot of The Santa Clause 17 years ahead of time, though Fred doesn't become the new, permanent Santa in this one. To the special's credit, it doesn't stumble into every single cliche that particular storyline usually leads to, though there are plenty. There's also the ticking clock element of the fact that Fred is supposed to be playing Santa at the party, not playing Santa everywhere else in the world.

For whatever reason, A Flintstone Christmas is pretty much a full-fledged musical, with no less than five songs padding its runtime up to an hour. Not one of the songs is memorable or worthwhile. Another quirk has Santa and Mrs. Claus drawn like modern humans, not cavemen the way the other characters are drawn. Also, in the one touch that truly belies what decade this was made in, Santa has a CB radio conveniently installed in his sleigh.

16 years after A Flintstone Christmas came A Flintstone Family Christmas, which very well might have taken place 16 years later, as Pebbles and Bamm Bamm are now all grown up, married, and have toddlers of their own. They also spend most of the special off-screen, stranded at an airport. Back in Bedrock, Fred and Barney are held up by someone in a Santa outfit, who turns out to be a "caveless" kid named Stoney. After hearing the kid's tale of woe, Wilma invites him to stay with the Flintstones for Christmas, over Fred's fairly understandable objections. As it turns out, Stoney has a heart of gold (of course), but has no idea how to do the right thing. This leads to an escalating series of incidents that eventually leaves Fred and Stoney in jail on Christmas Eve.

It seems clear that A Flintstone Family Christmas was intended as a pilot for a new series focusing on Fred and Stoney. There's no reason to think such a series wouldn't have worked. Stoney was an unabashed ripoff of Bart Simpson, to be sure, but he was different enough that a series centered around him could have had some sparks of originality. Instead, this turned out to be the end of the line, despite (or perhaps because of) the success of the live-action film the following year. The next special, A Flintstone Christmas Carol, which is too long to be an entry on here, reverted Pebbles and Bamm Bamm back to toddlers, and the handful of subsequent Flintstones media have kept them that age.

I don't want to oversell A Flintstone Family Christmas. At half an hour, with no songs, it is considerably better than A Flintstone Christmas. But it is still a latter-day Flintstones special, which means lots and lots of rock-based puns. If you're a Flintstones fan, and have time to only watch one special, A Flintstone Family Christmas is the obvious choice. However, if you're not a Flintstones fan, neither special will convince you to change your mind.

Next time: Santa vs. Technology

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (2000)

When I was a kid, I horrified my parents by telling them that "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer", a 1979 novelty song about, well, Grandma getting run over by a reindeer. I've always had a taste for dark humor, and elementary school me found the comic horror of the situation hysterical. Luckily, by middle school, I had moved on, and today, I recognize that the song is pretty awful.

Still, for whatever reason, it has endured, and 40 years into its existence, still gets airplay during the holidays. It is reasonably catchy, and the dark humor can be rather appealing during this season where everything is merry and bright. Again, that doesn't mean it's a good song, and it definitely doesn't justify an animated special, especially one that runs for an entire hour and is still shown annually on network television (admittedly, the CW, but still...).

To be fair, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, the special, is a bit better than its source material would suggest. It's clear that this show had a budget, as the animation is bright and fluid. We can probably attribute that to director Phil Roman, a longtime veteran in the animation business who directed numerous Peanuts and Garfield specials in the 70s through 90s, and whose company was responsible for animating The Simpsons and King of the Hill. In short, the special looks good. Unfortunately, strong animation can't cover up a really stupid script.

Grandma Spankenheimer (no one bothers giving her a first name) owns a popular store in the city of Townsville...er, the town of Citysville. She's about the only independent store owner left, after everything else had been bought up by the megarich Austin Bucks, who is eager to get his hands on her store so he can tear it down and use the land to establish some sort of gift delivery system. Understandably unimpressed with his desire to wipe out her life's work, she turns him down, to the chagrin of ultra-greedy Cousin Mel (Knots Landing vet Michelle Lee, who hopefully got a nice paycheck for this).

Of course, Grandma does eventually get run over by a reindeer, as witnessed by her grandson, Jake, but unlike in the song, where she's clearly killed, here, she just disappears. That's good news for Mel, who tricks Grampa (Elmo Shropshire, i.e. the guy who wrote and sang the song) into signing over control of the store and power of attorney to her, so she can sell the store to Austin Bucks. The bulk of the rest of the special is devoted to solving the mystery of what happened to Grandma and stopping Mel from stealing the store and the money from the rest of the family (essentially moving into the plot of the lesser-known sequel song "Grampa's Gonna Sue the Pants Off Santa". And yes, that is real).

It's hard to get past the cynical nature of the special. Other than Jake, Grandma, and Santa, every other character is rather a jerk. Even Grandma's family seems to not care that much that she's disappeared, especially since the special wants to be kinder and less dark than the song.

I'm not sure that "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" could ever have ever inspired a good special, but maybe if it wasn't a very long hour, and they had emphasized the black humor of the song more, it might have worked. The special is for megafans of the song. If you're not that, you can probably safely skip it.

Next time: Celebrity variety specials aren't just for broadcast TV anymore

Yeah, I thought of discussing the voice cast of the two specials, including the then-unknown Mullally, but ultimately decided not to, though I do wish I had written a paragraph on it.  Flintstone Christmas marked the first time that Fred was voiced by Henry Corden, taking over for the late Alan Reed, and I thought he did just fine.  The voice of Betty, however, just sounded odd.

In the 1993 special, Mullally was fine as Pebbles, but she had such a minor role that its hardly worth discussing.