President Pete: an AI Dungeon story
Feb 10, 2020 17:39:56 GMT -5
monodrone, Nudeviking, and 2 more like this
Post by sarapen on Feb 10, 2020 17:39:56 GMT -5
I'm currently playing AI Dungeon, which I learned of from Roy Batty's Pet Dove and his play by post thread. It's an AI generated text adventure. In mine I play as Pete Buttigieg. Actually, I play as Pete Buttigieg playing AI Dungeon, which is to say that it's my fanciful imaginings of what Mayor Pete fantasizes about in the hidden depths of his soul. Warning: contains strong language and Dune references.
I wrote everything in the first paragraph up to "Suddenly" and the AI supplied the rest. All lines that start with > are commands that I've entered, all other lines are from the AI.
The game begins now:
You are Pete Buttigieg, former McKinsey analyst, mayor of South Bend, and currently running to be the Democratic Party nominee in the 2020 election. Your closest rival is an old socialist threatening to bring social democracy to your beloved country. You have barely eked out a crooked win in the first of many primaries. Also you are gay. You sit in front of a computer typing out your secret fantasies. Suddenly, you hear a loud noise that shakes the entire house. It's coming from outside. The door flies open and a tall man with a black trench coat steps inside. He looks around and sees nothing amiss before turning his attention to you. "Hello,"
> Pull my Beretta out of my desk and open fire at him while screaming, "Die motherfucker!"
"What the hell do you want?" he asks.
"I'm here to kill you! I'm a Democrat, not some redneck racist!"
He doesn't answer for several minutes as you continue firing. Finally, he turns around and points his rifle at you.
> Kick the desk over and take cover behind it while blindly firing over the top
You quickly grab the desk and throw it over the back wall of your office. You then run behind it and shoot wildly into the air. The man continues shooting at you until he runs out of bullets or he realizes that his own life isn't worth living.
> Ask him if his life is worth living
"My life? My life is worth less than yours? Do you even know what it means to live?" You say.
> Walk into the open heedless of the consequences. Go right up to the man in black and pistol whip him bloody.
You walk up to the man in black and begin pistol whipping him. He falls backwards onto his butt, but manages to get one good hit on you. You fall backward off the desk and land hard on your face.
>
The pain is excruciating, but you manage to stand up. You look at the man who has fallen backwards off the desk and see that he was wearing a trenchcoat. This gives you enough time to turn around and point your gun at him.
"Do you really think this will work?"
>
you ask.
> Ask rhetorically, "How many thousands must die so that Caesar might become great?" The man in black is Chasten, Pete's husband. He has become a liability. He must die for the greater good. Tell him, "I love you" while shooting him in the head.
Chasten slowly rises from the floor. His eyes are still closed, but he opens them slightly when you speak. "Yes... yes I love you." He says softly before falling dead. You smile and step towards the man in black.
> Pour gasoline on the body and burn down the house, destroying all evidence of malfeasance
You walk forward and light the body on fire. You toss the burning corpse into a nearby pile of rubble. You then turn around and walk away without looking back. A few days later, you receive a visit from your wife.
> Ask, "What the fuck, I have a husband and a wife? When did this happen?" Try to remember my true sexual orientation and marital status.
"It happened yesterday, my dear. We had a wedding ceremony." She replies.
> "We did? Why don't I remember?"
"Because we were married! We just weren't allowed to be together!" she exclaims.
> "This is kind of fucked up."
"Maybe not, but it's the way things are now. If you want to stay together, you're going to have to get used to being apart."
> "Who are you, then? What's your name and how can you help with Buttigieg 2020?"
"My name is Mary, and I'm a ghost. My real name is Mary, but I prefer to go by the nickname 'Ghostface Killah' because that's what I am."
> "Can you ghostface kill Bernie Sanders for me?"
"Sure, why not?"
> "Hell yeah. Get cracking on it, toots."
The next day, you wake up to find that the entire town has been turned into a ghostly wasteland. All signs of life have disappeared. You hear screams coming from outside your window as well as strange noises emanating from inside your home. You look out and see nothing but darkness.
> Shout into the void, "Mary, you stupid fuck! I said kill Bernie, not all of South Bend!"
Mary looks at you and smiles. "Oh no, not another one of those. I'll take care of Bernie myself." She walks over to the window and begins screaming into the void. Suddenly, a figure appears in front of her, blocking her path. It's Pete.
> Ask the other Pete, "Are you a time traveller or from a parallel universe? If it's the second, am I president in that universe?"
Pete looks at you and shrugs his shoulders. "I guess so. Anyway, I think we should leave you alone." He turns towards Mary who continues to scream into the void. "Alright, alright, calm down. Let's go Pete."
> Ask other Pete if he wants to have sex. During coitus, use Bene Gesserit techniques to kill him with pleasure so as to take his place as president of the US in the other universe.
You and Pete continue to have coitus, which causes Mary to become increasingly agitated. She yells at you for killing Pete, but you ignore her and proceed with your plan. The more you enjoy yourself, the angrier Mary gets.
> Tell Mary, "Look, babe, it's done. I've got the keys to Other Pete's Delorean, let's get in and be POTUS and FLOTUS of the other universe."
She looks at you with tears streaming down her face. "What?! No! I mean... OK, sure..."
> "That's my girl." Drive the Delorean with Mary to the alternate America
You and Mary drive the DeLorean to the Alternate America. When you arrive, you park it in an underground parking garage. You both exit the car and walk towards each other, hugging each other tightly. "There we go," you say happily.
> "Let's test our presidential powers by killing someone. Who do you want dead?"
Mary stares at you with fear in her eyes. "Bernie Sanders."
> "Hell yeah!" High five Mary, then walk into the nearest police station and order Bernie Sanders killed
Mary is visibly upset by this suggestion. "No way! That would be wrong!"
> "Listen, babe, who wears the pants in this relationship?"
Mary looks at you with tears streaming down her face. "Me."
> Draw back in shock. "What? That's impossible!"
Mary looks at you with anger. "It's not impossible, it just takes work."
> "Oh god, this is totally fucking backwards." Continue to rant and rave for several minutes before accepting the situation. Ask Mary, with only the barest hint of recalcitrance, "Okay, your President-ness, guess I'm First Lady. What are your orders?"
Mary smiles and says, "We're going to the White House."
> Flag down a passing car and demand to be driven to the White House. Remind the driver that he owes allegiance to President Ghostface Killah and that loyalty shall be rewarded
The driver honks his horn at you. "I don't owe you anything, man!" He says angrily. "Get out of the car now!"
> Warn the president, "Mary, be careful, it's a Bernie Bro!" Get out my garotte and strangle the driver from behind
You grab the driver's neck and choke him until he passes out. The driver wakes up as you strangle him, but he doesn't look too happy about it. "Don't worry, I won't kill you," you assure him. "Just keep driving."
> Force the driver to take us to the White House, but stopping to pick up some empanadas first
You pull over near a gas station and get out of the car. "Where are we going?" you ask Mary.
"To the White House," she replies.
>
"Well, what are we doing there?"
"I don't know yet," she admits. "But I'll tell you when we get there." You notice the gas pump has been tampered with. A white powdery substance is on the ground next to it.
> "Oh shit, it's anthrax!"
You run inside the gas station and see a bunch of people running around. They're all covered in boils and sores. "They got anthrax," one woman says while pointing at herself.
> Pull out my gun and kill all the infected people while shouting, "Allahu akbar!"
You shoot everyone in sight, including yourself. Then you turn to the woman who was bitten by the anthrax and shout, "Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!" (God is great!) She screams back, "Ayy lillili kulli baklava!
> "Ouch, I shot myself! Wait, what the fuck did you call me?"
She asks you if you were bitten by anthrax. "Yeah, I was," you reply. "Didn't mean to do that."
> Ask her to get some cigarettes from behind the counter, but while her back is turned, break a bottle of whiskey over her head
You grab a pack of Marlboros from behind the counter and throw it at her face. She falls backward, knocking over a can of beer. As she tries to recover, you fire another bullet into her chest.
> Go back to Mary and skedaddle. Return to the commandeered car and continue the journey to the White House
You return to the commandeered car and drive towards the White House. Suddenly, you hear gunshots coming from outside. You stop your car and hide behind a nearby tree. "What the hell happened? What's going on?" you ask Mary nervously.
> Shoot wildly into the air
You point your rifle at the sky and shoot wildly into the air. "Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!" you yell, firing bullets like a machine-gun. Everyone in the area stops shooting into the air and looks at you in confusion.
> "Hi, so, uh, what's going on?"
Mary asks you what's going on. "We need to find out what's happening," you say. "The President is dead."
> "I mean, you're a ghost, and you're the president, so I'm just stating the obvious. But wait, doesn't this technically mean your Veep is prez now?"
"No, no, he's not the Veep," Mary replies. "He's my brother."
> "I have a brother in law? Who the hell is it?"
"It's my brother in law," Mary says. "His name is John Smith."
> "Oh, huh. Moving on, can I be your Veep?"
"Sure, why not?" you say.
>
> "So do you have to knight me or what? How do I officially become Vice President?"
"Um...no," Mary says. "But if you want to be, we could probably work something out."
> "How's this - if you won't let me be Veep, then I'll divorce you."
"That's not necessary," Mary says. "Just don't win the election."
> "I can guarantee that! Hurray! Let's get to the White House all ready!"
Mary nods her head. "Okay, but only after you've been elected President of the United States."
> "Fine." Run for President of the US
You nod your head. "Alright then, I guess we should run for President of the United States."
> "God fucking dammit, again?" I shout
"What?" Mary asks.
> "I'm sick of elections! I'm going to the CIA and just seizing power in a coup!"
"Well, I suppose that would be one way to go about it..."
> "Yeah, peace out, chica." Storm away cattily and walk with purpose and determination into the headquarters of the CIA in Langley, Virginia
You sigh. "No, no, no. We need to take this seriously. The CIA is an organization that has a lot of influence over our government and I'd like us to at least try to get them involved in the coup."
> Stand in the lobby of the CIA headquarters, arms akimbo, and arrogantly demand that the agency bring you their best coup plotters
You look around at the people who are waiting patiently outside. They're all men, and they're all dressed in business suits. You know that these guys are CIA agents because you've seen them before when you were working as a spy for the Agency back during World War II.
> "Which of you motherfuckers wants to pervert the democratic will of the people?"
The agent smiles at you. "We're here to serve the American people, Mr. President."
> High five the agent. "What's your name, sonny jim?"
He looks down at his feet. "My name's Frank... uh, Jim? Is that too formal for you?"
> "That's totally cool, Frank Jim. Also, remember not to look me in the eye when you talk to me. Anyway, I want five different coup plans rapidmente, por favor. Andale!"
Frank Jim raises his hand. "Yes, sir?"
> "That means get to work, dumbass. Get me a coup plan posthaste! And get me to my throne room where I can lounge in sybaritic splendour while waiting for my diabolical plans to proceed"
The agent nods. "Of course, sir." He turns and walks off.
You wait patiently for the agent to return. Finally he returns with a small man in a suit holding a briefcase. "This is our contact at the CIA," he says.
> "What have you got for me?"
The man holds up a piece of paper.
>
It reads:
"THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN CURED BY THE MIND OF A GODDAMN DEMON IN RETROACTUALLY RAPTURE! IT IS NOW HIS JUDGMENT THAT MUST BE FOLLOWED!"
> "Holy shit, this is the goddamn smoking gun! I want this bullshit on the cable news in 5 minutes!"
The man shakes his head. "I'm afraid we don't have time for that, sir."
> "What? Why the fuck not?"
"Sir, it would be an act of war if we broadcast such a thing. We need to keep things under wraps until after the president has been restored to power."
> Sigh in disappointment and turn to Frank Jim. "Frank Jim, this guy here doesn't want to play ball. Have him killed, then send a copy of that document to every news outlet in the country."
Frank Jim frowns. "I'll do no such thing, sir."
> Glower at Frank Jim menacingly. "And why not?"
"Because I'm a good man who was framed by evil men."
> "How the fuck is a good man in the CIA? Nevermind, I'll do it myself." Snap both of their necks and tweet out the contents of the document
You walk over to Frank Jim. He looks down at his feet as if ashamed of himself. Then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver key ring and puts it on your finger.
> "Wait, what does this mean?"
"It's a code to open the safe in the basement. It will take some practice, but once mastered, you should be able to find your way through it without too much trouble."
> "Okay, that's not a bad apology. But do you still refuse to kill this other guy and release that classified document?"
"No, sir. This man is being held against his will and we must abide by our legal obligations."
> "Our legal obligations are whatever I say they are! And I say I'm killing both of your asses and releasing this kompromat on President Ghostface Killah!"
You turn back to Frank Jim. "Fine, I guess you're right. Let me get my pistol from the desk in the next room."
> Run to the other room to retrieve the pistol, then hurriedly shoot the two men dead before they can get away
You rush to the desk and grab your pistol. The man behind you grabs yours and points it at you. "This is a mistake, Mr. Jones. If we let this go any longer, we could very well lose the election."
> "Wait, Mr. Jones? Who the hell do you think I am?"
"The head of the CIA, sir. Do you have any idea how important this vote is?"
> "Goddammit, why am I having so much trouble?" Acquiesce grudgingly and sit on my CIA throne
Mr. Jones opens up the safe and takes out a small black box. He hands it to you. Inside is a gun with a silencer attached to it. It's like something out of an action movie or something, except instead of bullets flying everywhere, they're going into people's brains.
>
> Press the buzzer and summon more CIA agents. Have them kill Jones and Frank Jim. Laugh maniacally as they die
You press the buzzer and call for more CIA agents to come after Frank Jim and Jones. They arrive quickly, guns drawn. You laugh maniacally as they fire upon each other, but don't stop until one of them falls off a balcony onto the street below.
> Step onto the balcony and laugh even harder as I spy the broken body of my enemy. Grab the survivor and throw him over the edge to join his traitorous comrade
You leap down from the balcony and watch as the body of your fallen foe lands on top of the second floor. You grab the unconscious man and toss him over the ledge. You stand there laughing maniacally as he screams in terror. Then you turn around and walk back up to where you started...
I wrote everything in the first paragraph up to "Suddenly" and the AI supplied the rest. All lines that start with > are commands that I've entered, all other lines are from the AI.
The game begins now:
You are Pete Buttigieg, former McKinsey analyst, mayor of South Bend, and currently running to be the Democratic Party nominee in the 2020 election. Your closest rival is an old socialist threatening to bring social democracy to your beloved country. You have barely eked out a crooked win in the first of many primaries. Also you are gay. You sit in front of a computer typing out your secret fantasies. Suddenly, you hear a loud noise that shakes the entire house. It's coming from outside. The door flies open and a tall man with a black trench coat steps inside. He looks around and sees nothing amiss before turning his attention to you. "Hello,"
> Pull my Beretta out of my desk and open fire at him while screaming, "Die motherfucker!"
"What the hell do you want?" he asks.
"I'm here to kill you! I'm a Democrat, not some redneck racist!"
He doesn't answer for several minutes as you continue firing. Finally, he turns around and points his rifle at you.
> Kick the desk over and take cover behind it while blindly firing over the top
You quickly grab the desk and throw it over the back wall of your office. You then run behind it and shoot wildly into the air. The man continues shooting at you until he runs out of bullets or he realizes that his own life isn't worth living.
> Ask him if his life is worth living
"My life? My life is worth less than yours? Do you even know what it means to live?" You say.
> Walk into the open heedless of the consequences. Go right up to the man in black and pistol whip him bloody.
You walk up to the man in black and begin pistol whipping him. He falls backwards onto his butt, but manages to get one good hit on you. You fall backward off the desk and land hard on your face.
>
The pain is excruciating, but you manage to stand up. You look at the man who has fallen backwards off the desk and see that he was wearing a trenchcoat. This gives you enough time to turn around and point your gun at him.
"Do you really think this will work?"
>
you ask.
> Ask rhetorically, "How many thousands must die so that Caesar might become great?" The man in black is Chasten, Pete's husband. He has become a liability. He must die for the greater good. Tell him, "I love you" while shooting him in the head.
Chasten slowly rises from the floor. His eyes are still closed, but he opens them slightly when you speak. "Yes... yes I love you." He says softly before falling dead. You smile and step towards the man in black.
> Pour gasoline on the body and burn down the house, destroying all evidence of malfeasance
You walk forward and light the body on fire. You toss the burning corpse into a nearby pile of rubble. You then turn around and walk away without looking back. A few days later, you receive a visit from your wife.
> Ask, "What the fuck, I have a husband and a wife? When did this happen?" Try to remember my true sexual orientation and marital status.
"It happened yesterday, my dear. We had a wedding ceremony." She replies.
> "We did? Why don't I remember?"
"Because we were married! We just weren't allowed to be together!" she exclaims.
> "This is kind of fucked up."
"Maybe not, but it's the way things are now. If you want to stay together, you're going to have to get used to being apart."
> "Who are you, then? What's your name and how can you help with Buttigieg 2020?"
"My name is Mary, and I'm a ghost. My real name is Mary, but I prefer to go by the nickname 'Ghostface Killah' because that's what I am."
> "Can you ghostface kill Bernie Sanders for me?"
"Sure, why not?"
> "Hell yeah. Get cracking on it, toots."
The next day, you wake up to find that the entire town has been turned into a ghostly wasteland. All signs of life have disappeared. You hear screams coming from outside your window as well as strange noises emanating from inside your home. You look out and see nothing but darkness.
> Shout into the void, "Mary, you stupid fuck! I said kill Bernie, not all of South Bend!"
Mary looks at you and smiles. "Oh no, not another one of those. I'll take care of Bernie myself." She walks over to the window and begins screaming into the void. Suddenly, a figure appears in front of her, blocking her path. It's Pete.
> Ask the other Pete, "Are you a time traveller or from a parallel universe? If it's the second, am I president in that universe?"
Pete looks at you and shrugs his shoulders. "I guess so. Anyway, I think we should leave you alone." He turns towards Mary who continues to scream into the void. "Alright, alright, calm down. Let's go Pete."
> Ask other Pete if he wants to have sex. During coitus, use Bene Gesserit techniques to kill him with pleasure so as to take his place as president of the US in the other universe.
You and Pete continue to have coitus, which causes Mary to become increasingly agitated. She yells at you for killing Pete, but you ignore her and proceed with your plan. The more you enjoy yourself, the angrier Mary gets.
> Tell Mary, "Look, babe, it's done. I've got the keys to Other Pete's Delorean, let's get in and be POTUS and FLOTUS of the other universe."
She looks at you with tears streaming down her face. "What?! No! I mean... OK, sure..."
> "That's my girl." Drive the Delorean with Mary to the alternate America
You and Mary drive the DeLorean to the Alternate America. When you arrive, you park it in an underground parking garage. You both exit the car and walk towards each other, hugging each other tightly. "There we go," you say happily.
> "Let's test our presidential powers by killing someone. Who do you want dead?"
Mary stares at you with fear in her eyes. "Bernie Sanders."
> "Hell yeah!" High five Mary, then walk into the nearest police station and order Bernie Sanders killed
Mary is visibly upset by this suggestion. "No way! That would be wrong!"
> "Listen, babe, who wears the pants in this relationship?"
Mary looks at you with tears streaming down her face. "Me."
> Draw back in shock. "What? That's impossible!"
Mary looks at you with anger. "It's not impossible, it just takes work."
> "Oh god, this is totally fucking backwards." Continue to rant and rave for several minutes before accepting the situation. Ask Mary, with only the barest hint of recalcitrance, "Okay, your President-ness, guess I'm First Lady. What are your orders?"
Mary smiles and says, "We're going to the White House."
> Flag down a passing car and demand to be driven to the White House. Remind the driver that he owes allegiance to President Ghostface Killah and that loyalty shall be rewarded
The driver honks his horn at you. "I don't owe you anything, man!" He says angrily. "Get out of the car now!"
> Warn the president, "Mary, be careful, it's a Bernie Bro!" Get out my garotte and strangle the driver from behind
You grab the driver's neck and choke him until he passes out. The driver wakes up as you strangle him, but he doesn't look too happy about it. "Don't worry, I won't kill you," you assure him. "Just keep driving."
> Force the driver to take us to the White House, but stopping to pick up some empanadas first
You pull over near a gas station and get out of the car. "Where are we going?" you ask Mary.
"To the White House," she replies.
>
"Well, what are we doing there?"
"I don't know yet," she admits. "But I'll tell you when we get there." You notice the gas pump has been tampered with. A white powdery substance is on the ground next to it.
> "Oh shit, it's anthrax!"
You run inside the gas station and see a bunch of people running around. They're all covered in boils and sores. "They got anthrax," one woman says while pointing at herself.
> Pull out my gun and kill all the infected people while shouting, "Allahu akbar!"
You shoot everyone in sight, including yourself. Then you turn to the woman who was bitten by the anthrax and shout, "Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!" (God is great!) She screams back, "Ayy lillili kulli baklava!
> "Ouch, I shot myself! Wait, what the fuck did you call me?"
She asks you if you were bitten by anthrax. "Yeah, I was," you reply. "Didn't mean to do that."
> Ask her to get some cigarettes from behind the counter, but while her back is turned, break a bottle of whiskey over her head
You grab a pack of Marlboros from behind the counter and throw it at her face. She falls backward, knocking over a can of beer. As she tries to recover, you fire another bullet into her chest.
> Go back to Mary and skedaddle. Return to the commandeered car and continue the journey to the White House
You return to the commandeered car and drive towards the White House. Suddenly, you hear gunshots coming from outside. You stop your car and hide behind a nearby tree. "What the hell happened? What's going on?" you ask Mary nervously.
> Shoot wildly into the air
You point your rifle at the sky and shoot wildly into the air. "Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!" you yell, firing bullets like a machine-gun. Everyone in the area stops shooting into the air and looks at you in confusion.
> "Hi, so, uh, what's going on?"
Mary asks you what's going on. "We need to find out what's happening," you say. "The President is dead."
> "I mean, you're a ghost, and you're the president, so I'm just stating the obvious. But wait, doesn't this technically mean your Veep is prez now?"
"No, no, he's not the Veep," Mary replies. "He's my brother."
> "I have a brother in law? Who the hell is it?"
"It's my brother in law," Mary says. "His name is John Smith."
> "Oh, huh. Moving on, can I be your Veep?"
"Sure, why not?" you say.
>
> "So do you have to knight me or what? How do I officially become Vice President?"
"Um...no," Mary says. "But if you want to be, we could probably work something out."
> "How's this - if you won't let me be Veep, then I'll divorce you."
"That's not necessary," Mary says. "Just don't win the election."
> "I can guarantee that! Hurray! Let's get to the White House all ready!"
Mary nods her head. "Okay, but only after you've been elected President of the United States."
> "Fine." Run for President of the US
You nod your head. "Alright then, I guess we should run for President of the United States."
> "God fucking dammit, again?" I shout
"What?" Mary asks.
> "I'm sick of elections! I'm going to the CIA and just seizing power in a coup!"
"Well, I suppose that would be one way to go about it..."
> "Yeah, peace out, chica." Storm away cattily and walk with purpose and determination into the headquarters of the CIA in Langley, Virginia
You sigh. "No, no, no. We need to take this seriously. The CIA is an organization that has a lot of influence over our government and I'd like us to at least try to get them involved in the coup."
> Stand in the lobby of the CIA headquarters, arms akimbo, and arrogantly demand that the agency bring you their best coup plotters
You look around at the people who are waiting patiently outside. They're all men, and they're all dressed in business suits. You know that these guys are CIA agents because you've seen them before when you were working as a spy for the Agency back during World War II.
> "Which of you motherfuckers wants to pervert the democratic will of the people?"
The agent smiles at you. "We're here to serve the American people, Mr. President."
> High five the agent. "What's your name, sonny jim?"
He looks down at his feet. "My name's Frank... uh, Jim? Is that too formal for you?"
> "That's totally cool, Frank Jim. Also, remember not to look me in the eye when you talk to me. Anyway, I want five different coup plans rapidmente, por favor. Andale!"
Frank Jim raises his hand. "Yes, sir?"
> "That means get to work, dumbass. Get me a coup plan posthaste! And get me to my throne room where I can lounge in sybaritic splendour while waiting for my diabolical plans to proceed"
The agent nods. "Of course, sir." He turns and walks off.
You wait patiently for the agent to return. Finally he returns with a small man in a suit holding a briefcase. "This is our contact at the CIA," he says.
> "What have you got for me?"
The man holds up a piece of paper.
>
It reads:
"THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN CURED BY THE MIND OF A GODDAMN DEMON IN RETROACTUALLY RAPTURE! IT IS NOW HIS JUDGMENT THAT MUST BE FOLLOWED!"
> "Holy shit, this is the goddamn smoking gun! I want this bullshit on the cable news in 5 minutes!"
The man shakes his head. "I'm afraid we don't have time for that, sir."
> "What? Why the fuck not?"
"Sir, it would be an act of war if we broadcast such a thing. We need to keep things under wraps until after the president has been restored to power."
> Sigh in disappointment and turn to Frank Jim. "Frank Jim, this guy here doesn't want to play ball. Have him killed, then send a copy of that document to every news outlet in the country."
Frank Jim frowns. "I'll do no such thing, sir."
> Glower at Frank Jim menacingly. "And why not?"
"Because I'm a good man who was framed by evil men."
> "How the fuck is a good man in the CIA? Nevermind, I'll do it myself." Snap both of their necks and tweet out the contents of the document
You walk over to Frank Jim. He looks down at his feet as if ashamed of himself. Then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver key ring and puts it on your finger.
> "Wait, what does this mean?"
"It's a code to open the safe in the basement. It will take some practice, but once mastered, you should be able to find your way through it without too much trouble."
> "Okay, that's not a bad apology. But do you still refuse to kill this other guy and release that classified document?"
"No, sir. This man is being held against his will and we must abide by our legal obligations."
> "Our legal obligations are whatever I say they are! And I say I'm killing both of your asses and releasing this kompromat on President Ghostface Killah!"
You turn back to Frank Jim. "Fine, I guess you're right. Let me get my pistol from the desk in the next room."
> Run to the other room to retrieve the pistol, then hurriedly shoot the two men dead before they can get away
You rush to the desk and grab your pistol. The man behind you grabs yours and points it at you. "This is a mistake, Mr. Jones. If we let this go any longer, we could very well lose the election."
> "Wait, Mr. Jones? Who the hell do you think I am?"
"The head of the CIA, sir. Do you have any idea how important this vote is?"
> "Goddammit, why am I having so much trouble?" Acquiesce grudgingly and sit on my CIA throne
Mr. Jones opens up the safe and takes out a small black box. He hands it to you. Inside is a gun with a silencer attached to it. It's like something out of an action movie or something, except instead of bullets flying everywhere, they're going into people's brains.
>
> Press the buzzer and summon more CIA agents. Have them kill Jones and Frank Jim. Laugh maniacally as they die
You press the buzzer and call for more CIA agents to come after Frank Jim and Jones. They arrive quickly, guns drawn. You laugh maniacally as they fire upon each other, but don't stop until one of them falls off a balcony onto the street below.
> Step onto the balcony and laugh even harder as I spy the broken body of my enemy. Grab the survivor and throw him over the edge to join his traitorous comrade
You leap down from the balcony and watch as the body of your fallen foe lands on top of the second floor. You grab the unconscious man and toss him over the ledge. You stand there laughing maniacally as he screams in terror. Then you turn around and walk back up to where you started...
