Food Crimes

I am notably conservative about my pizza toppings, to the point of considering the mere existence of California Pizza Kitchens a crime against humanity, so I fall firmly on the no-pineapple side of the fence. I do like it in other things, though, like pineapple fried rice, or chicken pineapple curry, and al pastor meat, and grilled pineapple with cheddar, and grilled pineapple in Korean barbecue, and maybe it is dinnertime now.

So, over here, they have a bunch of different localized pasta recipes  called "wafu pasta" and nearly all of them are inedible but weebs and foodies occasionally try to make them since "anything made in Japan has to be delicious!" Anyway, most of these are not delicious.  I mean the second link used ketchup as the sauce base, which should already be an established food crime! Since only a few of the recipes are good, I am put forward the motion that this entire category should be viewed as a food crime.  

sometimes I double dip into the peanut butter jar after eating right off the utensil 😈

I generally am... but not always! so it's a half crime.

I figure I usually have cleaned off the layer I might've contaminated with a clean utensil by next time.

it suddenly occurs to me that I'm far worse with hummus... now that, I double dip into all the time! I eat it so fast that it generally doesn't matter though.

The only time ketchup is acceptable as a sauce base is if you are making barbecue sauce.

I think I just had a stroke.

I found this gem when I clicked through Pedantic Editor Type 's link: Tennessee man accused of dipping testicles in customer's salsa

I'm trying to make corn chowder, but this pasty, starchy, off-season frozen corn is terrible and I want to pitch the whole thing into the garbage where it belongs. I regret everything.

We got a set of new non-stick pans in the House kitchen last week, which was very exciting. I pulled one out to make eggs this morning and pretty much half of it had already had the sheen of the finish worn off, and I’m kind of irrationally angry about this. Fucking hell people, have some respect for your things.

Drew Magary agrees with me so maybe I should reconsider my position. Seriously, I can't count the number of times I've ordered food where every item is lovingly and tenderly described on the page in prose so purple that Prince was considering suing for defamation, and when it came, apparently mayo was just a default option, why didn't you know that? And I'm not saying that it was disguised as "salad dressing" or "aioli", they just didn't think it was worth mentioning on the ingredient list alongside the tender leaves of butter lettuce hand-pulled from the garden by our in-house team of artisanal lettuce-pullers not thirty seconds before placing it gently on your plate.

In a similar vein the other day the GF was annoyed that the beef gyro she ordered included an excessive amount of raw red onion without warning. Had it been just a few or had they been sautéed sure. But a ton of raw onion merits mentioning in the description since it's not automatic with most gyros, and if forewarned a customer could ask that they be excluded. It's not like the cook would have been unable to prepare it without raw red onions.

Thank you!