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Post by Nudeviking on Nov 30, 2020 20:35:23 GMT -5
Stopping there because the next song is Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani, followed by two Luke Combs songs. Also because it's ridiculous that 2/3rds of the Hot 100 is songs that have been at the top of the charts for a month or more. I can tell you in indie radio nothing stays in rotation for a month; we deliberately take stuff out of rotation when they've been played enough to make room for new music. I've only been at this for a couple weeks and am already running into that same issue with the only song that disappeared from the top ten being one I filtered out by removing all non-native Korean songs from the chart (it would have still been there otherwise) and the bulk of the songs I've reviewed are things that have been on the charts for months already. There's something impressive about songs that catch on in that way, but it makes a project like this boring since without fresh blood coming in you either run out of songs to snark on or have to look elsewhere and then you run into the conundrum of whether the song you're now snarking on is even popular since it couldn't crack the HOT 100 or whatever.
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Post by Nudeviking on Dec 1, 2020 23:57:23 GMT -5
Time for another trip to the K-Pop well as we take a look at the weekly music charts over here in Korea for the week of 11/23~11/29. As I did last week, I'm skipping over things that I've already covered so I half expected to make my way through the 20s since between the two weeks there wasn't a lot of motion but this week shit's wildin' out in the top ten with a heap of new things to talk about including a brand new #1 song. Who dethroned BTS? Let's find out!
#1 - "VVS (Feat. JUSTHIS) (Prod. GroovyRoom)" by 미란이, 먼치맨, Khundi Panda, 머쉬베놈 (MUSHVENOM) - Korea loves them some singing contests. I mean as a nation they're responsible for Masked Singer. They've got shows where minor celebrities try to guess which regular-ass person is lip synching and which regular-ass person is actually a good singer. There's a show where regular-ass people who sound like famous singers and try to trick a studio audience who has to vote which singer hidden behind a privacy screen is actually the real famous singer and who's a delivery man for a Chinese restaurant who has a good voice. All of this is on top of the more generic, "People who are good at singing and competing for some sort of record deal" shows that are not unlike American Idol and other such things. There are also a whole range of shows based on finding the next hot thing in a given genre. There have been shows where rock and metal bands compete for record contracts and shows designed to find the next big thing in trot (a god awful genre of music with no real west equivalent that I'll go off on when a trot song shows up on the pop charts as they do from time to time). This song here stems from a show titled Show Me The Money which is a singing contest show for rappers and hip-hop artists. They're in their 9th season now and I've not seen a single episode of it on account of it being on a cable channel that I don't think I actually get. I guess I should talk about the song.
None of these artists are people that anyone in the general public would have any knowledge of since they're all indie rap people trying to get signed to a major label and yet somehow they've got the number one song this week, managing to dethrone BTS' "Dynamite" and prevent BTS' for retaking the top spot with their debuting follow-up single (which I'll talk about next). I think that's honestly pretty cool. The song doesn't do all that much for me to be honest. I prefer my rap to be less horny autotuned robot sounding and more angry shouty in terms of vocal styling and this is way more of the former. Lyrical it's boring prosperity gospel rap shit ("VVS" is some shit about the clarity of a diamond) as a metaphor for how awesome life is. I guess thematically it's pretty similar to that "Like a G6" song from a decade(?) back.
#6 - "Life Goes On" by BTS - Musically I think this is slightly more interesting than "Dynamite" was but it's ultimately just a pretty middling slow jam with a decent chorus. This song ended up debuting at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart this same week so I assume it will get a boost in the domestic charts next week and wouldn't be surprised if it took the #1 spot here as well, because of that because if there's one thing Koreans love more than anything else it's getting behind one of their own after the rest of the world has decided that they love that individual or group. My confusion over BTS as an international phenomenon continues unabated.
#8 - "Freak (Prod. Slom)" by 릴보이 (lIlBOI), 원슈타인, Chillin Homie, 스카이민혁 (Skyminhyuk) - Another song that originated on that Show Me The Money show. This has kind of an old school hip-hop vibe to it with 70s porno guitar riffs and and FUNKY-ASS bass licks. I don't hate this. Also the fact that one of the guys in this uses the rap name "Chillin Homie" delights me to no end.
#10 - "밤하늘의 별을(2020)" by 경서 - More boring-ass strumfuckery. At least it's a woman singing about chaste love this time instead of a dweeby dude singing about heartbreak. It's good to mix up the boring acoustic guitar strumfuckery once in a while.
#17 - "원해 (Feat. 팔로알토) (Prod. 코드 쿤스트)" by 스윙스, 맥대디 (Mckdaddy), Khakii (카키), 래원 (Layone) - The third and final Show Me The Money track we'll be listening to this week. Someone more knowledgeable than me about contemporary hip-hop probably knows exactly what rappers these cats are aping. All I know is in the middle of this one of the dudes bellows, "Let them boys go surfing!" for no good reason and that's a pretty terrific non-sequitur to bellow in a rap song.
#24 - "늦은 밤 너의 집 앞 골목길에서" by 노을 - Not only is this boring-ass swelling string ballad shit but it's old boring-ass swelling string ballad shit. This song's a year old and not like a thing that was constantly getting played over the course of the year. It was briefly a thing that was on the radio last fall and now for some reason it's back. I wonder if someone covered it on a singing contest song or if it showed up on a TV or in a commercial since those are generally the reason random songs like this end up showing up in the charts again for no good reason. Anyway this song sucks and I hope whatever wave of revived popularity it's experiencing comes to an end soon.
#26 - "나랑 같이 걸을래 (바른연애 길잡이 X 적재)" by 적재 - Another webcomic. Another soundtrack. That can only mean one thing: more strumfuckery. Christ this shit also has the swelling string section. They did both! Coffee shop strumfuckery and the swelling string section bullshit. OH FUCK THEY'VE ALSO GOT THE WINDCHIMES! THIS FUCKER HIT THE SHITTY BALLAD TRIFECTA! I hate it.
#27 - "마리아 (Maria)" by 화사 (Hwa Sa) - I kind of like that in three weeks of doing this I've reviewed three different songs that feature Hwa Sa. Back in week one we heard her as part of a made for TV singing group, the Refund Sister. Last week we heard her and her main singing group, Mamamoo, sing about getting fucked up at the club and this week we're checking in on her solo single which was released earlier this summer (maybe...time has lost all meaning but it's not a new song). This is another song my daughter was obsessed with for a time so I've heard it a lot already. I don't think it's a bad song. I like Hwa Sa's voice and like that her public persona is that she gives zero fucks which is kind of refreshing in an industry that's so image conscious.
#28 - "Dolphin" by 오마이걸 (OH MY GIRL) - There are 30,000 different versions of this group. I can tell very few of them apart if I hear them on the radio since they all kind of sound the same and sing with the same nondescript voices. The song itself is kind of weird. It's really sluggish but I guess it is technically a dance song. There's wacky instrumentation and bratty "Da da da da" chanting to serve as the chorus and it's about a marine mammal.
#29 - "아로하" by 조정석 - More boring ballad shit. Dude is singing about someone being the light of his life. No thanks.
As mentioned earlier this week, I've decided to start reviewing the #1 song off the various genre charts to further fill in the blanks as to what Korean pop music is. Because I mentioned CCM (Contemporary Christian Music) in my review last week leading to some discussion as to whether or not it exists in Korea I've decided to kick things off by taking a listen to this week's #1 on the CCM Chart.
#1 on the CCM Chart - "꽃들도" 마커스워십 (MARKERS WORSHIP) - Solid squealin' electric guitar licks in the intro part of the song and chunky distorted power chords during the choruses. This is not a great song or anything but I'd be way happier if the middle of the road rock riffs and 80's hair metal guitar solos we got here were the order of the day with regards to Korean balladry rather than stupid string sections and/or acoustic guitar strumfuckery. I'm still not a Christian after listening to it so I don't know how successful it was as a work designed to convince listeners of how dick-fuckin' awesome Jesus is.
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Rainbow Rosa
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Post by Rainbow Rosa on Dec 2, 2020 0:29:41 GMT -5
Also also, is Lil Nas X still a one-hit wonder? He ostensibly has had other ""hits"" but... has he really?
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Post by Desert Dweller on Dec 3, 2020 1:21:25 GMT -5
Thanks to this thread, I've now listened to a lot of K-Pop. This is not for me. Of course, I don't like much about American pop music either, so this wasn't a big surprise. I think I'm too old to enjoy this. Though I have a friend my age who is obsessed with K-Pop.
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Post by Nudeviking on Dec 3, 2020 2:17:47 GMT -5
Thanks to this thread, I've now listened to a lot of K-Pop. This is not for me. Of course, I don't like much about American pop music either, so this wasn't a big surprise. I think I'm too old to enjoy this. Though I have a friend my age who is obsessed with K-Pop. You've got a particular Western singer or band or musical genre that you're into? I could probably suggest something a bit more palatable than the scattershot nonsense I've been reviewing here.
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Post by Desert Dweller on Dec 4, 2020 0:54:50 GMT -5
Thanks to this thread, I've now listened to a lot of K-Pop. This is not for me. Of course, I don't like much about American pop music either, so this wasn't a big surprise. I think I'm too old to enjoy this. Though I have a friend my age who is obsessed with K-Pop. You've got a particular Western singer or band or musical genre that you're into? I could probably suggest something a bit more palatable than the scattershot nonsense I've been reviewing here.
My issue is the entirety of electronic, pre-programmed, auto-tuned music that has taken over pop. Basically hate programmed drum machine. Hate the repetitive monotonous beats, the lack of variation in instrumentation. The auto-tuned vocals. Like, I hate everything about current pop music. EVERYTHING. (I never want to hear that damned trap beat ever again!)
So, anything where people actually play real instruments and actually sing is what I am looking for. Or even just play real instruments. I can take or leave the singing. I don't particularly care what style.
This is why I have essentially checked out of US Top 40 radio. It all sounds monotonous and bland to me.
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Post by Nudeviking on Dec 4, 2020 1:28:09 GMT -5
You've got a particular Western singer or band or musical genre that you're into? I could probably suggest something a bit more palatable than the scattershot nonsense I've been reviewing here.
My issue is the entirety of electronic, pre-programmed, auto-tuned music that has taken over pop. Basically hate programmed drum machine. Hate the repetitive monotonous beats, the lack of variation in instrumentation. The auto-tuned vocals. Like, I hate everything about current pop music. EVERYTHING. (I never want to hear that damned trap beat ever again!)
So, anything where people actually play real instruments and actually sing is what I am looking for. Or even just play real instruments. I can take or leave the singing. I don't particularly care what style.
This is why I have essentially checked out of US Top 40 radio. It all sounds monotonous and bland to me.
There's a pretty vibrant rock scene here though it's rarely a thing that cracks into top 20 radio partially because maybe like 15 years ago when they let a punk band play on one of the Top of the Pops / American Bandstand type shows someone took their dick out on live TV and from that day forward it got a lot harder for artists that weren't clean cut teeny-boppers or mopey balladeers to get on TV and the radio. Here are couple of songs from the more mainstream rock peoples and bands that got some international attention. None of the following are footage of the punk band that got their dicks out live on national television in case you're worried about such things. Jaurim Jang Giha & The Faces Crying Nut Nell Drinking Boys & Girls Choir
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monodrone
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Post by monodrone on Dec 4, 2020 11:46:57 GMT -5
Crying Nut sound almost exactly as I would expect a band called Crying Nut to sound. Well done to them. Also, that Drinking Boys and Girls Choir song is good so I'm going to listen to more of their stuff now, thanks!
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Post by Nudeviking on Dec 4, 2020 13:42:49 GMT -5
Crying Nut sound almost exactly as I would expect a band called Crying Nut to sound. Well done to them. Also, that Drinking Boys and Girls Choir song is good so I'm going to listen to more of their stuff now, thanks! The Crying Nut thing I posted is from pretty early in their career. They’re still around today and like most long standing punk bands have gotten less “punk” as the years have rolled on. I’d say they’re just a straightforward rock band at this point but I honestly don’t know of too many straightforward rock bands that include a full-time accordionist as one of their members.
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 5, 2020 11:03:02 GMT -5
moimoi, w/r/t "All I Want for Christmas is You," is it just me, or is there an entire subgenre of music which is dedicated to sounding exactly like "All I Want for Christmas is You" but cheaper so that you don't have to pay Mariah Carey royalties to use "All I Want for Christmas is You?" I do think there is a healthy industry of songwriters trying to copy "All I Want for Christmas..." for a Gen Z artist - probably Selena Gomez - to keep the royalties rolling. I cannot produce an example, though, because I avoid Christmas music and any venue where it might be played.
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 5, 2020 13:23:51 GMT -5
Jaurim Jang Giha & The Faces Crying Nut Nell Drinking Boys & Girls Choir My hot takes on the K-rock scene, based on examples provided: Jaurim - Somebody's listening to, and ripping off, The White Stripes! Jang Giha & The Faces - Singer/songwriter? It's fine. Has the same acoustic bossa nova influence as a lot of J-rock. But what's with all the moaning and groaning in these songs? Crying Nut - Perfectly adequate Clash-influenced punk. Nella - Bland. Like Snow Patrol or something. Drinking Boys & Girls Choir - This was my favorite - they sound like they're having fun, like my beloved Ash. What are your thoughts on Say Sue Me, the only Korean band that comes to mind that has broken through on the Western indie scene? I've played them a couple times over the past couple years because I digs the shoegaze.
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Post by Nudeviking on Dec 5, 2020 17:23:35 GMT -5
moimoi Say Sue Me is great but one of those bands that I always forget exists since like a lot of Korean movies that catch on overseas, they're way more popular in Europe and America than they are here. You reminding me of them made me head over to the ol' Naver search engine to see if they'd put out any new stuff since last I checked in with them (a couple of okay singles and a reissue of their first album) but in doing this search I discovered them doing a cover of the single greatest song ever written in the history of mankind, "A.M.180" by Grandaddy.
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Post by Nudeviking on Dec 8, 2020 2:03:57 GMT -5
I got a little excited last week where there was a whole mess of new tunes coming in towards the top of the chart but all good things must come to an end and this week there's almost no change in any of the chart standings at all which means I'm moving down to the 30s in the rankings to review some middling ballads and some songs that topped the charts 6 to 9 months ago and are making their way down out of the top 100. Let's do it!
#30 - "METEOR" by 창모 (CHANGMO) - Korean Hip-Pop. There's way too much Autotune going on here. As I mentioned last week I like my rap music a bit more angry yelling and a bit less horny robot and this is definitely more the latter.
#31 - "Blueming" by 아이유 (IU) - IU showed up a couple weeks ago with some light pop rock with one of the dudes from BTS. This is more of the same minus a dude from BTS. It's a fine pop song I guess. It came out like a year ago and was pretty popular so I've heard it a ton already and therefore don't have any initial reaction hot takes.
#32 - "작은 것들을 위한 시 (Boy With Luv) (Feat. Halsey)" by BTS - Speaking of BTS they're back on the chart with a song from maybe two years ago (time has lost all meaning). This was the first BTS song that I actually knew was a BTS song. I'm sure I'd heard songs prior to this one but this was the first song of theirs where I was able to put two and two together and connect an actual song to the abstract concept of BTS as Worldwide Celebrities. I think this is better than any of the other songs of theirs that I've heard and I honestly think a lot of that is due to Halsey and the chorus of the song. The verses are okay and the "rap" part suuuuuuuucks but goddamn is the chorus to this song great.
#33 - "거짓말이라도 해서 널 보고싶어" by 백지영 - Boring ballad shit this time with a lady singer. Baek Jiyoung's been in this pop music game a long time so I gotta give her some credit just for surviving as long as she has though I wish she'd do more interesting shit.
#34 - "모든 날, 모든 순간 (Every day, Every Moment)" by Paul Kim - More boring ballad shit of the acoustic guitar strumfuckery variety. This one's from the soundtrack to some boring-ass television drama. Shit sucks.
#35 - "서면역에서" by 순순희 - Another sad sack dope singing about heartbreak. The best thing about this song was that on YouTube the second or third highest comment was something along the lines of "This sounds like a bunch of other songs mixed together," because that's what all these shitty ballads are: rehashes of earlier equally shitty ballads.
#36 - "홀로" by 이하이 - Like so many pop singers here I Lee Hi first showed up on some singing contest show. She loves Alicia Keys as is evident in pretty much every song she's ever released. This is probably the second best song I listened to this week.
#37 - "사실 나는 (Feat.전건호)" by 경서예지 - Boring lady ballad shit. Oh now there's a dude singing boring ballad shit. This is truly the greatest innovation in the field of sad sack ballardering! A woman and a man singing about their respective heartbreaks in a single song! THIS IS TRULY THE MOST ORIGINAL SONG EVER RECORDED! Feel like I probably need to write, "Syke!" since sarcasm doesn't always work in writing. This song both sucked and blew.
#38 - "사랑은 지날수록 더욱 선명하게 남아" by 전상근 - A dweeb in glasses singing about heartbreak. I hate it. As I listen to another boring swelling string section I find myself wondering why 90s style emo didn't become THE BIGGEST thing over here. Koreans clearly love singing about how shitty heartbreak is. Why aren't there 90,000,000 The Get Up Kids or Braids or The Promise Rings dominating the airwaves?
#39 - "내 방을 여행하는 법" by BTS - Second BTS song I'm reviewing this week (4th on the chart for the week). This isn't particularly good. Plodding bullshit with gospel organs. I hate it.
This is the first week that doing this wasn't particularly fun. I don't always like the songs I write about but in general there's something worth writing about but this week? It was a bunch of boring songs that didn't even have any interesting backstories to them so I decided to do some K-Pop related self-care this week and dive into the ROCK & METAL CHART!
You want to know what the #1 Metal song in Korea is this week? Fucking "Eight" by IU and one of the dudes from BTS! #2 and #3 are strumfuckers that I already covered and the #4 and #5 are two more IU songs, one that I covered this week and the other a song that will show up in my next batch of songs unless there's a massive shakeup in the Hot 100 or I decide to do something different next week which I might.
Each of the three major television networks here has a weekend pop countdown show thing and each of those shows has their own distinct chart which has far greater turnover than the one I've been using up to this point. The problem with those charts is that those shows are basically the Korean equivalent of something like MTV's TRL With Carson Daly. It's almost 100% teeny-bopper shit and though I prefer that sort of shit to dull-ass ballardry I'll also be giving up on pretty much all hip-hop or metal bands like IU if I just stick to the Monsta Xs and StayC's of the world. So tune in next week to see what I decide to do! Will I continue to be driven mad by strumfuckery and mopey bullshit or will I embrace my inner teen girl and start writing solely about music for teen girls?
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 8, 2020 17:02:26 GMT -5
Here's some special end-of-year snark, which has me thinking about this Taylor Swift album I haven't heard a note of. Is there a way to listen without having to pay her?
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Rainbow Rosa
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Post by Rainbow Rosa on Dec 8, 2020 17:04:40 GMT -5
Here's some special end-of-year snark, which has me thinking about this Taylor Swift album I haven't heard a note of. Is there a way to listen without having to pay her? "A Way to Listen to Artists Without Having to Pay Them" would be a great slogan for Spotify.
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 8, 2020 17:15:48 GMT -5
Here's some special end-of-year snark, which has me thinking about this Taylor Swift album I haven't heard a note of. Is there a way to listen without having to pay her? "A Way to Listen to Artists Without Having to Pay Them" would be a great slogan for Spotify. I thought she was in a fight with Spotify and took her music off, though. I really don't keep up on Swifty's comings and goings. Last night I was racking my brain trying to remember the annoying-but-once-ubiquitous British actor she was dating ('dating'?). Today it came to me: Tom Hiddleston.
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Post by Roy Batty's Pet Dove on Dec 10, 2020 14:59:26 GMT -5
"A Way to Listen to Artists Without Having to Pay Them" would be a great slogan for Spotify. I thought she was in a fight with Spotify and took her music off, though. I really don't keep up on Swifty's comings and goings. Last night I was racking my brain trying to remember the annoying-but-once-ubiquitous British actor she was dating ('dating'?). Today it came to me: Tom Hiddleston. Don't worry, Disney+ is making a Loki TV show, so Tom Hiddleston shall surely become ubiquitous once again, and yet again be the obsession of people whose thing is "deathly pale men whose hair looks like it's constantly wet".
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 12, 2020 17:00:08 GMT -5
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 15, 2020 17:24:49 GMT -5
...and TWO months into this exercise, there is nothing new worth commenting upon in Kiss FM's playlist. There's almost nothing new period: new songs from Sam Mendes and Harry Styles, something by The Kid Laroi, "Blueberry Eyes", a song by group called Why Don't We that I'm pretty sure I reviewed but can't find for some reason, someone called Tate McRae and someone called Conan Gray, Bebe Rexha & Doja Cat's song, and a new Miley Cyrus in which I have no interest. The first 15 songs were all repeats.
So how about a completely subjective and arbitrary ranking of Rihanna singles*? Like every other tentpole pop artist, she has ALOT and while many are good, a lot of them absolutely blow.
TEIR 1 STONE COLD JAMZ
1. We Found Love (2011) - EPIC. The windup and the pitch knocks me out every time. 2. Work (2016) - This song got me through 2016 - bouncy and ebullient and just dumb enough to be fun, rather than depressing. If you ever karaoke with me, I'm busting this out. 3. Rude Boy (2010) - My JAM! I love the way thing song leans into its dancehall origins. 4. Umbrella (2006) - I wasn't paying any attention to the pop charts in 2006, so I largely missed the complete radio saturation of this track. It's solid mid-tempo ballad and I can see why people liked to cover it. 5. Only Girl in the World (2010) - This is some fine EDM-influenced pop. 6. S&M (2011) - Who else constantly confuses this with "SOS"? This is a little more exciting though. 7. Man Down (2011) - Why didn't Rihanna make more songs like this? It's a fun homage to Sister Nancy and the Trojan sound. 8. SOS (2006) - The "Tainted Love" sample cannot be denied, but it's also a bit lazy, since it has nothing to do with the song. 9. What's My Name (2010) - I know we officially hate Drake, but he and Ri did bring out the best in each other. 10. Raining Men (2010) - Another fun collab. I like the production on this. 11. Break It Off (2006) - Sean Paul elevates this, along with some fun synth flourishes. 12. If It's Lovin' That You Want (2005) - An underrated gem from the first album. It has an Aaliyah-esque insouciance. 13. Disturbia (2008) - I appreciate the way this one builds into something that sticks in your head. It's a bit overdone, though. 14. Shut Up & Drive (2007) - I will never be able to separate this from the amazing RPDR All-Stars 2 performance by Tatianna & Alyssa Edwards. 15. Don't Stop the Music (2007) - Derivative of her other dance anthems from this period (see above), but it holds up fine.
TEIR 2 IRRITATING BUT LISTENABLE
16. Stay (2013) - Is the best of Rihanna's many bad ballads? Maybe? 17. Where Have You Been (2012) - Pales in comparison to "We Found Love". 18. Pon de Replay (2005) - This totally bored me when it came out - just another diwali riddim cash-in 19. Cockiness (2012) - Experimental and kinda nasty. This was a single? 20. Wait Your Turn (2009) - Dancehall verses with an Imagine Dragons Superbowl commercial chorus? I'm confused...but intrigued. 21. Right Now (2013) - The monster EDM single that wasn't. David Guetta pulls out all the stops, but this sounds tired. 22. Diamonds (2012) - Something positive for the kids? And the Lady Gaga fans. This song irritates me. 23. Jump (2014) - The "Pony" quotation almost saves this, but the dubstep drop is awkward and this has a whiff of Kanye excess. 24. You Da One (2011) - Do we have Rihanna to blame for the current lazy repetition of so much pop music? Probably. This single makes the case. 25. Sledgehammer (2016) - Another ballad that sounds like it was written by Chris Martin. I'm not sure why this exists, but it's not offensive. 26. Needed Me (2016) - I feel like this isn't a song so much as a ringtone drawn out over pop song length. Lazy stripper music. 27. Bitch Better Have My Money (2015) - All of Rihanna's rap tracks are terrible, but this one at least strikes me as funny. 28. Te Amo (2010) - Pandering to the Latins & the gays at the same time? That takes skill. 29. Talk That Talk (2012) - I guess Rihanna wanted to sing on "Dirt Off Your Shoulder"? 30. Rehab (2008) - Is this the beginning of RiRi the rapper? It sounds like Timbaland produced this for someone else, but it was given to Rihanna to give her depth or whatever. And what is Justin Timberlake doing on this track, phoning in a line like he's Taylor Swift? 31. Hate That I Love You (2007) - Pretty sure they're sampling Indigo Girls "Closer to Fine", which is...a choice...but Ne-yo! Still, this is underwritten. The chorus isn't as good as the verses. 32. We Ride (2006) - Absolutely rote early aughts R&B. Did Montell Jordan write this? 33. Russian Roulette (2009) - Boring! But it kind of samples "Teardrop" so I guess that's a plus?
TEIR 3 MAJOR SUCKITUDE
34. Pour It Up (2013) - Ugh, this one could not be escaped on GCI (Chicago's leading hip hop/R&B station). Rihanna has given up on singing at this point, she's just a lazy rapper - but still at the strip club. 35. Kiss It Better (2016) - This could only be a single to indulge some producer's vanity. Very underwritten and half-assed. 36. Cheers (2011) - More lazy, boring crossover pandering. I think Pink turned this one down. 37. Take a Bow (2008) - Rihanna's ballads are so plodding and half-assed. This is just an "Irreplaceable" rip-off. 38. Unfaithful (2006) - This song does not suit her voice and it's waaay to melodramatic. 39. Loveeeeeee Song (2013) - The music, tolerable. The vocals by Future, dreadful. 40. American Oxygen (2015) - Was 2015 Rihanna's artistic nadir? This is a message song with EDM overproduction. WHY??? 41. Hard (2009) - Rihanna is officially a rapper now - and possibly a Fugee? She is definitely NOT "hard" as the cheesy chorus of this one would claim. 42. Rockstar 101 (2010) - Other things RiRi is not: a rockstar. Pop music doesn't get lazier than this. 43. What Now (2013) - The fuck is this yelling? This is a poor excuse for a ballad. 44. Birthday Cake (2012) - I might like this as a dance remix, but major points deducted for Chris Brown. 45. Nothing is Promised (2016) - Rihanna, you are not a rapper! 46. Love on the Brain (2016) - One of the worst singles I've ever heard from a top 10 artist and an indication that Ri might just want to stop making music to focus on her other endeavors. 47. FourFiveSeconds (2015) - Omigod this was so bad. SO BAD. I wish I could scrub it from my memory. 48. California King Bed (2011) - Someone was thirsty for a country crossover and ill-advisedly gave Rihanna a Kelly Clarkson song. Terrible.
*all tracks credited to Rihanna as primary artist, appearing on her albums, charted, and/or RIAA certified.
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Post by Nudeviking on Dec 22, 2020 1:00:27 GMT -5
I couldn't get into doing this with last week's chart for various reasons but we're back this week with another look at the K-Pop charts. Last week's chart was almost entirely songs from that Show Me The Money Show and since things rarely change from week to week that's still the case but it's also the holiday season which means that stray Christmas songs are going to be featured on the chart this week ("All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey and some Sia song called "Snowman" are near the top of the chart if I don't filter out foreign songs) so it seemed like as good a time as any to see what's going on this week. I hope you like random indie hip-hop artists and sleigh bells (the instrument not the American band) because that's pretty much all you're getting this week. #4 - "내일이 오면 (Feat. 기리보이, BIG Naughty (서동현))" by 릴보이 (lIlBOI) - One of those too positive hip-hop things. The music is all happy and shit. Since my platonic ideal hip-hop is Dead Prez' "Hip-Hop" and things of that ilk this sort of "For every night there's a brighter day / It'll be okay," positive vibes rap doesn't work for me. #10 - "Achoo (Feat. pH-1, HAON) (Prod. GroovyRoom)" by 미란이 (Mirani) - More horny robot rap shit. Give me some angry people scream rapping about how fucked society is and I'll be happy but this shit is so boring. #11 - "악역 (Feat. 이하이 & 사이먼 도미닉) (Prod. 코드 쿤스트)" by 스윙스 - This is a bit closer to what I want hip-hop to be. The chorus is sung by Lee Hi who I wrote briefly about a couple weeks ago. It's not a great song but it doesn't really annoy me or anything. #15 - "뿌리 (Feat. JUSTHIS) (Prod. GroovyRoom)" by Khundi Panda - Random swinets and a nasally dude bellowing stuff about roots fast. This is good rap shit. Of all the random junk I've listened to since starting this stupid project this is the first song I've actually liked beyond the sort of non-commital, "it's fine for what it is." #16 - "미리 메리 크리스마스 (Feat. 천둥 of MBLAQ)" by IU - "Merry Christmas in Advance" for those of you that don't know Korean. This is maybe six or seven years old but is back on the chart because it's seasonal...kind of. It's lacking sleigh bells or tubular bells or really bells of any sort. There's a programmed dance beat and a dude from a now defunct boy band who shows up to do shitty rapping. Lyrically it's more about love and heartbreak than Jesus, Santa Claus, or the holiday of Christmas but at least they mention snow and Christmas a couple times I guess. As far as Christmas songs go I guess it's from the "Last Christmas" school of Christmas songs in that are barely about Christmas. #20 - "What Do I Call You" by 태연 (TAEYEON) - Taeyon was (is?) in a girl group called Girls' Generation that was very popular a few years ago. I think they had moderate success in the west at the time. She's flying solo here with what would be a pretty straightforward R&B song if not for the random steel drum interlude that happens towards the end of the song. I didn't hate this. Girls' Generation was (is?) pretty good and I always thought that she was one of the better vocalists in that particular group. The song's got a good hook and the steel drum part made me laugh so that's a plus. #23 - "혼술하고 싶은 밤" by Ben - Here comes the string section! There are two interesting things about this otherwise dull as ditchwater song. The first is that Ben is a woman and not a sadsack dude. The second is that there are some random pedal steel flourishes accompanying the overly melodramatic string sections at a couple points in the song. Since I listened to this immediately after a song that had random steel drums it got me thinking about how the composers of these songs decide which wonky instruments they decide to add. Are they daring each other? "I bet you can't write a song featuring the lasso d'amore that charts." "You're on pal!" #24 - "고독하구만 (Feat. 수퍼비) (Prod. GroovyRoom)" by 머쉬베놈 (MUSHVENOM) - Uh oh a rap song that features waltz shit in the beginning. There's someone that sounds like an anthropomorphic cartoon frog that croaks the chorus. He's good. The dude rapping during the verses is a horny robot. He's no good. #34 - "적외선 카메라" by 원슈타인 - Raps about jeans and knee socks and ice coffee and Olympic doping. I don't know what's going on here but the lyrics make me wish the song wasn't so slow and boring. #42 - "크리스마스니까" by 성시경, 박효신, 이석훈, 서인국, VIXX - "Because It's Christmas" or something along those lines in English. This one's also relatively old in the fast paced, disposable world of Korean pop music but is back on the charts because it's a Christmas song I guess. In it a bunch of disparate ballad dweebs come together like the Avengers to sing a shitty ballad that's only tangentially related to Christmas (they say "Christmas" and there are sleigh bells). There's some shitty bad rapping in the middle. It's a bad song and not just because I'm kind of a traditionalist when it comes to Christmas music (gimme shit from the 19th century or older). It doesn't really do anything interesting and therefore ends up sounding like 90,000 other shitty ballads. This week's bonus track is something that is actually on the regular-ass Hot 100 chart but it's at #100 and I doubt it will stick along on the charts long enough for me to actually cover it either by working my way down to #100 or for it to move up the chart at all. The song in question is a "Holiday Remix" of BTS' monster hit, "Dynamite." I've not heard this remix before and I'm writing this before I even listen to it because I want to make a prediction: The song is going to be exactly the same as the non-Holiday Remix version only with some sleigh bells added to the track. #100 - "Dynamite (Holiday Remix)" by BTS - My prediction wasn't far off the mark. It's mostly just sleigh bells but there's also some tubular bells and some acapella "Doo Doo! Doo Doo!" nonsense in the beginning. It's very inessential even when graded on the "this is a remix" curve that most remixes need to be graded on. They probably should have just done a half-assed cover of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" or "Last Christmas" or whatever if they wanted to put out a holiday track. So there you go. Ten more songs from the Korea pop music charts. The next time I check back in I plan on doing some sort of 2020 year end wrap up provided I can find some sort of best of 2020 chart somewhere in order to mix things up a bit and write about some songs that were popular before I decided to start reviewing random K-Pop hits a few weeks ago.
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 23, 2020 21:07:38 GMT -5
Todd, my spiritual brother, listed his worst pop singles of the year and I am almost in complete agreement: 10. Lonely - Justin Bieber feat. Benny Blanco (10/28) A short, acoustic, confessional ballad? Nice move, Bieber. This isn't terrible. At least it reminds people that Bieber can kind of sing.
9. Ice Cream - BlackPink feat. Selena Gomez My disdain for Selena Gomez is well-documented. I remember hearing this and praying that it didn't become popular. So indescribably annoying. 8. One Margarita - Luke Bryan Is there any musical oeuvre more irredeemably worthless than that of Jimmy Buffet? I'm offended that anyone would even try to replicate it. 7. Falling - Trevor Daniel It's Post Malone x Juice Wrld x King Krule and absolutely worse than the sum of those parts. 6. Nobody But You - Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefanie Ew! Ew. EWWWW!!! Gwen Stefanie why do you fucking suck so much? You should not suck this bad! 5. Popstar - DJ Khaled, Drake, and Justin Bieber Complete throwaway for all involved. Somebody must have had a boat payment coming up. 4. Mood - 24k Goldn feat. [who cares] (10/15) I was digging the chillwave vibes until the children started yelling over it. Pass.
3. Party Girl - Stay Solid Rocky This isn't worth listening to the whole thing. How do these kids even call themselves rappers? 2. Savage Love - Jawsh 685 x Jason Derulo (10/28) Ugh, if I had to pinpoint why I hate this so much, I think it's the watered-down reggaeton, combined with an absolutely insipid melody that sounds like a novelty car horn. 1. Yummy - Justin Bieber Oh yeah, this was SHIT. Justin Timberlake is probably wondering why he tried so hard to be talented and likeable all those years.
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 30, 2020 13:20:11 GMT -5
So the Billboard chart this week is almost entirely old Christmas chestnuts (along with "Mood" for some reason). I thought about reviewing these classics, but that would require me to voluntarily listen to Christmas music, which is not something I do. So here's a ranking of Lady Gaga's mostly shitty and extremely self-indulgent catalogue*:
WORTH A LISTEN
1. Bad Romance - So over the top that it works. I like her lower, throatier register - almost like Annie Lennox (strange she hasn't ripped her off yet). 2. Paparazzi - One of her most melodically successful songs, even if the lyrics are still questionable. 3. Telephone - I still don't remember what Beyonce does on this song, but I remember this was fun. 4. The Edge of Glory - This is how you pay homage to Pat Benatar and Terri Nunn without gratuitously ripping them off. Props for restraint (despite the song otherwise having none). 5. Perfect Illusion - This is pretty good 80s rock pastiche and I'm surprised I didn't hear it more (or at all, really - did she not send the Joanne album to pop stations?). 6. Million Reasons - Not a bad power ballad and I don't think it rips off anything too specifically. 7. Joanne - She's been listening to M. Ward and Marissa Nadler. If I didn't know this was Gaga pandering, I'd probably like it more.
UGH, GET OFF THE STAGE
8. Born This Way - Major points deducted for theft and pandering. Has Lady Gaga authenticated any of her claims to membership in the queer community? 9. Poker Face - This song is weird...I guess people were really into that one reverb-y keyboard effect that dominated all her early songs? I blame Animal Collective. Also am I the only one that catches a whiff of Glen Frey's "You Belong to the City?" in these chords? 10. Alejandro - Steal from Madonna much? Oh yes, she does. As a Madonna pastiche, this really doesn't do anything for me, but it's not bad, I guess. 11. Rain on Me - Here's another one that's good up until the chorus and then it's like she just can't help herself; she has to throw in a bit of self-indulgence like spoken word or her name 12. LoveGame - Boo on LG for stealing a title from a Cardigans classic! Wait...that was "LoveFool"? Boo on her anyway for these lyrics and overall vapidity. Dear wypipo, your beats are not "sick". 13. Applause - This is when you can tell she lost the plot. Why was this a single? The lyrics are clumsy and forced and the music is on autopilot. 14. Stupid Love - As I've noted previously, it's almost good up until the chorus, which it completely whiffs. The title is dumb, the chorus is dumb. 15. Just Dance - I was so unimpressed with this when it came out. It sounded generic then and it still does. 16. The Cure - Did Ariana Grande's team take pity on her and give her a reject? 17. G.U.Y. - It's not a banger, but it's listenable. How are so many of these songs both overwritten and underwritten at the same time? The overproduction I get, but these unwieldy song structures lead me to believe that someone is believing their own hype and alienating good producers who could tighten this shit up. 18. Marry the Night - Isn't this just an Edge of Glory rehash? No wonder she made a 13-minute self-indulgent video to cover up the fact that three years in she's already out of ideas. 19. Till It Happens to You - An admirable sentiment and I'm glad she gave a portion of proceeds to charity, but if you're going to cash in on your apology for working with noted sexual abuser of WOC R. Kelly, maybe don't start by ripping off the opening to Pink's "Try" and then plodding ahead with a colorless ballad (well-sung though it may be). 20. Always Remember Us This Way - Generic country ballad. 21. I'll Never Love Again - I wanted so badly for this to be a cover of the Burt Bacharach/Hal David classic, but no, that's "I'll Never Fall In Love Again." This is a hilariously gratuitous rehash of Whitney Houston's rendition of "I Will Always Love You" for the A Star Is Born soundtrack. I bet they asked Dolly Parton to write another song for this and she said no. 22. Shallow - I remember writing about this one on some other thread, but I don't recall the details, except noting that the chorus is basically "Bad Romance". I don't like it. 23. Yoü And I - For some reason, this dumb song has an umlaut. Perhaps this is an indication that she's attempting stadium rock? It doesn't work, though it is an interesting insight into her country crossover conversion to come. 24. Judas - Bitch, what is you doing? This chorus is garbage. Did the producers take the afternoon off and let you finish this one yourself? Now I'm angry for being reminded of one of the worst songs to chart in the 21st century. 25. Do What You U Want - Major, MAJOR points deducted for collaborating with R. Kelly IN 2013 like it's no biggie. And the lyrics? Fuck your feminism, Gaga. She even pulled out the "I was in a bad place" defense (in 2013?, in the middle of five of your six albums hitting #1?) and donated proceeds to charity SIX YEARS LATER...
*skipping anything that didn't chart in the U.S. because I can't be bothered
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Rainbow Rosa
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Post by Rainbow Rosa on Dec 30, 2020 14:40:00 GMT -5
8. Born This Way - Major points deducted for theft and pandering. Has Lady Gaga authenticated any of her claims to membership in the queer community? Playing up draggy spectacle for the critics and the gays despite the most tenuous of claims to bisexuality? Hey, now she's ripping off Bowie!
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Rainbow Rosa
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Post by Rainbow Rosa on Dec 31, 2020 0:17:25 GMT -5
Gaga’s moment really was a lot briefer than I thought it’d be (really thought her presence might be like Swifts, though towards a narrower audience). I think Artpop’s a lot of what did it—releasing what’s basically a tribute to immediate pre-crash NY opulence during the post-crash doldrums is pretty bad and indicative that she’d lost her (amazing, if you were of the right age and bent) connection to the broader scope of her audience. FWIW I greatly enjoyed Artpop.
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moimoi
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Post by moimoi on Dec 31, 2020 11:00:45 GMT -5
Gaga’s moment really was a lot briefer than I thought it’d be (really thought her presence might be like Swifts, though towards a narrower audience). I think Artpop’s a lot of what did it—releasing what’s basically a tribute to immediate pre-crash NY opulence during the post-crash doldrums is pretty bad and indicative that she’d lost her (amazing, if you were of the right age and bent) connection to the broader scope of her audience. FWIW I greatly enjoyed Artpop. Who knows, I might not hate it? I've been thinking that if I run out of discographies to rank in between chart commentary, I'll do reviews of pop icon's 'worst' / career-tanking albums. I welcome other people's takes on any of this stuff as well.
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Post by William T. Goat, Esq. on Jan 4, 2021 23:28:39 GMT -5
In the interest of trying to keep hip to what's popular, I bookmarked a list of this year's Video Music Awards; intending to check out some songs, but I keep forgetting to do so.
I just listened to Machine Gun Kelly's "Bloody Valentine" for the first time. Never heard his music before. By the name, I assumed he was a rapper. Instead, the song sounds like The Killers. Meh.
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Rainbow Rosa
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Post by Rainbow Rosa on Jan 4, 2021 23:40:55 GMT -5
In the interest of trying to keep hip to what's popular, I bookmarked a list of this year's Video Music Awards; intending to check out some songs, but I keep forgetting to do so. I just listened to Machine Gun Kelly's "Bloody Valentine" for the first time. Never heard his music before. By the name, I assumed he was a rapper. Instead, the song sounds like The Killers. Meh. Putting out a track called "Bloody Valentine" and not doing a My Bloody Valentine pastiche is a missed opportunity.
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Post by Nudeviking on Jan 5, 2021 3:17:39 GMT -5
In the interest of trying to keep hip to what's popular, I bookmarked a list of this year's Video Music Awards; intending to check out some songs, but I keep forgetting to do so. I just listened to Machine Gun Kelly's "Bloody Valentine" for the first time. Never heard his music before. By the name, I assumed he was a rapper. Instead, the song sounds like The Killers. Meh. Putting out a track called "Bloody Valentine" and not doing a My Bloody Valentine pastiche is a missed opportunity. Maybe the single had an ironic My Blood Valentine cover as the b-side.
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Post by Nudeviking on Jan 12, 2021 21:48:44 GMT -5
After a couple of weeks off due to the holidays and then being legitimately busy at work (which is generally when I listen to these dumb songs) last week I'm back to snark on the K-Pop charts. I've decided this year to switch from the Melon Chart to the one used by one of the local television network's weekly Top of the Pops-esque music shows, specifically MBC's Show! Music Core. Why the change? Well unlike the Melon Chart this one actually has new songs entering pretty regularly. I looked at the Melon list after like 2 weeks of not doing anything and I had to go down to the 50s on the chart for stuff I hadn't covered yet (and all those songs were in the 50s the last time I checked these charts out as well). There's just no fresh blood coming in and so we're switching charts for the foreseeable future.
#5 - "Panorama" by IZ*ONE - They're another group that got created during some sort of singing contest elimination show on TV and have ties to the J-Pop group AKB48 but I don't pretend to understand any of it. All I really know about them is that I'd seen their name in print a bunch and always assumed their name was "IS ONE" but when I saw them do a brief interview before they debuted this song on Show! Music Core they introduced themselves as "EYES ONE." This makes me irrationally angry because "is" makes more thematic sense than the plural of the letter "i," but that is neither here nor there. I also think this song is bad because so many of them are doing that high pitched, squeaky "sexy baby" singing voice that a lot of female pop singers in Asia do. I think it's supposed to be "cute" but I just find it to be exceedingly annoying.
#7 - "Black Mamba" by aespa - I'm glad that I've lived long enough to bear witness to K-Pop groups (or more likely their corporate overlords) starting to produce weird sci-fi themed concept albums that no one actually understands. There's something about avatars and "meeting another self and experiencing the new world" that I'm not even going to pretend to understand. Wikipedia claims that this song is, "about a being called 'Black Mamba' that not only interferes with the members' and avatar's connection but also threatens their world and as such is abhorred by the members." Musically it's pretty standard dance pop fare. It's another song that my daughter likes so I've heard it a fair number of times these past few weeks and it doesn't really annoy me as much as "Panorama."
#11 - "우린 어쩌다 헤어진 걸까" by 허각 - Some more sad sack mopey ballad shit. String sections and pianos and overwrought "emotional" bullshit that sounds like every other piano and string section ballad sung by a sad sack dude I've written about here. It's dull and lifeless. Thumbs down.
#12 - "잘할게" by 이승기 - The last Lee Seung-Gi song I reviewed was some sad sack, saccharine bullshit and while lyrically it's thematically similar musically it seems more indebted to R&B and pop rock and therefore has a bit more heft to it with wailing guitars and an actual drum beat. I don't think it's a good song per se but if I have to have sad sack male vocalists singing about being sad I'd rather it be done like this.
#13 - "나로 바꾸자 (duet with JYP)" by RAIN - I've talked about JYP a few times here already both as an artist when I wrote about his "When We Disco" thing a couple months back and as a producer when I wrote about TWICE a few weeks back but I've never talked about RAIN before. If anyone in the US knows about him it's probably because of him appearing in that shitty live action Speed Racer movie from whenever that happened. If you're a person like me you know about him because he showed up in that shitty ALL ACTION karate movie, Ninja Assassin sometime after Speed Racer happened but he's also a singer. For awhile he was dubbed the Korean Usher but this shit right here? This is Korean Bell Biv DeVoe. Fucking New Jack Swing in 2021 y'all. I really hate the way the drums in this (and pretty much every New Jack Swing song ever recorded for that matter) sound. This is no good but for whatever reason my daughter calls JYP "that joker man" so at least if this comes on TV I get to hear here excitedly exclaim, "Look! It's that joker man and he's dancing!"
#14 - "For You (Feat. Crush)" by 이하이 - So what makes a song K-Pop? The lyrics here are entirely in English. Sure both Lee Hi and Crush are Korean nationals but there's nothing about the music that is distinctly Korean. There's not a single word sung in Korean and the music sounds like something you could here on your local Hot 100 radio station in the US. I understand why she and other K-Pop artists do things like this as K-Pop becomes a global fad but in doing so we end up with a Ship of Theseus situation. If you replace everything that made K-Pop K-Pop is it still K-Pop or is now something else?
#16 - "HERO" by 임영웅 - The singer's given name, Young Woong, literally means "Hero" so I don't know if this counts as a band with a song that is titled the same thing as their band name or not. I mean if "In a Big Country" counts I guess this does as well. This has that arena pop EDM backing music that every modernish pop star (and also Jeremy Renner) have used in recent memory. Lots of "WOAH OH OH OHS!" during the chorus. It's not a particularly interesting song but like the Lee Seung-Gi song I wrote about above I prefer this sort of song as a vehicle for solo male vocalists to whine about heartbreak to the acoustic guitar strumfuckery or dull-ass orchestral maneuvers.
#17 - "한잔이면 지워질까" by 황인욱 - This guy's fuckin' voice. He sounds like he ate a peanut butter sandwich before getting in the booth to lay down the vocal track and still has Skippy coating his throat. This is, of course, some boring ballad shit. There are strings, and strumfuckery and rudimentary drumming. There's a random 80s hair metal guitar solo at one point while the dude emotes via bellowing inauthentically but the guitar is so low in the mix you can barely hear it. And there are the random wind chimes to wrap things up. This sucked ass.
#18 - "서로를 위한 것" by 나얼 - If you were to remove the vocals this would sound exactly like something that would play during a badly acted fuck scene in a 1980s movie about karate or commandos doing shit in the jungles of South East Asia, so either No Retreat, No Surrender or No Retreat, No Surrender 2. It's bad.
#19 - "그날에 나는 맘이 편했을까" by 이예준 - Boring ass lady balladry. This shit sucks so badly that I can't even find it in myself to snark about it.
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Rainbow Rosa
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Post by Rainbow Rosa on Jan 12, 2021 22:27:49 GMT -5
Yeah, Nude, I was going to ask you at some point what Rain's deal was. I remember him being huge in America circa 2006 but couldn't tell you a thing about him as a musician.
Also, New Jack Swing is good actually!?!?
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