Who wants to play D&D online again?

So everyone, sorry for the lateness of this update. Like I mentioned before, I was sick for a week and took a while to recover, then we had an election up here and that kind of distracted me for a while.

Session 5 Part 2: Sep 28 2019

Players: Bomo Frugglemop (Nudeviking ), Cosgrove Ashmore (Baron von Costume ), Goha (patbat ), Peak Dartbox (Celebith ), Pessimo Historione (ABz B👹anaz )

Location: ??



Anyway, we left off with our party cracking open a cabinet in Room 1 and finding a crystal ball inside. The crystal ball is set into the wall and can’t be removed. A square portion is missing on its top, indicating that perhaps there’s a piece of crystal lying around somewhere waiting to be inserted into the hole. A mystical look-over reveals that the crystal ball deals with viewing distant places but can’t do squat right now without that missing square thingy.

While Goha is checking the liquor cabinet, Peak displays his awareness of genre conventions and checks behind the portraits for any hidden passages or maybe wall safes. However, he finds nothing but bare walls.

Continuing with the magic detector thing, Goha checks under the bar and finds eldritch power emanating from a wand and a spoon. Her wizardly powers and her keen detective skills tell her that the eating utensil is actually a sustaining spoon, which produces gruel out of thin air when you stick it in a bowl. At least Prestidigitation is handy to spice up this flavourless mush.

However, while Goha can’t be sure about the wand and hypothesizes it’s some kind of novelty wand they sell to suckers at souvenir stores. Peak and Pessimo’s knowledge of Spellcraft unfortunately also fall short so “souvenir back scratcher” is their working theory for now. Goha is at least able to say that the spell on the wand involves conjuring something, hopefully booze.

The party tries the magic light switch again but don’t notice anything different. Deciding to move on, Bomo again takes the lead by trying the eastern door. Nothing dangerous reveals itself from the first door, the hallway afterward, nor the second door, which of course opens up to Room 2, which the party had already been to, except this time the light is on. It seems that all four rooms only connect to each other and that the party has been trapped in an apartment complex.

So where is the exit? How do our heroes get out of this place and back to where all the rich people are? Also, adds Bomo, how does she get back to that halfling clown she was sexually harassing? All questions to ponder on for our adventurers.

The wand and the mysterious floor tile both dealing with conjuration leads Goha to believe they’re somehow linked. She pulls out the magic stick and points it at the magic tile. Instantly, a meal of bland flavourless food appears. Turns out it’s a Wand of Create Food and Water. Peak points out that it’s been a couple of hours since they ate those hors d’oeuvres at the cocktail party so the party chows down on some slices of white bread and sterile water, though Goha at least uses magic to make her bread taste like the premium kind they sell at Whole Foods.

After a mediocre meal of Wonderbread and tap water, Bomo spies the bookshelves in Room 2 and remembers that mystery novels always have hidden passages open up after pulling out a book. Most of the books have rotted away but there are still a bunch that are intact, so she spends a couple of hours pulling them all out. She finds one of those trick books that hide crap in them containing a small rectangular crystal. Maybe this is the piece that goes into that crystal ball!

Bomo also notices that there’s a coin-sized niche on the wall. The most likely scenario is that putting some money into it will make the bed vibrate, but she sacrifices 1 gp to her hypothesis, which unfortunately is proven incorrect as nothing at all happens. Oh no, that 1 gp is gone now!

Having lost big at the slots, the party decides to go back to the room with the bar. As resident magic expert, Goha gets to fuck with the crystal bell. She carefully inserts the crystal piece back into the ball, which immediately starts showing an image of the south wall of Room 3 – the one with the boxes and the fresco with the secret compartment. It appears to be some sort of security camera, though it unfortunately only shows that one spot on the wall and can’t be moved around.

It’s looking like there’s some Myst puzzle shit going on here, so the party splits up and decides to screw around with the light switches. After turning on and turning off the lights in the various rooms, Pessimo notices that when the light is off in Room 3 (the one with the fresco), the crystal ball shows various parts of the wall glowing. However, when he goes to look at the fresco in person, he sees nothing glowing at all.

Pessimo decides to touch those glowing parts that he saw in the crystal ball. Instantly, the secret compartment opens, revealing a bag of 20 gold coins. But they’re not any regular gold coins. Goha is familiar with the nobility and tells everyone that the coins have the symbol of the Voritas family on them, which is the same extinct family that their security badges are from. Also, the coins are magical in some way.

Getting an idea, Goha leads everyone to the room with the probable vibrating bed. She urges Bomo to try inserting these magic Chuck E. Cheese tokens into the niche on the wall. (Bomo by now is the default party member for testing out dangerous shit). Bomo carefully slides one of the coins into the slot and braces for weird shit.

Weird shit definitely happens and a phase door opens in the middle of the room. Only Bomo can see it and it doesn’t show what’s on the other side. Not seeing any other option, Bomo steps through and winds up in an unknown tunnel. Our heroes have found the exit! Except the phase door disappeared when Bomo used it. The rest of the gang quickly insert more of the special coins into the slot and join Bomo in the tunnel.

While this is happening, Cosgrove wakes up and manages to find the rest of the party. This is good as they were about to leave him in the dark with no way out. After the party is reunited in the tunnel, they remember those jars that they were going to have Cosgrove look at. But it’s too late now since that phase door is only one way. Who knows what objects of great and terrible power they might have found had they simply written a reminder on a Post-it somewhere?

Oh well, there’s at least a weird lantern in the tunnel. It’s still burning, so maybe someone was just there before the party arrived? But Bomo uses her keen detective skills to discern that the dust is undisturbed, which means that this lantern has been burning for quite a while.

Goha uses her magic skills to confirm that the lantern is magical in some way. Maybe there’s a genie inside that Bomo can use to summon a Juggalo? Thanks to their low skill in Spellcraft, Cosgrove and Peak both come up with useless answers for the lantern’s sorcery. Only Goha is able to tell that the lantern has been enchanted with a continual flame spell. Nothing outrageous, but still a pretty handy thing to have, so Bomo claims it for herself.

At the end of the corridor is a wall with a lever sticking out of it. There don’t appear to be any obvious Ewok net traps poised to drop from the ceiling. Goha tries to Detect Magic and doesn’t find anything immediately on the other side of the wall, though there are some faint magic auras further out. After giving the requisite attempt to hear or smell anything suspicious, Bomo gives the lever a pull, which makes the wall open up. Another secret door!



The gang crowd through and find another corridor. Goha’s half-elven vision reveals a dead body lying in the middle of the hallway. Hooray, another corpse to loot!

The party crowds around and rifle through this dead guy’s pockets. He’s got a sword and a nice ring on him, but otherwise that’s it. Goha confirms that the nice-ass ring is magical and is in fact a Ring of Protection +1, which Peak immediately puts on himself. However, the sword is just an ordinary sword. Bomo thinks she saw the dead guy at the gala but is pretty sure she never talked to him. Guess he’s another rich asshole who was partying it up in there?

Anyway, it looks like the guy was torn to pieces and bled to death. As the party stand around a dead body yakking, something comes out of the wall and grabs at them.





Maybe this was what killed that dead guy. With lightning-fast reflexes, Bomo immediately attacks the rock monster. Peak suggests using a pick axe from the toolkit, but it’s more suited to home repair than attacking a wall so Bomo just uses her deadliest weapon – her body. Since she has the lantern of sustaining flame in her hand (why didn’t they call it Eternal Flame so I could link to that Bangles song?), she’s unable to punch and instead kicks and headbutts for a one-two flurry giving 15 points of damage.

Cosgrove takes the opportunity to hurriedly prepare a Frost Bomb, while Goha repositions herself and throws out an Acid Splash spell for 2 points of damage. Pessimo then pulls out his rapier to inflict kind of a crappy little slash, but it’s enough to take out this rock guy. The monster crumbles away and everyone celebrates their bad-assedness once again.

However, the party can barely take a breather before another of those rock freaks pops out of the wall. Perhaps he’s ticked off that the gang killed his brother. Too bad for him but Cosgrove has been on a hair trigger and immediately throws a frost bomb, and blasting this rock wall creature for 5 points of damage. The rock monster is too sturdy to be stunned by the bomb, but it still felt that hit pretty solidly.

Finally, it’s the rock guy’s turn. He really wants to attack Cosgrove but he’s stuck to the wall so he settles for Bomo and gets some claw revenge for 6 points of slashing damage. Peak retaliates with his shortbow, but he must have been too amped up on adrenaline as he only glances his enemy a bit with his shot. Bomo takes revenge by inflicting another head butt kick combo for 9 points of damage, while Goha blasts her Acid Splash spell for another 3 points. Pessimo unfortunately completely whiffs when he attacks with his rapier, but Cosgrove saves the day by shooting the monster dead with a crossbow for 5 hitpoints.

Victory! The party carefully spreads out and agrees to stay away from the northern wall of the corridor. Peak and Cosgrove reclaim the ammo they used and the party stays on their toes as they explore the hall further. They find a couple of empty rooms, then a head pops out from a room down the hall and a guy asks if the coast is clear.

Three people exit the room: Lord Wilfen Botoles, Lady Gael Urbaen, and Sir Gryphus Plastion.






“Oh no, poor Lord Develin,” says Lord Wilfen when he spots the dead guy in the hall. Our heroes are immediately suspicious of these civilians. Pessimo demands to know where they came from. Lord Wilfen tells him that they were at the gala when the men in black attacked and then their security badges flashed brightly, and the next thing they knew they were all crammed into the room they were hiding in.

Bomo butts in and tells the NPCs to explain how “Lord Develin” got stabbed to death when the rock monster only had claws that could slash. Who really killed this man? Maybe these three shanked him and let the innocent rock monster take the blame for his death. What did they have to say about that? However, it’s explained to Bomo that it was Sterrance who was stabbed to death and the dead guy they’re referring to was instead viciously sliced up, so she withdraws her question.

Goha, though only has one thing to ask – are these people vampires? They say no, definitely not, but obviously that’s something a vampire would say.

Lord Wilfen takes control of the conversation and says that he, Sir Gryphus, and Lady Gael will each pay 300 gp to the party if they protect the rich people and get them out of wherever this is safely. Bomo asks if he means each party member gets 300 gp, to which he says it’s only 300 gp from each of the rich folk. Bomo replies that 400 gp from each is kind of low, to which Lord Wilfen replies that he definitely only said 300 gp. Bomo answers that their lives have got to be worth more than that, to which Lord Wilfen replies that this is definitely all their money and they don’t even have all of it on them right now. Bomo and Lord Wilfen continue haggling when finally Peak says the other guy doesn’t appear to be budging.

The party needs to discuss what to do with the civvies, so Bomo points down the hall and shouts, “Look, a rock monster!” The civilians quickly run and hide back in the room they came from.

Our heroes move down the hall a ways and discuss how they should handle this bodyguard mission. Lord Wilfen looks like Duncan MacLeod, so he might be a secret Highlander, but Sir Gryphus looks like Timothy Dalton’s non-union equivalent, so maybe he’s not so rich. Peak says the civvies probably can’t fight well and will be dead weight, but Bomo points out that they’ll be extra bodies that can distract any monsters. The party narrows down their choice to this: should they leave these guys or take them along?

Bomo comes up with a third option: the party could kill these guys and take all their gold (P.S. despite appearances, Bomo’s alignment is not Evil but Chaotic Neutral). Peak admits that this would remove the need for any babysitting. Cosgrove points out that there are political considerations to consider. What if Princess Eutropia’s dead and these guys are dicks who didn’t support her? Goha points out that this bunch could still be vampires and turn on them in a moment of distraction.

While the party is still debating the pros and cons of massacring a group of strangers, it appears that their arguing has been overheard as down the hall, a woman in a suit of armour charges out out of a room screaming curses at everyone. Why, it’s the party’s old friend, Dame Malphene Trant!

Behind her is some guy following her around. No one pays attention to him as Malphene cusses out the party for leaving her naked and unconscious with dicks drawn on her face. Goha adds that they also framed her for being racist against halflings, but Peak points out that it’s not framing if it’s true.

The yelling is getting kind of a bit much so Peak sings a soothing Lullaby, against which Dame Malphene is powerless to resist. Peak makes her drowsy and inattentive and follows up with a florid apology, but she’s still too ticked off to accept it. The rest of the party volunteers Pessimo for winning Dame Malphene over, since as Peak points out, he wasn’t involved at all in that unfortunate incident with the face cocks.

Pessimo enthralls Malphene Trant with his apology. He points out that such experiences like hers, while regrettable, must be set aside if one is to move forward, and that while forgiveness is not expected from her, tolerance would at least be prudent as there appear to be dangerous monsters infesting this place they find themselves in.

Dame Malphene grudgingly accepts Pessimo’s logic but points out that she woke up without her Masterwork longsword, which is a family heirloom, and that returning it would be the absolute least the party could do to show her they’re trustworthy. Bomo, who’s been hiding the sword under her clothes and clenched between her butt cheeks, squirms uncomfortably and claims that they didn’t do anything with no sword. Peak points out that they could probably use an extra person who knows how to fight, and Goha confirms that Dame Malphene can’t be a vampire since they saw her naked and she didn’t have any extra vampire nipples, so they could use at least one more person they know isn’t undead. Bomo thus reluctantly pulls the sword out of the small of her back and hands it over.



Dame Malphene calls Bomo a filthy thieving halfling as she reclaims her property. Bomo calls her out for perpetuating a hurtful racist stereotype, but she points out that it’s actually true in Bomo’s case. Bomo has no comeback and has to take it on the chin.

And thus, Session 5 ends with racial microaggression. What dangers do the hallways hold for our heroes? Can the party really trust this Trant lady? And are those people they found actually vampires? All this and more will be answered in the next game. Same Pathfinder time, same Pathfinder channel!

(P.S. the next session was suggested for November 16 at 9 pm Eastern if you all forgot.)

I think so.  I have to work that day, but I'll be done by ~5 and may be tired, or may take a nap, but I should be available.

Hey everyone, so I'm writing up the session on Saturday. However, the next game may need to wait until 2020. I have a holiday party on Dec. 7 and will be flying off for for a 3 week vacation as of the following weekend, only getting back as of Jan. 4. So it looks like there shall be no holiday gaming this year.

That is all.

For what it's worth I'm unavailable essentially all of February.

My January is pretty open. I could do two or more weekends.

On the 11th I'll be on a flight back to Korea from China so that one's no good for me, but every other weekend in January I'm free.

Looks good for me.

Sounds good.

Session 6 Part 2: Nov 16 2019

Players: Bomo Frugglemop (Nudeviking ), Cosgrove Ashmore (Baron von Costume ), Goha (patbat ), Peak Dartbox (Celebith ), Pessimo Historione (ABz B👹anaz )

Location: ??




We finally come to part 2 of the adventure. Our heroes stand on one side of a locked door. Bomo is pretty sure there’s nothing dangerous on the other side, or at least nothing that sounds dangerous is clunking around, so Pessimo unlocks the door with the golden key the party found in the escape rooms earlier. Pessimo then gingerly opens the door.

From the doorway, the party spies a large room filled with glass cases. They carefully enter and see that inside the cases are displaying various objects and artifacts. By the eastern and western walls are two rusted and decaying suits of armour also behind glass. Before the heroes get too excited about looting the display cases, though, they immediately notice that circles have been scratched into the glass and drawn on the walls with chalk and paint.

While gawking at the room, the party receives another telepathic message from their employer, Martella Lotheed. She tells them that she’s made it out of the senate room but there’s fighting all over the building, with Stavian III’s soldiers still pursuing her. She ends by telling the party to stay alive and to stay the hell away from the men in black who started the attack.

Martella’s update is kind of concerning, but seeing as how our heroes can’t really do squat to help her from where they’re currently standing, they return to what they were doing – looting unguarded valuables. The party finds the weird circles kind of creepy – maybe they’re linked to teenage Satanist rituals? – except for Goha, who finds them rather chill and pleasant to look at. She sets aside such clearly irrational concerns, but of course has purely rational concerns about how safe it is to enter a strange room full of who knows what.

Goha casts Detect Magic from the doorway and finds that some of the display cases have four unidentified magic potions and one magic shield, though there are more display cases that need inspecting. Cosgrove is still kind of apprehensive about the weird circles but doesn’t recognize them at all, beyond maybe some vague sense he may have heard or read about why weird circles are important at some point in the past. Goha is certain that they’re not magical – they won’t summon demons or explode when stepped on or something – but otherwise doesn’t know what they’re for. Bomo theorizes that they’re gang symbols, but when pressed on which gang they represent, she admits that she was just pulling the theory out of her ass and doesn’t actually know anything either.

The party decides that they’ve been standing around like wallflowers and move into the room. They check out more of the various knickknacks and doodads displayed all around. The display cases are about waist height and seem to be regular old glass. As the party prepares to smash some shit, Cosgrove tells them to hang on a sec and to check the rusty armour standing guard. He doesn’t like the looks of them and things something might happen if they decide to break into the displays.

Cosgrove talks Goha into shooting another Detect Magic spell at the rusty armour on display at the eastern wall. It turns out his instincts were right and the armour is inhabited by some kind of spirit. It’s probably hiding in wait until one of them tries to touch the displays, then it’ll spring into action and attack them from behind. That, or it’s a peeping tom waiting for them to take their clothes off. Either way, Cosgrove’s paranoia is vindicated!

Peak quickly goes back to the civilians, including the three aristocrats hiding in a room, and tells them to wait outside while they take care of some business. Our heroes then close the door after themselves and prepare themselves for combat.

The gang spreads out since probably that armour on the other end of the room is also alive. They discuss fanciful ideas about laying down a complicated series of Home Alone rope traps before settling for the simple option of just attacking the armour. Bomo, Peak, and Goha take the suit of armour on the east while Cosgrove and Pessimo prepare for the one on the west.

The armour is also behind glass so Bomo smashes through it. Just like Cosgrove thought, the suit of armour wakes up and gets ready to rumble. Cue fight scene! (PS if I got some of the details wrong, sorry, but it turns out the rolls in the chat aren’t sufficient to explain who did what when).



Goha is fastest on the draw and gets ready to throw out some Harry Potter shit. She tries Daze first, but before she shoots it off she remembers that phantom armours aren’t actually alive and switches to Acid Splash instead. And she’s right, it would have hurt the phantom armour if it had connected. But it didn’t, so she has to look like a dork standing around splashing the wall with acid.

Pessimo is second-fastest and draws out his rapier to stab the hell out of that armour. But it’s pretty slippery for a large metal monster and he also misses his shot.

Now it’s the phantom armour’s turn, and it takes out its masterwork longsword and takes a swing at the person who just smashed through a display case. Bomo gets a solid slice in the ribs before countering with a solid left.

Meanwhile, the phantom armour at the other end of the room is just waking up now and smashes through the case containing it. Leaving that enemy to Cosgrove, Peak eses his musical talents to target the first phantom armour with a bard’s Ear-Piercing Scream. It’s an especially powerful wail and the target is out of commission for two rounds. Cosgrove follows up by throwing a bomb at the second armour, damaging it a bit, but more importantly the explosion staggers it for the next round.

It’s Goha’s turn again, and this time she tries moving in and giving the first phantom armour the old Dazing Touch. It unfortunately also doesn’t work and somehow she misses against an opponent that’s just standing there. Bomo has more luck and bludgeons the armour with a flurry of blows. Pessimo joins in with a quick thrust from his rapier, while Peak cracks his whip. However, phantom armour turns out to be pretty sturdy and mostly Peak just annoys it with a minor wound.

Everyone who can move has had their turn so now we’re back at the top. Goha tries another Acid Splash against phantom armour # 1 but misses once again, as does Pessimo with his rapier. This phantom armour attacks Pessimo and manages a hit, but Bomo manages to miss, as does Peak when she attacks with her whip again. Armour # 2 moves in for the attack and is among the display cases, where Cosgrove throws another bomb at it. It manages to bat away the bomb, which lands right in front of Cosgrove as it explodes. However, Cosgrove’s bomb formulas aren’t that powerful yet and he is unhurt, though he may or may not have shit his pants just now.

Goha once again tries an Acid Splash spell at armour # 1, which does hit this time, but it’s only a fairly minor sprinkling of acid. Pessimo tries switching from his rapier to a sap but manages to do even worse. The phantom armour tries to counter but manages to screw up and fumbles its sword, throwing it across the room. It’s now unarmed, which Bomo takes advantage of by punching it a bunch more times and finally killing it. Peak switches to his shortbow to shoot an arrow at armour #2, which misses, but Cosgrove finishes that one off with another bomb.

Finally, our heroes can go back to that looting they’d been hankering for. Cosgrove and Goha use their keen intellects and familiarity with magical items to identify the useful stuff in the display case. Pessimo and Bomo try to help but are mostly useless.

In the end, the party finds a +1 heavy steel shield, a +1 handaxe, 3 potions of Cure Light Wounds, a mysterious unidentified potion, and a portable alchemist’s lab that was once used by the famed natural philosopher Dumos Fantomax.

This is all small-time shit, though, compared to the last treasure: Dignity’s Barb, the crossbow that the great General Gerefein used to kill an invading Kellid warlord in the middle of a raging blizzard, stopping the invasion in its tracks. It’s a +1 light masterwork crossbow which reduces miss chance from concealment by 5%, and also as an important historical relic it’s basically priceless. Our heroes had seen a replica of this crossbow on display at the gala, but now they’re actually holding the original in their hands. Luckily, the party also happens to find 10 crossbow bolts ready for use. They divvy out the spoils by giving Goha the crossbow, while Bomo carries the handaxe and Cosgrove gets the steel shield.

Our gang discusses the fight, mostly in regards to the fact that a couple of them are kind of hurt. Peak points out that they have a cleric on retainer, but Bomo and Goha really don’t want to pay for anything to the priest of bankers and profiteers. Cosgrove is generally regarded as the MVP in the postgame discussions.

Having taken care of administrative matters, the party finally lets opens the door and lets their civilian charges in. Imistos Gulben – “Bernie” – to our party, sees all the heavy loot and eagerly offers to carry any heavy objects that needs hauling. Bomo is entirely familiar with the thieving lying ways of halflings and she decides that this Bernie fellow is definitely up to something, though she can’t quite figure out what exactly.

Leaving that issue for later, Bomo suggests giving Malphene Trant the shield. However, she is a duelist and isn’t really used to fighting with a shield. Bomo then suggests giving the shield to Jowuan Zubari as collateral for any healing they might need in their future. It must be worth at least 20 gp, after all. The cleric readily accepts this item the party looted from a museum.

Bomo and Pessimo are kind of hurt, so the party decides to take a quick rest in this room. Cosgrove announces that he’ll whip up some more extracts and whatnot in the alchemy lab in the corner, while Goha gets to work on some gruel with the sustaining spoon. As they are settling in, another message telepathic message arrives from Martella Lotheed.

She reports that the emperor’s forces are retreating and different parts of the military are fighting each other. The assassins in black seem to be foreign mercenaries, and Eutropia and her allies are fighting back in the senate building.

Our heroes are kind of alarmed at this news, but seeing as how there’s not much they can do, they get on with their idea of having a quick campout. There’s an extra masterwork longsword, which Bomo awards to Lady Gael Urbaen, mostly because she’s scared, which means Bomo can trust her, unlike the filthy halfling following the party (the other one besides Bomo, anyway).

Goha once again announces that she doesn’t trust clerics and thinks deities are dumb, so Jowuan Zubari should keep on staying out of her way as she hands out the gruel, which by the way is pretty bland and favourless. Bomo tells her not to worry about it, since as a halfling she’s used to eating flavourless mush, much like the Irish, who she resembles as a shifty ginger who hates flavour.

As the party settles down, Peak approaches Malphene and expresses his condolences for her father, who was killed in the senate. He promises to help her return and avenge her father. She appreciates this gesture and becomes marginally less hostile, meaning that the party has a +4 bonus to any future attempts to further influence Dame Malphene.

We come to the end of this installment of the adventure as we watch our heroes set up their camp. What other dangers wait for them in the future? Come back in 2020 and find out!

Hey guys, I'm sorry but I think I need to bow out of the game. I've had fun but I have too much stuff to do after moving to the new house and need to refocus.

Ha, whichever works best for the story.

I should be fine. The day before is Lunar/Chinese/Korean New Year so I have to go to my in-laws but I should be back at home by then.

Did you end up with the crossbow? Make sure you give it to someone else before you go.

If you have your phone you can still do like Baron von Costume did while camping and basically play as a conference call through the Discord app. I'll try to be extra descriptive and I (or one of the other players if you want) can handle your character sheet.

Unless the issue is you're not available at all, in which case, uhh, I guess Goha is indisposed with the runs that evening?