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Post by Dr. Rumak on May 25, 2021 13:57:30 GMT -5
from @sethcotlar Molasses cookies are delicious, I'll grant you that, but how do people justify throwing away the other parts of the moles? I read that after being served Matzo Ball Soup several nights in a row by Arthur Miller's mother, Marilyn Monroe asked if any other part of the Matzo was edible. |
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Post by Prole Hole on May 26, 2021 15:52:21 GMT -5
from @sethcotlar Molasses cookies are delicious, I'll grant you that, but how do people justify throwing away the other parts of the moles?  |
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Post by ganews on May 29, 2021 23:26:13 GMT -5
from @sethcotlar Molasses cookies are delicious, I'll grant you that, but how do people justify throwing away the other parts of the moles? Hypocrisy is a shameful thing. |
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah 
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552 
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Post by Tellyfier on Jun 5, 2021 7:40:10 GMT -5
Two wind turbines have just been installed.
One of them thinks "Oh dear we're gonna be neighbours for years, I gotta break the ice and get a conversation going" and so says:
"Hey you over there, what kind of music are you into?"
The other wind turbine answers: "'I'm a huge metal fan!"
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jun 7, 2021 6:24:54 GMT -5
I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping it would make him faster. Turns out, it just made him more sluggish.
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Post by Ben Grimm on Jun 14, 2021 7:50:56 GMT -5
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jun 17, 2021 20:47:18 GMT -5
When an Italian baker drops a whole tray of pastries, I cannoli imagine his dismay.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber 
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Jun 19, 2021 18:55:11 GMT -5
I bought a wig for $1 today. It was a small price toupee.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jun 24, 2021 12:09:49 GMT -5
I tried to change my password to high-hat, but the computer said that my password could not contain cymbals.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Jun 27, 2021 19:42:42 GMT -5
A couple comes to a tropical island, and as they step off the plane, they hear off in the distance the sound of drums. The sound follows them as they take a cab to the hotel, they can still hear it as they unpack, and all through dinner. They close the windows that night, but they can still hear the drumming off in the distance.
The next morning, tired from the sleepless night, they come down to the hotel desk and ask if anything can be done about the constant drumming?
"Oh no", says the desk clerk, "it's bad when the drumming stops. Very bad."
The couple exchange looks. "Why is it bad when the drumming stops?"
The clerk leans in, looks around furtively, and whispers "Bass solo."
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Post by Ben Grimm on Jul 9, 2021 5:20:31 GMT -5
The CEO of IKEA has become the new Prime Minister of Sweden.
He is currently assembling his cabinet.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jul 9, 2021 6:09:47 GMT -5
The CEO of Ikea was recently elected Prime Minister of Sweden. He should have his cabinet assembled by the weekend. The CEO of IKEA has become the new Prime Minister of Sweden. He is currently assembling his cabinet. No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful. |
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Post by Ben Grimm on Jul 9, 2021 6:15:36 GMT -5
The CEO of Ikea was recently elected Prime Minister of Sweden. He should have his cabinet assembled by the weekend. The CEO of IKEA has become the new Prime Minister of Sweden. He is currently assembling his cabinet. No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful. It's been almost three months; that's like 40 years in COVID time. |
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jul 17, 2021 4:45:32 GMT -5
For a few days now, I just can't stop making airport jokes. This is honestly pretty concerning because my doctor says it's terminal.
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Post by Prole Hole on Jul 22, 2021 5:08:41 GMT -5
As I think my contribution to this thread has proved I really like Dad jokes, even though I don't have kids myself.
I'm a sort of a faux pa...
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Post by 🔪 silly buns on Jul 22, 2021 10:52:37 GMT -5
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Aug 6, 2021 14:34:55 GMT -5
Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is okay, because the sin of pi is zero.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Aug 10, 2021 2:32:56 GMT -5
Today I saw a man mowing his front lawn while crying his eyes out. I think he was just going through a rough patch.
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Post by The Stuffingtacular She-Hulk on Aug 20, 2021 10:17:44 GMT -5
Yelled at me from the living room by my mother this morning:
"Hey! The inventor of spellcheck died!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, says here his tombstone reads 'rust in piss.'"
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Aug 27, 2021 11:43:16 GMT -5
Two soldiers are lost in the desert, thirsty and starving.
Ahead they see a tree with strips of meat hanging from its branches.
"A bacon tree!" the first exclaims and he runs towards it only to be cut down by a sniper's bullet.
"That's no bacon tree," says the other. " That's a ham-bush!"
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Oct 9, 2021 15:10:01 GMT -5
What should you do if you're addicted to seaweed?
See kelp.
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Post by Celebith on Oct 18, 2021 9:13:44 GMT -5
During the Atlanta Olympics, they let service members take leave and work there as additional security, and guides and whatnot. I took advantage of the opportunity for extra pay. While walking around the Olympic Village, this gigantic guy, maybe 7 feet tall, walked past me with a big stick across his shoulders. So I said 'Hey, are you a pole vaulter?', and he looked down and said 'No, I am German. Und how do you know my name?'
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Oct 31, 2021 6:45:29 GMT -5
I was travelling on the highway behind an ambulance. Oddly, I noticed a small metal box sitting on the back bumper. When the ambulance turned the corner, the box flew off and landed on the side of the road. I thought it's time for me to be a good Samaritan so I pulled over and retrieved it. Curious I made the mistake of opening it….there was a human toe packed a bag on ice.
After getting over my disgust, I thought someone probably really needs this, so I called the hospital and told them what I saw, they said 'yes, the ambulance had arrived minus the box!'. I gave them my location and asked if they were going to send another ambulance to collect it?
The lady replied "No, we'll just send a toe truck."
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LazBro
Prolific Poster 
Posts: 10,284
Member is Online
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Post by LazBro on Nov 3, 2021 8:12:53 GMT -5
What did the Australian say about the food at the chess tournament?
Stale, mate!
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Post by 🔪 silly buns on Nov 3, 2021 12:39:42 GMT -5
My face when I hear a bad joke |
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,641
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Post by Dellarigg on Nov 8, 2021 13:10:07 GMT -5
I called the tinnitus helpline but it just kept ringing.
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Post by Lurky McLurk on Nov 12, 2021 7:15:12 GMT -5
How do you make a ouija board?
Take away his poppers and lock him in a room.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Nov 13, 2021 11:49:34 GMT -5
You should wear glasses while doing math. They improve division.
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Post by Floyd Dinnertime Barber on Nov 13, 2021 12:10:59 GMT -5
How did Hitler tie his shoelaces?
In little knotzies.
Too soon?
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Nov 16, 2021 18:44:42 GMT -5
My uncle just got fired from his job at the calendar factory.
He took too many days off.
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