Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber 
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Aug 25, 2022 7:57:45 GMT -5
The worst part about an apple addiction is that you can't see a doctor about it.
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Post by Ben Grimm on Aug 25, 2022 8:15:29 GMT -5
The worst part about an apple addiction is that you can't see a doctor about it. Oof. That joke is rotten to the core. |
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GumTurkeyles
AV Clubber
$10 down, $10 a month, don't you be a turkey
Posts: 3,065 
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Post by GumTurkeyles on Aug 25, 2022 9:08:23 GMT -5
My wife put together a bunch of bad jokes for our kid's bug-themed party. They are as follows:
Q: What do you call a spider with eight eyes?
A: A spiiiiiiiider.
Q: Can a cricket jump higher than a building?
A: Yes. Buildings can’t jump!
Q: Why couldn’t the butterflies attend the dance?
A: It was a mothball.
Q: What does a talkative caterpillar become?
A: A social butterfly.
Q: What did the firefly eat at the party?
A: A light snack.
Q: What do you call a dead snail?
A: An escarghost.
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Post by Prole Hole on Aug 25, 2022 17:09:28 GMT -5
The worst part about an apple addiction is that you can't see a doctor about it. Oof. That joke is rotten to the core. OF COX |
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Sept 2, 2022 8:07:35 GMT -5
Why didn't Princess Leia just email the Death Star plans to Obi-Wan?
Because the Jedi Code forbids attachments.
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Post by Albert Fish Taco on Sept 3, 2022 7:34:04 GMT -5
What did the Home Plate Umpire say when Brutus dropped a third strike and overthrew the first baseman?
"E2, Brute"
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Post by Ben Grimm on Sept 8, 2022 12:17:01 GMT -5
The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejeckyll.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Sept 14, 2022 15:52:43 GMT -5
I read that James Hetfield got ordained so he could perform Kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding.
He's now a pastor of muppets.
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,638
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Post by Dellarigg on Sept 22, 2022 15:24:06 GMT -5
Just found out I’m colourblind. That came out of the purple.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Oct 19, 2022 12:29:45 GMT -5
I thought I saw my ex at the dinosaur exhibit the other day, on the other side of the hall, but I couldn't bring myself to approach them.
There was too much history between us.
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Post by Ben Grimm on Oct 21, 2022 21:18:24 GMT -5
The women all call me Liz Truss, because I give them a weak pound and then leave.
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GumTurkeyles
AV Clubber
$10 down, $10 a month, don't you be a turkey
Posts: 3,065
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Post by GumTurkeyles on Oct 24, 2022 8:02:28 GMT -5
In keeping with the dinosaur exhibit theme,
A new tour guide at the museum of science was displaying the dinosaur bones when he was asked "how old are those fossils?" "They're 65 million years and 2 weeks," he replied. "How can they know so precisely?" the person asked. The guide answered "Well, the archeologists told me they were 65 million years old, and I started working here 2 weeks ago."
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Post by 🔪 silly buns on Oct 24, 2022 8:45:38 GMT -5
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GumTurkeyles
AV Clubber
$10 down, $10 a month, don't you be a turkey
Posts: 3,065
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Post by GumTurkeyles on Oct 30, 2022 17:22:42 GMT -5
HumanBean and I just workshopped this one.
What does a vegetarian werewolf eat?
Aroooooogula
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Nov 1, 2022 5:48:15 GMT -5
Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because 31 oct = 25 dec.
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Post by Prole Hole on Nov 1, 2022 5:49:57 GMT -5
Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 oct = 25 dec. This is excellent. |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Nov 2, 2022 15:56:22 GMT -5
My pillow fight with Death had some unexpected results. I simply wasn't prepared for the reaper cushions.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Nov 10, 2022 18:55:36 GMT -5
What's a stormtrooper's favorite store?
The one next to Target.
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LazBro
Prolific Poster 
Posts: 10,281
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Post by LazBro on Nov 11, 2022 8:03:18 GMT -5
Did you hear about the Indian restaurant that makes its cooks sign a contract to keeps the recipes secret?
It's a naan disclosure agreement.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Dec 5, 2022 20:32:59 GMT -5
The inventor of the wind chill factor passed away.
He was 78, but felt like he was only 64.
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Post by Ben Grimm on Dec 8, 2022 9:27:06 GMT -5
A woman has twin boys and gives them up for adoption.
The first goes to a family in Egypt, which names him Ahmal.
The second goes to a family in Spain, which names him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Excited at receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
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Post by 🔪 silly buns on Dec 8, 2022 9:39:12 GMT -5
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Dec 10, 2022 9:38:18 GMT -5
I dropped the damaged remains of my luggage on to my lawyer's desk and said "I want to sue the airline".
She looked down at the destruction and said "I'm sorry, you don't have much of a case".
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Post by Ben Grimm on Dec 18, 2022 17:59:57 GMT -5
Cop: We found some evidence in your murder case. A raspberry beret - the kind you find at a second hand store.
Detective: We need to dust it for Prince.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Dec 22, 2022 13:25:06 GMT -5
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Dec 22, 2022 19:04:45 GMT -5
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. Oof. You'll roo the day you made that one. |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Dec 26, 2022 19:24:13 GMT -5
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Post by Floyd Dinnertime Barber on Dec 31, 2022 11:12:11 GMT -5
Would I be a terrible, terrible person if I sort of hoped it came to light that around the Vatican the late Pope had a secret nickname of "Eggs" Benedict? |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jan 4, 2023 18:40:48 GMT -5
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Jan 8, 2023 20:08:14 GMT -5
Why can a bishop only move diagonally?
Because north, south, east, and west are cardinal directions.
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