Crash Test Dumbass
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ffc what now
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Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Jun 19, 2020 18:42:22 GMT -5
In my free time, another person and I started work on an assembly line making miniature Dracula figurines. It's mostly mindless work, but I am still making every second Count.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Jul 1, 2020 15:22:56 GMT -5
I set up a date, and we were supposed to meet at the gym, but I got stood up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah 
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552 
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Post by Tellyfier on Jul 27, 2020 7:49:22 GMT -5
A frog goes to heaven and meets Saint Peter at the Gates.
Peter hasn't yet have a frog come up there so he asks "What did you do in your lifetime, my green friend?"
The frog responds "Well, I'm a frog, basically I just got into the little pond, out of the little pond, back into the little pond."
As little exciting as that sounds, at least there's no violation of the Ten Commandments here, Saint Peter thinks, and opens the gate for the frog.
Just one week later another frog appears, and again Peter asks him about his deeds in life. This frog too responds with "Not much, I got into the little pond, out of the little pond..."
"Ok fine" Peter says "Just go in already"
On more week passes and of course another frog comes up to the gate.
"I know I know" Peter is quite annoyed for a Saint already "You've spent your life going into the litlle pond, out of the little pond..."
"No No" says the frog "I'm Little Pond!"
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Post by Celebith on Jul 28, 2020 14:58:21 GMT -5
Have you ever eaten road runner? It's not good fried, but makes a nice meep loaf.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Aug 1, 2020 9:50:12 GMT -5
The Australian cooking competition was coming to a close, and the crowd cheered wildly as the judges awarded the trophy to the chef who made a Pavlova. This was odd, because Australians are known to boo meringue. |
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Post by Floyd Diabolical Barber on Aug 16, 2020 19:56:37 GMT -5
You know why farmers don't wear tennis shoes?
Because seed companies don't give them away.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Aug 27, 2020 8:06:31 GMT -5
I read a page of the dictionary today. I memorized next to nothing.
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LazBro
Prolific Poster 
Posts: 10,278
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Post by LazBro on Sept 3, 2020 13:09:31 GMT -5
Two guys are walking down the street when the come across a dog licking its balls.
The first guy says, "You know, I always wished I could do that."
The second guy says, "Have you ever tried?"
The first guy says, "No, I'm afraid he'll bite me."
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Sept 4, 2020 2:43:11 GMT -5
You know what's the worst month of the year for farmers?
February, they only get to complain for 28 days.
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Post by Albert Fish Taco on Sept 11, 2020 14:35:51 GMT -5
Did you hear about the guy who robbed a vegetable garden?
They caught him when he stopped to take a leek.
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Post by 🔪 silly buns on Sept 11, 2020 15:35:36 GMT -5
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LazBro
Prolific Poster
Posts: 10,278
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Post by LazBro on Sept 14, 2020 12:43:23 GMT -5
This one is so dumb, but it always makes me smile.
A man hears a knock at his front door. He opens the door, looks around, and then notices a tiny snail sitting at his feet. Annoyed, the man picks up the snail and chucks it away as far as he can.
One year later, the same man hears a knock at his front door. He opens the door, looks down, and sees that same snail sitting at his feet. Before he can do anything, the snail yells, "What the hell was that about?!"
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Sept 25, 2020 13:49:16 GMT -5
I was going to tell you a time travel joke, but you didn't like it.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Oct 6, 2020 15:13:02 GMT -5
A man and a dog walk into the bar and the man tells the bartender "hey, this dog can talk, check it out! OK, buddy, what's on top of a house?"
The dog says "Roof! Roof! Roof!"
The man says, "OK, now, what does sandpaper feel like?"
The dog says "Rough! Rough! Rough!"
The man asks, "Ok, then, who was the best baseball player of all time?"
The dog says, "Ruth! Ruth! Ruth!"
The bartender gets angry and orders them both out of the bar. As they are leaving, the dog turns to the man and says "Dang; do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Oct 6, 2020 20:53:07 GMT -5
I have been trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it isn't easy.
Good players are hard to find.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Oct 21, 2020 11:49:31 GMT -5
Where did little Timmy go after getting lost in a minefield?
Everywhere.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Oct 21, 2020 13:21:56 GMT -5
Where did little Timmy go after getting lost in a minefield? Everywhere. Too soon. |
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Ben Grimm
TI Forumite
Posts: 7,541
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Post by Ben Grimm on Oct 21, 2020 14:08:29 GMT -5
Where did little Timmy go after getting lost in a minefield? Everywhere. It's raining Tim, hallelujah, it's raining Tim, amen |
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Post by Prole Hole on Oct 22, 2020 3:59:43 GMT -5
I keep randomly shouting out "broccoli" and "cauliflower" at inappropriate moments. I think I might have florets.
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Post by Prole Hole on Oct 23, 2020 10:25:17 GMT -5
Why do programmers wear glasses?
Because they don't C#
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Oct 23, 2020 11:15:53 GMT -5
To kill a French vampire, you must shove a baguette through its heart. It sounds like it should be easy, but the process is painstaking.
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Ben Grimm
TI Forumite
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Post by Ben Grimm on Oct 24, 2020 14:02:54 GMT -5
A cheese factory exploded in France.
Da brie is everywhere!
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Oct 26, 2020 11:03:17 GMT -5
I forgot to pay for my exorcism, and now they're threatening me with repossession.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Oct 26, 2020 11:31:19 GMT -5
I forgot to pay for my exorcism, and now they're threatening me with repossession.  |
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Post by 🔪 silly buns on Oct 26, 2020 14:47:46 GMT -5
I forgot to pay for my exorcism, and now they're threatening me with repossession. Surely, you're joking and this isn't a real movie poster? |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Oct 26, 2020 15:27:49 GMT -5
Surely, you're joking and this isn't a real movie poster? It’s a real movie poster, and don’t call me Shirley! |
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Nov 1, 2020 18:50:25 GMT -5
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.
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Crash Test Dumbass
AV Clubber
ffc what now
Posts: 7,058
Gender (additional): mostly snacks
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Post by Crash Test Dumbass on Nov 1, 2020 20:34:00 GMT -5
To the person who ran off with my copy of MS Office:
I will track you down.
I will find you.
You have my Word.
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Ben Grimm
TI Forumite
Posts: 7,541
Member is Online
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Post by Ben Grimm on Nov 1, 2020 20:55:48 GMT -5
To the person who ran off with my copy of MS Office: I will track you down. I will find you. You have my Word. Time for you to change your Outlook. |
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Nov 2, 2020 7:35:01 GMT -5
North Koreans aren't evil, they just have no Seoul.
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