Tellyfier
TI Pariah 
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552 
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Post by Tellyfier on Apr 16, 2024 3:23:57 GMT -5
Why did Karen press ctrl+alt+delete?
She wanted to see the task manager!
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber 
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,634
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Post by Dellarigg on Apr 18, 2024 9:37:11 GMT -5
Pablo Picasso was walking along the street one day when a woman came rushing up to say hello. When he looked confused, she told him they'd met a while ago. 'Sorry,' Picasso said, 'I'm not good with faces.'
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GumTurkeyles
AV Clubber
$10 down, $10 a month, don't you be a turkey
Posts: 3,065
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Post by GumTurkeyles on Apr 19, 2024 9:57:19 GMT -5
I'm terrible at remembering names. It must have taken me at least 2 years to remember my own.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on May 6, 2024 3:49:18 GMT -5
My local cigarette store was recently closed. Now an apparel shop has opened where it was.
Clothes, but no cigar.
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,634
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Post by Dellarigg on May 6, 2024 10:43:14 GMT -5
My dad is a closet racist - he hates people from Narnia.
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GumTurkeyles
AV Clubber
$10 down, $10 a month, don't you be a turkey
Posts: 3,065
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Post by GumTurkeyles on May 7, 2024 12:07:58 GMT -5
What's the most important thing TIMING! about comedy?
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on May 18, 2024 17:59:31 GMT -5
Why are non-alcoholic beers like going down on your sister?
Just because it tastes good doesn't make it right.
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,634
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Post by Dellarigg on May 25, 2024 7:28:08 GMT -5
I went to the Optical Illusion shop to buy a vase, but I just kept grabbing the space between people's faces.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on May 31, 2024 18:04:23 GMT -5
I saw that a company has started selling glass coffins. Not sure how popular those will be. Remains to be seen.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jun 10, 2024 8:10:56 GMT -5
What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
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GumTurkeyles
AV Clubber
$10 down, $10 a month, don't you be a turkey
Posts: 3,065
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Post by GumTurkeyles on Jun 10, 2024 9:43:05 GMT -5
Q: Who would win in a race; a turtle or a cheetah?
A: A turtle, because cheetah's never win.
I don't know if this is a classic joke or not, but I thought of it while we were at the zoo 2 weeks ago. We were in a "skyfari", which is a ski lift that goes around the zoo, with my wife and child in the lift behind me. I yelled this out to them while we were over the cheetah exhibit, and someone on the ground shouted out to me "great dad joke!"
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Post by Lurky McLurk on Jun 11, 2024 3:12:34 GMT -5
What's brown and sticky?
Parcel tape.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jun 12, 2024 5:06:51 GMT -5
What's the biggest city in the U.S.?
Obesity
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jun 12, 2024 5:11:51 GMT -5
What's racists' favorite porn site?
Only Klans
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,634
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Post by Dellarigg on Jun 12, 2024 8:42:08 GMT -5
The biggest name dropper I ever met is a toss-up between Mick Jagger and Jack Nicholson.
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Post by Lurky McLurk on Jun 17, 2024 5:42:34 GMT -5
What's long and hard and a Polish bride gets it on her wedding night?
A new surname.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jun 20, 2024 20:49:47 GMT -5
I came home and discovered that every bulb in my house had been stolen. You might think I'd be mad, but I was delighted.
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Post by Ben Grimm on Jun 21, 2024 5:44:16 GMT -5
I came home and discovered that every bulb in my house had been stolen. You might think I'd be mad, but I was delighted. That's a really dark joke. |
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,634
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Post by Dellarigg on Jun 22, 2024 10:40:34 GMT -5
The England football team visited an orphanage in Germany today. 'It’s heartbreaking to see the despair and lack of hope on their face,' said Dieter, age 6.
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Post by Lurky McLurk on Jun 25, 2024 3:20:52 GMT -5
What do call it when you get an erection at a funeral?
Mourning wood.
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Post by Lurky McLurk on Jul 8, 2024 8:15:10 GMT -5
There's been a recent spate of viagra thefts from pharmacies.
Police say they're looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jul 8, 2024 9:46:16 GMT -5
I asked Joe Strummer which bad movie reboot I should watch, and he told me to go Straight to Hellboy.
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Post by Dr. Rumak on Jul 10, 2024 19:46:05 GMT -5
Police are searching for someone who left nine kittens by the side of the road.
When caught, they will be charged with littering.
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,634
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Post by Dellarigg on Jul 11, 2024 3:21:24 GMT -5
The England football team visited an orphanage in Germany today. 'It’s heartbreaking to see the despair and lack of hope on their face,' said Dieter, age 6. This aged well. |
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jul 15, 2024 17:30:40 GMT -5
Police are searching for a man who molests young women at the local park.
I've send in my application.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jul 22, 2024 5:46:29 GMT -5
Brussel Sprouts are a lot like anal sex.
If you had it as a kid you probably won't like it as an adult.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Jul 29, 2024 6:41:39 GMT -5
I had a wank over my ex-girlfriend last night.
I know it's wrong but I still have the keys and she's a heavy sleeper.
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Post by Albert Fish Taco on Aug 19, 2024 14:03:42 GMT -5
A burglar used a box full of old Rush, Yes and Genesis albums to smash the windows of a store he was robbing.
They're calling it the Defenestration of Prog.
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Tellyfier
TI Pariah
Unwarned and dangerous
Posts: 2,552
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Post by Tellyfier on Aug 22, 2024 4:57:34 GMT -5
There are increasing reports of cops shooting ginger people.
I guess orange is the new black.
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Dellarigg
AV Clubber
This is a public service announcement - with guitars
Posts: 7,634
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Post by Dellarigg on Aug 25, 2024 10:34:03 GMT -5
I've got good news and bad news about Schrodinger's cat.
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